Costco’s food court is arguably the country’s best cost-effective eatery. Where else can you get a two-dollar dog right after spending $450 on items such as an Army’s supply of animal crackers and a year’s worth of pipe-clogging wet wipes?
Just me?
I never skip the Costco Cafeteria. I’ll take one of their obese slices over any national chain’s wimpy pizza. I don’t know where Chicken Bakes came from, but they’re a marvel of modern science. That dirt cheap footlong? GOATed! And how can I forget the… *sigh* we still doing this?
Double. Chocolate. Chunk. Cookie?! Five Booms and whatnot.
Everything is good.
Well, everything WAS good. It is with great sorrow that I must report the new Kirkland Calzone Combo is a DOOM!
I’m baffled. How can this be? On paper, you would think a Costco food court Calzone would just marry the best parts of the pizza and the chicken bake, right? Pure ignorance.
It certainly looks like a decent calzone. I really like the doughy, slightly crispy crust on the pizza slice, so having that as a giant pocket works. It was probably my favorite part of the experience, despite it getting worse as I got towards the center.
The filling is pure slop. A full-on work sloppage. Slopular Science. The King of Slop. A wop slop a loo bop a slop bom bom!
The “turnover” comes packed with pepperoni, sausage, cheese, onions, peppers, sauce, olives, and mushrooms, all of which clash with each other.
I’m not opposed to a supreme pizza, but all of these ingredients don’t work in this pouch; it just makes everything wet with a gross flavor I can only describe as “spiced slimy meat.” That’s all I tasted, but not even in a good pepperoni or sausage style, they blend with the veggies to make an off-putting “spice” that is neither hot nor appetizing. This is the opposite of the spice mélange. One DUNE(!) on the “Boom or Dune” scale.
I could probably get beyond the overall flavor if this thing had more cheese in it. It’s severely lacking. I’ll keep hyping the pizza, because I absolutely love that 700-calorie behemoth cheese slice. It’s excessive, it’s greasy, it’s uniquely chewy, and I love it. This mushy deflated football needed that texture badly.
What you’re looking at here is a giant Hot Pocket that you took out of the microwave fifteen seconds early. I’m shocked at how much I disliked it. What a mess. This thing left a bad taste in my mouth literally and figuratively. The corners of the crust are basically the highlight. This should’ve been a perfect amalgamation of the pizza and chicken bake, but instead it’s a bastardization.
1.66 out of 5 BOOMS, which is appropriately a “boo.”
Purchased Price: $6.99
Size: n/a
Purchased at: Costco
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 1,080 calories, 61 grams of fat, 25 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 2000 milligrams of sodium, 67 grams of total carbohydrates, 7 grams of total sugars, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 46 grams of protein.
This looks pretty awful. I’m with you on going to Costco to get the 5 pound barrels of animal crackers. I’ve loved animal crackers since I was a kid and that nostalgia of the huge barrel of animal crackers makes me feel like I’m a kid again. It also helps me drown my sorrows in something comforting while the world falls apart around me…haha.
When you hired the food stylist off Craiglist in exchange for a Costco membership… Seriously, the picture of it looked unappetizing on the wall, let alone not even able to identify the slop hanging out of the calzone. I’m not surprised you gave it a 3 considering very little effort was given for the appearance on the menu board/wall.
That is not a calzone.
Calzoni, by definition, are merely folded turnovers (usually crescent shaped); as opposed to a rolled bread like stromboli are.
Calzoni are Italian in origin as opposed to stromboli which are American in origin.
Both are stuffed, and neither one has mandated list of ingredients that define what is and what is not meeting the product description.
Any other criteria that lead to thoughts like “that is not a calzone” are erroneous supposition.
These have been around for a while now. This is probably the 15th review I’ve read about them and none of them have been good.
I liked the calzone, it’s basically supreme pizza toppings inside a pocket crust and the crust is really nicely done, not hard, not too thick, nice browning and sturdiness, tender enough to bite through easily
Thank you! Expectations (for me) are basically on that. “Use the materials on had to create a pocketed version of our machine-made pizzas”.
FINALLY. An honest review for less than average food here on TIB or BE. Thank you! Too many reviews skewed to 6 or 7 as “ho-hum” and this review finally brings honesty in a 3/10.
Great review, can’t wait to try this at the food court next time I do food court run at lunch at Costco!
Other than the price, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
I loved it all 3x I’ve had it. I wish I could ditch the peppers though as I hate peppers. Fortunately, they don’t take over the calzone and it’s still good. It sure beats the cardboard flaver of major pizza food chains.