REVIEW: King Krumb Cookies

At some point in the last year or so, Walmart decided that it needed to attract a more highbrow clientele. No longer content with simply being the place to get into a fistfight in the flip-flop aisle or play “see who can grab the last can of Great Value ravioli first” with an online shopper, it introduced its “Bettergoods” line, sophisticated fare for a more discerning palate. The line has seemingly been met with good accolades— for the most part, at least from what I’ve seen on the internet— and I can attest to the enjoyability of the “wood-fired” pizza offerings. (Seriously— all of them are surprisingly legit.)

And although the new King Krumb Cookies (all I can think about is how the Simpsons dealt with inadvisable alliteration specifically as it pertained to “Klassic” episodes of Krusty’s “Komedy” show) are not branded as Bettergoods, they are another attempt at self-improvement. I have seen it posited that the KKCs are Walmart’s attempt at luring in customers of Crumbl, a popular national cookie chain. And that may be, but here’s the thing: Crumbl is Crumbl for a reason. Their cookies are large, chewy, soft, and taste freshly made. There is an endless variety of inventive flavors to ensure that hardcore Crumblrs (I made that up) come back with each new fun release and/or seasonal return. The order size is customizable, from a single cookie to a 12-pack, ensuring that you can give yourself a treat or impress a small gathering (or, you know, get the 12-pack yourself and spend a weekend filling yourself with sugar and self-loathing).

On that same token, Walmart is Walmart for a reason, and its King Krumb’s are not Crumbl. They are big, and… well, that’s about where the comparison ends. There are three varieties, and they come in packs of two. For this review, I went with the two-pack featuring Decadent Chocolate Chunk (DCC) and Triple Chocolate Fudge (TCF) (The DCC is also paired with a Confetti Birthday Cake version.)

Upon my first bite of the DCC cookie, my first thought was Chips Ahoy because that’s exactly what it tasted like— a chewy Chips Ahoy. It was, put in the simplest possible way, a generic chocolate chip cookie. The TCF was a little better straight out of the box, set apart by a distinctly fudgy undertone. The box suggests wrapping them in a paper towel and microwaving for 20 seconds. Never one to disobey a box— and as a firm proponent of warm cookies— I did just this. And while it DID make each cookie considerably more enjoyable, it also turned them both into soggy, nearly impossible to eat messes. Even still, the improvement bump from microwaving did little to set them apart from any of Walmart’s other pre-packaged bakery cookies.

In the end, this feels like just another stretch in Walmart’s effort to make themselves something that they’re not. They’d be better served leaving big, warm cookies to the Insomnias and Crumbls of the world.

Purchased Price: $5.97
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: Decadent Chocolate Chunk 6 out of 10, Triple Chocolate Fudge 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/3rd cookie) DCC – 220 calories, 11 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein, TCF – 220 calories, 10 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 2 gram of fiber, 19 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein