I’m a simple gal: “cheesy,” “garlic,” and “pepperoni” are reliably three of my favorite things, so Sonic’s new Cheesy Garlic Pepperoni Bites should have been a slam dunk for me.

But I have to admit that their appearance made me hesitate. To get a bit philosophical on you, I consider a satisfying “bite” to be something that provides a consistent experience no matter where or how you chomp into it (take Little Caesars’ Crazy Puffs, for a recent example). While the triangular shape of the Bites is fun—if you squint, it could be reminiscent of a slice of pizza, which is a neat nod to their flavor, even though it also kind of makes them look like oversized Doritos—it creates a dilemma when trying to get a balanced mouthful.

The edges of each Bite are thin and crispy, with the filling packed in a plump pocket in the center, so if you were to take just a small nibble, you would totally miss what are arguably the most important flavors concentrated in the middle. But on the other hand, a bigger bite would inconveniently threaten to explode out the hot, liquid-like insides, and that’s not ideal either.

That didn’t end up being my largest issue with these, though. When I pulled apart one of the Bites, what I found didn’t look anything like the promotional image, which shows a neat delineation of gooey white cheese and perfect little pepperoni cubes. Even worse, it didn’t look pizza-adjacent at all. Frankly, what the orange mess specifically called to mind was wet cat food. I would describe the taste as “white noise punctuated by pepperoni.”

Befitting of the filling’s sludgy, indistinct appearance, I couldn’t taste clear notes of its garlic or cheese, just a general salty savoriness that occasionally tasted particularly pepperoni-ish. On paper, the filling is made up of mozzarella and provolone cheese, pepperoni, and pizza sauce; in practice, the filling is just “blah.” The thin morsels of meat did at least come through way more strongly than I would have guessed after having to squint to find them amidst the orangey ooze. And the cracker-like texture of the outer layer, while it was admittedly more flavorful and heartier than I expected, just wasn’t a good match for the filling. I think a soft center cries out for a doughy exterior, so the brittleness felt underwhelming.

These things aren’t very filling, either—you can order three, five, or seven pieces, and I had hoped that five would be enough to constitute a meal, but even with the extra Bite I swear my friendly cashier snuck in on purpose, I hardly felt nourished afterwards.

The Cheesy Garlic Pepperoni Bites are ultimately reminiscent of pizza in only the same way that a Lunchables pizza is: not very. (If you’re noticing, I’m making a lot of comparisons here; it’s because these things are simply not interesting enough to say much about on their own.) If you’re craving garlic, cheese, and pepperoni, why not just spring for the real thing?

Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 5 pieces
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (5 pieces) 210 calories, 11 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to get brain freeze from a mythical creature? No, that’s just me? Well then, you’re going to find out anyway because Sonic’s magical new slush is definitely worth getting an ice cream headache for!

Sonic describes their newest slushtastic creation as: “A vibrant pink slush filled with magical flavor bubbles, crowned with a fluffy cloud of whipped topping, and finished with a sprinkle of shimmering sugar crystals.” While that is true, it doesn’t do enough to describe the truly ???: *???:* ??magical *:???*:? nature of this pink and blue drink.

If you like cotton candy-flavored things, you’ll love this. The flavor is very solidly cotton candy in all its sticky-sweet glory. The blue raspberry “flavor bubbles” (aka popping boba) are a nice change of pace, serving to highlight the cotton candy while adding a nuanced blueness all their own. The whipped topping is a lovely creamy addition, especially if you swirl it all together a la the Taco Bell Baja Blast Dream Freeze I reviewed recently (I wonder if that nomenclature is solely because “dream” and “cream” rhyme…”

If I have some constructive criticism, it’s that I wish the shimmering sugar crystals on this drink were more like the chunkier, more textured versions from the same chain’s LTO Strawberry Shortcake Snowball Slush Float. Hah, try saying that three times fast! In all seriousness, though, the crunchier sugar crystals that drink used would have made the Unicorn Dreams slush a 10 out of 10! So if anyone from Sonic happens to be reading this review, consider switching up the sugar crystals! As much as I enjoyed the aesthetics of the sprinkle of pink and blue fairy dust on top of the whipped topping, they brought nothing else to the party and pretty much just dissolved on contact.

As an UNEXPECTED BONUS, this drink also comes with A UNICORN HORN SHAPED STRAW!!! OMG WHAT!? I literally giggled when it was handed to me. It’s a great little perk of ordering the drink and definitely made the drinking experience a bit more fantastical. Unfortunately, the smaller side of the straw is too narrow to accommodate the blue raspberry flavor beads. So, unless you want to use the straw like a peashooter and spit the blue things across the car, you’ll need to ask for a separate boba-sized straw.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: Medium (only size available)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 430 calories, 5 grams of total fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 102 grams of total carbs, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 101 grams of total sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

If your thirst for pop culture is as strong as your thirst for souped-up sodas, you’ll find Sonic’s newest limited-edition drinks more than exciting—you might even go as far as to say that they’re iconic. After all, it’s literally in their names: honoring the (in)famous socialites Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie, The Paris and The Nicole make up the Sonic Iconic Drinks line. In one episode of their reality TV show, The Simple Life, Paris and Nicole work at a Sonic, so this is a clever full-circle marketing moment, as well as a fun riff on the “dirty soda” trend long-popular in Utah and more recently sweeping the rest of the country.

The Paris is a Sprite-based drink flavored with dragon fruit, featuring lemon and lime, and topped with whipped cream and Nerds candy. If your teeth hurt just reading that, be advised that it’s just as potent as it sounds. A nice, crisp Sprite should be refreshing, but the over-the-top flavor made this more like a dessert than the thirst quencher I was hoping for.

My first sip was super tangy; I immediately understood the Nerds pairing because before even getting a mouthful of the candies, that’s what the drink reminded me of. I wasn’t expecting such a punch of tartness from dragon fruit, but it made more sense when I noticed a greenish cloud in my cup and realized that the lemon and lime weren’t just flavorings, but large wedges of fruit bobbing around. I suggest stirring first because, in contrast with that overwhelming initial concentration of citrusy sugariness, other mouthfuls lacked fruit flavor completely and were just sharp and bitter, like seltzer. This drink gets points for fun and creativity, but the intense yet inconsistent flavor meant I couldn’t finish it.

The Nicole is more subdued, made up of Dr Pepper mixed with sweet cream and vanilla and chunks of strawberries, finished off with whipped cream and, well, more strawberries. I have to admit, while I’m aware of their escapades, I haven’t actually watched The Simple Life, so I’m not sure if this is indicative of Paris having a more over-the-top personality and Nicole being slightly more chill? In any case, I liked this drink more, but I also acknowledge that it was less of a big swing. I mean, putting notes of vanilla and cream into classic sodas isn’t exactly new, and while the syrupy, small-cut pieces of strawberry were a nice twist, I found they contributed more to the texture than the taste. Marketing materials play up its berry taste, but I would not consider this very fruit-forward.

Honestly, it took me a while to even figure out how this tasted different from a regular Dr Pepper. While that’s not a testament to the flavor’s uniqueness, it certainly speaks to its yumminess and how seamlessly its components fit together, even though they could be splashier. I also loved the luxuriousness of the thick dollop of whipped cream on both drinks. Plus, the layer of Sonic’s beloved cubed ice—so dense I nearly mistook these for slushies—was fun too.

The Simple Life aired for five seasons, and while I don’t imagine the Paris and the Nicole will stick quite so indelibly in the cultural consciousness as their namesakes have, both drinks were playful, extravagant, and tasty enough that, despite their chilly temperatures, I’m happy to borrow Paris’s catchphrase to describe them: “That’s hot!”

Purchased Price: $4.34 each
Size: Medium (20 oz)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (The Paris), 8 out of 10 (The Nicole)
Nutrition Facts: The Paris – 450 calories, 5 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 101 grams of sugar, 0 grams of fiber, and 0 grams of protein. The Nicole – 330 calories, 4 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 75 grams of sugar, 1 gram of fiber, and 1 gram of protein.

For Halloween, Sonic has introduced its Witch’s Brew Slush Float, which consists of a green apple slush, caramel “bubbles” (popping boba), and vanilla soft serve.

No mortal has ever drunk witch’s brew and lived to tell about it, which means food companies can make the flavor whatever they want it to be. I’m really pleased that Sonic opted for a classic Halloween flavor instead of something boring and irrelevant (like marshmallow).

As the cashier handed me the drink at the drive-thru window, I noticed it was a putrid shade of green. Like mold, algae, or ogre snot. That might not be appropriate if it were an elf or leprechaun drink, but for witch’s brew, it’s perfect!

In the fifteen minutes it took to drive home (I don’t eat in my car), the ice cream had lost its freshly extruded grooves, and the slush was browner. But luckily, it was still nice and cold.

I expected the slush to have a strong and fake candy apple flavor, like a Jolly Rancher in liquid form. It was more subdued than I expected, and there was more of a caramel flavor as well. I assume the caramel flavor leaked from the “bubbles,” and I approve. Of course, it doesn’t really taste like an actual caramel apple, but it was still a pleasant combination of caramel and apple flavors.

And those caramel bubbles are so fun! By pressing them between my tongue and the roof of my mouth, they popped their sweet, cold liquid, leaving the skin to dissolve. I liked to imagine they were eyes of newt. Yummy, delicious newts made of candy.

And that vanilla soft serve ensures the whole drink doesn’t become too slushy sweet. I’m glad we don’t have to pick between creamy and slushy!

So far, the only side effect I’ve experienced was the initial brain freeze. No tails have sprouted, no polka dots have appeared on my skin, no appendages have grown or shrunk. This brew will disappoint an actual witch, but for the rest of us, this might be my favorite thing I have ever had from Sonic.

Purchased Price: $7.49
Size: Medium (only available size)
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 420 calories, 6 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 280 milligrams of sodium, 93 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 88 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

Click here for our most recent fast food reviews

If you’ve read any of the Sonic reviews I’ve written for this site over the past eight years, you’ll:

1. Know that I tend to love nearly everything I try.
2. Possibly recall the one time I said Sonic is better than In-N-Out.
3. Probably discounted anything else I’ve subsequently said on account of B.

In my defense, I will once again point out—as I do each time—that it is one magical Sonic location in particular; I know that not all stores are created equal, and, in the parlance of online absolution, “your mileage may vary.”

It was with this predisposition of enjoyment that I tried the new Sonic Smasher, which features “two Angus beef, seasoned patties smashed and seared, crispy on the edges and juicy in the middle… two slices of melty American cheese, a creamy, tangy Smasher sauce, crinkle-cut pickles, diced onions, and…a pillowy soft potato bun.”

So, you know, a smashburger. With special sauce.

Pretty standard stuff.

That said, HOLY HELL was this delicious.

The patties—delightfully thin and crispy around the edges—had a beautifully earthy beef flavor, far better than any other major chain’s patty. The cheese was your standard fast food American, but it melted exquisitely into the meat. The sauce was a pretty run-of-the-mill burger sauce, Thousand Island-style, but maybe a bit sweeter than the sauce from the Sad Clown’s Big Mac. The next time I get one (which can’t come soon enough), I might try regular mayo; Sonic does good mayonnaise, and it is my preferred burger sauce. The onions were perfect, and while I’m not typically a pickle guy, these were leagues better than the regular floppy discs that adorn most chain burgers. (Though I will say, I feel like many places have upgraded their pickles over the past year or two, so maybe these are par for the course.)

My only complaint about this burger is that I didn’t go three patties. Well, and maybe also that I’m of an age where I shouldn’t responsibly consume more than one of these a month. But if my heart health was of no concern, I’d eat one of these a week, easy. I genuinely hope that Sonic keeps these around for the long haul and that you have a Sonic near you as good as the one on 91st.

Purchased Price: $6.59
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 600 calories, 37 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 1530 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 35 grams of protein.