3 hours.

2 Netflix marathons.

1 snack mix to rule them all.

And as one who has come to understand her entire cinematic history through the haze of popcorn, pretzels, and candy-coated pieces, this newfangled Reese’s snack mix, with its images of poofs, pops, and peanut-infused delights, holds deep hope…and with that hope, the inherent danger of disappoint. But let us not be swayed by fear of defeat! If you, like me, have ever wondered what it would be like to have the concession stand throw your Reese’s in your popcorn bucket and drizzle it in chocolate, now is your time! Rise up! Get thee to the Target! Destiny awaits…

And destiny does not disappoint.

Crunchy, poofy, crispity, fudgy, melty, snappy, and all around chompity, this mix has enough textures to push Snap, Crackle, and Pop into retirement. The popcorn serves as the snacky backdrop and is voluminous, distinctly crisp, and drizzled in fudgy chocolate goo. The pretzels (which tend to be throwaways for me) are refreshingly crunchy and have solid speckles of salt.

On the sweeter side of things, the plentiful mini Reese’s cups dot the snack landscape like so many Super Mario coins, providing at least one or two bursts of chocolate and peanut butter in each handful, while the giant, mildly mutated candy-coated peanuts are more like Dragon Coins: a bit rarer, but, when you find them, they bring a wallop of flavor as they’re doused in sweet, sweet peanut butter. Basically, they’re a Peanut M&M, but in Reese’s Pieces form.

The peanut butter used throughout has that wonderfully distinct Reese’s grit that strikes a common ground between creamy and crunchy peanut butters. Taken as a whole, the experience will delight to the extent that you may find yourself asking: How can I better integrate this mad science into my daily life?

A great question! Let’s see what we can do. Let me just take a look at the ingredients…

Do you see that? Wheat! Milk! Nuts! This stuff is basically a confused granola bar, that great king of go-to snacks, making it perfect for absolutely any occasion that strikes your fancy. Plus, it’s totally good for you. Trust me. I’ve dated a doctor.

Let us not hesitate to celebrate the simple genius that is the combination of crunchity peanut butter and creamy, sweet chocolate. While not revolutionary, this mix is delicious enough to make even the most despised movie sequel moderately enjoyable. It’s chocolatey, salty, crunchy, sweet, peanut buttery goodness, all freshly sealed and ready to roll. If you’re frustrated with current snack mix varieties, don’t punch a hole in the wall! Go out and get you some therapy, then celebrate your newfound sense of self-worth with some Reese’s Popped Snack Mix. You will have no regrets.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 130 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 8 oz. bag
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Good amount of Reese’s Cups. GIANT, charmingly mutated, peanut-filled Reese’s Pieces. Not too many pretzels. May inspire newfound sense of self-worth. Super Mario.
Cons: Lots of popcorn…maybe too much? Would love more giant Reese’s Pieces. Makes you think of 18,000 other Reese’s-themed things that could go in a snack mix. Disappointing movie sequels. Thinking about Snap, Crackle, and Pop’s retirement home.

Since I’ve lived pretty much my entire life in the metro-Atlanta area, I suppose I’m one of the more qualified people out there to judge the authenticity of Reese’s newfangled, Georgia-themed P.B. cup. Well, nice try, Hershey, but this thing is about as genuinely Georgian as a nasally accent, adequate public transportation, and unsweetened tea.

OK, I get that the two big Georgia food stereotypes are peaches and peanuts. But if you’re going to take the lazy, uninspired route, at least make sure it’s the RIGHT kind of stereotypical foodstuff. In all my 30-something years in Georgia, not ONCE have I ever seen anyone at a roadside stand hawking honey-roasted peanuts.

In fact, the ONLY type of peanuts people in these parts seem to eat are the boiled variety – and to be frank, I think I actually would’ve enjoyed that more than this half-hearted “Flavors of America” offering.

This may very well be the least special “special edition” gimmick food of all-time. Not only is the advertised “honey roasted” flavor faint, it’s practically non-existent. Yes, there is some oily stuff in and around the cups, and the interior peanut butter at least looks a little slicker than your normal cup, but in terms of taste, this thing is virtually indistinguishable from your regular old Reese’s. I wound up buying two packages, just to see if the first one I ate was defective. Well, four special edition cups later and it’s distressingly apparent; this L-T-O product is basically the same thing as the standard product!

You know the product formula is fouled up when consumers have to literally FOCUS on what they’re eating to pinpoint the flavor. It doesn’t matter how slow you chew them or how hard you try to let the flavor seep into your tastebuds; simply put, the “honey-roasted” flavor just isn’t there.

I’m a big fan of Reese’s, but this product is a colossal disappointment. Granted, it still tastes pretty good, but the whole point of L-T-O products is to give consumers something different – if not in terms of flavor, at least in terms of aesthetics.

If Reese’s can release pumpkin-shaped cups for Halloween, they easily could’ve made regular-flavored cups shaped like famous Georgia iconography like, I don’t know, the silhouette of a Waffle House or a zombie from The Walking Dead or the Falcons logo (which, for bonus realism, could fall apart when you only have a quarter left to eat.)

From Coca-Cola-soaked pecan pie to Gladys Knight’s chicken and waffles (no, that’s a real thing, I promise you), my home state offered plenty of interesting, novelty food options for Reese’s to consider. And with all that potential on the table, how disappointing that they ultimately decided to aim this low with their final effort.

(Nutrition Facts – 220 calories, 110 calories from fat, 13 grams of total fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugar and 5 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.49
Size: 2 cups
Purchased at: CVS
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Overall, the product does taste pretty good. And at least the packaging is pretty.
Cons: It tastes just like a regular Reese’s cup. The “honey-roasted” flavor is so slight, I’m not entirely sure it exists. Realizing we could’ve had a Chick-Fil-A Icedream Cone flavored Hershey Bar or a Peach Cobbler Mr. Goodbar instead of this seasonal snoozer.

In a perfect world food would be an easy linear math problem.

Most the time this concept stands to reason. Just as we recite 2 + 2 = 4 ad nauseam during our earliest days of grade school, our first adventures in the world of taste confirm basic premises upon which all further knowledge of sweet and salty is built upon. Bacon + Burger = Excellent, Fish + Cheese = Why?, and, my personal favorite, Peanut Butter + Chocolate = All You Need In Life.

Yes, a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup is all you need in life.

This is not subject to relativism. Name for me one person who does not like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. What’s that, you can’t? I’m telling you such people do not exist. You don’t become the highest selling candy in the country because you have haters. Okay then, try one person who does not like a handful of Reese’s Pieces? Speak up! Are those crickets chirping in the background? Thought so.

So if we’re talking math and we’re talking candy, it should follow that Awesome Chocolate and Peanut Butter Candy + Another Awesome Chocolate and Peanut Butter Candy = Exponentially Awesome Chocolate and Peanut Butter Candy. Unfortunately, the new Reese’s Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups stuffed with Reece’s Pieces taste remarkably like…Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

I am not trying to say this is a bad thing (I did call them “awesome”). Far be it from me to audit the millions of dollars we fork over annually for that creamy peanut butter center and smooth milk chocolate shell. But when one expects the crunchy, intense burst of even more peanut butter and chocolate to give the cups the all-important textural variation that makes a simple candy like Crunch so popular, one only returns with slightly grainy shards of chocolate shell sticking from the peanut butter. The two peanut butter elements even meld into each other, creating a completely indistinguishable flavor that tastes both unequivocally yummy and devastatingly disappointing.

2 + 2 = 4? Psh. Now I get what Orwell meant when he wrote that 2 + 2 = 5. Except 5 is not any better than 4.

I’m sure there are a fair number of people saying, “Well, what did you expect?” Fair question, but excuse me for holding the Reese’s R&D people to a high standard. The brand has only given us, what, about as many variations of peanut butter and chocolate as there are Duggar children? Yet where every Reese’s product seems to offer a bit of something extra when it comes to taste and texture, the new Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups with Reese’s Pieces provide just an additional military-sized acronym to memorize in all your favorite candy forums (RMCPBCswRP in the unabridged form).

And, for the record, a bolder choice would have been to wrap an entire dark chocolate Reese’s cup in a Reese’s Pieces milk chocolate shell, thus encasing the smooth and creamy peanut butter to two levels of chocolate and increasing the crunch a gazillion times. And while we’re at it, can we add a white chocolate drizzle?

But then again, what do I know. I’m just a guy who has only been eating Reese’s PB Cups and Reese’s Pieces since I learned that 2 + 2 = 4.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 package or 2 cups – 220 calories, 100 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 5.0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 2 gram of dietary fiber, 23 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: 1.5 oz
Purchased at: Shoppers Food
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It’s a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Of course you love that smooth and slightly salty peanut butter and sweet milk chocolate! The simple life of linear first grade math equations. Military-grade acronyms for candy.
Cons: Tastes exactly like a regular Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Pieces provide a barely distinguishable textural contrast. A whimper in a banging tradition of product innovation. Rereading 1984