REVIEW: Papa Johns Papa Dippa with a 4 Sauce Flight

/ / Reviews / 1 Comment

I am not great at naming things, but I think I can come up with a better name than the new Papa Johns Papa Dippa with a 4 Sauce Flight. Using “flight” is probably too fancy a word for a fast food pizza chain. So my suggestion is Papa Johns’ Papa Dippa GaGarlicfiesta.

Noppa? Gotcha.

The Papa Dippa is a three-cheese pepperoni pizza cut into 16 dippable strips and comes with four sauces, three of which are new: Roasted Garlic Parmesan, Creamy Garlic Pesto, and Garlic Hot Honey. The fourth one is the standard Special Garlic Sauce, which I’m not going to cover in this review.

Before I get to the sauces, which this review will focus on, I have to talk about the cutting of the pizza into strippas. I understand it’s necessary to make dipping easier, but it leads to four non-optimal pieces that are 60-70 percent crust. Yes, those pieces will be dipped into sauces, but, much like me when playing pickup basketball or dodgeball, they will be picked last. I feel sorry for me, I mean, them.

Now let’s get to the three new sauces.

Roasted Garlic Parmesan

With its appearance, smell, and taste, there’s a strong Caesar dressing vibe to this. The garlic doesn’t go as hard as Papa Johns’ standard garlic sauce, despite containing a good amount of minced garlic in it, and it definitely doesn’t take away the helm of this flavor train from the parmesan. Of the three new dips, it is noticeably the thickest and sticks to the pizza sticks well. It works as well as ranch dressing does with pizza, and it’s my favorite sauce of the bunch.

Creamy Garlic Pesto

This dip is similar to the Roasted Garlic Parmesan in that the garlic doesn’t stand out much, even though there’s minced garlic floating in it. It’s pretty much a pesto party, which I don’t mind since it adds another tasty level on top of the pizza’s pepperoni and cheese. However, the pesto doesn’t pop as much as the cheesiness in the Roasted Garlic Parmesan. Also, it has a surprisingly watery texture that doesn’t seem to cling to the pizza as well as the previous sauce.

Garlic Hot Honey

Finally, we have my least favorite of the bunch, and I feel like it’s going to be the least favorite for a lot of eaters. It’s sweet with a spicy kick, which is what you’d expect from hot honey, but there’s also a sour twist to it that may cause your face to grimace like it would if you had to pick me last for a pickup basketball game. With that said, yes, the sourness is weird, but at the same time, I don’t completely hate it, and kept dipping pizza sticks into it. One last thing, this is the most watery sauce of the bunch. So don’t use this dip while wearing your finest band tour t-shirt.

While the name Papa Johns’ Papa Dippa GaGarlicfiesta is not a good idea, Papa Johns Papa Dippa with its four sauces is. I really enjoyed two of them, liking them more than the standard garlic dip, which I find too rich. In fact, I liked them so much that they made me go gaga…rlic.

Sorry.

Purchased Price: $19.99*
Size: Large pizza with four sauces
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Roasted Garlic Parmesan), 7 out of 10 (Creamy Garlic Pesto), 5 out of 10 (Garlic Hot Honey)
Nutrition Facts: Creamy Garlic Pesto – 60 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein. Roasted Garlic Parmesan – 60 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein. Garlic Hot Honey – 25 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 6 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Little Caesars Cheesesteak Crazy Puffs

/ / Reviews / 3 Comments

I promise, Big Vegetable or Big Farma, is not making me or paying me to type the following: I wish Little Caesars’ Cheesesteak Crazy Puffs had green bell peppers in them.

Not having them with the seasoned steak, onions, and cheeses is surprising, especially since Little Caesars is also offering an Ultimate Cheesesteak Pizza for a limited time (and online only), which comes with a pick of pretty pint-sized peppers. Adding them might’ve given them a flavor that really hits home that the iconic sandwich inspired these Crazy Puffs.

If you’re not familiar with Little Caesars’ Crazy Puffs, think of them as being on the other side of the size spectrum from a cheesesteak in a long roll. They’re like mini pizzas, and there are four of them per order, which I find to be filling enough for lunch or dinner. I enjoyed the pepperoni and cheese versions that debuted last year.

These Cheesesteak ones are a bit meh. Also, the first one I bit into squirted at me, like it was an octopus shooting black ink at me, the predator, who wants to eat it. I was taken aback by the liquid and cheese that shot out from it, and then I instantly bit into the other three to see if any of them would do the same. Fortunately, for my dwindling napkin supply, which is 100 percent obtained from fast food visits, they did not.

For the most part, the steak was tender, but there were a couple of sinewy pieces. There seemed to be a decent amount of meat, but I didn’t find it to be very meaty tasting. I also didn’t really get too many onion pieces. But whatever there was, also didn’t have much taste. There was a sprinkle of parmesan on the crispy edges, which I thought added a cheesy sharpness. However, the other cheeses were flat tasting. Without any strong flavors from the main ingredients, these Crazy Puffs taste unexciting, and I don’t think they’re worth another go around, unless, perhaps, the powers that be decide to add green peppers to them.

Little Caesars Cheesesteak Crazy Puffs are not, as anthropomorphic Pop-Tarts like to say, crazy good. I believe they are a serviceable option for those wanting something different from the usual Crazy Puffs varieties. I also believe that raw celery sticks are as satisfying as a bag of potato chips.

Now that’s a line I’d gladly add to any review for the right price. Did you read that, Big Farma?

Purchased Price: $4.99*
Size: 4 pieces
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 690 calories. No other nutritional numbers are available on Little Caesars’ website.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did. The advertised price is $3.99.

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Crafted Flatzz

/ / Reviews / Leave a Comment

If you want a personal pizza from Pizza Hut, you could get its Personal Pan Pizza, or you could go up to any of the chain’s other pizzas, spend quality time with it, learn about each other through long, deep conversations, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll build a platonic or romantic relationship with it. But now there’s a third way — Pizza Hut’s new Crafted Flatzz.

The pizza-for-one comes in several varieties: Nashville Hot Chicken, Chicken Bacon Ranch, Pepperoni Duo, Three Cheese, and Ultimate. So that I can tell my doctor I ate vegetables, I picked up the Ultimate, which comes topped with fire-roasted peppers, caramelized onions, diced tomatoes, pepperoni, and Italian sausage.

The Crafted Flatzz is oval-shaped and is about 11 inchezz long and about six inchezz wide. It’s the perfect size ratio to cram into a vertical TikTok video or Instagram Reel. Its length is almost as long as two Personal Pan Pizzas, and if you fold it in half, it’s about as thick. However, I thought that there’s enough with this oblong menu item for two meals. Well, at least for me.

Its edges were quite crispy, but not quite as satisfying as the buttery crispiness from Pizza Hut’s original pizza-for-one. As I ate my order, I noticed there wasn’t a lot of sauce, although I could taste its sweet, tomato flavor with almost every bite.

As for the rest of the toppings, they were typical Pizza Hut fare, although I was glad to see diced tomatoes included. (Gotta get that lycopene!) They added occasional bursts of acidic goodness that give this a slight taste difference from a supreme pizza.

Besides its flavor, what I also liked about this was its price, which is comparable to the chain’s Personal Pan Pizza. However, the locations near me were only promoting the five-dollar price for orders placed before 5 pm. Weird.

While I enjoyed chomping my Crafted Flatzz, it’s not as satisfying as a Personal Pan Pizza. It’s also not something I would consider completely new. It’s essentially a thin-crust pizza for one, with a name that makes me roll my eyes due to the use of double Zs.

I mean, I understand it because pizza has two Zs, and it would be weird if it were just one. And calling it Flatzza would’ve been worse, because that’s a horrible name. And giving it the name Flatizza would’ve been the worst because it would’ve violated Subway’s trademark.

I’m sure Pizza Hut’s lawyers do not want to get personal with Subway’s lawyers.

Purchased Price: $5.00
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: No nutrition info was available on the Pizza Hut website at publication time.

REVIEW: Tombstone Chili Cheese French Fry Style Crust Pizza

/ / Reviews / 5 Comments

Tombstone’s Chili Cheese French Fry Style Crust Pizza box describes this as hamburger, chili cheese sauce, mozzarella, cheddar, red onion, & parsley on a potato crust. Hmmmm…

French fries are awesome! Pizza is awesome! Chili cheese-flavored things are awesome! So it would stand to reason that this chili cheese french fry crust pizza would also be, you know, awesome, right?

Well, let’s start with the positives. For a lower cost frozen pizza, there are actually a good number of toppings on this thing, especially cheese. Usually, lack of cheese is my number one complaint with frozen pizzas, so I was pleasantly surprised to find this one decently cheesy. There is a good amount of meaty bits, onions, and sauce as well, although the entire time I was eating it, I couldn’t help but wish sliced hot dogs were used instead of the meatball things. Compare me to Sonic the Hedgehog, but nothing beats a good chili cheese dog!

I really like the flavor of the chili cheese sauce, too. It has a nice bite without being overwhelming or detracting from the other flavors, which is really impressive. The consistency is great, too. Thick enough not to leak or squish out when you cut it.

This pizza also smells AMAZING while it cooks. It reminded me of a Sonic chili cheese coney and tots, that perfect blend of chili, cheese, and potato was spot on.

Sadly, that’s where the pros run out, and we turn to the things I didn’t appreciate.

The French fry crust in THEORY sounds great: Innovative, unique, and like the best part of a crispy French fry. Turns out, that only applies to the very edge of the crust, unfortunately. The crispy, crunchy outer edge of the crust is PERFECT, and what I ultimately wanted from the rest of the pie: crunchy, well done fries transformed into a saucy cheese conveyance vehicle. Something about that so-called “crunchy outside, soft inside” crust is where it all fell apart for me.

The taste is aight. Not exactly French fry, per se, but definitely in the “processed potato product” ballpark. More like hash browns if I had to pick something specific. I didn’t really mind that. What I minded was the texture, which is SO. FREAKING. WRONG. It’s floppy, despite baking the pizza on the bottom rack (as instructed) for an additional 5 minutes. It’s also somehow chewy and squishy. It almost reminds me of mochi or gnocchi, and neither of those has a texture I’m excited about sharing with a pizza. My heart stopped being in it after the first bite, and I forced myself to finish my 1/4 pie serving. It took too long to chew, and it was neither pleasant nor appetizing.

If you could get past that, the “hamburger” meatball things were dry and bland and also had a bit of a weird texture to them, although not as weird as the crust.

I say this one is interesting enough to try for the novelty, but make sure you have a backup plan if the crust texture proves to be too much for you.

Purchased Price: $5.87
Size: 18.8 oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/4 pizza) 330 calories, 15 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 630 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of total carbs, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of total sugar, and 9 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kirkland Signature Combo Calzone

/ / Reviews / 10 Comments

Costco’s food court is arguably the country’s best cost-effective eatery. Where else can you get a two-dollar dog right after spending $450 on items such as an Army’s supply of animal crackers and a year’s worth of pipe-clogging wet wipes?

Just me?

I never skip the Costco Cafeteria. I’ll take one of their obese slices over any national chain’s wimpy pizza. I don’t know where Chicken Bakes came from, but they’re a marvel of modern science. That dirt cheap footlong? GOATed! And how can I forget the… *sigh* we still doing this?

Double. Chocolate. Chunk. Cookie?! Five Booms and whatnot.

Everything is good.

Well, everything WAS good. It is with great sorrow that I must report the new Kirkland Calzone Combo is a DOOM!

I’m baffled. How can this be? On paper, you would think a Costco food court Calzone would just marry the best parts of the pizza and the chicken bake, right? Pure ignorance.

It certainly looks like a decent calzone. I really like the doughy, slightly crispy crust on the pizza slice, so having that as a giant pocket works. It was probably my favorite part of the experience, despite it getting worse as I got towards the center.

The filling is pure slop. A full-on work sloppage. Slopular Science. The King of Slop. A wop slop a loo bop a slop bom bom!

The “turnover” comes packed with pepperoni, sausage, cheese, onions, peppers, sauce, olives, and mushrooms, all of which clash with each other.

I’m not opposed to a supreme pizza, but all of these ingredients don’t work in this pouch; it just makes everything wet with a gross flavor I can only describe as “spiced slimy meat.” That’s all I tasted, but not even in a good pepperoni or sausage style, they blend with the veggies to make an off-putting “spice” that is neither hot nor appetizing. This is the opposite of the spice mélange. One DUNE(!) on the “Boom or Dune” scale.

I could probably get beyond the overall flavor if this thing had more cheese in it. It’s severely lacking. I’ll keep hyping the pizza, because I absolutely love that 700-calorie behemoth cheese slice. It’s excessive, it’s greasy, it’s uniquely chewy, and I love it. This mushy deflated football needed that texture badly.

What you’re looking at here is a giant Hot Pocket that you took out of the microwave fifteen seconds early. I’m shocked at how much I disliked it. What a mess. This thing left a bad taste in my mouth literally and figuratively. The corners of the crust are basically the highlight. This should’ve been a perfect amalgamation of the pizza and chicken bake, but instead it’s a bastardization.

1.66 out of 5 BOOMS, which is appropriately a “boo.”

Purchased Price: $6.99
Size: n/a
Purchased at: Costco
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 1,080 calories, 61 grams of fat, 25 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 2000 milligrams of sodium, 67 grams of total carbohydrates, 7 grams of total sugars, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 46 grams of protein.

Scroll to Top