QUICK REVIEW: Nabisco Limited Edition Heads or Tails Mega Stuf Oreo

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Limited Edition Heads or Tails Mega Stuf Oreo

Purchased Price: $3.48
Size: 13.2 oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like a less chocolatey Oreo. The Golden Oreo wafer makes it less cloying than regular Mega Stuf Oreo. If you enjoy licking the creme from Oreo cookies, these cookies have a long lasting creme. Goes great with milk. Makes me want to sing Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder’s “Ebony and Ivory”. Ebony and Ivory live together in perfect harmony. Something something something, oh Lord, why don’t we?
Cons: Wasting precious moments of your life licking off all of the creme in a Mega Stuf Oreo. Kind of a boring addition; would’ve preferred mint or peanut butter. Not knowing which side is heads and which side is tails. Wafers shatter easily. Product name spelling.

Nutrition Facts: 2 cookies – 180 calories, 9 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 4 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 25 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Nabisco Limited Edition Watermelon Oreo

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Limited Edition Watermelon Oreo

When I first laid my eyes on Limited Edition Watermelon Oreo, I thought someone lost a bet at Nabisco.

Because, in my experience, the two most polarizing candy flavors in America seem to be strawberry and watermelon. People either like it or hate it, but I believe it’s even more prevalent with watermelon. I understand because the watermelon flavor has this overly sweet and slightly floral, if not perfumey, bouquet. I equate it to the way the too flowery Bombay Sapphire gin tastes…if that makes any sense. As you can tell, I fall on the side of disliking the flavor of watermelon candy. In any case, it’s definitely not mild in flavor and makes its presence known immediately.

To be honest, I bought these on a lark and to scratch my curiosity itch when I saw these sitting next to other Oreos. I had to do a double take when I saw these because it felt like I was in Japan with their Wonka-like snacks that Pocky only skims the surface of. I should also note that these are exclusive to Target, whose cool commercials have given exposure to countless indy bands. Thank you for making me look cool when I play my iTunes library.

The most obvious thing you will notice is the color of creamy jade colliding with an obnoxious fuschia-muppet pink. It’s supposed to remind you of a watermelon, but it looks like ghastly cheap icing on Walmart cupcakes or, at the very least, created by a pastry chef who has given up on life. It reminds me if Empire of the Sun redid the yin and yang symbol. By the way, their new album Ice on the Dune is better than their first one, trust me.

The creme is sandwiched between two vanilla Golden Oreo wafers which I love more than the original chocolate cookie. That probably puts me in the minority, which I don’t mind since I’m an actual minority. I’m guessing this watermelon flavor would not taste great with the slight bitterness of the chocolate cookie.

Limited Edition Watermelon Oreo Closeup

Upon ripping open that handy “Lift” tab, all I could smell was the rich scent of fresh vanilla baked cookies, which was pleasant. Before opening it, I was worried I would be hit by the cloying sugary wafts of fake watermelon, not unlike what cotton-candy machines spews out.

I ate the green/pink creme alone and it tasted close to the familiar watermelon flavored bubblegum. Fruity at first, then mellows out into a flowery sweetness. But here’s the surprise, the creme was not that sweet. That was a good thing because watermelon can overpower a great deal of things and the creme, dare I say, was actually a bit sophisticated.

Don’t get me wrong, you won’t be serving these to your rich, snobby aunt anytime soon but you won’t feel bad giving one to that anime-hipster you’ve been secretly pining for. The one with the vintage frames and short hair, and annoyingly holds two fingers up in every damn picture.

Limited Edition Watermelon Oreo Closeup Creme

So I hesitated before taking a bite because the creme (not cream) was scary. However, I’m glad I did. The vanilla cookie not only muted the watermelon flavor, it actually brought out the deeper berry-like tones of the watermelon. The buttery vanilla enveloped itself around the fruit’s floral character and created a rich texture. The cookie does end with an exclamation of watermelon but that’s all right because the buttery vanilla lingers around to keep it at bay.

It’s akin to that sweet and salty thing but I wouldn’t go as far and say Nabisco created an umami Oreo. I am in disbelief because this Oreo succeeded when it shouldn’t. The cookie is actually refreshing and you feel deceptively light eating a few. However, you shouldn’t eat many because just two cookies have 150 calories and seven grams of fat.

Oh, and on that note, you’re going to want to eat a few at a time because the one negative I found is that the heavy sweetness stacks up in your mouth and basically neutralizes that subtle complexity after a while. My mouth has this syrupy coating on my tongue as I write this.

I won’t lie to you and say the Oreo has changed my mind on watermelon candies or that I would buy these again. However, this Oreo is like a Terrence Malick film. You have to experience that brilliance at least once but you can do without the repeat viewings.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 150 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugars, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Nabisco Limited Edition Watermelon Oreo
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 15.23 oz. package
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: The cookie has an actually complex fruity flavor. The buttery richness of the vanilla cookie. The sweetness is well controlled. Empire of the Sun (the movie and the band). It actually refreshes the palette in a weird way. Nabisco having fun with these varieties. Tanqueray No. 10, it makes love to that dry vermouth.
Cons: The sugary taste gets heavy if you eat too many. Only available at Target (for the 12 of you that don’t live near one). Baked goods from Walmart. I’ll never get Blueberry Oreos. Bombay Sapphire, it will kill your martini.

REVIEW: Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins

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Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins

At a quick glance, these Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins look like Keebler Fudge Stripes cookies that were made by a drunk Keebler elf who turned to the bottle to help him cope with the fact that he works and lives in the same tree.

Or maybe these Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins were made by a former Keebler elf who got tired of squeezing the straight lines of fudge on each Keebler Fudge Stripes cookie.

All right, no elves produced these crispy cookies and they were made by a multi-million dollar machine in a huge factory somewhere. But, damn, I wish I was your lover…oh sorry, that Sophie B. Hawkins song has been showing up a lot in my 90s Pandora station. I meant to say, damn, that multi-million dollar machine makes one mean cookie.

I don’t want to brag, but when Nabisco first introduced their Newtons Fruit Thins, I knew they would put out a banana version of their crispy cookie. Although, to be honest, I thought they would’ve paired the fruit with nuts and not dark fudge.

I mean, just imagine a banana with some nuts. Don’t you think that’s a great combination? It totally makes sense. And I thought my idea was better, but the more I ate these Newtons Fruit Thins the more I realized how stupid my banana and nut cookie idea was.

Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins Closeup

The dark fudge drizzle is what makes these light and crispy cookies so wonderful. Its mild sweetness complements the mild flavor of the cookie with dried banana pieces baked in. It’s a perfect balance that’s extremely toothsome. As a banana lover, I’m glad the fudge doesn’t overwhelm the banana and I’m also happy Nabisco didn’t go all fudge crazy and decide to dip these cookies completely into fudge, much like their Oreo Fudge Cremes.

However, at times, I thought the banana and fudge combination tasted much like a graham cracker, which I’m not sure is a bad thing.

While the fudge drizzle helps these cookies taste awesome, they also cause the cookies stick together in the packaging and make these Newtons Fruit Thins slightly less wholesome than their non-drizzled brethren. These Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins are made with real fruit and whole grains just like all the other Newtons Fruit Thins, but, thanks to the dark fudge, it has ten more calories, a gram more of saturated fat, and a gram more of sugar than the non-drizzled varieties.

Also, while I’m in the middle of pointing fingers at the fudge drizzle, I’d like to note that a package of these cookies weighs in at 8.75 ounces, while a package of the non-drizzled Newtons Fruit Thins is 10.5 ounces. So we’re getting less cookies. Cookie Monster would not approve.

However, those are minor issues that will be forgotten once you start stuffing your maw with these delicious Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins.

(Nutrition Facts – 3 cookies – 150 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 100 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Banana Drizzled With Dark Fudge Newtons Fruit Thins
Purchased Price: $3.68
Size: 8.75 oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: These are awesome crispy cookies. Wonderful balance of banana and fudge. Fudge and banana combo is a much better idea than my banana and nut combo. Best tasting Newtons Fruit Thins flavor (thanks fudge). Contains whole grain and real fruit.
Cons: Slightly worse for you than regular Newtons Fruit Thins. No significant benefits from real fruit it contains. Less cookies than non-drizzled Newtons Fruit Thins. Fudge causes the cookies to stick together.

REVIEW: Honey Maid Teddy Grahams Apple

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Honey Maid Teddy Grahams Apple

Ursa Minor: it’s not just a constellation.

For decades now Nabisco has offered box-fulls of “ursa minors” or, for those of us who don’t speak Latin and have to use Google to translate (i.e. me), “little bears.”

Yes, these wee little ursidae-shaped graham cookies have nourished the childhoods and adulthoods of many humans marching forth into unknown world.

And while the world is still rife with unknowns, I am confident I can keep on marching while nourishing my brain with a bunch of little bears from a box of Teddy Grahams, and now Nabisco is offering these graham-infused goodies in Apple flavor.

Honey Maid Teddy Grahams Apple Duo

The ever-classic duo: One bear cheers. The other does a cool dance with his hands down. Or maybe reverse jumping jacks? Or a 90s workout video? I’ve never really known.

I once read that animals gather together in anticipation of a natural disaster. If that’s true, these Teddy Grahams make me wonder if I should stock up on canned goods and AA batteries because there are a buncha bears gathered in here. According to my calculations calculator, I get a whopping 216 bears per box. That’s enough bears to last me a hibernation…or at least three episodes of Breaking Bad and some midnight ice cream (Maybe a good Talenti vanilla bean? Or Jeni’s Brown Butter?)

But number games aside, how does their taste stand up to their fellow mammal-shaped brethren?

Apple, apple, apple. That’s what I hope for in taste of an Apple Teddy Graham and, boy howdy, that’s what I got. No mushy, half-hearted pomme flavoring here. These taste of tart, crisp Granny Smiths and, while it doesn’t say so in the ingredients, I swear there’s a hint of a lemony bite hidden in here. There aren’t any apple chunks hangin’ around, but the presence of a quality applesauce is present throughout each graham. It’s like the crispy bits of apple pie crust in the form of a grizzly.

Honey Maid Teddy Grahams Apple Big ol' apple

If that Teddy Graham were Indiana Jones, the apple would be the boulder chasing him through the cave.

Now, if I had the chance, some secret agent skills, and a power tool that would allow me to swoop in during the dark of night and edit the Teddy Graham recipe, I’d add some cinnamon to get a little depth to these itty-bitty wonders as the apple flavor can get overwhelming, but it’s nothing a little blending with some cinnamon Teddies couldn’t fix.

What’s surprising is that the applesauce doesn’t affect the snap of these bears. They remain just as crunchy as any Teddy Graham I’ve ever encountered, a pleasant discovery given that applesauce tends to make baked goods more dense and chewy. The snap also makes these exceptionally easy to munch. Theoretically, if I continued at the rate I’m going, I’d build up my jaw muscles enough so that I’d soon be ready for try-outs for the sport of “Chewing” at the next Olympic games.

And, while the snackability rate is possible in theory, after a handful or two, I’m good. These quell any apple pie craving, but they’re not my favorites. I commend the presence of calcium and whole grains and actual applesauce, but the apple flavor gets dull after a bit and I’m ready to move on.

In the end, these grahams came, saw, and were eaten, and, by all the pigeons in Central Park, I do declare they delivered on their promise. At the same time, they don’t quite fill the cookie craving in my soul. If you hoard your Granny Smiths at the spark of fall’s harvest or have dreamed of small crisps that evoke apple pie crust, these may be right up your alley. For me, they get a gold star for being pleasant, but haven’t yet reached a caliber of greatness.

(Nutrition Facts – 24 pieces – 130 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugars, 2 grams of protein, 10% calcium, 10% iron, and 10% zinc.)

Item: Honey Maid Teddy Grahams Apple
Purchased Price: $2.88
Size: 10 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Predominant thought while eating is, “Pretty good.” Tastes like real apples in graham form. Real applesauce. Calcium. Whole grains. A cookie that doesn’t explode my cholesterol levels. In the shape of a bear. Secret agent skills. 90s workout videos.
Cons: Predominant thought while eating is, “Pretty good.” Could use a pinch of cinnamon. Apple flavor gets overbearing. Doesn’t quite fill cookie craving. Foreboding natural disasters. Realizing my dependency on calculators. There is no “Chewing” competition at the Olympics.

REVIEW: Chewy Chips Ahoy! Sweet ‘n Salty Salted Caramel Chunk

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Chewy Chips Ahoy! Sweet 'n Salty Salted Caramel Chunk

A cookie is one of those foods that really should be review proof, right?

It’s a sweet mound of dough and sugar, sometimes with something tasty contained within. People who don’t enjoy sweets aren’t going to eat them, and people who do are almost automatically going to like them. Yeah, you can get some outliers like shortbread cookies or Fig Newtons that some people hate, but by and large, there’s no way to mess up a cookie…EXCEPT by messing with the formula.

Sometimes successful companies who have plateaued on expansion with their existing lines will try dreaming up new variations of a product they’ve already mastered. Occasionally this works out really well. Frequently it…doesn’t. But it’s why we’re here today to discuss Chips Ahoy!’s latest offering, a dual attempt to increase market share and to make my spellchecker commit suicide.

The premise behind Sweet ‘n Salty is that they’re part of the “chewy” sub-line of Chips Ahoy!, but in addition to chocolate chips, they also contain salted caramel chunks. Since caramel is inherently sweet, it seems like more of a 2-1 ratio, but I guess “Sweet ‘n Salty ‘n Sweet” isn’t as marketable.

As you’d expect, the package is strongly modeled on Chips Ahoy’s “house style,” where you exchange some originality for instant recognition. If you’ve ever seen an EC horror comic, you know what I mean — any issue of Tales from the Crypt, the Haunt of Fear, etc. had a large box in the upper third with the book’s title, a small rectangle on the far left with an eye-catching noun like “Terror” or “Horror,” and three circles showing the trio of hosts (the Crypt Keeper, the Vault Keeper, the Old Witch). The individual cover images would vary, obviously, but you always recognize an EC cover or parody immediately.

As the “chewy” variety of Chips Ahoy!, this package is primarily red, with the standard logo and lettering and background. However, the image depicts a cookie with both chips and caramel chunks and supplements this with the ubiquitous “New!” tag in the upper left.  Overly creative? No. Recognizable? Quite.

To my non-cookie-expert mind, it seems like the key to success here lies in achieving the right balance. Too salty and it’ll turn away people who came for a cookie, not a cracker.  Too sweet and you risk rendering the salt unnoticeable/irrelevant. I’m happy to report that Chips Ahoy! seems to have found a pretty good balance, albeit with just a little less salt than I might have liked.

Chewy Chips Ahoy! Sweet 'n Salty Salted Caramel Chunk Closeup

The cookies are the same size and consistency as any other Chips Ahoy! cookie you’ve ever had, and yes, they are indeed chewy, almost oozing rather than crumbling into your mouth.  The chocolate is sweet, the chips are plentiful, and the caramel definitely makes its presence felt, though not overbearingly so. As a caramel fiend, I actually could have used just a bit more, but overall it’s a good proportion. 

And yes, you will taste some salt, though it takes some time to hit; and as I mentioned before, remains fairly subtle. You might get the impression that these are chocolate chip-caramel cookies that some factory worker just accidentally dumped some salt into, and while that doesn’t make them taste bad by any stretch, I could see some people (like me) wishing for more.

Still, it’s hard to fault Chips Ahoy! too much for that. A pleasing taste, soft texture, and sweet smell combine, Voltron-style, to form a pretty darn good cookie, at least by prepackaged grocery store standards. I do think they could have just not bothered with the salt, but maybe that’s one of the things that attracts people and moves product in a way that plain caramel wouldn’t have. And that’s why I’m not one of the cookie mavens.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 25 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugars, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Other Chewy Chips Ahoy! Sweet ‘n Salty Salted Caramel Chunk:
Junk Food Guy

Item: Chewy Chips Ahoy! Sweet ‘n Salty Salted Caramel Chunk
Purchased Price: $3.79
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Acme
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Strong brand marketing. Seeking the sweet/salty nirvana. Enjoyable smell.  Plentiful chips and caramel. Stay chewy, my friends.
Cons: “Subtle salt” not just a good band name. Certain people (wives) might find them overly chewy. Could get lost among similar-looking Chips Ahoy! Chewy varieties. Suicidal spellcheck (also a good band name).

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