Don’t mention Rick and Morty. Don’t mention Rick and Morty.

On a recent episode of Rick and Morty… Dammit!

Do I need to give you guys a recap of McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce Mania?

Fine.

Here’s the CliffsNotes version – a plot line in a time-traveling episode centered on McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce from the 1990’s. Rick and Morty fans, being some of the most boisterous on the net, demanded Mickey D’s bring it back. They did. It was a disaster. Only some restaurants carried it, and entitled fanboys lined up outside like they were getting Hamilton tickets. Few succeeded. The “lucky” patient few started selling them on eBay for laughable prices, and that’s how I got mine.

Here I sit $375 poorer finally ready to try a sauce that escaped me as a child. Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!

I’m kidding. McDonald’s acknowledged the demand and brought Szechuan Sauce back. You can pretty much get it anywhere for free with your order.

The sauce smelled like Asian ginger salad dressing to me, which I’ve always been fond of. I had to remove it from the packet to see its brownish orange color. It also had little black pepper flakes –- more on those later.

My flavor vessel of choice was the McNugget because it seemed like the obvious choice. After a dip, I noticed Szechuan had basically the same viscosity of BBQ sauce.

I apologize for being all over the map of Asia, but the flavor profiles put me in mind of multiple sauces that span different countries. I got mostly teriyaki flavor, a little sweet and sour, while also putting me in mind of that much thinner soy-based sauce you get with an order of shumai or gyoza at a Japanese restaurant.

There was definitely a little ginger, some tang, and a pinch of citrus which I thought was from something like orange zest, but that’s not a listed ingredient. The major “flavor” lacking here was any heat whatsoever. I figured those pepper flakes would provide a nice kick, but any spice was negligible. That was disappointing.

Overall, it’s a solid McNugget sauce. I haven’t had it in years, and after eating four of them, I coulda crushed a 20-piece without much struggle.

If I had to rank Szechuan Sauce against the rest of the McDonald’s dipping sauce roster, it would land smack dab in the middle. It’s not overtaking classics like BBQ or Honey Mustard, but it’s better than Sweet and Sour. I also don’t care much for Ranch and Buffalo, so keep that in mind.

If McDonald’s decided to put out a Snack Wrap with Szechuan Sauce, it would be excellent. I’m no marketing genius, but McDonald’s should have taken advantage of the hype and released a couple other menu items that featured this sauce.

So yeah, this stuff is good, but not worth the ridiculous hype. Ya boy Rick Sanchez made it seem like Ambrosia but it’s just a run of the mill, solid dipping sauce.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available.)

Purchased Price: $1.29 for the Nuggets – I got 2 Sauce Packets for free. (To eBay I go!)
Size: 0.90 oz.
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Basically a light spin on teriyaki Sauce. A solid dipping sauce. McDonald’s giving the (obnoxious) people what they want. Bonus sauce packet. McNuggets nostalgia. A review 20+ years in the making. I know how to spell “Szechuan: now.
Cons: That entire Rick and Morty fiasco. Not having a Snack Wrap with Szechuan on the current menu.

Peeling back the bun of my McDonald’s Signature Swiss Mushroom Melt revealed that the employee who made my burger obviously has something against mushrooms and wanted to punish the ones in my order by drowning them in the garlic and herb spread.

Or maybe that’s how they’re made because the promo photos my local McDonald’s have been posting to social media show a liberal amount of spread. Either that or the burger has rabies.

(Image via Hawaii McDonald’s Twitter.)

Along with the garlic and herb condiment, my McDonald’s Swiss Mushroom Melt featured seasoned, grilled mushrooms, two slices of Swiss cheese, and a 1/4 lb. beef patty on a sesame seed bun. Much like other Signature Crafted Recipes, you can also have it made with crispy or grilled chicken and get it with an artisan roll.

If you like mushroom and Swiss burgers because of those two ingredients, this one will disappoint. The spread hides the flavors of the shrooms and Swiss as effective as a Klingon cloaking device hides a Bird-of-Prey ship. But the sauce also hides the fact that the beef patty is somewhat dry.

It might’ve not been so bad if the spread was flavorful, but it doesn’t have a strong garlic or herb presence. It’s mild enough to negate the flavors of the mushroom and cheese, but not strong enough to give it a memorable flavor. Yes, even with all that sauce blasted onto the mushrooms. The beef patty’s flavor does come through a little, but that doesn’t make this burger worth it.

I can understand the reasoning behind adding the garlic and herb spread. Every time McDonald’s comes out with a new burger line there’s bound to be a mushroom and Swiss version and they’re all pretty much the same — sautéed mushrooms, mayo, and Swiss cheese. The condiment makes it different, but, unfortunately, it doesn’t make it better.

NOTE: This is only available in select markets.

Purchased Price: $5.39
Size: N/A
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Not available on McDonald’s website.

The way I see it, eating McDonald’s at two in the morning is the only way to eat McDonald’s. The atmosphere is so laid back and amicable.

The employees openly discuss their love lives and curse at each other. Everything is drowned out by the sound of old Lionel Richie songs and whatever’s airing on Fox Sports 2 (usually infomercials promising to improve your golf swing). And best of all, nobody even cares that there’s a guy in the back, taking pictures of his four-piece Buttermilk Crispy Chicken Tenders meal like he was examining a C.S.I. victim — with the flash on and everything.

The more cynical sorts out there might take a look at these newfangled McProducts and immediately assume they’re nothing more than elongated nuggets. Not true. While the white meat may be indistinguishable from the McNuggets we all know and love, the breading tastes much different.

I pick up the subtle flavor of the buttermilk batter, and the overall coating is noticeably spicier than the average McDonald’s chicken offering. The texture is also a bit grittier than what we’re used to from the chain. Imagine a breading halfway between the regular Chicken McNuggets outer shell and Popeyes’ Handcrafted Spicy Tenders and you’ve got a fairly apt description of what we’re working with here.

But that’s not all. The all new chicken tenders also come with what McDonald’s is billing as its “Signature Sauce,” and all in all, it isn’t too shabby. I suppose the best way to describe it is a mildly tangier Catalina (French) dressing or a slightly spicier-than-normal blend of Thousand Island dressing. Regardless, it’s quite zesty, and the teensy-tiny hint of spiciness should be palatable to even the tamest of taste buds.

And even if you don’t particularly like the Signature Sauce, the cardboard chicken tender carrier case comes with a handy-dandy double slot so you can wedge in a pair of sauce containers. As an avid sauce connoisseur, I’d suggest pairing the tenders with both the Sriracha Mac Sauce and the McRanch dressing (a great chaser to offset the spiciness of the former, naturally.)

On the whole, I’d consider the Buttermilk Crispy Chicken Tenders to be a fairly decent – albeit somewhat bland – addition to the extended McNugget family. The tenders themselves are surprisingly long (three to five inches, approximately) and they will fill you up fast, especially when doused in a goulash of sauces.

One word of warning, though: NOTHING goes well with the amalgamation of honey mustard, habanero ranch, and spicy buffalo sauce, except a bottle of Maalox.

(Nutrition Facts – 3 pieces – 370 calories, 190 calories from fat, 21 grams of total fat, 3.6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 910 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 28 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 4-pieces
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: The breading has a unique taste and texture. The tenders are crisp, juicy and filling. It’s a lot of fun to test out how the tenders gel with all those sauces and dressings. 
Cons: The Signature Sauce is a bit too weak. The tenders probably would’ve benefitted from being just a smidge spicier. The horrified glare of strangers as they watch you mix the creamy southwest dressing with Sweet ‘N Sour Sauce.

Welcome to 2014, McDonald’s!

Okay, I kid.

But McDonald’s Sriracha Signature Crafted Recipe would’ve been way more exciting back in 2014 when sriracha was still making its way onto almost every product imaginable.

But now that it has ended up onto almost every product imaginable, I look at this new Signature Crafted Recipe and go, “Hey! Glad you finally made it to the party. Um, almost everyone went home and we’re cleaning up. But you’re welcomed to stay. There’s not much food or drinks left. I think there’s some warm salad and maybe a slice of pizza somewhere and, um, some bottled water sitting in melted ice.”

But after tasting the sauce, I got excited. Because McDonald’s didn’t use some ordinary sriracha, it created a sriracha-Big Mac Special Sauce hybrid, and it tastes wonderful. It’s creamy, spicy, sweet, and tangy. I want to dip McNuggets in it (sorry, my beloved Hot Mustard). Heck, I want to dip everything in it. And I can because it’s also available in a dipping container.

The Sriracha Mac Sauce is not, using a McDonald’s reference, Hot Habanero-spicy, but it might be the second or third spiciest sauce to ever be available on the McDonald’s menu in the U.S. It’s also not Huy Fong Foods Sriracha-spicy, if you want another heat reference.

I experienced this new sauce with the Signature Sriracha Burger and Buttermilk Crispy Chicken Sandwich. Both also feature baby spinach and kale, tomato, crispy onions, white cheddar, and your choice of an artisan roll or sesame seed bun. I went with the artisan roll for both.

There was a decent amount of the bright orange goop in both sandwiches. Smeared inside the top bun, it’s used as glue to help prevent the crispy onions and greens from falling out (some still did).

The crispy onions remained crunchy even though they sat on the sandwich for several minutes while I took photos, but had no meaningful flavor. White cheddar has been McDonald’s go-to cheese for these premium sandwiches, and while it provides a creaminess, it doesn’t do anything for the overall taste since the sauce overpowers it. As for the baby spinach and kale, it was nice having a different set of greens than the usual green leaf lettuce or shredded iceberg lettuce.

But as I ate the burger and chicken sandwich, both of which I enjoyed, I couldn’t help but think the three toppings are there more for aesthetics than anything else. They don’t enhance the flavor of the sandwiches. They’re just there to justify the “premium” price.

It’s not like the Big Mac where the pickles and onions add to the flavor of the Special Sauce. But then again, their blandness allows the Sriracha Mac Sauce to shine. Ugh, maybe I’m analyzing this deeper than any normal human should, after all, it’s just fricken’ fast food. Who cares? As long as it’s tasty.

With that said, I do think the Sriracha Signature Crafted Recipe is tasty. As a matter of fact, it’s the best tasting one so far. I thought the original varieties — Pico Guacamole, Maple Bacon Dijon, and Sweet BBQ Bacon — lacked strong flavors (Pico Guacamole and Maple Bacon Dijon) or were boring (ANOTHER BBQ bacon cheeseburger).

This latest recipe has none of those issues.

Welcome to McDonald’s, sriracha!

(Nutrition Facts – Burger with artisan roll – 670 calories, 320 calories from fat, 35 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 95 milligrams of cholesterol, 1010 milligrams of sodium, 56 grams of carbohydrates, 13 g 4 grams of fiber, 32 grams of protein. Buttermilk Crispy Chicken with artisan roll – 730 calories, 300 calories from fat, 33 grams of fat, 7 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 80 milligrams of cholesterol, 1430 milligrams of sodium, 75 grams of carbohydrates, 13 grams of sugar, 5 grams of fiber, and 32 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price:
Size: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Sriracha Mac Sauce tastes wonderful and is available as a dipping sauce (HELLO, McNuggets and Fries!) Toppings give it the appearance of premium. The best tasting of the Signature Crafted Recipes.
Cons: Other toppings don’t enhance the flavor of the sandwiches. McDonald’s coming late to the sriracha party.