5 Other Things I Consumed This Week: 10/10/25

7-Eleven Hawaii Cinnamon Toast Slurpee

7-Eleven Hawaii Cinnamon Toast Slurpee

I know the place card for the Slurpee is janky, but this flavor is decent. I’m not sure if it’s trying to replicate the cereal, but if it is, I don’t think it quite hits the mark. It has that hot cinnamon flavor, but without the hot. It’s kind of like a very mild Big Red chewing gum flavor. It’s a good attempt, but since it doesn’t seem to use actual cinnamon, its flavor isn’t quite comparable to the cereal. With that said, this was an enjoyable slushie, and its flavor is good enough that I might pick up another one before it disappears. However, I don’t know if you can tell, but there’s another new flavor with a janky place card that I’ll probably try next week..

Alani Nu Hawaiian Shaved Ice Energy Drink

Alani Nu Hawaiian Shave Ice Energy Drink

As I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been loving my journey through the Alani Nu energy drink flavors. However, that journey has hit a bit of a snag. While this flavor is good, it’s also too sweet for me. I mean, all the Alani Nu flavors I’ve tried are sweet, but this one goes over the edge. The flavor tastes like a combination of strawberry, pineapple, and vanilla, with a hint of coconut and a flavor that reminds me of the wooden spoon that comes with shave ice. It’s definitely not a flavor I’d repurchase.

Wonderful Chocolate Covered Pistachios

Wonderful Pistachios Chocolate Sea Salt and Chocolate Toffee

I received free samples of these from Wonderful in the two varieties available: Chocolate Toffee and Chocolate Sea Salt. Both are coated in dark chocolate. These are, um, what’s a word that would best describe these? Wicked. The good wicked. Wicked good. Or maybe Wicked Elphaba Good because the pistachios are green? If I had to pick between the two, I’d pick Chocolate Toffee over Chocolate Sea Salt. The latter definitely hits the sweet and salty spot, but I enjoyed the mild butteriness of the toffee more.

Mela Watermelon Water + Pineapple

Mela Watermelon Water + Pineapple

I picked this up after playing a round of mini golf on the least crazy mini golf course ever. No windmills. No mystery tunnels. No walls to bank off of. I was thirsty dealing with the heat, humidity, speed of the greens, and the fact that I haven’t touched a putter in over a decade. This tasted like I squashed watermelon with my hands because I was frustrated with taking 12 strokes on one hole, letting the juices go through a strainer, and into a glass. The pineapple is milder than the watermelon, so it was kind of easy to miss. Perhaps it tasted like I squeezed a pineapple wedge with my bare hands to let out my frustration for taking 11 strokes on another hole. While I suck at mini golf at this particular course, this watermelon water with a hint of pineapple did not suck.

Humm Mango Passionfruit Probiotic Kombucha

Humm Mango Passionfruit Probiotic Kombucha

My parents have a habit of picking up random stuff at Costco, even if they have no idea what it is. For example, they bought a case of Alani Nu Energy Drink, not realizing it contained 200 milligrams of caffeine per can. Another example is this kombucha from Humm. They picked it up based on the flavor combination, but didn’t know what kombucha was. So when my parents offered this to me during this week’s visit to my childhood home, I had to educate my parents about the fermented drink, which was one of the better-tasting kombuchas I’ve ever had. Sometimes kombucha has a light alcoholic vibe to it because of the fermentation, but I didn’t notice that with this one. It had a taste and feel that’s more like a probiotic soda than a kombucha, with a sweet mango flavor and a bit of tartness from the passionfruit. It’s decent enough that I’m kind of glad my parents impulsively bought this.

Cherry Cassis Kombucha Wonder Drink

I believe I have found something worse than coal that Santa can give out to the naughty kids for Christmas this year.

If jolly St. Nick wants to be pissed off St. Dick and punish all the little shits around the world, he should stick the Cherry Cassis Kombucha Wonder Drink in their stockings because it is probably one of the most vile beverages I have ever put between my lips and down my gullet.

It’s like they took the essence of the 2 Girls 1 Cup video, strained it into liquid form, added a little carbonation, and sealed it in an aluminum can, because much like the 2 Girls 1 Cup video, this beverage made me cry, grimace, and shout out loud, “DAMN, THAT’S FUCKING NASTY!”

(Editor’s Note: If you don’t know what 2 Girls 1 Cup is, it is VERY NSFW (Insert Fark bill here). It is so horribly disgusting that I am not even going to provide a link for it. It is one of the most repulsive things I have ever seen…a couple dozen times.)

The best way I can describe the taste of the Cherry Cassis Kombucha Wonder Drink is to say that its tart chemical flavor was like drinking a photo darkroom. Its ingredients consisted of water, organic kombucha concentrate, organic green tea, organic cane juice, black currant (cassis) juice concentrate, cherry juice concentrate, and carbonation. The cherry and the cassis give it a tartness, the green tea gives it antioxidants, while the kombucha gives it a shitiness.

In the context of the ingredients list, kombucha seems like it is a fruit with a funny name, like a jaboticaba, but it is actually a symbiosis of bacteria and yeast. Doesn’t that just roll down your tongue, then down your throat, and then back up your throat? Yummy!

According to the can, kombucha is supposed to detoxify, energize, help strengthen the immune system, aid digestion, and regulate appetite. The only effect I could notice was my lack of appetite, thanks to it making me a little nauseous. Even reading the Wikipedia page about kombucha made me slightly queasy.

With its unusual name and natural origins, it is something I expect hippies and Madonna to be into, but I could not get into it, despite forcing myself to drink half of the can. “I’m sure it is an acquire taste,” I said to myself, but every sip I took felt like what I imagine it is like being Lucifer’s urinal.

Sure, the Cherry Cassis Kombucha Wonder Drink contains all-natural ingredients and is good for you, but I’m pretty certain that someone who drinks their own urine would find this particular Wonder Drink disgusting.

If the Cherry Cassis Kombucha Wonder Drink can make me cry and wince, imagine all the pain and suffering it could cause with all the rotten children out there, perhaps setting them straight. It could help decrease teen pregnancy, lower drug use, increase test scores, and open their eyes to how lame Heelys are.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – 80 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 17 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 100 grams of holy-shit-what-the-fuck-is-this!)

Item: Cherry Cassis Kombucha Wonder Drink
Price: $1.99 (12 ounces)
Purchased at: Uwajimaya
Rating: 1 out of 5
Pros: 100% natural. Partially organic. Contains green tea and antioxidants. Kombucha is a funny word to say. Those on the nice list.
Cons: Being Lucifer’s urinal. 2 Girls 1 Cup. Not a source of vitamins and minerals. 2 Girls 1 Cup. It tastes like a photo darkroom. 2 Girls 1 Cup. I am not man enough to drink an entire can. 2 Girls 1 Cup. Heelys. 2 Girls 1 Cup. Those on the naughty list.

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