REVIEW: Kellogg’s ICEE Cereal

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As someone who spent a large portion of my formative years at the Jersey Shore, ICEEs were more than just a treat. They were a symbol of summer, a form of salvation from the heat, and now, thanks to Kellogg’s, it can add “Mixed Berry Breakfast Cereal” to its resume too.

It is UNCANNY how much this smells like ICEEs. I’m not sure if “cereal odor engineer” is an actual job title, but if it is, bravo to this cereal odor engineer! Interestingly, though, the taste was not quite so evocative. I had to shovel down a few bites before I could even figure out what flavor my mouth was experiencing. My eloquent first thought was… “cereal.” I know, but seriously between the small ball shape, colors that certainly cannot be found in nature, crunchy-on-the-outside-but-airy-on-the-inside texture, and flavor that combines sweetness, maltiness, and a hint of bitter artificiality, they check every box that sugary breakfast cereals are infamous for (if only they came with a prize too!).

Do the red puffs and the blue puffs taste any different? My expert verdict is: a little. I got a faint whiff of cherriness from the red and blue-raspberry-ness from the blue, but honestly, I think the colors did a lot of work in helping to convince my brain that they were distinct. The website I bought this from explicitly lists purple as one of the piece colors too (neat to note that those few pieces weren’t just brightly hued screwups after all), but I can’t say they had any unique flavor of their own. And just like combining red and blue gives you purple, combining red ICEE pieces and blue ICEE pieces in the same mouthful gives you something new, too… a total mess.

The cereal tasted much better when I was eating only reds or only blues; the minute I mixed up a big spoonful, all I could taste was a funky artificiality that bizarrely reminded me of banana. It wasn’t exactly BAD, but I can’t say it totally hit the mark either.

Of course, I also have to mention this cereal’s rad gimmick, a cooling sensation like what was used in last year’s Coca-Cola Starlight. At first, I just chalked my chilly mouth up to cold milk, but when I ate a few dry pieces, lo and behold, the cooling effect was just as strong, leaving not just the roof of my mouth but even my throat feeling frosty and tingly. Perhaps this wasn’t strictly necessary, but it was a pretty cool touch (pun not intended, actually, but welcome nonetheless). And hot tip (or, ahem, cool tip): if you enjoy this effect, definitely slurp up all the milk at the bottom of your bowl, too.

So, am I glad I tried these? Sure! Did I ultimately need the ginormous two-pack I bought? Probably not! Will I reach for these again when the craving for a frozen fruity beverage strikes? Doubtful! But will I gladly snarf them down for a quick, quirky, and not necessarily quality breakfast? ICEE-lutely!

Purchased Price: $7.98
Size: 2 13.2 oz bags
Purchased at: SamsClub.com
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 1/3 cup serving with no milk) 130 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Apple Jacks Pop-Tarts

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We’ve seen Kellogg’s mash-up its breakfast brands before with Eggo and Froot Loops flavored Pop-Tarts, so it’s only natural it would try an Apple Jacks version. Apple Jacks is a curious choice to use as a flavor for something else though because what really is its flavor besides “Apple Jacks”? They famously don’t taste much like apples, and there isn’t a lot of cinnamon, either.

If you were to blindly taste Apple Jacks, you’d probably say they seem like a sugary cereal, and if you were to rip open the foil on any Pop-Tart, they’re first and foremost going to give off a general Pop-Tart aroma and flavor. This is really what they have in common: they both taste like breakfasts of your youth that are pretty unremarkable, but damn if you don’t love them anyway. Kellogg’s knows this, which is why Apple Jacks has the slogan, “We eat what we like!” So, do we like these Pop-Tarts?

I like Apple Jacks, and I like Pop-Tarts, so it should be a winning formula. All they need to do is taste like a breakfast I would have eaten in 3rd grade. After opening a pouch, my initial expectations were met. These have the classic bland pastry base that may or may not be discarded (depending on how hungry you are) in favor of the more coveted middle section with frosting and sugar goo. The frosting is less generously applied than the box indicates, and there are sugar sprinkles in colors corresponding to Apple Jacks. They have that classic Pop-Tart smell and are visually kind of cute, although maybe I only think that because the last Pop-Tarts I reviewed looked like they’d been dropped in dirt.

Breaking one open, I was struck by how orange the filling was. If Kellogg’s ever wants to make a carrot-flavored variety, it should keep this dye combo in mind. The untoasted tarts taste pretty much like you’d think, sweetly nondescript. I don’t pick up on any apple, which should make all those kids from the 90’s era Apple Jacks commercials proud. If I’m trying to hone in on a flavor, the main one I get is cinnamon, and this is where things go awry for me.

It’s not a gentle cinnamon; it’s a hot cinnamon candy taste. If you’ve had Red Hots or Atomic Fireballs, this is akin to that but not nearly as strong. I usually think toasting Pop-Tarts improves them by taking away some of the flouriness and boosting the flavors, but this isn’t a flavor I want amplified. When heated, the hot cinnamon is definitely more pronounced. This is a negative for me because I dislike the flavor, and it doesn’t remind me of the cereal. It isn’t so overpowering that I think it would bother everyone, but it’s enough of a turnoff that I wouldn’t consider buying them again. Perhaps it only makes sense that if Apple Jacks doesn’t taste like apples, Apple Jacks Pop-Tarts shouldn’t taste like Apple Jacks.

Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 8 count box
Purchased at: Mariano’s
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 pastries) 370 calories, 9 grams of total fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 70 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 28 grams of total sugars, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Frosted Banana Bread Pop-Tarts

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I bet it’s really fun to work on Pop-Tarts. The brand is iconic, the average consumer understands it’s not a “better for you food” (unless influenced by Spencer Sheehan… side eye), and the product mimics any manner of other sweet food types you can think of! Like the ocean of available potato chip varieties, I’ll always be curious to try a new Pop-Tart. This is especially true about its latest — Frosted Banana Bread Pop-Tarts.

I love banana bread. It’s basically cake for breakfast. But more importantly, I think banana bread is a very authentic fit for a Pop-Tart emulation. I decided to try these in the two standard preparation styles — toasted and un-toasted. I am not dedicated to either camp. I think each flavor has a best preparation method, but neither is best for every variety. For example, I think Cherry Pop-Tarts are freaking incredible toasted. A lot of the chocolate versions are better, in my opinion, un-toasted.

Anyway, I decided to try the Frosted Banana Bread Pop-Tart un-toasted first because, well, I had to wait for the other one to toast. I know, rocket science. Its crust is visibly more brown than Pop-Tarts’ core fruit flavors, and I could see many little cinnamon speckles throughout. The crust was subtly sweet with brown sugar/molasses notes and a hint of cinnamon. Pretty tasty and plenty reminiscent of banana bread.

The flavor of the center and insides was complicated. The filling on the inside had a more realistic banana puree taste, while the icing was like artificial banana candy. It wasn’t overpowering, but they were distinct flavors. I don’t love that artificial taste, so I wished they’d released this one as an un-frosted variety. But the filling, while delicious, was just way too mild to carry this breakfast pastry alone. That would have been very boring. What a conundrum!

Around this time, my toaster oven dinged, and I got to try the whole experience again with a toasted Pop-Tart, and WOW that made a WORLD of difference. Once toasted, the crust was far more pronounced, bringing a nice cinnamon-y base layer. But the filling! The filling, when toasted, just exploded with real banana flavor. I peeped the ingredient line and realized there is actual banana powder in these, so maybe that’s what was doing it? I still could have done without the super sweet frosting, but wow. That filling and crust combo (when toasted) was great.

Overall I thought this was a fun Pop-Tart that seemed like a long time coming. The banana candy frosting isn’t for everyone, but if you enjoy that flavor, grab a box of these as fast as you can and definitely put them in the toaster.

Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 13.5 oz box / 8 pastries
Purchased at: Mariano’s (Kroger)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (per 2 pastries) 360 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 360 milligrams of sodium, 71 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 34 grams of sugar (including 34 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Krave Double Chocolate Brownie Batter Cereal

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What is it?

Kellogg’s Krave Double Chocolate Brownie Batter Cereal (KKDCBBC) is a new version of the crunchy pillow-shaped cereal that is like the regular Krave cereal, only way more chocolatey. One might even say double chocolatey. Oh, and brownie-battered. Or brownie-batter flavored. Double chocolate brownie batter, I guess.

How is it?

Krave has been in “The States” now for a decade, and I’ve never had it. A Krave virgin! A Kragin? Anyway, I think I thought, just by looking at them, they were in the Shredded Mini Wheat family, and therefore, I refused to eat them on principle. I mean, who wants to screw up breakfast with something healthy like shredded wheat? No thanks! Imagine my surprise when I bought these and learned that they’re nothing like Shredded Wheat.

The outside shell is crispy and much more Corn Pop-py. The inside is hard to describe. It’s not quite frosting, but it’s not soft and syrupy, either. I couldn’t distinguish which part gave off the brownie flavor, but it was there, a nuanced taste a little deeper than regular chocolate. Dry from the box, I enjoyed these. In milk, however, they got mushy fast, and the chocolate flavor was quickly muted.

Anything else you need to know?

A year before their US release, Krave was launched in the UK where, according to Wikipedia, they were marketed under the slogans “Here Choccy Choccy” and “It’s Time To Melt.” It sounds like I’m making this up, but I swear I am not.

Conclusion:

KKDCBBC was fine, but with so many different ways to consume globs of sugar for breakfast, I want to make it count, you know? And I don’t know that KKDCBBC hooked me enough to try it — or any other Krave cereal — again. At least not at the regular price. Give me a decent sale and we’ll talk.

Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 10.5 oz. box
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 170 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s The Elf on the Shelf North Pole Snow Creme Cereal

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Kellogg s The Elf on the Shelf North Pole Snow Creme Cereal Box

What is it?

The Elf on the Shelf line of cereals* has a new Walmart-exclusive flavor that “magically cools your mouth as you eat.”

*I can’t believe Elf on the Shelf is now a line of cereals, plural.

How is it?

Kellogg s The Elf on the Shelf North Pole Snow Creme Cereal Dry

Let’s start with the promise of cooling. When I eat a piece dry, I do notice a sensation in my mouth, one that I don’t get from other cereals. Is it cooling? I don’t know; you might be able to convince me it’s a warming sensation.

Kellogg s The Elf on the Shelf North Pole Snow Creme Cereal Milk

But in milk, the feeling is diluted. I do get some kind of cooling phenomenon when I drink the leftover milk, but that might just be the literal temperature.

I compared the ingredients with the Elf on the Shelf Sugar Cookie Cereal, and it appears that the magic ingredient is calcium carbonate. Any geologist worth their halite* can tell you that’s limestone.

*salt

As for the flavor, I have no idea what “North Pole Snow Creme” is. But the waffle cone on the box suggests that it’s supposed to be vanilla. It does taste like vanilla, which is hard to mess up. But really, this just tastes like any other generically sweet corn cereal.

Kellogg s The Elf on the Shelf North Pole Snow Creme Cereal No Marshmallows

The marshmallows are so rare that Kellogg’s needn’t have bothered.

Anything else you need to know?

I compared this new cereal with the Sugar Cookie variety, and the Snow Creme version is better. So if you’re at Walmart, there’s no need to pick up that red and green variety.

The wintry color scheme of this cereal is my favorite part.

Conclusion:

The Elf on the Shelf branding means this cereal is an opportunistic cash grab, not a worthwhile cereal on its own. The “cooling” sensation is too subtle to be, well, cool.

Purchased Price: $4.48
Size: 12.2 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 1/3 cup, 39 grams) 140 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar (including 13 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

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