If you say Baltimore, I think crab cakes and pit beef. If you say Memphis, I can already smell the BBQ. And if you mention chocolate, I’m transported to Hershey Park and that hokey but lovable chocolate factory ride. Well, unless you’re talking about the chocolate in the new Limited Edition Kellogg’s Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory Chocolatey Almond cereal, in which case, I’d be at a complete loss for association without a little background research.

According to both commenters on this site and the back of the cereal box, it turns out the Colorado-based chocolatier is kind of a big freaking deal. The box sings all kinds of praise for the company, talking up “traditional methods” and “premium ingredients,” while using familiar buzz words like “premier” and “gourmet.” Basically, this is a company billing itself to be the Rolls Royce of chocolate, so you’d think that if they were going to team up with Kellogg’s to craft a chocolate flavored cereal, they might, you know, actually include chocolate in it.

Wrong.

Those of you familiar with Kellogg’s cereal have probably run across “chocolatey” cereals before. Like Special K’s Chocolatey Delight, the Rocky Mountain Chocolatey Almond Cereal feature chocolate-flavored squares that lack the legal definition of what chocolate is — cocoa butter. Made up instead of partially hydrogenated oil, sugar, and something called PGPR, the squares looks like chocolate, but they’re not chocolate.

Sneaky, I know.

But frankly, as long as it tastes like chocolate I don’t care if it’s made out of Brussels sprout powder, I just want something I can pass off as breakfast, but feel like I’m get dessert.

Opening the box up, I’m immediately greeted by an aroma similar to Cocoa Pebbles. There are sweetened corn flakes and what looks like a version of Chocolate Frosted Flakes. Both are well represented, but I’m struck by the sheer amount of the chocolate-but-not-really-chocolate chunks. 

The cocoa-coated flakes taste a lot like those in Chocolate Frosted Flakes, meaning, unfortunately, they taste a lot like corn, sugar, and a wee bit of cocoa powder. They’re fine, I guess, but I find myself more drawn to the golden flakes. There’s a delectable and light honey flavor to them with a touch of malt syrup, making them more interesting than your standard frosted flakes and giving them a crispy but lickable mouthfeel. They reminded me fondly of two of my favorite discontinued cereals, Frosted Flakes Gold and Corn Flakes Touch of Honey.

I considered the flakes to be the high point, because the chocolate is a major disappointment, especially when eaten dry. The squares hardly taste like anything, lacking any richness or even sweetness. If the Rocky Mountains are to represent the pinnacle of chocolate confectionary, this was, I suppose, something produced in Death Valley. 

I didn’t enjoy the cereal very much as a dry snack, but felt it much improved in organic whole milk. Of course, that’s cheating a bit considering most cereal boxes try to goad you into pouring skim milk on your cereal by listing nutrition facts with added skim milk, but if you ask me, you might as well be pouring water on cereal.

Anyways, the cocoa-coated flakes take on a nice malted milk flavor with a smooth taste, while the glazed corn flakes taste of honey and cream. Unfortunately, the “chocolate flavored pieces” still suck. I had hoped they might take on a sort of milk chocolate texture with added milk, but instead they turn into a vaguely cocoa-flavored, marshmallow-type square that tastes like what I assume dehydrated chocolate is like (although, having never gone into outer space myself, I gladly defer to any NASA experts on this matter.)

For good measure and in the interest of fairness I made sure to go back for a bowl in skim milk, finding, as expected, any richness gained from the whole milk to be gone, and the complete spoonful to be lacking.

Aside from being majorly disappointment in the chocolate, the cereal failed to also deliver a punch when it came to the almonds. Sliced small and thin, I suppose they add a nice touch on the cover art, but I didn’t notice them much while eating the cereal both dry and in milk. A damn, damn shame.

Even though the honey-glazed flakes of Kellogg’s Rocky Mountain Chocolate Company Chocolatey Almond Cereal reminded me of two of my favorite discontinued cereals, it’s still a major disappointment. Failing to deliver actual chocolate is bad enough given that the cereal is supposed to represent one of the country’s top artisan chocolatiers, but offering only meager almond and mild cocoa flavor puts it below other Kellogg’s chocolate cereals, like Krave and Frosted Mini-Wheats Chocolate Little Bites.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup – 210 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 gram of fat, 2 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 90 milligrams of potassium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, and some vitamins and minerals.)

*made with partially hydrogenated oil

Item: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory Chocolatey Almond Cereal
Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 11.5 oz. box
Purchased at: Wegman’s
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Delectable and light honey flavored flakes which remind of Frosted Flakes Gold and Corn Flakes Touch of Honey. Really good cocoa flake taste and crunch in whole milk. Limited Edition box to add to the collection. Spending time Googling food additive acronyms and feeling all Bill Nye the Science Guy because of it.
Cons: Fake chocolate tastes nothing like actual chocolate. Almonds get lost in the shuffle. Overall cocoa flavor is weak when eaten dry. Eating cereal in skim milk.

I’m in college and during the week, I eat copious amounts of fried foods at the dining hall. On the weekends, I consume my body weight in ramen and pizza. Sure, I’ll admit that I’m a little ashamed of falling victim to such a stereotypical college diet, but I decided this past weekend that I could change.

I started by reforming breakfast, the most important meal of the day. Leaving my spot in the all-you-can-eat bacon line, I dared to visit my local supermarket in search of one of these “healthy” cereals which I see advertised so frequently on television. The commercials assured me that by switching to a more hearty cereal, I could lower my cholesterol and receive my recommended daily value of vitamins and minerals.

And so, I found myself walking down the cereal aisle, scanning the shelves for my dream cereal. Cheerios? Too dry. Raisin Bran? Tasteless. Total? Well, that might actu–

OH MY GOD! SCOOBY-DOO! THAT BOX HAS SCOOBY-DOO ON IT!

Yes, I visited the grocery store with the intention of purchasing one of the healthier cereals, but I left with a box of Kellogg’s new Scooby-Doo! cereal. Don’t judge me.

I shouldn’t feel too guilty, though. The box assures me that by eating Scooby-Doo cereal, I’ll receive fifty percent of the daily recommended amount of whole grain. Furthermore, the cereal’s a “good source of vitamin D” and an “excellent source of iron.” I’ll admit that the nutritional content was not what attracted me to this cereal. No sir. It was Scooby’s ridiculous grin. I mean, look at that dog. He obviously loves this cereal so much that his tongue swelled up and can no longer fit inside his mouth. Poor Scooby has macroglossia.

I quickly raced home and cracked open the box, craving some “crispy lightly sweetened vanilla flavored cereal.” The first thing I noticed was the smell. Have you ever opened up a box of graham crackers and taken a whiff? It’s the same kind of experience. There were subtle hints of vanilla in the scent as well.

Pouring the cereal into a bowl, I quickly realized that what I was about to eat looked remarkably similar to dog kibble. The crunchy dog bone shapes definitely resemble what Overlord Bark-Bark III eats for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. (And yes, that’s the name of my dog.)

But what’s this? No marshmallows? How disappointing! Whenever I purchase a cereal with a cartoon character on the box, I fully expect it to include marshmallows. This is clearly a drawback. That being said, some people might consider the lack of marshmallows to be a good thing. These people need their heads examined.

It was time for the taste test. I’m a firm believer in experiencing a cereal both with and without milk in order to become better acquainted with its full range of flavors.

When consumed dry, Scooby-Doo cereal provides a very satisfying crunch similar in texture to Cap’n Crunch cereal. The flavor is best described as a slight graham cracker taste with hints of that imitation vanilla flavor that’s so commonly found in cereals. Overall, the taste is quite pleasant. Not too sweet, not too overpowering.

Sadly, when milk was added to my bowl, the cereal lost much of its flavor. It didn’t seem as pronounced; the milk masked much of the strong graham cracker taste. However, the crunchiness was in full effect. Rest assured, the milk did not diminish the crunchification one bit.

So what’s the verdict? Honestly, this is not one cereal I would purchase again. Although its dry flavor is satisfying, it clearly loses something when eaten with milk. There are other cereals out there that rock my taste buds with or without milk. Furthermore, it lacks marshmallows and resembles dog kibble. Do you really want to eat something that looks like dog food?

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cup (cereal only) – 120 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 95 milligrams of potassium, 27 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 6 grams of sugars, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Kellogg’s Scooby-Doo! Cereal
Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: 12 oz.
Purchased at: ShopRite
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Macroglossia. No marshmallows. Stays crunchy in milk. Decent dry flavor. Not too sweet.
Cons: Resembles dog kibble. No marshmallows. Loses flavor in milk.