Above is what the Jack in the Box Stacked Grilled Cheese Burger looks like…if you’re winding down your long night of imbibing fermented beverages. Below is what the Stacked Grilled Cheese Burger looks like without beer goggles.

The Stacked Grilled Cheese Burger sounds impressive, but it’s just a grilled cheese sandwich on top of a cheeseburger. It would’ve been spectacular if another grilled cheese was used as the bottom bun but, being my own buzzkill here, that would’ve helped boost this particular Munchie Meal’s nutrition facts past the 1,679 calorie, 97 grams of fat, and 3,538 milligrams of sodium it already has.

The meal not only contains the Stacked Grilled Cheese Burger and a soft drink, it also comes with two tacos and halfsie fries (half regular and half curly) in a special Munchie Meal box, which may come in handy if your Munchie Meal decides it doesn’t want to be digested.

Even though the Stacked Grilled Cheese Burger Munchie Meal’s price is reasonable for the amount of food it offers, deciding whether or not you should purchase it is probably something you shouldn’t do drunk, like driving, taking home a stranger from a bar, dialing exes, boiling water, and sneaking into a zoo.

I’m not going to write much about the other stuff that comes with the meal because the cheeseburger/grilled cheese sandwich hybrid is more interesting than all the other parts combined. But I will say, Jack in the Box tacos have really grown on me (it’s probably the grease), I wonder if I can ask for halfsie fries any time of day (just Googled it and yes I can), and I miss stealing Jack in the Box antenna balls.

Now back to the Stacked Grilled Cheese Burger. If you’re sober, you may think it’s just going to be a cheesier cheeseburger. But if drunk, you may blurt out something like, “It’s like there’s a cheese fondue fountain in my mouth. Let’s find out if my mouth turns into a cheese fountain when I open it. Get your bread ready. Bleeeh.” Both assessments are correct.

The burger felt like a giant savory Fruit Gusher in my mouth. After biting into it, I could feel cheese oozing, but it wasn’t the American cheese which goes from melty to congealed quickly, it was the creamy white sauce. The two toppings give the burger a cheesiness that drowns out most of the other ingredients. If it weren’t for the pickles, this burger wouldn’t have any flavor beyond a whole lot of cheese, buttery buns, and a little bit of meat. Thank goodness, Jack in the Box wasn’t as stupid as me and thought it would be awesome to include a second grilled cheese sandwich.

Overall, it’s a decent burger, but it’s also one I won’t be buying again sober. Its over the top cheesiness makes my mouth feel like I’m sucking down melted Velveeta with a cheese bong. However, if inebriated, who knows what I’ll do.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 meal w/o beverage – 1679 calories, 871 calories from fat, 97 grams of fat, 28 grams of saturated fat, 3 grams of trans fat, 129 milligrams of cholesterol, 3538 milligrams of sodium, 1496 milligrams of potassium, 144 grams of carbohydrates, 12 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 56 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Stacked Grilled Cheese Burger Munchie Meal
Purchased Price: $7.00*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent burger. Great burger if you’re an inventor named Wallace who has a dog named Gromit. Pickles help it from being just cheese, meat, cheese, bread, cheese. Good price for the amount of food it offers. Halfsie fries can be ordered any time of the day. Jack in the Box tacos. Stealing Jack in the Box antenna balls.
Cons: Burger makes my mouth feel like I’m suck down melted Velveeta with a cheese bong. Drunk dialing exes. Excessive amounts of calories, fat, and sodium for a meal eaten late at night. Drunk driving. Available during the hours of 9 p.m. and 5 a.m. only. Sneaking into a zoo drunk.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

Jack in the Box’s latest slogan is, “Go Big or Go Hungry.” And they’ve supported it with sandwiches like Jack’s Big Stack and Waffle Stack. The big heads at Jack in the Box also brought back their Really Big Chicken Sandwich and introduced the new BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich.

But I’m a 5’7″ Asian man who once played 3-on-3 basketball with five other guys who were all at least six inches taller than me and six times as skilled as me, so I think I’ve got a good idea of what would be considered “really big.” And I have to say that I don’t believe the Jack in the Box BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich is really big.

Now I could spend an entire review complaining about the sandwich’s size, but I already poured a large glass of whine when I reviewed the original Really Big Chicken Sandwich. So what else can I complain about?

I could complain about the use of grilled onions instead of onion rings, the somewhat conservative spreading of BBQ sauce, the decision to use the predictable American cheese, the lack of crunch from the chicken patties, the lack of crispiness from the bacon, the 2,019 milligrams of sodium, and the bun that looks toasted, but doesn’t feel toasted. But instead of listing my complaints in a comma-filled, 57-word sentence, I’m going to say the Jack in the Box BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich is really good.

What makes this sandwich, as the kids like to say, yummy in my tummy is the BBQ sauce, bacon, and onion combination. After tasting it, I have to say I’m glad onion rings weren’t included because the grilled onions give it an onion flavor that’s not chompblocked by deep fried batter. The BBQ sauce is sweet and tangy, but kind of generic tasting. However, the onions and the smokiness from the bacon enhance the sauce. There’s also enough sauce on the top and bottom buns to give the sandwich flavor, but not so much sauce that you find yourself wanting to celebrate Arbor Day early for all the napkins you used to clean yourself.

The edges of the chicken patties were crispy, but everything else not so much. The two chicken patties were a bit dry and aren’t very meaty, but they are flavorful. The two slices of cheese seem like overkill. I understand the need for one slice because something should be the glue that keeps the patties from sliding around. But even with the second slice, its flavor is cloaked by the other toppings. A thin slice of cheese also doesn’t help make the sandwich appear “really big.”

Oh crap, I’m complaining about trivial stuff.

Well, before I start complaining about more stuff, I have to say the packaging your BBQ Really Big Sandwich comes in is correct, Jack in the box. Thanks to the BBQ sauce, onions, and bacon, it really is clucking delicious.

(Nutrition Facts – 727 calories, 345 calories from fat, 38 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 83 milligrams of cholesterol, 2019 milligrams of sodium, 502 milligrams of potassium, 63 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 32 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box BBQ Really Big Chicken Sandwich
Purchased Price: $4.99 (small combo)*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Clucking delicious. Bacon, BBQ sauce, and onion topping combo makes this sandwich taste really good. Flavorful chicken patties with crispy edges. Part of a cheap limited-time-only combo. Putting the word “clucking” on packaging to replace the word “fucking.”
Cons: Not really really big. Thinking that it needs onion rings. Contains almost a day’s worth of sodium. Other toppings overwhelm the cheese’s flavor. Playing basketball with players who are much better than you.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, I pay more for stuff than you probably will.

Jack in the Box’s menu board has seen a number of deep fried finger food on it. Oh, let me count the salty, greasy ways. Stuffed jalapeños, mozzarella cheese sticks, chicken nuggets, egg rolls, chicken strips, onion rings, corn dogs, and now we can add their new Pizza Bites.

Yes, Jack in the Box is now offering something you might find being served as an appetizer at the birthday party of an 8-year-old. And, yes, it does seems like the fast food chain is heavily influenced by the finger food section in the frozen food aisle, and I look forward to Jack in the Box’s version of taquitos and Smucker’s Uncrustables.

Jack in the Box’s Pizza Bites are stuffed with the following stalwarts of pizza: pepperoni, mozzarella cheese, oven-dried tomatoes, garlic, and herbs. The exterior is called “pizza dough” on the fast food chain’s website, but it looks like the coating found on other deep fried finger foods. They come in either three or six pieces and are accompanied with a container (or containers if your get the six-piece offering) of Jack’s Buttermilk House Sauce. According to the press release, they were supposed to come with marinara sauce, but I didn’t receive any.

Their almost equilateral triangular-shape makes them easy to dip and, if you don’t have piece of paper around because you’re trying to live a “paperless” lifestyle, a decent replacement for a paper football. It will also make a game of paper football much more interesting if the loser has to eat the football, which will have landed on the ground enough times to collect hair, dirt, and possibly disease.

The first time I tried the Pizza Bites they looked a little burnt, as if they were toasted over a campfire, but the innards were perfectly gooey. I decided to give them another try from another location and got pieces that were as golden brown as the skin of a 20-something sunbather. However, while they looked good, the innards appeared dried up like the skin of 60-year-old lifelong sunbather.

During both tastings, I found the breaded dough to be thick and slightly chewy with a strong crunch. I also thought the exterior did a wonderful job of muting the flavors of the cheese, pepperoni chunks, and oven-dried tomatoes. It’s a little strange there wasn’t some kind of sauce within the confines of the Pizza Bites, which could’ve made a difference. Heck, the marinara sauce probably would’ve helped. Since the Pizza Bites weren’t bursting with pizza flavor, but bursting with crust flavor, I was glad it came with the supplied Buttermilk House Sauce.

To be honest, even if I got perfectly prepared Jack in the Box Pizza Bites, I’d bet they’d have an unsatisfying pizza flavor that would make me yearn for a regular pizza…or crash an 8-year-old’s birthday party to get some appetizers.

(Nutrition Facts – 6 pieces – 500 calories, 189 calories from fat, 21 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 43 milligrams of cholesterol, 1969 milligrams of sodium, 413 milligrams of potassium, 56 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 22 grams of protein.)

Other Jack in the Box Pizza Bites reviews:
Brand Eating
The Food Chain Review

Item: Jack in the Box Pizza Bites
Purchased Price: $3.89
Size: 6 pieces
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: More deep fried finger food at Jack in the Box. Crunchy crust. Makes a good ball replacement for paper football. Lots of cheese. Buttermilk House Sauce makes them decent, but it really should taste like pizza.
Cons: Breaded crust mutes other flavors. Cooking inconsistencies. No sauce inside the Pizza Bites. Deep fried finger food at Jack in the Box seems tame compared with deep fried finger food at county fairs. Do not eat the six piece one by yourself; share it with someone. Losing paper football and eating the Pizza Bites that’s fallen to the ground too many times.

If fast food is about convenience, then why is it that I have to add my own blueberries and crumble topping to Jack in the Box’s Blueberry Muffin Oatmeal?

When I peel back the lid of a McDonald’s Fruit and Maple Oatmeal, everything is swimming together — the apples, raisins, and oatmeal. The only thing I have to shove into the bowl is a spoon. But with Jack in the Box’s Blueberry Muffin Oatmeal it’s like here’s the church and here’s the steeple, open the doors, and see all the people still outside even though it’s 9:05 and service started at 9:00.

Yes, tearing open two packets and dumping their contents into a cup of hot oats is unbelievably simple, but if it’s so unbelievably simple, then why can’t the employees at Jack in the Box do it for me?

Having to combine the ingredients to make Jack in the Box’s Blueberry Muffin Oatmeal bothers me so much that as I tore open the packets and dumped their contents into the bowl with the hot oats I said horrible things about the size of Jack’s head. But when I started stirring everything and the wonderful aroma of blueberry muffins began swirling around my head, I quickly forgot about whatever was bothering me.

But then I took a long hard look at the oatmeal below me and got a little bothered again.

Next to a McDonald’s Fruit and Maple Oatmeal, everything about the Jack in the Box Blueberry Muffin Oatmeal looks small. The McDonald’s offering has nice chunks of fresh-ish apples, plump raisins, and decent-sized oats. But the Blueberry Muffin Oatmeal doesn’t have fresh-ish blueberries or even plump dried blueberries, instead there are small dried blueberries, small dried Zante currants, and tiny oats. Even the serving size looks smaller.

However, what the oatmeal lacks in size, it makes up for in flavor and after the first bite I forgot what was bothering me.

The oatmeal does taste like a blueberry muffin and I can only assume they were able to accomplish that by using fast food black magic. There’s easily enough dried blueberries and crumble topping to make sure your taste buds never come close to experiencing the blandness of unflavored oatmeal as you make your way through the container. My oatmeal had a thick consistency, but that’s only after I let it sit for about 10 minutes while taking pictures. The crumble topping doesn’t provide any crunch and the dried blueberries are only slightly chewy. But who cares because this oatmeal is kind of awesome.

Overall, it’s nice to see Jack in the Box’s Blueberry Muffin Oatmeal as a breakfast option among the sea of pork and egg breakfast sandwiches. There are times when I want to eat those greasy breakfast sandwiches, but when I don’t, I’m glad there’s something healthier I can choose.

(Nutrition Facts – 249 calories, 36 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 134 milligrams of sodium, 149 milligrams of potassium, 49 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.)

Other Jack in the Box Blueberry Muffin Oatmeal reviews:
Brand Eating
Man Reviews Food

Item: Jack in the Box Blueberry Muffin Oatmeal
Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Smells and tastes like a blueberry muffin. Lots of dried blueberries and crumble topping. Available all day. Healthier than a Jack in the Box breakfast sandwich. Decent source of dietary fiber.
Cons: Have to add dried blueberries and crumble topping myself. Serving size looks small. Dried blueberries were small. Oats were small.

If you look at Jack in the Box’s Hot Cinnamon Shake, it’s hard not to think to yourself, “Damn! It looks like someone went crazy with a bottle of Red 40 food dye!”

Or “Damn! Is Jack in the Box promoting a new Hellboy movie?”

Or “OMG! It like totally matches my Afternoon Delight Red nail polish! Who said the Hot Cinnamon Shake can wear my color? Ugh, now I have to find a new nail polish. Why is the Hot Cinnamon Shake being such a bitch?”

Jack in the Box’s Hot Cinnamon Shake is one-third of the Hot Mess menu items just released, which also includes the Hot Mess Burger and Hot Mess Wedges.

Yes, you can get them as a combo and, for those of you counting at home, if you purchase a Hot Mess combo you will have in front of you 2,297 calories, 143 grams of fat, 60 grams of saturated fat, 4 grams of trans fat, and 2,515 milligrams of sodium. Enjoy.

If you’re familiar with Hot Tamales, the spicy cinnamon candy, or Big Red, the cinnamon gum, then you’ll also be familiar with the flavor of this heavy Red 40 dye infused shake. With each suck of the straw, the Hot Cinnamon Shake played good cop/bad cop with my tongue. It starts off being Olivia Benson-sweet, making you think you’re eating Cinnabon. Then…BAM…the shake hits you with Elliot Stabler-fire.

I’m sorry. I’ve been watching A LOT of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit on Netflix Instant Streaming.

Okay, to be honest, the heat is not as intense as Elliot Stabler or Hot Tamales, but it’s like Big Red gum, which to me is a bit mild. The heat did linger in my mouth for several minutes after finishing the shake, which made me wonder if it worked like Big Red gum and made my breath smell like cinnamon. Unfortunately, I had no one nearby to check.

The Jack in the Box Hot Cinnamon Shake’s color may make it look evil, but I assure you it’s a delightful treat if you’re a fan of spicy cinnamon stuff.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces – 788 calories, 360 calories from fat, 40 grams of fat, 28 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 127 milligrams of cholesterol, 271 milligrams of sodium, 689 milligrams of potassium, 92 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 78 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein.)

Other Jack in the Box Hot Cinnamon Shake reviews:
Man Reviews Food
Brand Eating

Item: Jack in the Box Hot Cinnamon Shake
Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Delightful treat if you’re a Big Red fan. Sweet cinnamon start makes it taste like Cinnabon. Spiciness is similar to Big Red gum. Netflix Instant Streaming.
Cons: Dark red color makes it look evil. Awesome source of trans fat. Like, totally stealing my color. Consuming a Hot Mess combo. A significant other wanting to make love after watching an episode of Law & Order: SVU.