Like eating turkey on Thanksgiving, dressing up as Special Agent Cho from the CBS show The Mentalist on Halloween, and avoiding all shopping malls in December, consuming a Starbucks Iced Pumpkin Spice Latte is a holiday tradition for me.

And when I say “a Starbucks Iced Pumpkin Spice Latte,” I mean just one venti-sized drink every PSL season. If I allowed myself more than one, it would end up being an unhealthy, expensive addiction until they’re no longer available at Starbucks for the year. Then, after my last delicious sip, there would be weeks of withdrawals and then possible purchases of pricey, expired PSL syrup from a shady, but cute Starbucks barista named Savannah, who never calls me by my name and instead refers to me as, “her bitch” and makes me write it on the side of Starbucks cups to make sure I never forget it.

Unfortunately for me, two fast food burger chains I regularly frequent are now offering pumpkin spice coffee beverages. Recently, McDonald’s came out with their own pumpkin spice latte and now Jack in the Box offers a pumpkin spice-flavored coffee drink the same way I like my hockey — on ice and surrounded by a clear plastic barrier so I can admire it. So there’s a very good chance I could get addicted to other sweet, milky pumpkin spice coffee beverages.

However, Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Latte is much more customizable than Jack’s pumpkin spice iced coffee. While you can order a Starbucks PSL with your choice of milks and toppings, here’s all you get with Jack’s PSIC (please start calling them that): premium roast coffee, sweetened cream, and a few pumps from a large pumpkin spice syrup container.

But is that enough to be as good as what Starbucks offers?

Short answer? No.

Long answer? Noooo.

But I expected that. After all, Starbucks is known for coffee and Jack in the Box is known for its entertaining commercials, 24-hour drive-thru, all-day breakfast, greasy tacos, and a whole bunch of other things that are ahead of coffee. While Starbucks’ PSL has a noticeable coffee flavor, Jack’s PSIC tastes like it’s 98 percent cream and pumpkin spice syrup. It’s a sweet and creamy concoction that will satisfy most people who are indifferent about coffee and if you’ve had anything pumpkin spice flavored within the past few years and someone blindfolds you before handing this beverage to you, this coffee’s flavor will be instantly familiar.

Overall, I enjoyed Jack in the Box’s Pumpkin Spice Iced Coffee, but it’s not as yummy as Starbucks’ famous holiday drink. Also, it has yet to give me an energy boost like Starbucks’ PSL does. I’ve had three of them over the past week and I haven’t felt a thing.

Wait. Three in the last week? I think I’ve started an unhealthy, expensive addiction. Although not as expensive as a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte addiction.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 oz. – 194 calories, 52 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 63 grams of carbohydrates, 205 milligrams of potassium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 28 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Pumpkin Spice Iced Coffee
Purchased Price: $2.29
Size: Regular/16 oz.
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent sweet and creamy concoction. Cheaper than Starbucks’ PSL. Looking like actor Tim Kang.
Cons: It will definitely not satisfy coffee snobs. Coffee mostly masked by cream and pumpkin spice syrup. Didn’t give me an energy boost. A Starbucks PSL addiction. Shopping malls in December. Having to buy expired PSL syrup from shady Starbucks baristas.

Purchased Price: $1.69
Size: 12 oz.
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: A decent, inexpensive cup of mildly flavored coffee. Nice jolt of caffeine. Smooth coffee flavor. Turns orangy when milk is added. Makes a nice hand warmer. Iced coffee version is much better. Jack in the Box offering flavored hot coffee.
Cons: It’s a regular pumpkin spice coffee and not a pumpkin spice latte, so if you’re expecting this to taste somewhat like a Starbucks PSL, you will be disappointed. Well, you can add your own milk and turn it into a latte. Pumpkin spice flavor too mild for my liking; could’ve used a few more pumps of pumpkin spice syrup. My inability to capture the orange hue with a camera when this coffee is dairy-fied.

Nutrition Facts: 84 calories, 1 calorie from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 153 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

Purchased Price: $1.49*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tastes just like a regular Jack in the Box Taco. Parts of shell not soaked with grease are extremely crunchy. Now a regular menu item. Filling doesn’t fall out as easy as it does with Taco Bell tacos. Jack in the Box’s plans to come out with different Monster Taco varieties. Why do these tacos look so horrible, but taste so good?
Cons: Jack’s Two Tacos are more substantial and cheaper than a Monster Taco. The larger the taco, the larger the patch of grease it has. Has trans fat. The grease patch on the Monster Taco shell is almost the same size as a regular Jack in the Box taco.

Nutrition Facts: 267 calories, 152 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 23 milligrams of cholesterol, 531 milligrams of sodium, 264 milligrams of potassium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 9 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

Sadly, Jack in the Box’s Brunch Burger can’t be eaten at brunch time…or at breakfast, lunch, or dinner time. It’s available during the period of day that Taco Bell once called “The Fourth Meal” and others call “sleep.”

Because it’s part of Jack’s Munchie Meal menu, it’s available only from 9 p.m. to 5 a.m. So insomniacs, clubgoers, vampires, night owls, prostitutes, and Panamanian night monkeys who are near one of Jack’s 2,200 restaurants can enjoy this burger that combines products from three major farm animals: a beef patty and cheese made from cows; bacon from pigs; and a fried egg from chickens. It also has the largest fast food hash brown patty I’ve ever seen, mayonnaise, and a croissant bun.

I think the Brunch Burger is the most intriguing of the four Munchie Meal entrees, mainly because of my fascination with mysterious Mc10:35, which involves purchasing an Egg McMuffin before 10:30 a.m., waiting around for breakfast to stop being served, ordering a McDouble after 10:30 a.m., and then combining the two sandwiches. With Jack’s Brunch Burger, I can now have a breakfast-lunch hybrid sandwich available at weird hours that I don’t need to build myself.

Although it appears to be more of a breakfast sandwich than a burger, the flavor balance between the two is about equal. The beef patty’s flavor, which isn’t masked by the usual burger condiments and toppings, stands out. The smoky bacon also helps give the sandwich a nice meaty flavor. Actually, because mayonnaise and its mild flavor is the only condiment on the sandwich, it’s easy for my taste buds to distinguish the different ingredients.

The large hash brown patty provided a slightly greasy potato flavor, but the characteristic I was hoping the fried potato would bring the most, its crispiness, wasn’t there. The fried egg’s butteriness and yolk helped prevent it from being overwhelmed by the other ingredients. The American cheese melted wonderfully between the fried bacon and hash brown patty, and it did well in giving the sandwich a bit more flavor beyond its meatiness.

As a whole, I enjoyed Jack in the Box’s Brunch Burger and it’s the best Jack’s Munchie Meal entree of the three I’ve tried so far. But even though I made the point that the lack of condiments is a good thing, I can’t help but think it could’ve used some kind of sauce to make it better. Mayo is fine, but a Hollandaise sauce, which is probably a tall order for a fast food joint, would’ve been perfect for this sandwich.

If you’re an insomniac, clubgoer, vampire, night owl, prostitute, or Panamanian night monkey and you find yourself at a Jack in the Box while many of us are sleeping, give the Brunch Burger a try.

(Nutrition Facts – Munchie Meal (JITB website doesn’t provide info for just the sandwich) – 1708 calories, 951 calories from fat, 106 grams of fat, 29 grams of saturated fat, 3 grams of trans fat, 340 milligrams of cholesterol, 2993 milligrams of sodium, 1588 milligrams of potassium, 135 grams of carbohydrates, 11 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 54 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Munchie Meal Brunch Burger
Purchased Price: $5.00 (burger only)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant meatiness thanks to the beef patty and bacon. There’s a hash brown in it! Lack of condiments make it easier to taste the different parts of the sandwich. Huge hash brown patty. Equal flavor balance of breakfast sandwich and burger. Not as messy as the other Munchie Meal entrees. Cheese melts wonderfully. A variety of textures.
Cons: Not available for brunch. Available when most people are sleeping. It maybe could’ve used some kind of sauce. Hash brown and bacon weren’t crispy. It’s probably super bad for you. Insomnia.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

Purchased Price: $7.00*
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Cheese and ranch are a pleasant salty, creamy, and tangy combo on the nuggets. Comes with 10 chicken nuggets. Jack in the Box Tacos satisfy my taste buds more than the Loaded Nuggets. Halfsie fries. Reasonably priced meal.
Cons: I think calling these “loaded” is like calling Keira Knightley “well-endowed” because there aren’t many toppings. Lacks bacon, and whatever bacon there is gets lost in the sea on cheese and ranch. Uneven distribution of cheese and ranch. Doesn’t look like a lot in the tray it comes in. Passing out drunk and landing face first into a tray of these Loaded Nuggets. Least impressive of the four Jack’s Munchie Meal entrees.

Nutrition Facts: 1592 calories, 921 calories from fat, 102 grams of fat, 20 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 113 milligrams of cholesterol, 3593 milligrams of sodium, 1394 milligrams of potassium, 118 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 48 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay six dollars for the meal.