I know. I know.

Why in the world am I reviewing a product that comes from a company that’s no longer in business? (See this review for details)

Well I bought the Keto Tammy’s Triple Whammy Ice Cream because I wanted to find out if it’s better than Bambi’s Triple Whammy. So I figured, since I tried it, I might as well review it.

So what’s Bambi’s Triple Whammy?

It’s not an ice cream, that’s for sure. I could try to explain Bambi’s Triple Whammy more thoroughly, but I’m kind of unsure of what it is. Unfortunately, I’m blindfolded and handcuffed to bed posts throughout the whole thing, so I’m not too sure what really goes on.

All I can say is that it usually feels really good (although sometimes uncomfortable), it’s waaaay more expensive than Tammy’s Triple Whammy Ice Cream, and I think it’s called a Triple Whammy because it involves Candy and Cinnamon, which aren’t actually candy and cinnamon, but are Bambi’s “friends.”

Also, despite her excessive use of flavored lubricants, Bambi’s Triple Whammy is surprisingly cleaner than Tammy’s Triple Whammy Ice Cream.

As for the Keto Tammy’s Triple Whammy Ice Cream, it’s low-carb, but high-fat, high-cholesterol vanilla ice cream with pecan toffee crunch pieces and caramel swirls. Plus, for the lush in me, it also contained three grams of sugar alcohol.

Unfortunately, there weren’t many pecan toffee crunch pieces, there weren’t ANY caramel swirls, and it turns out there isn’t a drop of alcohol in sugar alcohol.

Despite these faults, Tammy’s Triple Whammy Ice Cream actually tasted pretty good, although not good enough to help Keto rise from the ashes of defunct companies.

I’d like to give a 3 rating for this ice cream, but I have half of a soul, so out of pity, I’m going to give the Keto Tammy’s Triple Whammy Ice Cream an extra half of a rating.

Hey, when I’ve only got half of a soul (and half of a heart), I can only give half of a rating.

Item: Keto Tammy’s Triple Whammy Ice Cream
Purchase Price: $2.00 (on sale)
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Surprisingly good. Going-out-of-business-cheap. Much cheaper than Bambi’s Triple Whammy.
Cons: Despite what it said on packaging, there were no caramel swirls. High-fat. High-cholesterol. Very little pecan toffee crunches. Not as good as Bambi’s Triple Whammy.

(Editor’s Note: I was going to do a review about Valentine’s Day today, but I found a product that could actually help me get a Valentine, if their commercial is accurate. I’ll review it tomorrow and let you know if it worked. No, it’s not pheromones.

So instead of a Valentine’s Day review, today you get another low-carb product review. Yeah!)

When items are labeled “Reduced for Quick Sale,” there are probably several reasons why: (1) Expiration date is coming up. (2) Item has been discontinued. (3) The product isn’t selling well. (4) The packaging has been damaged. (5) Item was returned. (6) It’s crap and it totally blows. (7) Product is endorsed by Seymour Smith. Who? Exactly. (8) Possible store employee practical joke on customers involving bodily fluids being added to the product.

When I pulled out a pint of Keto Vanilla Moon Super Premium Ice Cream from the freezer case at the national grocery store chain I shop at, I picked it up because of the “Reduced for Quick Sale” price tag hanging from the shelf.

I inspected it to see which of the reasons above was the cause for the “Reduced for Quick Sale” tag. Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell, but my money was on reason number six because of the three words printed repeatedly on the lid, “The Low Carb Leader.”

Now boys and girls, what have we learned about low-carb foods?

Let’s say it all together.

“They’re crap, they totally blow, and they’re a waste of money.”

However, after reading the packaging more thoroughly, I thought the Keto Vanilla Moon might taste better than other low-carb foods because it had the same high levels of saturated fat and cholesterol than regular ice cream.

Well just like my Super Bowl pick, my presidential election pick, and my pick to win Album of the Year at the Grammy Awards, I was totally wrong. Despite all the fat and cholesterol, it didn’t taste very good. It sort of tasted like Cool Whip…Lite, and I think I’m being a little generous by saying that.

After I read the package even more thoroughly, I found out the Keto Vanilla Moon was also high in dietary fiber. Um, correct me if I’m wrong, but the last time I checked, ice cream didn’t aid with bowel movements, unless you’re lactose intolerant, then it REALLY helps with bowel movements.

But it’s good to know that I can get fiber in ways other than Metamucil, whole-grain bread, and a Taco Bell bean burrito.

I wanted to find out more about Keto, but unfortunately it turned out that they’re no longer in business. So I guess that explained why the Keto Super Premium Ice Cream was labeled “Reduced for Quick Sale.”

I’ll have to add to my list, “(9) Company no longer in business.”

So if you’re interested in trying Keto Super Premium Ice Cream, get yours now, because once they’re gone, they’re gone forever.

Item: Vanilla Moon Keto Super Premium Ice Cream
Purchase Price: $3.49 (on sale)
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Very limited edition. High in fiber.
Cons: Keto is no longer in business. Not very “super” or “premium.” Tastes like Cool Whip Lite. High is saturated fat and cholesterol.