If you’re bored right now, there’s something I’d like you to do. Go to your nearest Taco Bell to pick up Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos, then go to a store to buy the Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch flavors of the Limited Edition Doritos Locos Tacos Tortilla Chips, then slide some of the chips into the tacos, and then let your mind be blown by the fact that you’ve just put chips that are supposed to taste like Taco Bell Doritos Locos Tacos into a Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco.

Inchiption!

(searches internet)

Argh! Someone beat me to Inchiption!

The Doritos Locos Tacos Tortilla Chips are similar to what Doritos did with their discontinued Collisions line, taking two flavors and putting them in one bag. In this case, they paired Crunchy Taco Doritos with either Nacho Cheese or Cool Ranch Doritos. In the Frito-Lay press release, they are known as, DLT Nacho Cheese and Crunchy Taco and DLT Cool Ranch and Crunchy Taco.

So in order to get the desired flavor, you’re going to have to eat two different chips at the same time. Or bite one Taco Doritos and then take a bite of the other flavor. Or crush the contents of the bag into little pieces, shake the bag, pour the broken chips into a bowl, and eat them with a spoon.

It sounds simple, but if you pick option one or two there’s a slight problem. Parent Trap. Or Chiparent Trap. Just like the twins in the movie Parent Trap, it’s hard to tell the two flavors apart, especially when looking into the bag. There were numerous occasions when I thought I pulled out a Nacho Cheese Doritos, but it ended up being the taco-flavored one, and visa versa.

Whenever I was able to get both flavors into my mouth at the same time, by using all my strength to crush the chips, I think I persuaded my taste buds to believe I went to Taco Bell to Live Más. Each bag’s two flavors are equally balanced, but the taco seasoning tends to linger in the mouth longer. They’re both quite tasty and as addictive as Nacho Cheese or Cool Ranch Doritos. Of course, the chips don’t have the nuances of the actual tacos, like the lettuce that always falls out or the ground beef grease that soaks through the taco shell.

But overall I think both Doritos Locos Tacos Tortilla Chip varieties did the actual tacos justice, although I have to admit that these chips have more flavor than the tacos they try to recreate.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – Nacho Cheese – 140 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Cool Ranch – 140 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Frito-Lay Doritos Locos Tacos Tortilla Chips (Nacho Cheese & Cool Ranch)
Purchased Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 11 oz. bags
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Nacho Cheese)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Cool Ranch)
Pros: Did the actual Taco Bell Doritos Locos Tacos justice. Have more flavor than the actual tacos. As addictive as Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch Doritos. Wonderfully crunchy. Not the first Taco Bell labeled Doritos.
Cons: Makes your fingers messy. Hard to tell apart the two flavors in each bag. MSG-haters will not like. Not being first to use Inchiption. Trying to stuff two chips into your mouth at the same time.

Man, these Limited Edition Jumpin’ Jack Doritos take me back.

I remember eating bags of it while (insert 90s reference here) or (insert 90s reference here). Except for the acne and bullying, those were good times. Heck, I think I still have those (insert 90s fashion here) somewhere in my closet. But when Jumpin’ Jack Doritos went away, I was a little sad, just like when they cancelled (insert 90s television show here). For years, I wished I could (insert Back to the Future DeLorean/flux capacitor reference here) and experience those chips again.

But thanks to Frito-Lay’s recent trend of bringing back old chip flavors in retro packaging and no thanks to nonexistent time travel technology, I can enjoy these pepper jack cheese-flavored tortilla chips once again, but for a limited time.

Like the outfits in the first few seasons of Friends, the retro Doritos packaging SCREAMS 90s. It also screams 80s…and 70s. Okay, it just screams old and the font used for the “Jumpin’ Jack” makes me wonder where its leopard print leotard is. Oh wait, I was in high school when these first came out, so that makes me old. I. Am. Old. I feel like I should pull my pants down and let my doctor use his latex glove-covered finger to check my prostate.

The chips don’t look as cheesy as regular Doritos, but that’s because the cheese-flavored powder blends in with the color of the chip, like medium 28 camel Sephora tinting moisturizer blends with my skin tone. The cheesy seasoning is made up of cheddar, Monterey Jack, and Swiss cheeses. It sounds like a lot of cheese but according to the level of cheesy powder that accumulated on my fingers while I ate my way through the bag, the chips didn’t seem to have a heavy coating of powder. However, they were some damn tasty chips.

Now some of you cheese connoisseurs might be taking off your monocles, putting down your cup of tea, and asking yourself, “If those chips are pepper jack flavored, where’s the pepper part?”

Well, I was just getting to that, Mr. or Ms. Fancy Pants. Along with the cheesy coating, the tortilla chips have a sprinkling of black and red seasonings, which I assume was the jalapeño pepper powder listed in the ingredients. The jalapeño powder gave the chips a level of heat that would be on the lowest Scoville scale level. To be honest, as someone who likey the spicy, the lack of heat was a little disappointing.

While the amount of spice the Limited Edition Jumpin’ Jack Doritos doesn’t make my taste buds want to jump, the chip’s wonderful, but not overpowering Monterey Jack flavor makes them wonder why they’re not a regular addition to the Doritos line.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 150 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 240 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% vitamin A, and 2% thiamin.)

Item: Limited Edition Jumpin’ Jack Doritos
Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 11 ounces
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nice cheesy flavor. Doritos bringing back flavors from the past. Doesn’t leave your fingers stained orange. Retro bag brings back memories of being asked to the Junior prom as a sophomore. The way medium 28 camel Sephora tinting moisturizer make me look.
Cons: Level of heat doesn’t make my taste buds jump. Not for MSG haters. Limited edition. Leaves your fingers stained yellow. Retro bag brings back memories of being the third option for the girl who asked me to the Junior prom. Checking prostates.