REVIEW: Cheetos Simply NKD Puffs

/ / Reviews / 6 Comments

Cheetos Simply NKD Puffs bag

Allow me to get political for a second…

Don’t worry, I’ll try to toe (tow?) the line like a spineless coward.

Where are we at with the health administration discourse? Are these food dyes we devour every day really a crisis, or is eliminating them just a gimmicky distraction? Shocking to no one, I’ve heard both arguments.

I’m a little cynical. On one hand, it feels like an absolute bare minimum the food industry can do to pretend they’re feeding us “healthier” food. However, I also see no reason why synthetic food dyes and artificial flavors should exist if there’s even a 1% chance they’re harming us.

No matter your stance, Frito Lay has started the process for you. It’s begun phasing out synthetic food dyes and artificial flavors with a new Simply “NKD” line of snacks, because no one, and I mean NO ONE, likes Cheeto fingers.

That is my nonpartisan way of interpreting this.

Let’s stop arguing about things we should all agree on and focus our energy on real debates, like whether it’s “toe the line” or “tow the line,” because I’ve never been confident and couldn’t commit to either one. I’m sorry, I’m just a moderate on this issue.

“Chee-to the line.” There it is.

Cheetos Simply NKD Puffs naked of dyes

Cheetos Simply NKD Puffs no artificial flavor or dyes

Do you like Cheetos Puffs? Well, hopefully you liked them for their flavor and not their color, because “NKD” might be the wave of the future.

Warning: nudity ahead, this review may be NSFW!

Cheetos Simply NKD Puffs censored

Cheetos are good and will remain good. I can’t say it any more simply … as these are technically “Simply” Cheetos, which I didn’t even know still existed. I thought that was the discontinued line that gave people gastrointestinal issues.

Cheetos Simply NKD Puffs vs regular Cheetos

I reviewed the “NKD” Cheetos against regular old classic puffs, and honestly didn’t taste much of a difference. It was minor, and that was comparing a regular Cheeto vs. a “Simply,” which is marketed as a “cleaner” cheese puff that uses “real” ingredients.

Cheetos Simply NKD Puffs in a bowl

These are devoid of color but still have plenty of flavor. If anyone tells you there’s a big discrepancy, they’re just outraged by change. I think the NKD puffs taste just a little blander, and that’s the “Simply” of it all, as I don’t believe the orange dust was a flavor enhancer, but classics do “pop” with a tiny bit more long-lasting flavor.

If this is how we have to enjoy Cheetos moving forward, we’re gonna be fine. We’ll heal, hopefully together.

I like the puffs, but I don’t love the branding. I can’t help but feel like the bag is designed to trick people into thinking they’re a fancy health food. Don’t slack off on your diet, just because they un-dye it.

Speaking of vibes, I hate the “we’re a hot new start-up” style name, “NKD!” Did they really need to remove the “a-e?” Maybe they’re just holding them back as an “i-o-u.” … and sometimes “y!”

It’s quite literally stripped down, unlike that very complex vowel joke.

Oh, and Chester Cheetah is nude on the bag. He goes by “Chest-hair Cheetah,” now.

Cheetos Simply NKD Puffs Chester naked

Just kidding, that perv has always been naked.

These Cheetos may be a bit less dangerous, but they are, like my comedy stylings, still “dangerously cheesy.”

So, they’re a little less fun looking. Oh well. We’ll live… if the government lets us. Vote or Dye!

Purchased Price: $3.97
Size: 8 oz bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (13 pieces) 160 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of total sugars, 1 gram of dietary fiber, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Doritos Collisions Stranger Things Stranger Pizza & Cool Ranch

/ / Reviews / 2 Comments

Doritos Collisions Stranger Things bag with my hand in the picture.

To be honest, I know little about the Netflix show Stranger Things, which is strange because the Netflix algorithm has been suggesting it to me for years, and my wife has watched every episode. I can’t name any of the characters. I have referenced Demogorgon several times on this site, but that’s only because I worship Satan.

Is one of them named Friday? Or am I somehow getting confused with the main character of Netflix’s Wednesday? Or maybe I’m thinking of Monday from the Netflix movie What Happened to Monday? Or I’m misremembering Tuesday from Tuesday, another movie on Netflix. Or perhaps I’m thinking of Miss All Sunday (Nico Robin) from the live-action One Piece show on Netflix.

Netflix has been on a Stranger Things marketing rampage, getting the Stranger Things logo slapped on almost every type of product in a grocery store. I’d make a list, but going through it would take as long as fans have had to wait for new seasons of the show. One of the latest collaborations is this Doritos Collisions Stranger Things with Stranger Pizza and Cool Ranch flavors.

I’m not one of those diehard ranch-on-pizza kind of people. But I understand the appeal. If you are one of those folks, these chips may disappoint you.

Stranger Pizza Doritos on the left and Cool Ranch on the right.

The chips smell like every pizza-flavored snack I’ve ever had. However, my nose couldn’t detect the equally familiar scent of Cool Ranch Doritos. Though visually, it’s easy to determine which chip is which. The darker ones are pizza-flavored, while the lighter chip is Cool Ranch.

Pizza-flavored Doritos have been a thing, but I’m not sure if I’ve ever had them. My memories might be mistaking them for all the other pizza-flavored snacks I’ve munched on over the years, all of which remind me of Totino’s Party Pizzas. However, there is something a little different about these from all those other snacks. There’s a very light spiciness, as if Doritos was aiming for a spicy pepperoni flavor. It was surprising, and I totally dig it.

Doritos Collisions Stranger Things in the bag.

With the two flavors being in the same bag, I thought there would be some cross-pollination, but that didn’t happen. The Cool Ranch chips tasted like Cool Ranch, while the pizza-flavored ones tasted like pizza without a hint of Cool Ranch. Combining the two flavors in one bite also doesn’t make a difference in creating more of a mashup flavor because the stronger pizza flavor overwhelms the Cool Ranch seasoning. I’m not going to complain about that because I love pizza-flavored products, and I’ve been loving these chips.

However, if you’re hoping for a unique flavor that combines the two chips, you won’t taste it.

Purchased Price: $5.19*
Size: 9 oz bag
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (about 11 chips – 28 grams) 150 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Twisted Queso Doritos

/ / Reviews / 3 Comments

If the exploding patriotic red and blue stars and stripes on this bag are any indication, it is officially America’s birthday. That makes me excited because, in snack food language, that means in about four weeks, it will officially be Halloween; the pumpkin is a-comin! But before spooky season begins in July, Doritos has unleashed a new chip flavor by way of every fireworks-fueled party’s greatest asset — a bowl of warm and gooey queso.

I went into this bag of chips optimistic that I would enjoy them but also nearly positive that I knew what I was going to taste. Last year, I wrote about Fritos Flavor Twists Queso, and being that the new Doritos Twisted Queso comes from the same company, it felt intuitively like a quick and easy rebrand. A twist, a corn chip, a queso — same thing, right? I was wrong!

These new Doritos were not what I was expecting, and in this case, that’s a good thing. I like the Queso Fritos Twists quite a bit, but these are even better. Yes, Fritos Twists are possibly the greatest corn chip form factor ever, but the flavor of these new Doritos is notably different in the best way.

Twisted Queso starts with a nice salty, layered cheese taste that quickly gets perfectly accented by a nice salsa-adjacent pepper flavor. There is a bit of heat that rounds out the profile, but these are instantly more dynamic and deep than I remember from the Fritos, and I really enjoy them. These taste much less like the other chip with Queso in the name and more like a cheese-ified version of the often overlooked Salsa Verde Doritos, an all-time chip in my book.

I had to make sure I wasn’t going crazy and do a little bit of ingredient sleuthing work to confirm what my tastebuds detected — and I was right. There are three key differences between Twisted Queso Doritos and Fritos Twists Queso. The Doritos use jalapeño pepper instead of bell pepper, which accounts for that little peppery kick. They also use Romano and cheddar cheese, whereas the Fritos just use cheddar. The Fritos also contain tomato powder, which keeps them feeling a bit sweeter, whereas the Doritos more prominently feature garlic powder. Long story short — they’re not the same recipe at all.

In the battle of corny twisted queso chips, there is a clear victor, and one that surprisingly stands up with the best of what Doritos has to offer — a true cheesy jalapeño delight.

Purchased Price: $2.69
Size: 2 5/8 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (11 chips, 28g) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 190 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of total sugars, 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Cheddar BBQ

/ / Reviews / 3 Comments

Some BBQ purists are disgusted by the inclusion of cheese with BBQ. I come from the undisputed BBQ capital of the world (take a hike, Texas) and disagree with this sentiment. A nicely melted slice of cheddar does wonders on a burger featuring BBQ sauce. One of the most popular menu items from one of the best BBQ spots in my city (and so, by default, one of the best BBQ places in the world) is the “Z-Man,” a sandwich featuring smoked, sliced brisket, onion rings, a dab of BBQ sauce, and a beautifully smoked slice of provolone cheese all on a Kaiser roll.

So, what I’m saying is that cheese and BBQ are a winning flavor combination, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

It was with this in mind that I had high hopes for the new Flamin’ Hot BBQ Cheddar Cheetos. Well, except for the fact that I never eat Cheetos. It’s not that I don’t like them — it just never crosses my mind to buy them. Oh sure, if I’m on a gently swaying pontoon under a blistering summer sun, and you hand me a bag, I’ll dabble. But left to my own devices in the snack aisle, nine times out of ten, I’m choosing either some sort of Doritos or a potato chip. However, if Frito Lay keeps these around, that may change.

Everything is upfront with these crunchy little curls of deliciousness — the heat, the rich cheddar flavor, the mildly sweet tang of the BBQ sauce, and there’s even a noticeable smokiness that imbues within each piece a degree of unexpected complexity. There is no nuance here — you get what you get in each bite and I appreciate that.

I also appreciate the uniformity. We all know that not every Dorito is created equal; while some triangles are coated with a thick dust of powder, others are as dry as a recently Lasik’d eye. With these Cheetos (and maybe it’s all Cheetos? I may need to dig a little), every bite is as fulfilling as the bite before, and there’s a commodity in the known. I was also surprised by the seemingly muted heat. I’ve had “Flamin’ Hot” things before, and I often find it a stupid heat — hot for the sake of hot. I’m not sure if the smoky BBQ cheesiness balanced these out or what because although there was a nice, mild burn, it wasn’t aggressive or obnoxious.

If you’re an anti-cheesian with regard to BBQ, these may not be for you. But if you hold no such prejudice, or you’re at least open to experimentation, I’d highly recommend snagging a bag of these when you see them. I don’t think you’ll regret it.

Purchased Price: $4.43
Size: 8.5 oz bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (28g) 150 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Fritos Lime & Jalapeno Flavor Twists

/ / Reviews / 1 Comment

I went on record last year stating that one of the biggest conundrums in the chip world (chip-iverse?) is the lack of new Fritos Flavor Twists varietals, and it seems the powers that be have heard my (our) call.

Less than a year later, after being stagnant for over a decade, the company has now dropped two consecutive new flavors. The first is a Cheddar Buffalo that was exclusive to Dollar General, a store that doesn’t exist where I live, and now, just ahead of summer BBQ season, Lime & Jalapeño.

Since it’s already been established that I’m a Fritos Flavor Twists freak, I’m not going to bury the lede here: these are excellent. For those familiar with the Frito-Lay brand, these are essentially a hybrid of three existing corn chips, and the marriage is divine. Combine Flavor Twists’ immaculate corkscrew form factor with the Tostitos Hint of Lime seasoning and the gentle peppery kick of Spicy Jalapeño Fritos Scoops, and you’ve given your tongue the blueprint.

The profile leads with a strong, citrusy lime jolt before leaning into a mild but flavorful garlic-y spice that makes way for a strong corn chip finish with a touch of creaminess. As more addictive twirly chips get devoured, the lime takes a bit of a backseat, and the peppered spice starts to build, with that buttermilk-y creamy tang developing more and more.

These chips aren’t sweet in the way that Honey BBQ are, but there’s enough of a sweetness emanating from the lime that makes them extremely dynamic. If you dislike lime-flavored chips, and I know that can be divisive, then these won’t be for you. But for anyone who enjoys that distinct fruity taste with a touch of creamy heat and the perfect snackable crunch, these are pure Fritos fusilli fun that should be picked up before they’re inevitably gone.

Purchased Price: $5.89
Size: 9 1/4 oz
Purchased at: Nob Hill
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (23 pieces, 28g) 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of total sugars, 2 grams of protein.

Scroll to Top