Garlic can be a tricky ingredient to work with. First, you’ve got to peel off all the pieces of that weird, paper-thin husk that never wants to separate, and then you have to try not to lose all the incredibly tiny pieces you get when you mince it, then you have to decide how much of it will complement your dish without blowing out your taste buds. This is kind of a shame because garlic is supposedly very healthy — not just useful for keeping away vampires — and, of course, it’s quite delicious. Now, with Wendy’s Garlic Fries, I can let little Miss Wendy put on a chef’s hat over her little red pigtails and handle all the garlic wrangling herself.

Come to think of it, do you ever wish we knew more about Wendy? I would totally rock a comic strip all about Wendy and how she passes the time waiting for fries to finish cooking. Wendy’s, if you’re listening, I can put together a package of concept sketches at a moment’s notice. I will accept payment in the form of chocolate Frosties. Not vanilla.

ANYWAY, the fries come in one of those attractive little covered trays to keep the fries hot, which I appreciate; all fries are better hot, but that is especially true for these, because no one wants cold garlic. The taste begins with a note of parmesan -— not surprising considering that Wendy’s lists three different cheeses in the recipe for the garlic sauce. Then the garlic takes over, and it’s assertive. I kept thinking of garlic knots, but that association actually started working against my enjoyment of the fries.

Garlic knots are usually soaked with oil — or at least that’s how my local pizza joints prepare them. So the knots are, above all, moist; these fries were not. Even though the garlic seasoning (with some cheese seasoning included in the mix) was plentiful, I felt like I was missing the moisture of a garlic knot, or even of a slice of pizza, another food where I generally consume garlic as part of the experience.

Puzzled and sure I must be missing something, I tried the fries another day. This time, the fries were thoroughly enrobed in the sauce, and the whole thing worked the way it was meant to: with copious amounts of grease. I’m glad that these are good, but it’s obviously not such a great thing that I had to come back and order them again to get a version that was prepared properly.

If anything, I would like a version of these that’s even more greasy, sending these things into Garlic Knot Nirvana (Knotvana?). What would really be amazing would be if Five Guys came out with a version of garlic fries, because the chain’s substantial fries are often already greasy with all the peanut oil they’re fried in. Is it weird that I’m complaining that a fast food item isn’t greasy enough? I’m not the only one who actually likes greasy fries, right?

I asked my husband about this as he was enjoying his own order of garlic fries.

He said, “Yes, (munch) you are the only one (munch) who likes greasy fries. You are a freak.”

These new fries are winners. Just make sure you pick them up on the right day.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: n/a
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 450 calories, 30 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 730 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

Wendy’s is typically not the fast food place that comes to mind when I think of Italian food, but with its new Italian Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich, it must be trying to change that. I was pleasantly surprised by its heft. That’s because it consists of essentially two patties – the to-be-expected breaded chicken breast and a circular slab of fried mozzarella that is just as substantial as the meat. A slathering of marinara coats the top of the fried mozzarella, while clinging to its bottom is an additional slice of cheese (Asiago, to quote Wendy’s website, though mine was so melted that I assumed it was just surplus mozzarella oozing out from the fried hunk, and its taste didn’t do anything to make me question that assumption). Of course, there’s the bread, which, thanks again to the site, I know to describe as a “garlic knot bun.”

Unfortunately, that bun did not work for me. Flecked with ambiguous dark splotches and appearing a little jaundiced, it read more “multigrain” than “garlic.” Of course, we’ve all been taught not to judge a book by its cover, so I was willing to put my preconceived notions aside… until one bite showed me that my preconceived notions were a lot kinder than my post-conceived ones. The bun tasted stale and had an unpleasant gritty texture; the outside was as dry and flaky as it looked, and the inside was disappointingly airy. It felt like eating cardboard and tasted like, well, eating seasoned cardboard.

Tackling this sandwich from the top down brings me to some more bad news -– the sauce, about which my first thought was, “Did they accidentally give me buffalo sauce?” It was simply nothing like the rich, tomatoey red sauce I know, love, and was (quite reasonably!) expecting. This was something much harsher, tangy and vinegary, and plain weird. At least there wasn’t THAT much of it.

Thankfully, I can take off my Debbie Downer hat to talk about the fried mozzarella. The cheese was mild and melty, and while I must admit it had a strange, slightly sour aftertaste, since this is fried mozzarella, I must also add plenty of points for the perfect crunch with which the crisp breading gave way to the satisfyingly soft, luscious center.

The chicken gets a rave review from me as well. Joyously juicy, thoroughly thick, and fully flavorful, it looked, tasted, and felt like a giant chicken nugget, and I consider that to be a massive compliment.

Taking into consideration all the ingredients together, chowing down on this tall tower of meat and mozzarella felt pretty epic, mostly because the tastes of the chicken and cheese held their own admirably against the less lovely elements. There’s a lot going on with this sandwich, and I wish that all of it was equally good, but with the bummer bun and sad sauce, it’s only the hearty fillings that win my chomp of approval.

But then I thought that maybe this would be better eaten like a high school cafeteria chicken parmesan, ditching the bun and digging into chicken patty topped with the fried mozzarella and a smattering of sauce with a fork and knife. But then I realized that even a smattering of sauce would still be too unappealing. Maybe next time I’ll just order nuggets, find some other takeout joint offering a side of mozzarella sticks, and mash them together in peace. Maybe you should too.

Purchased Price: $7.19
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 780 calories, 31 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 2310 milligrams of sodium, 81 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of sugar, 4 grams of fiber, and 45 grams of protein.