REVIEW: Dunkin’ Turtle Signature Latte

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A wise man once said, “I like turtles.”

Who could argue with that?

Not I. Whether it be the living, breathing reptiles or those of the Teenage Mutant Ninja persuasion, they’re all cool with me. Perhaps my favorite turtles though are those little chocolate, pecan, and caramel cluster candies. I really like those turtles, so when I noticed Dunkin’ added a Turtle Signature Latte to the app, I acted in the complete opposite way of a turtle… ya know, fast. I ordered one quickly.

The new Turtle Signature Iced Latte features mocha and butter pecan syrup swirls, espresso, and whole milk topped with whipped cream, caramel drizzle, and crunchy cocoa caramel crumbles.

On the surface, this might just seem like a rejiggering of flavors Dunkin’ has always featured, but I gotta say, it found the right balance with this one.

The mocha-heavy espresso packs a dark and rich wallop, while the butter pecan swirl adds a smooth caramel-y flourish. Just that coffee portion is great on its own, but the topping was my favorite part. Whipped cream and caramel drizzle are all fine and good, but that’s standard fare. It was the cocoa caramel crumbles that really took this to the next level.

They tasted like little cookie crumbs and the crystalized sugar coating on candied nuts. Not only that, they might be the first Dunkin’ topping I’ve ever had that didn’t just melt away. They held their crunch and lasted the entire drink, and I got bits in almost every sip.

It might seem weird or even unappetizing at first to think of sipping up crispy bits in a watery iced coffee and not something with a milkshake-type consistency, but trust me, they’re good. I’d buy a bottle of these as a garnish tomorrow.

Yeah, not much to complain about here. My only small gripe is one that I’ve always had with Dunkin’s mocha flavor – it leaves a dry, almost gritty film in my mouth when I’m done. I usually have to chase it with a bottle of water. At least I’m staying hydrated, right?

I should also note I couldn’t make any dairy substitutions in the app. It’s whole milk or nothing, but I imagine you can finagle something different if you talk to an employee.

I think turtles represent good vibes, and this drink lives up to the namesake. Dunkin’ is doing a big Butter Pecan push for the summer, so this latte will probably hang around for a while. It’s not an everyday coffee because it’s way too indulgent to start every morning with, but you should definitely try it at least once. I’m kinda bummed Dunkin’ is not pairing this new drink with turtle-flavored donuts. They coulda iced ’em like little turtle shells!

Whatever, I’m sure the butter pecan donut is good, and Dunkin’ will do a chocolate caramel hybrid donut at some point. For now, I’ll probably just enjoy this latte a few more times over the coming months. Cowabunga, dudes!

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: Small
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 270 calories, 5 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 43 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box All American Ribeye Steakhouse Burger (2023)

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I find it weird that Jack in the Box’s All American Ribeye Steakhouse Burger doesn’t have AMERICAN cheese. Instead, it has natural cheddar cheese, along with a 100% Ribeye beef patty, smoky aioli, red onions, lettuce, tomato, and a potato bun. There’s also a version with bacon. I was charged for the one without but somehow ended up with the bacon one. Yay me! The fast food gods giveth!

If you’re thinking, “Hey, am I experiencing fast food deja vu? Didn’t Jack in the Box offer an All American Ribeye Steakhouse Burger before?” If that’s you, you have a great memory and should use that to count cards at a casino. The original All American Ribeye Burger came out in 2017, but it didn’t have “Steakhouse” attached to it or American cheese. It did have provolone cheese, spring mix, and mayonnaise, along with the red onions, lettuce, tomato, and potato bun. There was also a 2018 version that swapped the red onions with white ones.

When I reviewed 2018’s Blue Cheese Bacon Ribeye Burger, I mentioned that I didn’t think the beef was better than what comes with the Jumbo Jack. This time, I’d say it’s a little bit better because it’s meatier tasting than what’s on a Jumbo Jack. In fact, sometimes I thought it reminded me of steak. It’s a little dry, but that’s not unusual for fast food burgers.

The ribeye paired well with the aioli, which has a pleasant smoky and garlicky flavor. It’s a step up from Jack’s regular mayonnaise. However, I wish it was a bit punchier. Although, because it wasn’t, it allowed the ribeye patty’s flavor to stand out in every bite. It also let the smokiness and saltiness from my burger’s blanket of bacon to come through.

Unfortunately, not all the ingredients were as noticeable. The red onions, the only vegetable I was looking forward to, wasn’t as pungent as I would’ve liked, but they did provide a crunch. And the natural cheddar cheese wasn’t noticeable because, after looking at my photos, I’m pretty sure I didn’t get a slice. Boo me! The fast food gods taketh!

As for the rest of the components, the potato bun held everything together well without falling apart, and the lettuce and tomato did what the two vegetables do in burgers, add a minuscule amount of fiber, crunch, and color.

Despite mine not having any cheese, Jack in the Box’s All American Ribeye Steakhouse Burger was still a tasty eat. It’s not as great as a Buttery Jack, but it’s a bit more premium tasting than a Jumbo Jack, thanks to the ribeye and aioli.

Purchased Price: $8.59*
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 790 calories for the regular one. 840 calories for the bacon version. All other nutrition numbers aren’t available on the Jack in the Box website.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Grilled Chicken Ranch Wrap

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For a minute there it was a wrap on fast food wraps.

Sure, you could easily get sixty-four wrap-adjacent offerings at Taco Bell or wrap-ish Gyros at Arby’s, but the rest of the wraps got scrapped.

McDonald’s axed my beloved Crispy Chicken Ranch Snack Wraps years ago. BK seems to flirt with everything but wraps, even going so far as to try gross Jack in the Box taco clones. I went to KFC the other day and it apparently already stopped selling its new snack wraps.

Where are the wraps?!

They’re at Wendy’s. Well, one is at Wendy’s, at least. After years of a wrap-less menu, Wendy’s is back with a Grilled Chicken Ranch Wrap.

Perhaps it’s just me, but wraps are completely necessary for a fast-food menu. Sometimes I want a lazy bite to eat that’ll fill me up but won’t bog me down, and a grilled chicken wrap seems like the perfect answer. Wendy’s almost gets it right here, but it needs some adjustments.

First of all, the wrap itself is a weird size. It’s somehow too big and too small at the same time. If the wrap was stuffed with chicken, it would be too big, but since it was mostly stuffed with lettuce, it’s too small. This was about as much of a messy salad as it was a chicken wrap.

I mean, outside of that, it’s essentially what you think it is. I wouldn’t say Wendy’s necessarily excels at grilled chicken, but for something like this, it makes more sense. My chicken pieces were a little on the chewy and slimy side, if I’m being honest, and while I don’t opt for its grilled fare much, that’s kinda always been my experience with it. Would I have preferred fried chicken? Absolutely, but I also like the idea of a healthier meal when it comes to a wrap.

There’s plenty of ranch dressing and probably not enough cheddar, but it wouldn’t matter because all that would just get swallowed up by the head of lettuce. Again, while the wrap is bigger than the typical “snack” wraps, it’s not very substantial because most of it is tortilla and ruffage.

If this was smaller at a lower price point, I’d like it more. If it was dense with chicken like a burrito, I’d like it more. As it is, it’s just passable and probably not worth your time or money.

So, I’m happy to see a wrap back on the Wendy’s menu, but I wish it was something I could just swing by and get as a midday snack. These don’t hold a candle to the late McDonald’s Crispy Chicken Snack Wraps, but few things do.

My recommendation would be to wait and see if the line expands. Maybe there will be a spicy variety soon, and I could see that easily being superior. For now, there are much better chicken options to get at Wendy’s.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 420 calories, 16 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1230 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of total sugars, 2 grams of fiber, and 27 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Yellowbird Nacho Fries

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We are living in a golden age of artisanal hot sauces. Thanks to YouTube shows like Hot Ones, these lesser known regional brands are seeing their products gain popularity on a national stage. Taco Bell is doing its part to help bring these sauces into the spotlight by working with brands to create unique condiments for its menu items. It did it before when it offered the Loaded Truff Nacho Fries featuring TRUFF Hot Sauce and are doing it again, but this time with Yellowbird Sauce.

Yellowbird was started in Austin, Texas in 2013 by a couple with a backyard garden and a dream. Today they have a thriving online commerce, and their partnership with Taco Bell stands to put them into the national spotlight. Yellowbird Nacho Fries use the fan favorite Nacho Fries as a base for the toppings that include steak, tomatoes, sour cream, nacho cheese, cheese, and the Yellowbird sauce. Described as a “spicy habanero ranch,” it takes Yellowbird’s Classic Habanero Hot Sauce and blends it with ranch to give it a sweeter, more creamy taste.

Habanero-based hot sauces are always a bit hit or miss for me. They either use too many other flavors to mute the spice or not enough that it’s just a tongue-burning experience. The Yellowbird sauce strikes a wonderful balance that gives you that heat from the peppers, but it never burns in an uncomfortable way. The taste upon the first bite was slightly sweet with a hint of the pepper and a slight heat kick came at the end.

I was able to isolate the sauce enough to get a good taste of it on its own, but overall it got lost by the overwhelming amount of sour cream on the fries. Nacho Fries are in their best form when used as a base for a cheese fry dish. They are hardy and hold up well to the onslaught of ingredients while still bringing their own cumin-forward flavor.

To me, the steak added more of a textural difference to the item than a flavor, but Taco Bell steak has never been amazing. The two cheeses (nacho and shredded cheddar) worked well with the headlining sauce by adding a salty element. Taco Bell tomatoes are essentially decoration by offering no real taste to the dish.

When the titular sauce wasn’t overshadowed, the Yellowbird Nacho Fries were great. I was disappointed to see that the version of the sauce being used in Taco Bell isn’t currently for sale as a standalone item, but I hope that will change. It offers a good habanero flavor without worrying about the overwhelming spice that can come with it. This item is a super limited time (April 27th being the reported last day), so get it while you can. I recommend asking them to go easy on the sour cream when ordering.

Purchased Price: $6.49
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 order) 490 calories, 30 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 1240 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 15 grams of protein.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Strawberry Shortcake McFlurry

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Nowadays, many of us learn about someone famous passing away when their name trends on social media. So when did the McDonald’s Strawberry Sundae trend? Because I didn’t know it was gone until I picked up the new McDonald’s Strawberry Shortcake McFlurry.

The lack of dark red gloops or glops in this limited time only dessert had me wondering why McDonald’s didn’t use the syrupy topping. And after a visit to its website, I learned the sundae no longer existed. I guess I should’ve looked at this McFlurry’s promo photos closer and read its description because what’s in this are vanilla soft serve with strawberry flavored clusters and shortbread cookies.

I assumed the syrupy topping would be included because it was around for so long. But instead, McDonald’s has said so long to it. Geez, I could’ve sworn I had the sundae about a year ago.

McDonald’s Strawberry Shortcake McFlurry is sort of like an Oreo McFlurry, but all the crunchy pieces are strawberry-flavored instead of chocolate. That actually sounds good, and this tastes good, but it’s a little disappointing because McDonald’s had a lovely red topping that would’ve been great with this. The artificial strawberry-tasting clusters were plentiful, good, and crispy, but not strawberry topping satisfying.

Although not as depressing as finding out one of your favorite McDonald’s treats no longer exists, the shortbread cookies were a bit of a letdown. Having cake pieces in pints of Ben & Jerry’s and other ice cream brands spoiled me, so expecting actual cake seems reasonable. But then again, I guess cake pieces wouldn’t survive whirls around the McFlurry mixing machine. The idea of using shortbread cookies is fine since they seem to be in strawberry shortcake recipes, but the small chunks in this blended treat get lost among the flavor AND crunch of the berry-flavored clusters when everything is eaten together. McDonald’s describes them as “buttery,” but my taste buds didn’t notice anything like that.

McDonald’s Strawberry Shortcake McFlurry is a fine dessert; I don’t regret eating it. But it’s not tasty enough to make me forget about the strawberry sundae. RIP.

It’s so hard to say goodbye to strawberry sundae.

(I imagine the internet is going to internet, and someone in the comments will tell me that the Strawberry Sundae still exists at their McDonald’s.)

Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: Snack Size
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 370 calories, 12 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 170 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 41 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

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