REVIEW: Taco Bell Frank’s RedHot Diablo Crispy Chicken Soft Taco

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Taco Bell Frank's RedHot Diablo Crispy Chicken Soft Taco barfing vegetables

What is up with Taco Bell’s double dose of collaborations at the same time? Currently on the menu, there’s the Flamin’ Hot Grilled Cheese Burrito and this Frank’s RedHot Diablo Crispy Chicken Soft Taco (there’s also a burrito version). Taco Bell should’ve gone for a Flamin’ Hot Frank’s RedHot collab in one product. That would’ve been hot and one long product name.

The highlight of the limited-time menu item is the sauce, which is a combination of Frank’s RedHot Buffalo Sauce, Taco Bell’s Diablo Sauce, and tangy ranch. Looking at that lineup makes me think this could’ve been a crazy collaboration between Frank’s RedHot and Hidden Valley Ranch. Two words: sauce synergy!

But there’s a more critical issue I must focus on.

Yes, my order looks like the flour tortilla is throwing up cheese, pico de gallo, purple cabbage, and lettuce, with Frank’s RedHot Diablo Sauce drooling out of the side of it. I guess the crispy chicken strip would be the tongue? I’m not sure if the person who made my order was being loosey goosey with the ingredients because of the lunch rush, but my taco was thiccco. And, as expected, with the unusual amount of taco roughage, a lot of it lost to gravity.

Despite the Sizzler salad bar in my taco, the Buffalo flavor stands out. However, it’s hard to determine how the folks at Taco Bell Diablo-fied it because it tastes like a standard vinegary and smoky Buffalo sauce, and it’s not noticeably hotter. There’s a spicy kick to it that I’d rate a three or four on my personal heat scale, but I don’t think adding the Diablo sauce turns up the fire. Finally, I don’t taste any tanginess from the ranch, although its creaminess is evident.

Taco Bell Frank's RedHot Diablo Crispy Chicken Soft Taco a closer look at the mess.

But I’m fine with the condiment not tasting like a unique mashup because I enjoyed the Buffalo flavor. But what I also liked was the vegetable smorgasbord. The acidic bursts from the tomatoes complement the spicy orange sauce, and I liked the crunch of the purple cabbage that enhanced the chicken strip’s texture. Although a little dry, the chicken strip was meaty and went the entire length of the tortilla. But its flavor was blocked by the Buffalo, which I didn’t mind.

Overall, Taco Bell’s Frank’s RedHot Diablo Crispy Chicken Soft Taco is delicious, and I enjoyed it enough to order it again during a subsequent visit. While the second one wasn’t as stuffed as my first one, it was just as tasty.

Purchased Price: $3.79*
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 250 calories, 11 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 710 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Candy Bar Signature Latte

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Dunkin’s Candy Bar Signature Latte Hot Cup

Dunkin’ ain’t messing around this Halloween. It *knows* that this time of year, you have to go big or go home. We’re at a point where excessive isn’t excessive enough anymore. Pretty much anybody can walk into an executive board room meeting at any major restaurant chain in America, describe the most outlandish and preposterous menu item imaginable and there’s at least a 50/50 chance they’ll actually mass release it.

In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s how the Candy Bar Signature Latte came into existence.

Dunkin’s Candy Bar Signature Latte toppings

The gimmick of the latte is pretty obvious. When it says “candy bar,” it MEANS it. You’ve got the requisite whipped topping, and atop that, you’ve got a purée of all kinds of name-brand candies I don’t think Dunkin’ is legally allowed to mention in its advertising materials. But as soon as you taste it, you know what you’re chomping into. It’s pretty much an edible Where’s Waldo painting of various ice cream toppings — M&Ms (or “multi-color chocolate candies,” if you’re trying to avert a lawsuit), bits of pretzel, some little toffee chunks and pulped chips of what I’m pretty sure are supposed to be bite-size Heath bars. Basically, if you turned a trick-or-treat bag upside down and dumped it into a cup of hot cocoa, it would look a lot like this latte from Dunkin.’

Now, there are two varieties of Candy Bar Signature Latte. The iced version is obviously the more Instagrammable version. But I went with the standard hot latte iteration … which was a mistake on my part.

Dunkin’s Candy Bar Signature Latte topping melting

It’s thermodynamics 101. If you put something really cold on top of something really hot, it’s only a matter of time until one of ‘em gives. By the time I pulled out of the Dunkin’ drive-thru lane and made it back to my place, that beautiful, Willy Wonka-like tapestry had melted into a puddle resembling the atmosphere of Jupiter, complete with melted chocolate husks and soggy, shriveled pretzel pieces bobbing up and down like condemned souls in the river Styx. I used the Where’s Waldo reference earlier — give it about three minutes and you’ll have your own Hieronymus Bosch painting in the same cup.

Dunkin’s Candy Bar Signature Latte candy bits

So yeah, word to the wise — definitely go with the iced latte version here.

Dunkin’s Candy Bar Signature Latte bottom of the cup

Ultimately, it’s not a bad beverage, just sort of a surprisingly muted one. With all of the ingredients in the cup, you’d think it would have a really distinct taste, but the hot chocolate flavor kinda dominates everything else. So it’s more like a slightly souped-up hot chocolate with pieces of toffee you get to occasionally chew on. That might be some people’s idea of a good time, but yeah, it’s not for me.

This is another example of fast food aesthetics over fast food quality. It looks cool and the novelty is appealing, but as something you actually consume, it’s surprisingly mundane. How a beverage with THIS much stuff in it tastes so much like an ordinary, run of the mill mocha latte is almost inspiring; but I guess no matter how much whipped cream and M&M’s you put on top of something, a Dunkin’ latte is still just a Dunkin’ latte.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: Large
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 560 calories, 18 grams of total fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 310 milligrams of sodium, 83 grams of total carbohydrates, 75 grams of sugars, 16 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Flamin’ Hot Grilled Cheese Burrito

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Taco Bell Flamin' Hot Grilled Cheese Burrito is red

When I first heard about Taco Bell’s Flamin’ Hot Grilled Cheese Burrito, I thought the chain just threw a bunch of Flamin’ Hot seasoned chips into a burrito with several standard Taco Bell ingredients, dusted off Flamin’ Hot seasoning from its hands, and called it a day.

However, that’s not the case. Instead, Taco Bell threw a bunch of Flamin’ Hot seasoned chips into a burrito with several standard Taco Bell ingredients, added Flamin’ Hot Fritos to a new spicy seasoned rice, dusted off Flamin’ Hot seasoning from its hands, and called it a day.

The two Flamin’ Hot seasoned ingredients make the inside of this burrito look like it belongs in an episode of Stranger Things. It’s ominous-looking, and it’s also so red that it might be embarrassed. However, it shouldn’t be embarrassed because Taco Bell’s Flamin’ Hot Grilled Cheese Burrito is delightful.

Along with the Flamin’ Hot Fritos and new spicy rice seasoned with Flamin’ Hot Fritos, the burrito also features seasoned beef, nacho cheese sauce, reduced-fat sour cream, creamy chipotle sauce, and a three-cheese blend, all wrapped up in a flour tortilla with more cheese grilled on the outside.

Taco Bell Flamin' Hot Grilled Cheese Burrito is really red

I was a little disappointed that Taco Bell used Fritos instead of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos or Doritos, but I understand the chip physics behind it. Cheetos and Doritos would probably succumb to the heat and moisture inside of a burrito before it ended up inside someone’s mouth. Fritos are a sturdier corn chip, and they did a decent job in my order of maintaining their crunchiness after the 10-minute drive home and two-minute photoshoot. While they weren’t straight-from-the-bag crunchy, they did have some crunch by the time I was able to stuff my face with them and the rest of the burrito.

Even with two Flamin’ Hot seasoned ingredients, this didn’t taste like I was eating a gigantic Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Puff. Those two definitely highlight every bite, while the seasoned beef and nacho cheese sauce add their own flavors. There was also a hint of citrus, which might be coming from the chip’s seasoning.

What I also liked, which heat heads might not agree with, was how the nacho cheese sauce, sour cream, and other cheeses somewhat mellowed the spiciness of the Flamin’ Hot seasoning. The heat doesn’t reach the same level as when you eat Flamin’ Hot chips straight out of the bag, but I think that allowed my taste buds to enjoy the seasoning more. Think of the Flamin’ Hot heat being knocked down one or two levels.

Overall, I really enjoyed this burrito. While I didn’t taste the sour cream, creamy chipotle sauce, or the cheese grilled on the tortilla, the Flamin’ Hot Fritos, Flamin’ Hot seasoned rice, seasoned beef, and nacho cheese sauce created one surprisingly tasty burrito that doesn’t remind me of anything else on Taco Bell’s menu.

Purchased Price: $6.59*
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 730 calories, 41 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 1570 milligrams of sodium, 65 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 26 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Arby’s Steak Nuggets

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Arby's Steak Nuggets with BBQ sauce container

I’m wholly disappointed that Arby’s Steak Nuggets aren’t beef chunks coated in some kind of breading to give them a crunchy exterior. You know, chicken nuggets, but with beef.

Unfortunately, Arby’s didn’t seize the opportunity to do this and instead plopped five or nine bite-sized morsels of smoked steak into a container, added a side of Hickory Smoked BBQ dipping sauce, and called it a day. However, you can also get these in a special sandwich or in a bowl with mac & cheese and crispy onion strips.

These Steak Nuggets are a bit of a head scratcher for me. The idea of dunking meat into a sauce like chicken nuggets is odd, but I admit it sounds like something right up Arby’s alley. I mean, the chain plays with meat as often as a toddler plays with their food. Maybe they’re skating to where the meat is going, not where it has been, and we’ll see more fast food chains offer dippable steak chunks.

Arby's Steak Nuggets 5-pieces

Steak Nuggets seem like meat that’s looking for a stew to dive into. They have a tender, fall-apart texture that’s reminiscent of beef that has been sitting in a stew for hours. They are tender AF (as flounder).

Arby's Steak Nuggets are so tender

However, their flavor has a strong beef jerky vibe. So if you love the taste of beef jerky, but your teeth don’t like being jerked around by the toughness of it, these very tender morsels of meat will satisfy your taste buds without giving your jaw a workout. Personally, while I love the fall-apart texture, I was hoping for something without a taste that reminds me of convenience store snacking. An order does come with a container of Hickory Smoked BBQ sauce, which hides the beef jerky flavor, but does it so completely that I didn’t really taste any meatiness.

Arby's Steak Nuggets dipped in BBQ sauce

I imagine this would be appealing for an Arby’s customer on the carnivore diet or something similar. It’s kind of funny imagining a carnivore dieter shoving thinly sliced roast beef into their mouth, but less so if they’re popping these Steak Nuggets. As for me, they aren’t enjoyable enough that I’ll be popping them into my mouth again.

Purchased Price: $7.49*
Size: 5 pieces
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 340 calories, 27 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 670 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 17 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Oreo Reese’s Blizzard

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Dairy Queen Oreo Reese’s Blizzard top

If you know anything about philosophy, please do not read this review because I’m about to mangle the work of 14th-century friar William of Occam (or Ockham if you prefer that spelling). As I understand it, Willie had some kind of magic razor, and it told him that simple and logical is better than complex and improbable. I might not have that exactly correct, but philosophy is open to interpretation, right?

What does the world’s worst interpretation of the principle of Occam’s razor have to do with Dairy Queen’s October Blizzard of the Month? Well, the new Oreo Reese’s Blizzard is about as basic and old school as possible, and yet it’s also glorious. DQ Blizzards have been around for 40 years, but somehow they have never combined two of the most popular components, Oreo cookies and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Until now.

This one isn’t extreme or potentially explosive like some previous Blizzard names imply, and there’s nothing fancy in it like truffles or red velvet. The name is completely unimaginative, and yet this Blizzard is wondrous for its simple splendor.

Dairy Queen Oreo Reese’s Blizzard Oreo pieces

I thought the chocolatiness of the Oreo might clash with and overpower the more subdued peanut butter flavor of the Reese’s, but just like my explanation of Occam’s razor, I was wrong. The crunch and potency of the Oreos certainly are more noticeable than the Reese’s, but they both complement each other and provide that great chocolate-peanut butter combination.

Dairy Queen Oreo Reese’s Blizzard toppings

I also thought the DQ mixologist tried to skimp on the ingredients in my Blizzard, but once I broke through the mostly barren surface, I found a wealth of large Oreo pieces and an ample amount of Reese’s. Together, the taste was not wholly unfamiliar, as I’ve had countless Blizzards with either one, but it was also different enough to be very satisfying. So I can’t say this is my absolute favorite Blizzard, but it definitely earns a high ranking. And not that DQ asked me, but if they were to mix in some of those decadent cheesecake bites, then this might be the perfect combination.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: Small
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 760 calories, 32 grams of fat, 32 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 400 milligrams of sodium, 106 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 85 grams of sugar, and 16 grams of protein.

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