REVIEW: Papa Johns Doritos Cool Ranch Papadia

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Before consuming the new Doritos Cool Ranch Papadia, I’d never tried a Papadia. Is it because it’s an awful name, and I genuinely dislike ordering terribly named things? Maybe. It’s why I never wanted to order the Arby-Q or the Bell Beefer.

My first thought was, why not call this what it is — an unsealed calzone? And then I had THIS brilliant realization — ohhhh, it’s an Italian quesadilla… a Papadia! That, however, is incorrect. According to the Internet, the Papadia name was inspired by the piadina, a folded flatbread sandwich native to northern Italy.

And while I stand by my assertion that this is a stupidly named food object, I’m glad I ordered it. Because the Papadia — specifically this new Cool Ranch Doritos variety — was tasty.

Available as preset chicken, steak, or beef varieties (with the option to construct your own), the Cool Ranch Papadia is a “Flatbread-style sandwich covered with bold ranch seasoning, loaded with Doritos Cool Ranch Flavored Dressing, melty cheese, ripe tomatoes, onions & chicken.” Web copy also suggests, “Comes with a side of Doritos Cool Ranch Flavored Dressing for dipping.”

I’m sorry to say that my store didn’t have the Cool Ranch-flavored dipping sauce. Instead, I was given a tub of regular ranch and a half-hearted shrug.

The shell’s exterior was heavily dusted with Cool Ranch powder and was way ranchier than Taco Bell’s Cool Ranch shell. It carried with it all of the zestiness one would expect from its namesake chip. If you have an aversion to Cool Ranch, you’re going to have a bad time with this thing. (I might also ask what you were thinking by ordering it to begin with, though.)

The inside was about what you’d expect from a Papa Johns pizza, ingredient-wise, meaning— the chicken was a little prefabricated tasting but identifiably chicken, the onions seemed fresh, and the tomatoes… okay, well, look: I hate hot tomatoes. I would never intentionally order tomatoes on a pizza. But because we at The Impulsive Buy order the food unamended, there they were. And the tomatoes were of fine quality, don’t get me wrong. They’re just not for me, you know?

The ranch sauce was evenly applied throughout and complemented the other toppings (innards?) nicely. I wouldn’t say it wasn’t distinguishably “Cool Ranch,” but honestly, it was a bit hard to isolate the sauce.

One thing I found curious about the preset arrangement was the lack of bacon. Chicken, bacon, and ranch is a classic culinary trio that’s pretty hard to beat on a sandwich, in a salad, on a pizza, or in a chalupa. Maybe it was a cost-saving measure; if so, thumbs down. That said, this was a really enjoyable item overall. I’ll order it again before it leaves — only this time, I’ll swap the retched tomatoes for bacon, pocketbook be damned.

Purchased Price: $7.99
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 840 calories, 32 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 140 milligrams of cholesterol, 2330 milligrams of sodium, 82 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 55 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Starbucks White Chocolate Macadamia Cream Cold Brew

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Starbucks, you’ve done it again! Another cold brew to your lineup, and another winner.

Here for spring is the White Chocolate Macadamia Cream Cold Brew. New to the party are a macadamia syrup (added to the coffee) and a macadamia cream in the cold foam with a toasted cookie topping to cap it off.

The first thing I noticed when I grabbed this was how creamy it looked – I’d like to thank my barista for clearly acing the cold brew to cold foam ratio. The cold foam was already settling nicely into the drink. There was also a generous amount of the toasted cookie topping.

This might be one of the smoother-tasting cold brews I’ve had from Starbucks lately. I was delighted at first sip with its smoothness, and the macadamia brings a nice subtle sweetness. A little internet research tells me the flavor of macadamia nuts pairs well with coffee, so it’s no wonder it tasted good. For those unfamiliar with the nut, they tend to be a little buttery in taste, so there is no need to worry about a nuttiness overpowering your coffee. I was honestly surprised to see this had 20 grams of sugar in a tall, as it wasn’t very sweet at all.

I’ve mentioned this in some of my past Starbucks reviews, but I’m not the fastest cold coffee drinker. But because of that, I’m able to report that the toasted cookie topping stayed in the cold foam as I sipped my beverage. And from the time stamp on my drink to the time I finished, that was two hours! I really appreciated that it didn’t sink in, and I still got some with the cold foam at every sip. All that said, and much like I’ve felt with other Starbucks toppings, this one didn’t have much of an independent flavor to it. The toppings always seem like a nice-to-have, but they don’t enhance the drink’s flavor profile.

I’m definitely adding this new cold brew to my rotation, and I hope it hangs around for a while!

Purchased Price: $4.75
Size: Tall
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 170 calories, 9 grams of total fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 20 grams of total sugars, 2 grams of protein, and 145 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Butter Pecan Donut

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To celebrate the return of Dunkin’s ice cream-inspired Butter Pecan Swirl (a pump of flavoring that can be added to customize your drink), it has released an entire Butter Pecan-themed lineup, including the original Butter Pecan iced coffee and the new signature latte and frozen coffee… which I’m going to ignore because the star of this review is the sole non-beverage addition, the Butter Pecan Donut. As someone whose college degree involved a research project that required standing outside a nut shop for four hours surveying tourists on how they pronounced “pecan,” I consider myself pretty much an expert on this subject!

Right off the bat, this donut smelled uniquely delicious. The scent was bready, of course, but also oddly… earthy? There was a sort of bitter, almost coffee-like aroma that didn’t quite match up with the super-sweetness I usually expect from Dunkin’s donuts, which made me even more eager to give it a taste.

This is a round donut with no hole in the middle, foreshadowing the buttercreme stuffed inside. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves because before you can get to that, you’ll need to chomp into the donut itself, which is nothing too special — yeasty, flaky, airy, and yummy. Similarly, the tasty-but-plain vanilla icing on top seems to be the same as you would find on what might be the simplest item Dunkin’ offers: its vanilla frosted donut. What sets this apart is its topping and filling.

Dunkin’ describes the thorough coating of little golden flecks as “butternut topping.” But I’ve got to be honest — I’ve never seen that word used to describe anything other than squash, so, while accurate (the topping is indeed buttery and nutty), the label left me with more questions than it answered. To shed some more light on this vague, vegetal moniker, I did some digging into Dunkin’s “Allergen and Ingredient Guide” and triumphantly discovered the topping goes by another name, “Buttercrunch Topping,” which is comprised of “Sugar, Coconut, Yellow Corn Flour, Caramel Color.” To my relief, there is no squash involved! Regardless of what you call it, this topping is toasty with a pleasing crunch, calling to mind a combination of crushed graham crackers and toasted coconut flakes. But it’s ultimately more of a nice garnish than a central focus.

There was also confusion involved in my encounter with the buttercreme filling; rather than the traditional glob in the center, in my first bite, mine appeared in a thin layer towards the very bottom of the donut (though fortunately, the next bites were better saturated). The buttercreme was sweet and silky, rich and milky, and apparently it’s butter pecan flavored as well, though I definitely got much more “butter” than “pecan” flavoring. It was more nuanced than I expected; my first comparison was Dunkaroos frosting, which I guess doesn’t actually sound very nuanced at all, but it’s seriously delicious and was my favorite part of the donut by far, elevating the unremarkable cremeless bites significantly.

Oh yeah, I should also mention that there aren’t any pecans inside or on top of this donut, which is probably for the best since that sounds like a choking hazard!

If you’re keen to teach an old ice cream flavor some new tricks, I think you’ll like this one; you might not exactly go nuts for it, but you’d be nuts if you didn’t at least check it out.

Purchased Price: $2.28
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 360 calories, 16 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 300 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 29 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Cheesesteak Pizza

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When eating a cheesesteak, you’re guaranteed to get some steak in EVERY bite because it’s loaded with meat. But that isn’t the case with Pizza Hut’s new Cheesesteak Pizza.

The limited time offering comes with Alfredo sauce, green bell peppers, onions, parmesan oregano seasoning, mozzarella cheese, and Pizza Hut’s new grilled sirloin steak strips on your choice of crust.

The sirloin steak strips are easy to chew, somewhat meaty-tasting, and lightly seasoned with something that reminds me of what’s in the chain’s Italian sausage, but their flavor doesn’t excite my taste buds as much as pepperoni or Italian sausage. Plus, as I mentioned in the opening, there’s not enough of them on the pizza to get the cheesesteak-inspired flavors in every bite. Even after some minor rearranging of toppings to spread the meat a bit more evenly across my pizza’s face, there were still many bites that were sans steak.

Maybe the person who made my pizza was being a little stingy or having a bad day, or perhaps that’s how many there are supposed to be because I imagine adding more steak would increase the price to a higher aMOOunt. (Sorry, horrible steak joke.) Unfortunately, if you think you can fix this by getting more meat, there doesn’t seem to be an option to add extra steak when ordering online.

The meatless bites were okay because the garlicky Alfredo sauce, mozzarella cheese, and parmesan oregano seasoning are flavorful enough that it’s not like eating a pizza’s end crust. But overall, the green bell peppers, onions, and seasoned steak make my taste buds think I’m eating a less flavorful supreme pizza.

Pizza Hut’s Cheesesteak Pizza is a nice change of pace-kind of pizza, but its flavor didn’t wow me. But it did make me yearn for a supreme pizza. Because when eating one, there’s a better chance I’d get some meat with almost every bite, much like an actual cheesesteak.

Purchased Price: $15.99*
Size: Medium
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 slice – hand tossed crust) 220 calories, 9 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 410 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Grilled Chicken Cobb Salad

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Years ago, I used to order Wendy’s salads fairly often. That was in the dark time before I became aware of the wonderful, fiber-rich elixir that is Wendy’s Chili. Sometimes in the years since, I would look at Wendy’s menu to see what new salads it had come out with, strawberry-this and arugula-that, would say, “hmm, interesting,” and go back to devouring my piping hot concoction of beany bliss.

But it just came out with a Grilled Chicken Cobb Salad, and I’ve always had a positive impression of Cobb salad; it’s the kind of salad I think I would like to order in a diner if I could ever resist ordering pancakes in a diner. I’ve always felt that hard-boiled eggs don’t get nearly enough recognition for how nutritious and tasty they are, and this is a good usage of them. I had this salad twice: once with bacon and once without. I would tell you why this happened, but it’s more fun to leave it a mystery — let’s just say mistakes were made.

This salad, which Wendy’s PR claims to have spent copious time and energy developing, includes grilled chicken, applewood smoked bacon, chopped tomatoes, crispy fried onions, diced egg, ranch dressing, and Wendy’s signature lettuce blend. It also has cheese shreds, which the press release does not name, but they’re in there. The only thing that’s a little surprising here is the crispy fried onions, which are not a typical Cobb salad ingredient, but they do add a welcome bit of crunch.

Normally I’m pretty stingy with dressing on my salads to keep the calorie count down, but here, I was pretty liberal with the ranch because I know that’s part of the experience. See what I endure in the name of science? The result was about as indulgent as you can get while still technically eating salad.

The tomatoes tasted nice and fresh, which was an excellent start. The applewood smoked bacon is absolutely delicious and good in all the ways that bacon should be, but you don’t get that much of it, so it makes less of a difference to the end product than I thought it would. What does matter, and it matters a lot, is the chicken. It’s moist without being slimy and pleasantly salty without being over-seasoned. And Wendy’s gives you A LOT of chicken; I kept finding pieces hiding among the lettuce long after I thought I had finished all of it. Now, is this the same grilled chicken Wendy’s currently uses for all its salads? Probably, but if so, it’s a lot better than I remember from when I ate the salads a lot.

The only ingredient that doesn’t really work here is the cheese. The ranch and the eggs steal the show as the “fatty” components, leaving the bland cheese with nothing to do.

I probably won’t order it again soon, but that’s because, after this one little dalliance, I remain in a committed relationship with Wendy’s Chili; otherwise, I probably would. It’s nothing exciting, but it’s a reliable classic done right.

Purchased Price: $7.99
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Salad w/ranch dressing) 680 calories, 50 grams of fat, 12.5 grams of saturated fat, 270 milligrams of cholesterol, 1340 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 37 grams of protein.

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