REVIEW: McDonald’s Cookies & Creme Pie

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McDonald’s Cookies & Creme Pie looks saweet (is that how the kids spell it nowadays?). Not only does it look tasty, but with an almost toothpaste tube’s worth of white creme filling, it also seems like it would make my sweet tooth tap out before I got even halfway through the pie. Well, my sweet tooth is happy to report that while the black and white treat looks cloying, it’s surprisingly not as sugary as a Double Stuf Oreo Cookie.

Before opening the box, the aroma that radiated out of it brought to mind any Pop-Tart with a chocolate crust, like the Hot Fudge Sundae and Cookies & Creme flavors. It was a sign that this treat might not be as sweet as I thought. The crust’s flavor also made me think of Pop-Tarts with its mild dark cocoa taste. But there are varying levels of chocolatiness, with the crust’s seams having a flavor that stands out a bit more.

But the thing about Pop-Tarts is that while the crust isn’t flavorful, the filling more than makes up for it. Unfortunately, the creme’s taste in this pie is as mild as the crust. There were hints of vanilla, and at times I could’ve sworn I tasted a slight tang (my wife didn’t taste any), but the filling wasn’t close to being as sweet as Oreo creme or even McDonald’s soft serve. The combined mildness of the crust and creme made for a slightly disappointing treat. I guess I expected more of a sugary punch because of how other McDonald’s pies are, like the tasty Guava & Creme Pie I tried a few months ago. However, my wife said she liked that it wasn’t too sweet, which reminded her of Japanese confections.

The creme was stiffer than I expected, making it cleaner to eat — no oozing with the one I chomped through. Decorating the crust were flavorless white sprinkles that provided a slight candy crunch when I chewed on the soft, dark crust and softer, bright white filling.

So what could’ve made this better? Maybe the filling should’ve been a mix of chocolate and white creme, much like the Guava & Creme Pie was a mix of a guava-flavored gel and creme. Or maybe the white creme could’ve been slightly sweeter.

McDonald’s Cookies & Creme Pie was okay, but I wouldn’t repurchase it. Its flavor and sweetness don’t make me yearn for another, unlike an Oreo cookie or a cookies & cream ice cream/frozen dairy dessert, which I sometimes have self-control issues with. If you want a tastier and more satisfying cookies and creme experience from McDonald’s, just get an Oreo McFlurry.

Purchased Price: $2.69
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 220 calories (other nutritional information not available on McDonald’s website at the time of publication).

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Wraps Chorizo & Egg

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I owe Dunkin’ a bit of an apology.

Last year when it changed its app’s rewards program, I threw a full-blown hissy fit. “What do you mean I won’t ‘earn’ free coffees as often as I used to?! Wahhh, I’m a big fat entitled baby!” – real quote.

Ya know what, though? I’ve actually grown to like the new rewards. Every month when Dunkin’ releases something new, there’s usually a nice deal or two to be had within the app. Without said deals, I probably wouldn’t be trying and enjoying half of its new menu items.

Case in point – the new Chorizo & Egg Wrap. I may have skipped this one if not for this month’s offer. I got a $3 wrap with the purchase of a drink I was already getting. That’s not the BEST deal ever, but it worked on me. I’ve long been a fan of Dunkin’s line of Wake-up Wraps, so I figured this one couldn’t be too bad.

I figured…

It turns out it’s kinda bad.

The idea of chorizo being on Dunkin’s menu probably should have been my first red flag, but I assumed it does breakfast sausage, so how different can it be? Oh, it be different.

When I unwrapped the Chorizo and Egg Wrap, it looked like a giant Cheez-It, or rather a brittle, red, dusty dry brick. When I bit in, it was all of those words, but thankfully did not taste like a brick. Instead, it tasted like quite the opposite, pure lukewarm slop.

Along with cubes of scrambled egg, there are chunks of rubbery chorizo, roasted veggies of which I couldn’t even register, a few beans, and a “dose” of some kind of (Mexican?) cheese sauce. On paper, that doesn’t sound bad at all, but no single ingredient really stood out. The egg got swallowed up, and the rest just blended together into an unpleasant mix of mildly spicy – I gotta use the word again – slop. I like my chorizo more crumbled and way crispier.

Now I’ll be fair, the spice was nice. There’s just enough there that it won’t derail your morning. I imagine it came mostly from the chorizo and the cheese. Either way that zesty flavor was almost enough to get a passing grade, but nothing else landed.

The cheese, oily sausage balls, and mushed-up veggies just made for a wet mess that, to be fair, somehow stayed within the walls of the red pepper wrap that I genuinely didn’t like. It’s more of a sandwich wrap than a soft taco or burrito. Those may seem similar, but this should’ve absolutely been served in a soft tortilla.

So yeah, this is the first misfire I’ve had from Dunkin’ in some time. I’d compare it to a sausage Pillsbury Toaster Scramble, but worse. Without the app deal, I would’ve never spent five bucks on this. I kinda wish I didn’t spend three. I’m gonna have to rescind my apology. I want the old reward system back! In conclusion, wahhhh, I’m still a big fat entitled baby.

Purchased Price: $3.00 ($4.99 regular price)
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 410 calories, 21 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 140 mg of cholesterol, 1010 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 20 grams of protein.

REVIEW: KFC Ultimate BBQ Fried Chicken Sandwich

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I confess that I can sometimes be stubborn about changing my mind; luckily, that’s not required here because KFC has always been my favorite fast food chicken chain, and its new, limited time only Ultimate BBQ Fried Chicken Sandwich just makes me even more confident in that choice.

The first thing I noticed about this sandwich was an extremely pungent (and promising) barbecue smell, followed closely by an observation of just how pretty it looked. A pristine golden bun with a plump fried chicken filet peeking out, nestled among glimpses of ruddy sauce, vibrant pickles, well-cooked bacon strips, crispy fried onions, and a dense layer of cheese…. befitting of the “Ultimate” moniker indeed! (I should note that I had to order this twice, though, as my first go-round was missing the onions, so you might want to check before leaving the store to confirm that no sections of your sandwich are MIA.)

Fortunately, KFC’s latest creation tastes just as good as it looks. Individually, each element sparkled. The fluffy, shiny bun tasted wonderfully light and buttery! The bacon hit the sweet — or should I say smoky — spot right between too lean and too fatty! The just-barely-melted blanket of cheese provided a comfortingly Velveeta-esque creaminess without being runny enough to leave a mess! The fried onions were earthy and savory with a frizzled feel that perfectly backed up the crispy fried breading practically dripping from the chicken! The pickles were snappy and sour (I must admit I don’t usually eat pickles on sandwiches, so I don’t have a ton to say about them, but I’d like to think I could at least tell if they were terrible, and they definitely weren’t terrible)!

The barbecue sauce was nicely sweet but had a subtle spicy aftertaste that left my tastebuds buzzing for more, and its presence was much more powerful than I expected, so thick and sticky it almost reminded me of jam! And the chicken would make Colonel Sanders proud, with the meat providing tender, juicy nourishment and the breading throwing in a zesty crunch that even managed the rare feat of not flaking off immediately the second I bit in!

When taken in all together, a few components stepped out of the spotlight — the flavors of fried chicken, barbecue sauce, and pickle dominated, with the cheese, onions, and bacon more noticeable in terms of texture than taste — but I didn’t find that to be a problem. As I begrudgingly learned in my high school marching band, not everyone can play the fun parts all the time, but even if some bits aren’t as exciting, they’re just as important for a harmonious whole. I truly can’t imagine the Ultimate BBQ Fried Chicken Sandwich without any of these ingredients.

The biggest potential criticism I could predict some having is a desire for more barbecue sauce; mine was merely glopped timidly onto the top and bottom buns rather than boldly oozing out as it does in promotional images, and while that was just enough for me as someone who eats my pancakes without syrup, my fries without ketchup, etc., I can see others finding it a little dry. Ultimately, though, I’d suggest this sandwich for even the sauciest shopper.

I’ll also mention that KFC suggests pairing this with another newbie for the summer menu, its Blackberry Lemonade. It was unfortunately sold out at my local store. Hopefully, you’ll have better luck — but then again, anyone who has this sandwich as an option is already pretty dang lucky.

Purchased Price: $8.37
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 650 calories (other nutritional info not available at time of publication).

REVIEW: McDonald’s Cheesy Jalapeno Bacon Quarter Pounder

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As the summer sun beats down upon our heads, McDonald’s has decided to also make the insides of our heads burn with its new Cheesy Jalapeno Bacon Quarter Pounder with Cheese. The burger features a 1/4 lb beef patty, two American cheese slices, three half-strips of bacon, a cheese sauce, and jalapeno slices on a sesame seed bun. It’s basically a spicy bacon cheeseburger.

My order came with ten jalapeno slices. TEN! Of course, your results may vary. With that generous amount of brined, spicy peppers, I thought the flavor and heat would overwhelm the rest of the sandwich. But the cheese sauce tempers the spiciness and vinegary peppery punch with its salty processed cheese product goodness. But the sauce doesn’t make this spicy Quarter Pounder tolerable to those who are heat adverse. Also, oddly, the orange condiment has the viscosity of spackle, making it hard for gravity to pull down the jalapenos stuck to the sauce.

Yes, there are also the two American cheese slices that are in every Quarter Pounder, but they don’t stand out here because the sauce is cheesier and saltier. I imagine if the slices were left alone to manage the jalapenos’ heat and flavor, they wouldn’t stand a chance, and I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed this burger.

Now let’s get to the meat of the menu item.

The beef patty and bacon’s saltiness and meatiness still come through despite the strong jalapeno taste and cheesiness. The bacon’s smokiness is also noticeable with most bites. Unfortunately, the pork pieces are chewy but not crispy. However, the jalapenos do add some texture by providing a pleasant crunch.

I plan to reorder this tasty McDonald’s Cheesy Jalapeno Bacon Quarter Pounder. Although when I do, I’ll probably customize it with extra cheese sauce to make it truly taste cheesy since the American cheese was no help in that department. But again, this is just a spicy bacon cheeseburger with pretty much the same ingredients we’ve seen in offerings from other fast food chains. There’s nothing groundbreaking flavor-wise here.

After eating the burger, my face looked and felt a little flushed thanks to the eight jalapeno slices, and I did reach for a cold drink a couple of times while eating this. But then again, my head might’ve felt that way due to the combination of this burger and the summer heat.

Purchased Price: $7.89*
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 650 calories, 38 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 120 milligrams of cholesterol, 1760 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 37 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Cake Batter Cookie Dough Blizzard

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We all have some beliefs that we know with certainty are true, and no amount of debate or evidence will ever change our minds. For me, one of those tenets is this: sprinkles are wildly overrated and borderline useless in society. I know others disagree, including the group of small children I saw at a Fourth of July picnic fighting over a shaker of sprinkles for their ice cream. Perhaps they had been studying the Declaration of Independence and thought acquiring said sprinkles would help them successfully achieve their pursuit of happiness. I contend that those kids were misguided. Try eating a handful of just sprinkles and tell me I’m wrong.

At this point, you might assume that my review of Dairy Queen’s July Blizzard of the Month is trending toward a big thumbs down because the Cake Batter Cookie Dough Blizzard has a double dose of sprinkles. The colorful pieces of nothingness are mixed into the cake batter-flavored soft serve and embedded into the confetti cookie dough pieces.

There is a hero, however, that saves this Blizzard. While the standard vanilla soft serve base of most Blizzards is perfectly fine, this cake batter variation is sumptuous. It somehow manages to amp up the sweetness of the ice cream without going too far, and it delivers a subtle extra flavor that seems like a little bit of icing mixed with cake. I would definitely eat cake batter ice cream by itself.

Despite my professed indifference, or perhaps even disdain, for sprinkles, I must say this is a decent Blizzard. And I will begrudgingly say the sprinkles are not completely useless here. They bring a rainbow of color, which I guess is great if you are posting on Instagram, and they contribute a bit of extra texture, which is pleasant. But because sprinkles have virtually no taste, they contribute virtually nothing to the flavor of this Blizzard.

The cookie dough nuggets in here can best be described as sugar cookie-flavored. Again, there are some sprinkles in the cookie dough, as shown in the photo after I dissected one, but, again, they don’t add any flavor.

The quibble I have with this Blizzard — other than my excessive diatribe about sprinkles — is that the cookie dough pieces are overshadowed by the cake batter ice cream. The dough had such a mild flavor that I almost forgot about it. This one might be worth doing a little experimenting and asking for some M&M’s or Oreo cookies to be added to the mix.

Even though this one missed the mark a bit for me, it is certainly worth trying just to experience the cake batter-flavored ice cream.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: Small
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 610 calories, 21 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 320 milligrams of sodium, 95 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 71 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein.

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