REVIEW: Dunkin’ Ice Spice Munchkins Drink

Have you ever wondered what’s better than having your cake and eating it too? Dunkin’ is here with your answer: having your cake donut, blending it with frozen coffee, covering it with caramel and whipped cream, and drinking it through a straw. That’s right, Dunkin’ has teamed up with rapper Ice Spice for a new Fall beverage, the Ice Spice Munchkins Drink, and the name says it all. It’s an icy, pumpkin-spicy, super-sweet concoction with pumpkin munchkins blended right in. If you’re not familiar, Ice Spice has a handful of Billboard Hot 100 hits this year, and the tie-in stems from her fans being called munchkins, a reference to her song “Munch (Feelin’ U).”

The drink is frozen coffee (cream, liquid sugar, coffee syrup, and ice) blended with pumpkin munchkins donut holes, served in a caramel drizzled cup that’s topped with whipped cream, more caramel, and a sprinkle of pumpkin spice. Before you go saying it’s weird or gross that the donuts are smashed up in the mix, let’s consider the fact that people throw things like spinach, bananas, ice, and milk together in a blender and call it a smoothie. This is a smoothie for the junk food crowd, and I won’t knock it until I try it.

My drink appeared to be missing any sort of obvious caramel sauce lining the cup, and thank goodness because it was apparent from my first sip that this thing was already plenty sweet. The dusting on top has nice brown sugar and cinnamon notes, but these will be completely lost unless you take off the lid and try it by itself because everything coming up through the straw is so saccharine it becomes one-dimensional. Or two-dimensional, if you count soggy donut crumbs as a dimension.

I originally found the drink’s thickness alright, kind of like a milkshake – albeit one with ice chunks – and the donut crumbles not totally out of place. It has some pumpkin/fall flavor, but the coffee is entirely undetectable and the main flavor notes are cream and sugar with bursts of caramel. It’s too sweet to drink very quickly and doesn’t improve as it sits.

Looking at a spoonful of the mixture evokes an image of what you’d get if you stirred pumpkin puree into whipped cream, and the texture is sort of like a soggy graham cracker. Not more than a few sips in, I was regretting my decision to get a medium.

I have to give Dunkin’ credit for a sort of clever idea for a collaboration (a.k.a. cashing in on a celebrity and the pairing at least making some sense), but it’s too cloying for me. With the absence of any coffee flavor, it’s layer upon layer of sweet things that scream for balance but is only met with wet donuts. Sorry, Ice Spice and Dunkin’, I’m not feelin’ you.

Purchased Price: $4.79
Size: Medium
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (medium) 830 calories, 39 grams of total fat, 22 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 300 milligrams of sodium, 115 grams of total carbs, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 102 grams of total sugar (96 grams of added sugars), and 7 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Panda Express Apple Pie Rolls

Panda Express’ fortune cookie is the fast food chain’s default dessert. It comes with every order, but it’s not the best way to end your meal, especially if you happen to get a stale one (which has happened to me on more than one occasion) or you get a fortune that reads, “Keep your expectations reasonable,” after expecting to get a crunchy fortune cookie.

If you’re a regular Panda Express eater, I imagine you’ve had dozens of these fortune cookies and, at some point, wished there was something better to consume post-meal. Well, my Orange Chicken or Eggplant Tofu-loving friend, there’s something much better now — Panda Express’ Apple Pie Rolls.

The dessert features apples and fall spices in a crispy rolled pastry that’s finished with cinnamon sugar. An order is just one roll for two dollars. The warm treat is about six inches long and three-fourths of an inch wide, and it looks like it rolled through the Sahara Desert if the Sahara Desert was cinnamon sugar instead of sand.

The fried exterior has a nice crispiness, but underneath that are unfried pastry layers that give some resistance when trying to bite through the roll. But once you get past that minor opposition, the combination of the cinnamon sugar, slightly snappy apple pieces, and gelatinous goo the fruit is floating in is a delightful treat. This is as great as McDonald’s Fried Apple Pie (which we still have on these rocks in the middle of the Pacific Ocean). It has all the flavors of an apple pie, but without the need of a fork to eat it.

I liked it so much that when one of the halves above rolled off my cutting board and onto the floor, I growled at my dog as she charged towards it to keep her from snatching it, picked up the piece, ignored the five-second rule, and ate it. Then, I had to clean up a mess of cinnamon sugar off the floor.

Its price is the only issue I have about it, and I feel this way because I have something to compare it with. McDonald’s Fried Apple Pie goes for $1.69, and although it lacks a cinnamon sugar coating, the McDonald’s one is about the same length and noticeably wider. It’s a minor issue, and you can get Apple Pie Rolls cheaper if you purchase a large order of six pieces for $11.40.

So if the Panda Express cashier attempts to upsell you an Apple Pie Roll, I’d suggest you plunk down the extra two dollars and get one.

Purchased Price: $2.00
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 roll) 150 calories, 3 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Chicken Enchilada Burrito

If you go back through Taco Bell’s test product history, there have been several Chicken Enchilada Burritos, and most had something unique. Whether it was rolled tacos inside or grilled cheese on the outside, they had that Taco Bell flair. But not so much with this 2023 version that’s available nationwide, which has chicken, a three cheese blend, red sauce, seasoned rice, and reduced-fat sour cream in a warm tortilla.

I guess the best way I can describe its flavor is to write that it’s a completely inoffensive menu item that won’t make your taste buds perk up nor make them want to hide in the back of your throat. The chicken, red sauce, and three cheese blend provided most of the flavor, but I wish there was more red sauce, which might’ve made this taste a bit bolder. Hot sauce packets are definitely needed for this one. While its flavor was uninspiring, it was surprisingly filling and hefty, weighing in at under eight ounces, probably thanks to the seasoned rice.

Maybe its flavor is making me feel this way, but it’s not even visually exciting. The burrito’s cross-section looks like a palette for an artist trying to paint the depths of how depressing the fall season is. Sure, it’s fall, so it’s appropriate that it looks like a watercolor painting called “Foliage’s Slow Autumn Death,” but there must’ve been something Taco Bell could’ve added to make it look a bit more colorful. Red crispy strips? Tomatoes?

Taco Bell’s Chicken Enchilada Burrito is not a bad tasting product, and it’s also perhaps one or two customizations away from being somewhat taste bud-perk upping, but I wouldn’t order it again as it is.

Purchased Price: $3.99*
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 380 calories, 12 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 1150 milligrams of sodium, 49 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar (including 2 grams of added sugar), and 19 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did. The advertised price is $2.00.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Cheesy Jalapeno Mexican Pizza

I don’t want to sound like some fast food conspiracy theorist, but Taco Bell discontinuing its Mexican Pizza in 2020 was all a marketing stunt to get a bunch of folks to write about how much they miss the Mexican pizza, create copycat Mexican Pizza recipes, or write listicles about discontinued fast food items which include the Mexican Pizza. Taco Bell took it away and brought it back two years later, and then a year later, we now have this new Cheesy Jalapeño Mexican Pizza after years of not having any other varieties of the menu item when it was around the first time. That all sounds deliberate.

So what’s different with this Cheesy Jalapeño Mexican Pizza? Along with the usual Mexican Pizza ingredients – seasoned beef, a three cheese blend, refried beans, Mexican pizza sauce, and tomatoes – it also comes topped with nacho cheese sauce and jalapeño peppers.

And as expected, it tastes like a Mexican Pizza with nacho cheese sauce and jalapeños. Well, not with every bite because the number of pepper slices on mine made it difficult for that to happen. But those pungent peppers made themselves known whenever I took a bite with them. They add a briny, peppery flavor with a bit of a spicy kick that gets lessened by the nacho cheese sauce. Speaking of that orange goo, like all items that feature it AND the three cheese blend, the nacho cheese becomes the Big Cheese over the other. But the menu item is pretty much a spicy, cheesier Mexican Pizza, which I find to be as enjoyable as the original version.

Because this doesn’t have any unique ingredients, you could easily order it when it’s no longer officially on the menu. It’s just going to cost a little more. Again, I’m no fast food conspiracy theorist, but maybe this is a plot to get us hooked on spending money on customizations. Love the Cheesy Jalapeño Mexican Pizza, but it’s not on the menu anymore? Don’t worry. You can still have it. Just customize a regular one with jalapeños and nacho cheese sauce. But it’ll cost you a buck fifty more. Not willing to spend the extra cash? Well, I guess you don’t love it.

Do you know what, Taco Bell? I might just spend the extra dough if I want to change it up a bit with my Mexican Pizzas. Maybe I’ll also add some creamy jalapeño sauce for a few more cents to get jalapeño in every bite. Me and my taste buds can see through your plan, but we’ll play along.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 830 calories, 29 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 980 milligrams of sodium, 49 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar (including less than 1 gram of added sugar), and 19 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Strawberry Twists

I wish Taco Bell’s new Strawberry Twists were a vibrant pink color. I’m talking a shade so intense that you could walk right into a showing of the Barbie movie with an order of them raised in one hand like a torch, and no theater employee would confront you about bringing in outside food, but instead think of it as part of your ensemble.

In Taco Bell’s promo photos, they’re pink but with a tint that’s less Barbie and more like Pepto Bismol that’s been diluted with milk of magnesia. But, in real life, it’s hard to pick out the pink with these twists.

The Strawberry Twists are crispy, puffed pieces sprinkled with a strawberry-flavored dusting and sugar, and they are only the second other Twists variety that the chain has offered other than cinnamon. I assume whatever pink there is comes from the strawberry-flavored dust that accumulates in the nooks and crannies of every piece like they’re the Pink Panther hiding from Inspector Clouseau. But they’re primarily off-white, which made me initially think they would have little flavor.

However, they have as much as the cinnamon ones. I mean, don’t expect it to hit your tastebuds like you’re dipping your tongue in a container of Strawberry Nesquik powder, which, after typing it, sounds like something I should try to do as an adult. (Hey, Siri. Add Nesquik powder to my Grocery list.) Instead of a bold taste, expect a mild artificial strawberry flavor that’s far from cloying but also far from being bland. They have just the right amount of berry to make them quite dang tasty.

That said, Taco Bell’s Strawberry Twists aren’t more enjoyable than the original cinnamon ones, but I think they’re another pleasant way to end your Taco Bell meal. With their introduction, I hope it leads to other twists of Taco Bell’s Twists. A Baja Blast-flavored version would be perfect to release in 2024 for Baja Blast’s 20th birthday.

Take my idea, Taco Bell.

Purchased Price: $1.39
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 170 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 10 grams of sugar (including 10 grams of added sugar), and 1 gram of protein.

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