REVIEW: Wendy’s Breakfast Burrito

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“It’s bigger than I thought it would be,” my girlfriend said, starting down at my lap. But before you get any weird ideas, we were leaving the Wendy’s drive thru, and she was referring to the new breakfast burrito I’d recently procured. And to be fair, she was right.

While Wendy’s entry into the crowded world of breakfast burritos isn’t necessarily akin to the infant-sized behemoth you might find on a working person’s local food truck, it is close to twice the size of a McDonald’s burrito, and maybe 25% larger than oh, say, Sonic’s. (I’ve never had a Burger King breakfast burrito, provided they sell one, and it’s been a decade or more since I had Hardee’s version, so I can’t speak to that one, either.)

Unlike its closest fast food competitors — and really, unlike most other breakfast burritos in general — Wendy’s sets itself apart in a few ways. First, it’s using two “fresh cracked eggs.” Think “fried” egg instead of the scrambled you typically find in most burritos. If you’re into that sort of thing, you’ll love this; personally, I found myself missing the consistent bite provided by the scrambled kind.

Second, it’s including its “seasoned breakfast potatoes” in the mix. If you haven’t had the chain’s answer to the standard hash brown, you might be pleasantly surprised. The right amount of seasoned, the right amount of externally crispy, and the right amount of internally fluffy, these wedge-like tubers fill up space within the burrito normally occupied by scrambled egg. Without them — due to the flat nature of the fried eggs — this burrito would be quite thin.

And finally, Wendy’s is setting itself apart by employing a “Swiss cheese sauce.” The idea of a Swiss cheese sauce is pretty intriguing, don’t get me wrong, but I was hard-pressed to notice it in the mix. All I really noticed from a cheese perspective was the American. It did what American cheese always does — it got melty and gooey and served its purpose well.

Same goes for the bacon. Wendy’s uses “Applewood smoked” bacon, which are oven-baked. Wendy’s bacon is pretty good, if you’ve never had it. It comes across as less genetically engineered than McDonald’s, and thicker than Burger King’s. Wendy’s claims there are six strips in the burrito, but that wasn’t my experience. Either their strips are an inch long or they’re fudging the numbers, but I don’t know that I believe mine had anything close to that number.

It’s also worth noting that Wendy’s is including a Cholula hot sauce packet with your burrito. I’m not normally a “hot/taco/picante sauce on my burrito” kinda guy, but I tried it for the sake of science, and predictably, it didn’t really do much to elevate my experience. If you’re a Cholula on your breakfast burrito person, though, this is a thoughtful inclusion.

While this burrito was fine, I’d only eat one again if I found myself requiring a fast-food breakfast and there was nary a McDonald’s in sight. It wasn’t good enough to make me seek out another one, and when it comes to a new product, that’s not exactly a ringing endorsement.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 700 calories, 40 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2210 milligrams of sodium, 53 grams of total carbohydrates, 4 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 32 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sonic Pulled Pork BBQ Cheeseburger

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There are many things that pop into my mind when I think of Sonic: their magical, perfectly chewable ice nuggets, the amazing variety of drink and frozen treat options…and the time my wife spilled an entire Route 44 Cherry Coke on herself when she snagged the lid on the car door. Thankfully, she doesn’t read my reviews. She does not find nearly as much humor in that memory as I do.

One thing I don’t associate with Sonic is BBQ because, well, it’s Sonic. So I wasn’t sure what to expect when I ordered the new Sonic Pulled Pork BBQ Cheeseburger. To my mild surprise, it was quite good. Mind you, it’s not good like one of those BBQ places where you wait in line for 45 minutes and pray they don’t run out before you get to order, but if you have a hankering for some pulled pork and are pressed for time, this gets the job done.

This sandwich contains what you would expect based on the name — a burger patty, cheese, and pulled pork. The pork didn’t really wow me, but it was juicy and tender as it should be. It’s the little extras that make this shine. The meats are nestled in a pillowy, slightly sweet brioche bun with a blanket of pickles to add some crunch and acidic kick. Sonic claims it has “cherrywood smoke sauce,” which I quite enjoyed, despite detecting only the slightest hint of smoke flavor and certainly not enough for my palate to detect the type of tree from which any smoke might originate. The sauce did have a more complex flavor than what you might expect from a typical fast food BBQ condiment.

The end result was a juicy tag team of beef and pork with some tasty sauce that paired nicely with the pickles and mild cheese flavor. The great-tasting bun holds it all together beautifully. My only quibbles are that this thing is pretty salty, as the 1,590 milligrams of sodium confirms, and the $6.39 price tag seems a touch pricey, especially since mine wasn’t overflowing with pulled pork as the Sonic app led me to believe.

Sonic says this is a limited time item, so I plan to get it at least once or twice before it disappears. It’s also available as a simple pulled pork sandwich without the burger and as Totchos with cheese sauce, shredded cheese, pulled pork, and sauce on top of tots.

Purchased Price: $6.39
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 700 calories, 40 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 1590 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 38 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Hot Honey Double Pepperoni Pizza

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I’m all for this hot honey trend that seems to have been going on for the past year or so. Just thinking of “hot honey” makes me smile. But not for the reasons you think.

It brings a smile to my face because saying, hearing, or reading the words “hot honey” makes me imagine Winnie the Pooh saying, “Oh, you’re looking hot, honey,” to an enticing, overfilled jar of honey in the most seductive voice that Winnie the Pooh can conjure up while rubbing his belly with both hands and wiggling his hips, with Piglet and Eeyore shaking their heads and covering their eyes.

Pizza Hut has jumped on the hot honey trend train with its new Hot Honey Double Pepperoni Pizza that features classic and crispy, cupped pepperoni and the chain’s new habanero-infused honey sauce, which, on this pizza, made me rub my belly with both hands and wiggle my hips.

Don’t let the words “habanero-infused” scare you if you’re afraid of habaneros because the hot honey doesn’t sting. There was a little burn, but it mostly made my mouth tingle. Pizza Hut’s crushed red peppers are spicier. The topping had a slight peppery flavor but mainly provided a pleasant burst of sweetness that went well with the savory meats and cheese. I liked the hot honey enough that when I got a bite that lacked any sweetness, which was rare, I lamented for a bit.

At first, I thought the addition of two different pepperoni was overkill. However, on top of the cupped pepperoni providing a crispy texture and a slightly different meaty flavor, they were also used as cups to contain the hot honey. I don’t know if that was intentional, but if it was, kudos, Pizza Hut.

If you want a pizza that’ll make you sweat or cause your mouth to burn so much that it’ll make you want to drink a cold glass of someone else’s sweat, Pizza Hut’s Hot Honey Pizza will not meet your high heat standards. But for me, saying its name and eating it makes me as happy as a particular pants-less teddy bear finding honey, and I would order it again over a regular pepperoni pizza.

Purchased Price: $15.99*
Size: Medium
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 medium pizza slice) 270 calories, 12 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 560 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: KFC Smash’d Potato Bowl

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If you’re a fan of KFC’s Famous Bowls, get ready to be bowled over (heh) by the chicken chain’s newest offering, the similarly-themed-but-even-more-tater-filled Smash’d Potato Bowl. I get the line of thinking: fried chicken is often eaten with sides, which are often potato-based, and said potato-based sides often come with toppings, so why not give customers a meal that “smashes” all of these favorites together in one forkful (or, in the case of the utensil my local KFC provided, sporkful)?

This bowl begins with a base of mashed potatoes, which are then covered in a layer of fries, doused with cheese sauce, and then sprinkled with bacon bits. (The press release says there’s a three-cheese blend thrown in as well, but my meal gave no indication of that, so it was either really well-hidden or just not important enough to be remembered). You’ll notice that I didn’t actually mention chicken because it’s optional. If you opt for it, it comes in the form of five nuggets. Vegetarians, though they may not be KFC’s target audience, rejoice! … Oh, wait, there is still bacon even in the nugget-less variant, so vegetarians, stop rejoicing! Anyway, KFC’s nuggets are too “finger lickin’ good” for me to resist, so of course I had to add them.

All of these ingredients sound pretty promising, but unfortunately, throwing them together didn’t really wow me. In fact, what the haphazard mishmash made me think of more than anything was a school cafeteria lunch. The mashed potatoes were silky, pleasantly avoiding the grittiness and graininess that can sometimes creep in, but they had an odd aftertaste that made me want to focus on the other ingredients as much as possible. The fries were more delicious than I’d thought they’d be, crispy and savory on the outside but surprisingly and appealingly soft on the inside, but something about eating fries and mashed potatoes together did feel a bit ridiculous, even for an admittedly whimsical eater like me.

The thin, slightly tangy cheese sauce, to be frank, was gas-station quality. And while the bacon bits actually did impress me with how chewy and not-stringy they were, they were so concentrated in the center that the excess kept falling from my spork and getting lodged in the nooks and crannies of the bowl, so while they appeared pretty plentiful, most of them didn’t make it to my mouth. It didn’t shock me that KFC’s famous chicken, so juicy and zesty, was my favorite part by far, but it’s sad to think that the best bit of this is the one that’s optional.

KFC’s Smash’d Potato Bowl does deliver on the starch-stuffed combo it promises, but your mileage may vary: the more noticeable thing it delivered for me was a hankering for a plain old order of chicken and fries — hold the elusive bacon, synthetic-tasting mash, and underwhelming cheese, please.

Purchased Price: $7.61
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 760 calories. Other nutritional information was unavailable at the time of review.

REVIEW: Burger King Candied Bacon Whopper

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If only you could’ve seen my face when I rolled my eyes after hearing about Burger King’s Candied Bacon Whopper. Candied bacon? Bacon jam? Oooh, fancy, Burger King. Are you providing cloth napkins now, too? But after eating it, I need to put my foot in my mouth, and I will gladly do so, as long as there’s a Candied Bacon Whopper attached to it because I’m surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

The newest Whopper variation features a flame-grilled beef patty, tomatoes, lettuce, crispy fried onions, garlic aioli, sweet bacon jam, and brown sugar candied bacon on a sesame seed bun.

I will skip writing about the beef patty, tomatoes, lettuce, and sesame seed bun because if you’ve had a Whopper, you know what those bring to the table. So, let’s start with the bacon jam with chewy bacon bits. It’s sweet, smoky, and a little peppery, and I could be cliche here and say it’s my jam, but I can’t because, on its own, I can taste why it needs the other toppings to make this Whopper special. Its flavor doesn’t have a strong punch.

The brown sugar candied bacon doesn’t look like the shriveled-up pork pieces that are Burger King’s regular bacon. The sugary coating makes the bacon look better but doesn’t help give it a crispy texture. It’s not as sweet as the bacon jam, which allows its salty and porky goodness to come through. When combined with the sweet and savory jam, they give the burger a tasty barbecue-like vibe. Also, at times, I tasted something that reminded me of teriyaki sauce, so that might be the garlic aioli making itself known among the other toppings.

As for the crispy fried onion pieces, their flavor helps complete the barbecue vibe I’m tasting. They also give the burger some crispy texture, which I wish was from the bacon and lettuce, but I will take it any way I can get it.

Sure, Burger King’s Candied Bacon Whopper has almost the same amount of sugar as a 20-ounce bottle of Mountain Dew, but that helps make this Whopper sweet and sahweet (Am I using that properly, kids?). I can understand how that sweetness might turn off a few taste buds, but mine appreciated every bite. I’m sorry, Burger King. I thought you couldn’t pull off something like this, but I was wrong.

Purchased Price: $15.29 (meal)
Size: Small meal
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 850 calories, 49 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1.4 grams of trans fat, 103 milligrams of cholesterol, 1090 milligrams of sodium, 71 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 72 grams of sugar, and 41 grams of protein.

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