REVIEW: Dairy Queen Caramel Toffee Cookie Blizzard

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Have you ever been excited to see a new movie, and as you are leaving the theater, or more likely getting up off your couch, all you can think is, “Well, that was disappointing?” Let me introduce you to the rare Dairy Queen Blizzard that I might turn down if offered it for free. The new Caramel Toffee Cookie Blizzard is a classic case of over-promising and under-delivering.

The DQ website describes this one as having “chewy cookie pieces, buttery toffee and golden caramel,” which is all technically accurate. Then things go off the rails a bit with this sentence, which apparently someone got paid to write: “Picture your favorite autumn moments—the crunch of leaves underfoot, the warmth of a bonfire and family outings filled with laughter—all brought to life in this Dairy Queen Blizzard Treat.”

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a bonfire nearby; otherwise, I might have tossed a mostly full cup into the flames. This one made me rethink my belief that you cannot really have a “bad” Blizzard, because anything with ice cream and various other sweets will at least be palatable.

This one barely clears that bar. For starters, the cookie pieces (which, according to the ingredient list on the DQ website, are blondie cookies) are immense. They certainly are chewy, as promised, but not much else. The flavor of the cookie pieces is nondescript, but their size overpowers the other parts of the Blizzard, and they were so chewy that it distracts from the other parts.

I really wanted to like this Blizzard, and I’m a big fan of toffee. OK, I’m not enough of a fan to have ever purchased a Heath or Skor bar, but I always snatched a few in the process of “checking” my kids’ Halloween candy. And I’ve enjoyed other toffee Blizzard variations. This one just missed the target. The toffee pieces did bring a bit of crunch, but there didn’t seem to be enough of them in my Blizzard, and the caramel flavor was barely there.

Maybe this would be a bit better with more toffee and without the Godzilla-sized cookie pieces, but I can’t imagine it would make a big difference. The overall taste combination of the cookies, toffee, and caramel was inexplicably almost a little bitter. So, this one gets the rare Do Not Recommend classification in my book.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: Small
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 680 calories, 22 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 430 milligrams of sodium, 106 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 81 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Special Edition Gold Sauce

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Honey mustard has been a McNugget option for years at McDonald’s. On very rare occasions, I’ve gotten it with a nugget order. But it’s so rare that I can’t even remember the last time I had it. It might’ve been during the original Snack Wrap years.

My usual choice has been Hot Mustard, and if it ever goes away, I will use whatever power I have to make sure that McDonald’s Corporate will regret that decision, which the folks there will totally ignore while they swim in money like Scrooge McDuck.

Like Scrooge McDuck, McDonald’s is also into gold, more specifically, it has a new Special Edition Gold Sauce. According to the chain, “it’s a harmonious blend of vinegary North Carolina BBQ sauce, infused with notes of honey, smoke and mustard.”

It’s available in a dipping cup for McCrispy Strips and Chicken McNuggets, as well as with McCrispy Chicken Sandwiches and the Snack Wrap. Since I’m just a regular guy rolling in credit card debt and not Scrooge McDuck rolling in gold, I skipped the chicken sandwiches and went with the Snack Wrap and McCrispy Strips.

In my McCrispy Strips review, I wrote that I thought the Creamy Chili Sauce that debuted with them was as good as my beloved Hot Mustard. But I’m going to kick that Creamy Chili Sauce to the curb because this Gold Sauce tantalizes my taste buds more and I think it should be permanent.

The sweet, smoky, and mustard-y flavors pair much better with the seasoning in the McCrispy Strips’ breading. I like it so much that while devouring and dipping the chicken strips, some sauce landed on the back of my hand, and without pausing, I licked it off. So I guess it’s back of the hand lickin’ good.

While I highly recommend it as a dipping sauce, I can’t say the same about it in a Snack Wrap. I felt there’s not enough of it within the flour tortilla to showcase its delicious flavor. Instead, the tortilla muzzled it.

To get a satisfactory level of taste, I dug out some Gold Sauce from one of the containers that came with my chicken strips and added it to the wrap. But the default amount does not cut it. Fortunately, you can order a dipping cup of it for a quarter, which I highly recommend if you get the Snack Wrap.

I’ve been really into Carolina BBQ sauce recently, so that might’ve come into play into how much I love McDonald’s Gold Sauce. My taste buds don’t want it to ever leave. If you want suggestions, McDonald’s, as I mentioned before, the Creamy Chili Sauce can go. Or kick Honey Mustard to the curb, and replace it with this.

Purchased Price: $6.19 (4 piece McCrispy Strips), $3.99 (Snack Wrap)
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Sauce), 5 out of 10 (Snack Wrap)
Nutrition Facts: (just the sauce) 90 calories, 8 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 5 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of sugar (including 5 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Maple Cookie Shake

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Just in time to make those brisk fall months feel a bit chillier is Dairy Queen’s new Maple Cookie Shake. It blends DQ’s soft serve, maple cookie crumble, milk, and whipped topping to create an off-white shake that doesn’t bring anything maple-related to mind.

What also doesn’t bring boiled tree blood to mind are the cookie crumbles floating within the shake. They’re as plentiful as the stars in the sky while gazing from a bed of orange leaves, and they maintained their crunchiness as I slurped up the entire shake, but they didn’t seem to add to the maple flavor. I expected additional maple bursts when I chewed on them, but didn’t get that. The shake’s description says maple cookie crumbles, but the ingredient list says shortbread cookie crumbs, so that probably explains the crumble’s lack of fall flavor.

However, that’s okay, because the maple-flavored soft serve does more than enough to make up for the cookie’s lack of flavor. The sweet maple in this shake is perfect, and I wanted to scoop some out and put it between some toasted Eggo waffles to create an ice cream sandwich, but being in the middle of a mall food court made that problematic. As for the whipped topping, it’s just there to add a bit of flair to the affair, just like this sentence does to this paragraph, as you might be aware.

Not into pumpkin spice or caramel apple, and want to experience another popular fall flavor through a straw? Dairy Queen’s Maple Cookie Shake is a sweet and delicious alternative to putting a straw in a bottle of pure maple syrup.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: Small
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 590 calories, 29 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 380 milligrams of sodium, 71 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 59 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Crafted Flatzz

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If you want a personal pizza from Pizza Hut, you could get its Personal Pan Pizza, or you could go up to any of the chain’s other pizzas, spend quality time with it, learn about each other through long, deep conversations, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll build a platonic or romantic relationship with it. But now there’s a third way — Pizza Hut’s new Crafted Flatzz.

The pizza-for-one comes in several varieties: Nashville Hot Chicken, Chicken Bacon Ranch, Pepperoni Duo, Three Cheese, and Ultimate. So that I can tell my doctor I ate vegetables, I picked up the Ultimate, which comes topped with fire-roasted peppers, caramelized onions, diced tomatoes, pepperoni, and Italian sausage.

The Crafted Flatzz is oval-shaped and is about 11 inchezz long and about six inchezz wide. It’s the perfect size ratio to cram into a vertical TikTok video or Instagram Reel. Its length is almost as long as two Personal Pan Pizzas, and if you fold it in half, it’s about as thick. However, I thought that there’s enough with this oblong menu item for two meals. Well, at least for me.

Its edges were quite crispy, but not quite as satisfying as the buttery crispiness from Pizza Hut’s original pizza-for-one. As I ate my order, I noticed there wasn’t a lot of sauce, although I could taste its sweet, tomato flavor with almost every bite.

As for the rest of the toppings, they were typical Pizza Hut fare, although I was glad to see diced tomatoes included. (Gotta get that lycopene!) They added occasional bursts of acidic goodness that give this a slight taste difference from a supreme pizza.

Besides its flavor, what I also liked about this was its price, which is comparable to the chain’s Personal Pan Pizza. However, the locations near me were only promoting the five-dollar price for orders placed before 5 pm. Weird.

While I enjoyed chomping my Crafted Flatzz, it’s not as satisfying as a Personal Pan Pizza. It’s also not something I would consider completely new. It’s essentially a thin-crust pizza for one, with a name that makes me roll my eyes due to the use of double Zs.

I mean, I understand it because pizza has two Zs, and it would be weird if it were just one. And calling it Flatzza would’ve been worse, because that’s a horrible name. And giving it the name Flatizza would’ve been the worst because it would’ve violated Subway’s trademark.

I’m sure Pizza Hut’s lawyers do not want to get personal with Subway’s lawyers.

Purchased Price: $5.00
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: No nutrition info was available on the Pizza Hut website at publication time.

REVIEW: Starbucks Pecan Oatmilk Cortado

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Ask any of my colleagues, they can vouch for me: While the official first day of fall is the day Starbucks releases its PSL and other fall menu items, I definitely bragged about a new beverage around the water cooler.

After introducing the Cortado at the start of the year, Starbucks has a new variation just in time for sweater weather. It’s the Pecan Oatmilk Cortado, and it features three shots of ristretto blonde espresso, oatmilk, pecan syrup, and pecan crunch topping.

Let’s cut to the chase. This thing is delicious. For starters—and for something that has nothing to do with the flavor—the 8-ounce size remains absolutely adorable. The original Cortado had whole milk as its standard, but now that I’ve had it with oatmilk, I am not going back.

The flavor here is smooth, creamy, and definitely nutty. The Pecan Syrup has a very authentic flavor, and when paired with the oatmilk, it’s the perfect combination. I find the syrup to be the perfect amount of sweet, and would recommend sticking with the two pumps included rather than customizing and adding more. The flavor held up over time (I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… I’m a notoriously slow coffee drinker, but it really helps when evaluating things such as how flavor holds up!). And the short size is truly perfect here. It packs just enough of a punch to kickstart your day and get you ready for those cooler temperatures on the horizon.

I’m knocking it down a point due to the lack of visible pecan crunch topping. It might have sunk into the drink, but you couldn’t see anything with the naked eye.

Despite the lack of topping, this is an amazing drink here. I’ve been super pleased with the Starbucks Cortados, and I’m crossing my fingers for more options in the future!

Purchased Price: $4.95
Size: Short
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 120 calories, 3.5 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 13 grams of total sugars, 1 gram of protein, and 230 milligrams of caffeine.

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