REVIEW: Pizza Hut Cheeseburger Melt

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Did Pizza Hut always have fries?

I hate to start a Pizza Hut Cheeseburger Melt review with a short review of Pizza Hut’s fries, but that’s what I will do here. They are surprisingly good and go great with this Melt. Although I shouldn’t be surprised since Yum Brands, who owns Pizza Hut, also owns KFC and Taco Bell, which have decent fries. They’re somewhat like Taco Bell’s fries but crispier. The interior is pleasantly fluffy, and they have seasoning on the coating, but I’m not sure what it is. But whatever it is, it makes these fries tasty.

Now, let’s delve into the star of this review, which features beef, Applewood-smoked bacon, onions, mozzarella, and cheddar, all nestled in a parmesan-crusted thin crust that’s folded with a Burger Sauce on the side.

Without the sauce, the Melt has a combination of flavors that’s not recognizable as cheeseburger-like and not too flavorful. Nothing really stands out like the meat and cheese does with an actual cheeseburger. Thankfully, the Burger Sauce exists and helps enhance everything so that it does remind me of the fast food classic. The creamy and tangy sauce has the same flavor profile as other burger “secret” sauces and is tangy enough to make the Melt taste as if it had pickles in it. Like the pickle seasoning on cheeseburger-flavored potato chips, that tang helps bring the fast food menu item to mind. It’s not a Thousand Island dressing or a fry sauce (ketchup and mayo). It’s something in between that. But whatever it is, it makes his Melt taste much better. Also, ask for a second container, because one is not enough for a whole Pizza Hut Melt.

So far, the photos I’ve shown you are from my third order of the Cheeseburger Melt. I didn’t purchase three because I adore this Melt so much that I can’t go days without having one. I had to buy it three times because my local Pizza Hut locations didn’t have the Burger Sauce the first two times I ordered it online, the day of release (I got it with the fries), and the day after at a different location. I believe the famous saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me a third time…not gonna happen because I will order it in the store and ensure it has the Burger Sauce in stock.”

If you’re interested, here’s a photo of the first one I bought with a side of Pizza Hut fries and marinara sauce.

Would I buy Pizza Hut’s Cheeseburger Melt a fourth time? I definitely would, as long as I’m 100 percent sure I can get the Burger Sauce. I’d also get it with the fries again.

Purchased Price: $9.49
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Melt) 1180 calories, 76 grams of fat, 25 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 140 milligrams of cholesterol, 2290 milligrams of sodium, 86 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 41 grams of protein.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Grandma McFlurry

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The cruelest words you can hear in a McDonald’s are, “The ice cream machine is broken,”… but a kindly guardian grandmother must have been watching over me on my most recent visit because no technical difficulties came between me and the new Grandma McFlurry.

Yes, I can hear you scratching your head from here. The new what now? So, I’m just going to come out and say it—the ambiguous name has to be a reference to the Werther’s Original hard candies that just seem to universally, perpetually, magically accumulate in the homes of people of a certain age, right?

Or maybe not, because, unlike those classic caramel treats, the new geriatric-named McFlurry (whose true flavor was sneakily never actually mentioned in the initial press release, drumming up quite the mystique) has turned out to be butterscotch-based.

Atop the creamy pillow of vanilla ice cream, there are both butterscotch crumbles and a butterscotch swirl. In my McFlurry, the crumbles rested pretty much entirely on top, and while there was some syrup there too, I found that most of it quickly sunk to the bottom. That meant that mine didn’t look much like the promotional image—a bountiful, evenly-swirled beauty with alternating layers of copious syrupy gold—but the ratio of toppings to ice cream was great, and the taste was even better, so I had nothing to complain about.

Though some grandmas have a reputation for being crotchety, this treat made me feel more crochet-y—as in so joyful that, like a tender-hearted elder, I felt the urge to craft a sweater for my (not-yet-existent) grandchild. My McFlurry was sweeter than Grandma’s cookies. Yet with such a well-rounded creaminess, plus a tinge of saltiness from the butterscotch, that the sugariness never overwhelmed.

The ice cream had a silky texture and a full flavor, but of course, the butterscotch bits were the stars of the septuagenarian-inspired show. For me, the crumbles, in particular, knocked it out of the park/nursing home. As I mentioned, I went in with hard candy on the brain, so it was a pleasant surprise to find that these, while solid, were also unexpectedly tender: crumbly and satisfyingly yielding when I bit down but practically melt-in-your-mouth when I didn’t. They reminded me of the inside of a Butterfinger bar, and while they don’t contain any peanut butter, the orange-y color, crackly texture, and sweetness certainly felt familiar (and delicious). (And speaking of comparisons, I also found the whole thing to smell, comfortingly and nostalgically, just like Waffle Crisp cereal.)

As for the syrup, it was thinner than I would have thought but still retained an impressively rich taste. In fact, the blending together of the runny syrup with the ice cream that started to melt and pool at the bottom of the cup resulted in a malty, cereal-milk-esque experience that I really enjoyed.

No matter what exactly the Grandma McFlurry reminds you of, I think it pulls off its job of evoking warm, cozy, happy memories perfectly. No matter your age, gender, or preference in seemingly-endlessly-refilled household candies, I suggest you slide on your slippers, grab your walker, and embrace your inner senior citizen at McDonald’s today.

Purchased Price: $6.19
Size: Regular
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 600 calories, 12 grams of fat, 340 milligrams of sodium, 102 grams of carbohydrates, 86 grams of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Chocolate Chunk Cookie

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Dunkin’ has a new chocolate chip cookie, but this time it’s not giving us the recipe. The new Chocolate Chunk Cookie comes pre-packaged and measures four inches wide.

The coffee and donut chain says the treat is loaded with a generous amount of chocolate and has pretzel bits and notes of savory brown butter. Dunkin’ ain’t kidding when it says “loaded.” Unless you’re a bird or eat like a bird, I guarantee you’ll get a bit of chocolate with every bite. There are huge morsels spotted all over it, but split it in half, and it appears there’s a chocolate layer within it. Generous, indeed, Dunkin’.

While munching my way through it, my molars came upon cereal-sized bits of something crunchy. Since I didn’t read the ingredients or the press release before biting into the cookie because I thought there were just choco chunks baked into them, I was pleasantly surprised by the crunchy bits. After learning they were pretzel bites, I was then confused by them because I didn’t notice a pretzel flavor, just a hearty crunch.

While there’s ample chocolate, the snack seems to be 50-50 cookie and chocolate, so it doesn’t seem like I’m eating a candy bar. It has a chewy texture that reminded me of fudge brownies. Oddly, some bites were noticeably salty. I’m pretty sure it’s from the savory brown butter and not the pretzel bits because I detected more saltiness with bites that didn’t include them. It bothered me a little, but I imagine some might find it to be a little too savory to their liking for a sweet cookie.

Dunkin’s Chocolate Chunk Cookie is an okay pre-packaged offering that has the same amount of saturated fat as a Big Mac if you eat the whole thing. I love the amount of chocolate in it, my sweet tooth enjoyed it, and I was pleasantly surprised by the crunch of the pretzel bits, but it’s not a must buy.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 370 calories, 18 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 440 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 28 grams of sugar (including 26 grams of added sugar), and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Starbucks Summer Skies Drink

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There is a morning every year that I walk out of my house, and I can feel the very beginning of summer. A new warmness in the breeze takes me back to those mornings heading to school and knowing the year was nearing its end. Starbucks, hoping to capture that summer feeling, introduced a new line of Refreshers, anticipating them to be 2024’s drinks of the summer. One of the three new offerings, Summer Skies Drink, takes the Summer-Berry base (raspberry, blueberry and blackberry flavors), shakes it with coconut milk and ice, and serves it over raspberry flavored pearls.

Don’t let the name “raspberry flavored pearls” make you think they are anything new. They are nothing more than popping boba that has been on the menu at chains like Dunkin’ and Sonic. I was confused by the use of “pearls” instead of popping boba, as the term (at least to me) invokes the more traditional, chewy boba. Regardless, I was surprised to see Starbucks coming to this trend a little late.

Like most Refreshers, the drink has a nice pop of color. Reminiscent of a Bomb Pop, its visuals scream “summer.” Using the included boba straw, I took my first sip. As expected, I got a mouthful of the raspberry-flavored pearls, which overshadowed the base’s flavor. With the slightest bit of pressure, they popped, and the generic somewhat sweet raspberry taste filled my mouth.

Going back in, I made sure to try the base to get a better idea of its flavor. Without the pearls’ influence, it was a mildly sweet, berry delight. The coconut milk added a smooth creaminess and allowed the Summer-Berry base to shine. Trying the whole thing together (drink & pearls), I found the spherical additions almost unnecessary. They added the unique texture of popping boba, but I didn’t find they enhanced the drink’s taste. It was this nice, light, creamy beverage with a fake raspberry flavor at the end. Another thing of note, I was left with a large amount of pearls by the end. The size I got (grande) came with two scoops, which I felt made the drink-to-pearl ratio uneven.

Starbucks’ Summer Skies Drink is a refreshing summer option, but it doesn’t quite hit all the high notes. The real star is the Summer-Berry and coconut milk base; it offers a light, fruity, creamy sip that feels like summer. However, the boba pearls feel a bit like a trendy afterthought. They add texture, but their strong flavor clashes with the base. I might tinker with it (blended? or less pearls?) to see if it elevates the experience. For now, though, the Pink Drink will likely remain my go-to for a fruity, caffeinated summer pick-me-up.

Purchased Price: $6.45
Size: Grande
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 150 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 29 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 50 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Burger King Philly Melt

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I’m a fan of melts in general. Creamy, indulgent cheese smothering an unctuous protein, all wrapped in a warm cocoon of toasted bread, is hard for a tummy-focused girl like me to resist. While my favorite melt of all time is the tuna melt (Let’s hear it! Tuna Fish Protein Supremacy!), I like a good patty melt once in a while, too. Unfortunately, the latest offering from a certain corpulent monarch, the Burger King Philly Melt, is not all that great.

According to BK, the sandwich features two Whopper Jr. patties topped with peppers, onions, Swiss cheese, and Savory Royal Sauce on Toasted Bread. However, there are a couple of problems here.

First, the bread is the biggest disappointment. It looks like the top is toasted to buttery perfection, but looks are deceiving here. The bread has virtually none of the texture of toasted bread and not much flavor; the look is just for aesthetics. I don’t know if they somehow failed to toast it or just toasted it very lightly, but it’s not quite right. Considering how dominant the cheese is here, having that contrasting, crisper texture would have added a lot to the experience.

Second, the Swiss cheese and the “Savory Royal Sauce” blur together to the point that I didn’t realize they were two separate entities. The overall flavor of Swiss is nice, and while it’s mild, it overpowers the sauce.

The peppers and onions were too soggy to add much texture, but to be fair, I did have to wait until I got home to eat the sandwich; maybe if you get the Philly Melt fresh off the line, the veggies will be a little crisper. I could experiment with this, but to be honest, I don’t feel curious enough to order it again. Flavor-wise, the vegetables break up the wall of cheese a little with a fresher flavor, but it’s fairly subtle; the onions don’t taste caramelized, and the green pepper is neutral as can be. Maybe the flavors would have been stronger if the pieces had been chopped larger, especially the green pepper, but as it stands, they don’t add as much as one would hope.

Obviously, the big draw here is the cheese, and in that department, Burger King delivered. The Swiss flavor is pleasantly mild, and having every bite enrobed in the cheese sauce gives you your money’s worth. They may not have nailed the Philly Melt, but they got the key component right. The only problem with the cheese is that, because it’s so mild compared to the beef, the taste of the flame-grilled patties is very prominent.

Burger King may have reached for the moon with the Philly Melt, but they didn’t land among the stars. They did, however, hit a low-altitude asteroid cluster, so it’s not all bad news. If you love patty melts, this will probably not be an incarnation that will knock your socks off. But taking a pleasant, veritable swim in a pool of liquified Swiss cheese is enjoyable enough that it’s worth a shot.

Purchased Price: $5.49
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 590 calories, 38 grams of fat, 16.1 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 100 milligrams of cholesterol, 970 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 28.3 grams of protein.

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