REVIEW: Burger King Morticia’s Kooky Chocolate Shake

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This October, Burger King has teamed up with one of the most iconic Halloween families: The Addams Family!

This fall marks the 60th anniversary of the original series, and fans are eagerly awaiting season 2 of Wednesday. However, BK has opted to brand its seasonal lineup with the animated movies instead. (I enjoyed the 2019 film, but the 2021 sequel was literally the worst version of the franchise I’ve seen. And I’ve seen most incarnations.)

Representing the family matriarch is Morticia’s Kooky Chocolate Shake, which mixes soft-serve ice cream with chocolate cake batter fudge, topped with black and purple cookie bits. (It seems like a missed opportunity not to call this a Kooky Cookie Shake or a Kooky Cocoa Shake.)

Let’s get this out of the way first: chocolate cake and chocolate shakes seem like something that Morticia Frump Addams is unlikely to eat. For someone who enjoys cooking aardvark, yak, eye of newt, and cookies with bats and lizards, chocolate just seems too gauche. And she also seems unlikely to feed it to her carnivorous plant Cleopatra.

But for me, someone who does not keep nooses or iron maidens hanging around the house, I really enjoyed the shake. Since it is made with cake batter fudge, it is a richer, more sophisticated chocolate shake than one you would get made with chocolate syrup.

The cookie pieces are a standard chocolate sandwich cookie, but the creme filling is purple. They have a good flavor, but perhaps more importantly, they provide some textural contrast to the soft shake. But there’s not too many of them to become annoying.

At the bottom of the cup, I scooped up some of the cake batter fudge. It had a slightly gritty texture and a rich, almost buttery flavor. This tells me they actually put some effort into this limited-time offering, instead of just putting in a nondescript syrup and pretending it’s fancy.

Morticia’s Kooky Chocolate Shake is a scream. Or, rather, a scree-yum.

Purchased Price: $4.69
Size: Regular
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 740 calories, 30 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 690 milligrams of sodium, 106 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 82 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Gomez’s Churro Fries

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Perhaps the most intriguing product from Burger King’s Addams Family Menu is Gomez’s Churro Fries, fried crispy pastry dough tossed in cinnamon sugar and served warm with chocolate sauce.

Wednesday’s Whopper looks cool with its purple bun, and Morticia’s Kooky Chocolate Shake sounds delightful with black and purple cookie pieces and chocolate cake batter fudge. But there have been numerous Whoppers with colored buns, and the shake sounds like it’s just a chocolate shake with cookie bits. However, how many major fast food chains have offered us a churros and chocolate combo? I can’t think of one.

The dippable dessert comes in four-, eight-, and twelve-piece orders and is served in an Addams Family-themed box with a section where you can put your chocolate sauce container, similar to the Chicken Fries bawk-s. I got an eight-piece order because four didn’t seem like much, and I expected these to be awesome.

However, they were disappointing.

Before dipping a churro into the sauce, I had to try it sans sauce. That was a mistake because it tasted plain, just fried dough with a hint of sweetness. I could taste more oil than anything sweet. I wondered if mine were tossed in cinnamon sugar because it didn’t taste like it. When I smelled the others in the box, I got a faint sweet scent, and after eating the first one plain, there was an accumulation of seasoning on my fingers, which had a light cinnamon sugar flavor. So maybe mine didn’t get tossed with enough seasoning?

The chocolate sauce helped my order taste better. There was more than enough of it in the container for all eight pieces with double dipping. The dark sauce covered up most of the oiliness, but that also meant it masked whatever hint of sweetness the churros had. Sure, the chocolate’s sugariness made up for it, but if these had a more robust cinnamon sugar flavor, they would’ve been excellent with the sauce. (Side note: I also dipped Burger King’s fries into it and enjoyed it more than the churros.)

Because of my disheartening experience with the churro fries, I decided to get another order from a different location. The cinnamon sugar flavor with my second order may have been slightly better, but they needed more seasoning.

Gomez’s Churro Fries had the potential to be great. They have a pleasant crispiness and are a decent size, but like the number of Addams Family references in this review, the cinnamon sugariness is lacking.

Purchased Price: $6.59*
Size: 8-piece order
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 300 calories, 18 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 270 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

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REVIEW: Sonic Witch’s Brew Slush Float

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For Halloween, Sonic has introduced its Witch’s Brew Slush Float, which consists of a green apple slush, caramel “bubbles” (popping boba), and vanilla soft serve.

No mortal has ever drunk witch’s brew and lived to tell about it, which means food companies can make the flavor whatever they want it to be. I’m really pleased that Sonic opted for a classic Halloween flavor instead of something boring and irrelevant (like marshmallow).

As the cashier handed me the drink at the drive-thru window, I noticed it was a putrid shade of green. Like mold, algae, or ogre snot. That might not be appropriate if it were an elf or leprechaun drink, but for witch’s brew, it’s perfect!

In the fifteen minutes it took to drive home (I don’t eat in my car), the ice cream had lost its freshly extruded grooves, and the slush was browner. But luckily, it was still nice and cold.

I expected the slush to have a strong and fake candy apple flavor, like a Jolly Rancher in liquid form. It was more subdued than I expected, and there was more of a caramel flavor as well. I assume the caramel flavor leaked from the “bubbles,” and I approve. Of course, it doesn’t really taste like an actual caramel apple, but it was still a pleasant combination of caramel and apple flavors.

And those caramel bubbles are so fun! By pressing them between my tongue and the roof of my mouth, they popped their sweet, cold liquid, leaving the skin to dissolve. I liked to imagine they were eyes of newt. Yummy, delicious newts made of candy.

And that vanilla soft serve ensures the whole drink doesn’t become too slushy sweet. I’m glad we don’t have to pick between creamy and slushy!

So far, the only side effect I’ve experienced was the initial brain freeze. No tails have sprouted, no polka dots have appeared on my skin, no appendages have grown or shrunk. This brew will disappoint an actual witch, but for the rest of us, this might be my favorite thing I have ever had from Sonic.

Purchased Price: $7.49
Size: Medium (only available size)
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 420 calories, 6 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 280 milligrams of sodium, 93 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 88 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

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REVIEW: McDonald’s Chicken Big Mac

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I could’ve sworn we’ve had the Chicken Big Mac in the United States before. Or maybe I’m confusing it with a menu hack I’ve seen online. Or perhaps I was thinking of Burger King’s version of it from years ago. Or maybe I’m confusing it with the international McDonald’s locations that offered it. Or perhaps I had a vivid dream about it after falling into a McDonald’s-induced food coma?

Anyhoo, finally, the Chicken Big Mac is an official thing in the US, and it features two all-chicken patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, no onions on a sesame seed bun. The breaded poultry appears to be the same one used in the McChicken, which makes sense because using the McCrispy fillets, which aren’t as uniformly shaped, would’ve made it harder to wield and much messier. (Update: Via the comments and the press release, I learned these tempura battered chicken patties were specially made for the Chicken Big Mac.) Yes, much like the iconic original, the shredded lettuce and secret sauce can get everywhere with this sandwich. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some sauce on my chin or hair right at this moment.

Unsurprisingly, the Big Mac components work well with the chicken patties. As someone who has probably eaten his weight in McChickens and Big Macs over the past two decades, I think it tastes exactly like I expected. The breaded coating has a slight pepperiness, the American slice adds a slight cheesiness, and the sauce and pickles give the sandwich a jolt of tanginess. The crispy coating also adds a little more crunch on top of what the lettuce provides. With that said, while this sandwich is tasty, there’s something about the all-beef patties that makes the original taste better.

While the Chicken Big Mac is good and is definitely worth a try, it hasn’t got me completely yearning for another one. Instead, while I ate it, it made me wish more for an opportunity to always be able to customize any sandwich with the special sauce in the McDonald’s app. I’d love the option to add it (along with some pickles and cheese) to a McChicken and turn it into a version of the Mac Jr. without beef. Or add it to a McCrispy sandwich. Or create a Filet-O-Fish Big Mac.

Purchased Price: $5.99*
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 700 calories, 37 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 1410 milligrams of sodium, 61 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar (including 6 grams of added sugar), and 25 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

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REVIEW: Wendy’s Under the Sea Pineapple Frosty

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If you plan to get Wendy’s Krabby Patty Kollab Meal because of the Pineapple Under the Sea Frosty, let me save you some money and tell you that you should skip the meal and just get the Frosty a la carte. The tropical-flavored dessert is leagues more satisfying than the Krabby Patty Kollab Burger, which is just a Dave’s Single with the mayo swapped out for a Thousand Island dressing-like sauce.

The meal comes with a small Frosty by default, and Wendy’s describes it as a Vanilla Frosty with a pineapple puree on the bottom. While the chain calls it a “puree,” don’t expect your Frosty to have any tiny fruit bits floating in it. It’s a sauce. Because mine came in a compostable paper cup instead of a clear plastic cup, I couldn’t see the sauce clinging to the sides of the cup like it does in the promotional drawings.

Actually, with my order, I didn’t see many yellow swirls of pineapple puree, even while trying to excavate it from the bottom of the cup. This somewhat worried me that I might’ve ended up with a dessert that tastes mostly like a Vanilla Frosty. It’s not a horrible predicament, but it’s not what I paid good money for and not what I want after having to say Krabby Patty Kollab Meal out loud.

However, my fears were quelled after putting the first spoonful into my mouth. I tasted a slightly tart but fully delicious pineapple flavor with an underlying creaminess from vanilla Frosty. After that initial taste, everything else was a blur that resulted in me shoveling half the small Frosty into my mouth with a bit of it dripping from my chin. I don’t know how many seconds passed, but I do know my taste buds were thoroughly satisfied. But I might be biased because I’m a pineapple-phile and have given positive reviews for a number of pineapple products over the years. After catching my breath and wiping away whatever was on my chin, I finished the rest and thought this Frosty was as delightful as the Orange Creamsicle one from earlier this year.

However, my sugar high was brought down a bit by the thought that when this limited time only offering is gone, I may never be able to taste it again. I hope you bring it back, Wendy’s.

Again, skip the Wendy’s Krabby Patty Kollab Meal and just get the Frosty. Better yet, use the money you’ll save from not getting the meal and put it towards getting a large Under the Sea Pineapple Frosty.

Purchased Price: $12.19 (combo)
Size: Small Frosty
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 330 calories, 8 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 58 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 52 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

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