REVIEW: Jack in the Box Grilled Sandwich (Deli Trio and Turkey, Bacon & Cheddar)

/ / Reviews / 15 Comments

Recently, Jack in the Box tempted fast food eaters around the nation to try their new Grilled Sandwiches by offering a free one with the purchase of a large drink. But there’s a catch: only one free sandwich per person, and there’s two sandwiches to choose from: Deli Trio or Turkey, Bacon & Cheddar. A cruel move, but one that seems to be the crux of Jack’s marketing campaign, as illustrated in the commercial used to promote Jack’s free sandwich day. I wonder how long it will take me to succumb to the temptation of using the term “sammich.”

The scenario of the commercial is as follows: Jack’s in his office, and two relatively attractive women are sitting on a couch before him, each holding one of the new samm– sandwiches. They proceed to argue over which sandwich is better, not-so-subtly sneaking in the highlights of each sandwich and the fact that you could get it for free on February 23rd. Jack turns to the camera and proclaims that this is the worst commercial he’s ever been in, which is a bald-faced lie, as you’d know if you’ve ever seen the commercial for his Mini Sirloin Burgers, in which he sits at a campfire surrounded by little people dressed as cowboys. Furthermore, one of the semi-hotties responds with the suggestion, “We could kiss?” In the battle between small cowboys and hetero-flexible sort-of-hot businesswomen, I think we all know who wins. Unfortunately, us, the viewers, do not win, because the commercial ends before the ladies throw their’ sandwiches to the floor and start furiously making out. Another point in Jack’s corner for cruel marketing.

Jack ups the indecision ante in a promotional email, saying, “I can’t decide which one I like better. I’d imagine that’d be like having to choose which of your fraternal twins you like better. Except in that case, one is usually evil.

You think you’re so slick, Jack, forcing me to pull a homeless man off the street and into my car so that I can order two large drinks and get two free sandwiches. Well, the joke is on you, because I went into that drive-thru alone, paid $2.19 for a large drink, got my free Deli Trio, and then paid $3.99 for the Turkey, Bacon & Cheddar. Take that, Jack! I worked the system, and I worked it good. Added bonus: no lingering hobo smell in my car.

Sandwiches acquired, without the head-scratching confusion I usually get from fast food employees when I try to purchase a new menu item, I headed home, sipping my ridiculously large drink that I didn’t really want in the first place. I’m not a big drink orderer. In case you’re the type of person who judges others on what they drink, I got an unsweetened iced tea. Judge me as you will.

Deli Trio Grilled Sandwich

The Deli Trio Grilled Sandwich is described by JitB as “Genoa salami, sliced ham, roasted turkey, Provolone cheese and pickle filets with a creamy Italian dressing on grilled artisan bread.” Sounds interesting enough. I’m a big fan of salami, and I find the phrase “pickle filets” just delightful.

It’s certainly bigger than I expected, which is a pleasant surprise. They even went so far as to cut it in half for me at a jaunty angle. Right off the bat, though, I’m disappointed by the “artisan bread.” Looks to me like a regular ol’ slice of sourdough, which doesn’t exactly scream “artisan.” The top piece of bread on the Deli Trio had some nice grill markings, but the grilling was inconsistent on both sandwiches. They were also very greasy, but that’s to be expected when you’re handling a piece of bread that’s been slathered with butter.

Initial smell is mostly pickle (filets) and a tangy smell that I’m assuming is the creamy Italian sauce. It’s a nice, meaty sandwich, but the ham seems to overwhelm a lot of the other flavors, including the salami, which I was really hoping would be one of the more prominent flavors. Upon inspection, it appears that there is one layer of pickles, one paper-thin slice of salami, four slices of ham, two of turkey, and two of the provolone. I definitely would have liked more salami and less ham, but I’m assuming salami is the more expensive of the two. However, the ham was quite good; I’d say all of the ingredients lived up to JitB’s promise of deli quality ingredients. While the ham does its best to take over, you can still catch a taste of all the other ingredients, and they play pretty well together. The tangy sauce and the brine of pickle offset the meatiness nicely.

Overall, the Deli Trio Grilled Sandwich makes for a tasty meal when you’re on your lunch break at work, but it’s not going to rival a similarly constructed sandwich you could get at your local deli. Flavorful and satisfying, but it doesn’t really bring anything mind-blowing to the table. I’d go ahead and pick one up if I was in a hurry and craving a meaty sandwich, but if I had the time, I’d probably just head to the deli for a sub. I’ll give Jack in the Box some props, though; for a big-name fast food joint, they did their best, and their best is not horrible. In other words, way to not totally fail, Jack.

Turkey, Bacon & Cheddar Grilled Sandwich

Mmmm. Bacon. Everyone loves bacon. Which is kind of annoying, actually. I believe bacon has actually become an Internet meme, which I never would have thought could happen. But, you know what, that’s a rant for another time. Let’s just get to this sandwich!

Initial olfactory reports: smoky bacon, tangy cheddar, something else I can’t quite put my finger (nose) on, but overall, it smells promising. Jack describes this sandwich as “Roasted turkey, bacon and cheddar cheese with a Sun-dried Tomato sauce on grilled artisan bread.” We’ve already addressed the “artisan” bread issue, and I’m not even going to start on the inappropriate capitalization, but the sun-dried tomato sauce may be the mystery smell.

I gotta say, I like this sandwich. The bacon is actually crisp, no small feat for a fast food joint, and the cheddar is sharp and full of flavor. Even though the turkey gets kind of swallowed up by these other two strong flavors, it adds a good, meaty platform. I’m a little disappointed by the sauce. I was looking for it, and I think it was struggling to be noticed, but I just couldn’t get a handle on it. So I peeled open the sandwich, and what I found was a disappointingly small amount of sauce on the bread. I took a little bite of just the bread and sauce, and it was really quite good. I feel that it’s a shame there wasn’t more on there, but I’m a big sauce fan, so maybe it would be acceptable for other people. I’ll just ask for extra sauce if I wind up ordering it again.

Much like the Deli Trio, the Turkey, Bacon & Cheddar Grilled Sandwich couldn’t stand up to a real deli sandwich, but for a fast food offering, it does its best. The quality of the ingredients is solid, and both are full of flavor; I think for both sandwiches, the thing that stops them from really shining is the balance of ingredients. Deli Trio had too much ham; the other had too little sauce. They may be minor grievances, but for me, it prevents both of them from going from a good sandwich to a great one.

So, the question that Jack apparently wants everyone to ask themselves: which sandwich is better? As much as I hate to say it, I agree with Jack — I can’t decide. Both are flavorful but slightly flawed, and they have very different tastes. It’s the dilemma of apples and oranges; it would be unfair to compare them to each other. Maybe watching some sexy Jack in the Box executive businesswomen get freaky would help me decide. I’m just saying.

(Nutrition Facts: Deli Trio – 627 calories, 28 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 80 milligrams of cholesterol, 2,461 milligrams of sodium, 450 milligrams of potassium, 54 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugars and 37 grams of protein. Turkey, Bacon & Cheddar – 647 calories, 30 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 93 milligrams of cholesterol, 2,128 milligrams of sodium, 423 milligrams of potassium, 53 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugars and 39 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Grilled Chicken Sandwich (Deli Trio and Turkey, Bacon & Cheddar)
Price: Free with the purchase of a large drink, $3.99 for the other sandwich
Size: 1 sandwich
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Deli Trio)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Turkey, Bacon & Cheddar)
Pros: Deli quality meat. Fast alternative to hitting a deli. Argument-induced spontaneous lesbianism. Pickle filets. Flavors working well together. No hobo smell in my car. Bacon.
Cons: Not enough salami on the Deli Trio. Not enough sauce on the Turkey, Bacon & Cheddar. Getting cock-blocked from lesbianism. Bread not exactly artisan. Sandwich vs. sammich. Uneven grilling.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Sweet Chili Sauce

/ / Reviews / 17 Comments

I’m glad McDonald’s introduced their new Sweet Chili Sauce because I was getting a little stir crazy having only three varieties of McNugget sauces to choose from — barbeque, sweet & sour and hot mustard. If it wasn’t for this latest sauce, I might’ve pulled a Tiger Woods and start sticking my McNuggets into things I shouldn’t, like Jello pudding, Baconnaise, the Big Mac’s secret sauce, or a Big Mac itself.

The Sweet Chili Sauce looks very much like the sauce that comes with the spring rolls I order at Vietnamese pho restaurants. Both have an orange hue with chili flakes floating in them, but the McDonald’s version has a much thicker consistency. It’s like dipping McNuggets into orange Jello that hasn’t completely set.

Unlike other McNugget sauces, it’s easy to see through the Sweet Chili Sauce, so if you collect enough packages of it, you can pull a Jim Halpert and stick the stapler of your workplace foe in a fish tank full of it. It’s also clear enough to help remind you that you’re eating chicken in the form of a nugget.

The Sweet Chili Sauce doesn’t really tickle my taste buds. It tastes somewhat like the sauce that comes with spring rolls, but a weaker version of it. While I was hoping there would be a balance, it’s much more sweet than spicy, which makes sense since sugar is the number two ingredient in it behind water. While there are chili peppers floating around in it, they barely register on my own personal heat index and don’t provide much flavor. Compared with the other McNugget sauces, I thought Sweet Chili Sauce’s flavor was bland.

While I admit it’s my least favorite, it’s unfortunate that the Sweet Chili Sauce is around for only a limited time. Because when it’s gone and I get tired of the other sauces again, I hope I’m not able to find a bottle of Baconnaise on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

(Nutrition Facts – Unavailable. I bow my head in shame because I am unable to provide you with this important information.)

Item: McDonald’s Sweet Chili Sauce
Price: Included with McNuggets
Size: 1 ounce
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Tastes somewhat like the sauce that comes with spring rolls. Great if you like to see your McNuggets through the sauce. Pho. McDonald’s Hot Mustard Sauce.
Cons: Doesn’t tickle my taint. Much more sweet than spicy. Not a flavorful sauce. The urge to dip my McNuggets into other things. The idea of Baconnaise.

REVIEW: Sheetz Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpet Cupo’ccino

/ / Reviews / 17 Comments

(NOTE: Part of this review is written in “Sheetz Speak.”)

I livez in Philadelphia, which iz Wawa country. I lovez my Wawa just az much az I lovez my Philliez, but recentlyz I wanted to seez what the fusz waz aboutz over the central and western Pennsylvania’z version of Wawa, which iz Sheetz. Az a huge Wawa fan, I waz skeptical of Sheetz and I feltz guilty to cheatz on my beloved.

Howeverz, despite the cheezy way of using Z’s instead of S’s like they’re trying to appeal to the kidz, Sheetz iz slightly better bcuz you can actually eatz your made-to-order food at most Sheetz locationz. Yez, you can actually take your date to a gaz station for a romantic dinner of made-to-order subz, wrapz and coffeez.

If you really want to impress, perhaps go for the Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpet Cupo’ccino.

I was thirsty for a 32-ounce fountain Diet Dr Pepper when I entered Sheetz, but when I saw the little decal on the DIY Cappuccino… ahem, I mean Cupo’ccino machine, my thirst for something ice cold disappeared. This hot liquid is a Keystone state powerhouse; not only does it come from Sheetz, but it’s Tastykake-flavored. I think the only thing that could possibly trump this would be a scrapple-flavored Cupo’ccino served in a plastic Phillies (or Pirates) helmet that Dairy Queen used to use for their sundaes (I ALWAYS got the damn Montreal Expos). Or maybe a cheesesteak-flavored cupo’ccino served inside of the Liberty Bell. Luckily for this non-native Pennsylvanian, scrapple or cheesesteak flavor is not available as a beverage choice in the Cupo’ccino machine at Sheetz.

The drink comes out steaming hot, but extremely watery looking. It wasn’t promising, especially how I was fantasizing how good this thing was going to be after discovering one of my favorite snack cakes morphed into a drinkable concoction found only at a glorified gas station (Yes, it’s also a restaurant, but it IS technically a gas station).

Hotter than a freakin’ supernova when it hits your tongue, the Butterscotch Krimpet Cupo’ccino isn’t as yummy as a heavily sweetened pseudo coffee beverage can be. I’ve had my fair share of hot chocolates and phony cappuccinos from Sheetz’s rival, and they’re always good. Yes, they have enough sugar to rot your teeth and gums, but they still have substance. The Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpet Cupo’ccino would have been better if it wasn’t so thin. It had the potential to be creamy and good.

Maybe it was running out and I got short changed. Since it’s only $1.39, I might be willing to give it another try if I’m ever near a Sheetz. Then again, I’ll probably go for that fountain Diet Dr Pepper, or just splurge a dollar more and order one of their barista style coffees. Oh, excuse me, coffeez.

(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces – 300 calories, 10 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 150 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 38 grams of sugar and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Sheetz Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpet Cupo’ccino
Price: $1.39
Size: 16 ounces (medium)
Purchased at: Sheetz
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: It’s Tastykake flavored. Being able to sit down at a gas station and eat a meal. Baseball helmet sundaes. Possibility of using the Liberty Bell to serve liquids. DIY coffee machines.
Cons: Super watery. The god-awful way they spell items at Sheetz. Tons of sugar and fat. Always getting the Montreal Expos sundae helmet. Doesn’t taste butterscotchy enough.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Frappe (Mocha & Caramel)

/ / Reviews / 34 Comments

McDonald's Frappe

I’m waiting for Starbucks to snap their fingers and say, “Oh, no you didn’t,” in response to the McDonald’s Frappe, which is McDonald’s take on Starbucks’ Frappuccino.

After that point, I hope they get into a shouting match that involves verbal jabs that use their menu items as replacement terms for the violent acts they’re going to do to each other, like “I’m going to go all Grande Espresso on yo’ ass!” or “I’m going to Big Mac yo’ McNuggets!”

The McDonald’s Frappe is the company’s latest product to entice Gap/Banana Republic/J. Crew-wearing Starbucks drinkers into their restaurants. With this new addition to the McCafe menu, you and I will no longer need to wait in long lines, while smelling coffee beans being ground, at Starbucks for our ice blended coffee drink fix.

Instead, we can now wait in the long lines at McDonald’s and smell strips of potatoes being deep fried.

I like my coffee the same way I like my ice cream sundaes, made with ample amounts of cream, sugar, chocolate, caramel and whipped cream, and both the Mocha and Caramel Frappe provides all of that to mask the bitterness of coffee for me. Each Frappe is blended with ice and either a mocha coffee or caramel coffee base, then it’s topped with whipped cream and drizzled with either a chocolate or caramel syrup.

With the Frappe, McDonald’s does an excellent job at combining the flavor of their coffee with the nutrition facts of their burgers. While the Starbucks Frappuccino has more of a coffee flavor, the Frappe has a very strong cream taste. Both flavors were delicious, although I felt they were a bit too sweet. The Caramel one had a flavor that reminded me of coffee ice cream. While not slush-like, both blended beverages contained enough ice granules to provide me the opportunity to crush them between my teeth, which is a simple pleasure of mine, like watching the sunset or plucking the hair to separate my unibrow.

Another difference between the Frappuccino and Frappe are their nutritional values, which in some cases are quite significant. For example, a small Mocha Frappe has 170 more calories, twice the saturated fat, contains trans fat and 20 grams more sugar than a small (Tall) Mocha Frappuccino. Although to be fair, despite being “healthier” than a Frappe, a regular Frappuccino would not help you if you’re trying to fit into your wedding dress or win The Biggest Loser.

The McDonald’s Frappe are a good addition to the McCafe menu. They may have the same amount of calories and fat as a McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger, but I guess that’s to be expected since a Frappe is considered a dessert-type of beverage…and because it’s from the Golden Arches. Both flavors are delicious and I’d probably wait in a line at McDonald’s, with the smell of french fries in the air, to purchase another while wearing a Banana Republic outfit.

(Nutrition Facts – 12 ounces (small) – Mocha – 450 calories, 20 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 62 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 56 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein, 15% vitamin A, 20% calcium and 2% iron. Caramel – 450 calories, 20 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 62 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 57 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein, 15% vitamin A, 20% calcium and 2% iron.)

Item: McDonald’s Frappe (Mocha & Caramel)
Price: $2.79
Size: Small (12 ounces)
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Delicious. Reasonably priced. If you enjoy a Frappuccino, you’ll probably enjoy this. Caramel Frappe tastes like coffee ice cream. Using fast food menu items as replacement terms for the violent acts. Plucking eyebrows. Banana Republic Outlets.
Cons: Might be a bit too sweet for some. Worse nutrition facts than Starbucks Frappuccinos. Contains trans fats. Buying clothes at full price at Banana Republic. Waiting in long lines.

REVIEW: KFC Fiery Grilled Wings

/ / Reviews / 27 Comments

The new KFC Fiery Grilled Wings aren’t covered in a sauce, like KFC’s other chicken wing alternatives. Instead they’re marinated in peppers and then grilled. I like the idea of having a sauceless spicy wing because it’s less messy. Although I really do enjoy cleaning my fingers when they’re covered in sauce, because when I do it, it’s not a chore, it’s an art.

Starting with my thumb, I lick the entire length of my finger, from the bottom to the top. When I reach the tip, I flick it with my tongue a few times and then lick around the tip, moving my tongue in a circular motion. I count “one Mississippi” in my head to time each circular lick. Then I wrap my entire mouth around my finger, tightly sealing my lips around my finger’s base.

While my finger is in my mouth, I push my tongue up against the underside of my finger to help make sure I’m getting every little morsel off of it. As I slowly pull my finger out of my orifice, I tighten my grip around it with my lips and then count, “one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi.” When my lips reach the tip, I smack my lips and then slowly lick them from one side to the other to make sure all the flavor is in my mouth and not anywhere else. Then I repeat the process with the other fingers.

When I want to shake things up a bit, I’ll stick two or three fingers in my mouth at one time. When I’m feeling really adventurous I’ll stick four fingers in. And when I’m under the influence of something, I’ll attempt to fit my entire fist in my mouth.

But again, since the KFC Fiery Grilled Wings aren’t covered in sauce, I won’t need to do any sucking, licking or Mississippi counting.

I enjoyed KFC’s Kentucky Grilled Chicken and I like this smaller, spicier version just as much. However, if you don’t like spicy hot food in your mouth and then coming out your other end, you should avoid these because they will light your ass on fire. On a scale of 1-10 with three being the heat generated by putting your laptop on your lap and 10 being the burning sensation while peeing due to a night of unprotected sex with someone/something you shouldn’t have had unprotected sex with, I feel the KFC Fiery Grilled Wings come in at a seven.

The hot spices also add just enough flavor to not overpower the taste of the Kentucky Grilled Chicken that I know and love. The combination of hot spices with the regular spices added to the grilled chicken make for a delicious bird limb.

If there’s one thing that bothered me about them, it’s the lack of wing pieces. As you can see in the photo above, I received one wing piece and the rest were drumsticks. Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t know if it’s really a negative, since I prefer drumsticks over wings because they’re easier to eat.

Overall, I really liked the KFC Fiery Grilled Wings and if you enjoy spicy wings, you’ll probably like them too. But if you enjoy the sensation of sucking and licking sauce off of your fingers in a NSFW way and/or don’t like spicy food, I wouldn’t recommend these chicken wings.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 wing – 70 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber and 7 grams of protein.)

(NOTE: Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, the KFC Fiery Grilled Wings are slightly more expensive than most places. Their advertised price is $3.99 for five pieces. Also, check out Junk Food Betty’s review.)

Item: KFC Fiery Grilled Wings
Price: $4.99
Size: 5 pieces
Purchased at: KFC
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Delicious bird limbs. Spicy hot. Flavorful. Lack of sauce makes it cleaner to eat. Being able to spell Mississippi correctly. Sucking and licking sauce-covered fingers in a NSFW way.
Cons: Spiciness might be too much for some eaters. Lack of wing pieces might be a problem for some. Those who enjoy sucking and licking sauce-covered fingers will be disappointed.

Scroll to Top