REVIEW: Popeyes Pickle Lemonade

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When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.

When life gives you cucumbers, you hesitate for a second; maybe you snicker a bit, but then, you make pickles.

Well, what if life gives you both? It appears life had an encounter with the mad scientists over in Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen, and they decided to kill two hypothetical birds this time and grace the world with something so weird, so wild, so reckless, I had to try it.

Life comes at you fast.

Yeah, that’s right, it’s time for the main event. I know you’ve read all about Popeyes’ new pickle menu, but this is the one you’ve been waiting for. Fried pickles?! Snooze! Pickle wings? Fickle things! A pickle-glazed chicken sandwich? Surely, they jest! It’s all about the pick de resistance. The pick o’ the litter – the Pickle… Lemonade?

So, uh, yeah, this wasn’t great. It’s exactly what you think it is, but… it coulda been worse.

On one hand, it’s vile, and I hate it; on the other hand, it’s fun and mildly drinkable. I’m torn, and I’ll explain why.

Popeyes nails the ratio. It’s a perfect blend of lemon and pickle flavors if that’s your thing. It tastes like “Country Brine Lemonade.” Since pickle juice is such a dominant flavor, it’s probably 75-25 lemonade, but they seem balanced.

Somehow, it transformed from lemon to pickle mid-sip. The initial taste is a mildly sweet lemonade that transitions into a soft pickle flavor. Honestly, I can tell the base lemonade is probably cloyingly sweet from the flavor and the sugar content, and this might have even made it more palatable. The lemonade itself reminded me of Lemonheads before the pickle burst in.

Diluted pickle dominated the smell, but it wasn’t like taking a huff of a jar; it was like Pickle Brine Lite. I guess you can say the experience goes pickle–lemon–pickle, with just a weird amalgamation of both left to linger in the aftertaste.

If you like bread and butter pickles or sweet relish, this really isn’t that bad. Sure, it’s a strange delivery system for those flavors, but the profile is pretty similar. If I had to give a CliffsNote review, I’d just say it tasted like a chunk-less sweet relish. “Mmmmmm, chunk-less sweet relish.”

I truly didn’t hate it, but I didn’t finish it either. It wore out its welcome after about five sips, and at that point, my sandwich was long gone, so I had nothing to cut the sweet and sour with.

It’s not salty either. If you handed this to me and said it was just an “-ade” made from some exotic South American fruit I wasn’t aware of, I’d feel cultured and think it was kinda good.

So, it’s bad… but it’s kinda good for a few sips. It’s worth trying just to say you did. You might even like it. You can even get it frozen, and it pairs well with Popeyes’ Chicken Sandwich, which definitely still hits.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: Medium
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 270 calories, 0 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 380 milligrams of sodium, 71 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 67 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Arctic Cherry Energy Drink

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Dunkin’ could’ve jumped onto the mystery flavor train with its Dunkin’ Arctic Cherry Energy Drink. It comes in a typical “mystery flavor” color that doesn’t give away what it tastes like. Heck, the chain could’ve even used part of the name if it decided to make it a mystery flavor, and I’ve got the perfect name it could’ve had — Dunkin’ Cryptic Arctic Energy Drink.

BOOM! Please hire me for your not fully fleshed out product name ideas!

The beverage’s opaque white color could be confused with any number of drinks, especially lemon-lime ones. But it does look “arctic.” Brrrr. Just looking at it makes me want to put on some Uniqlo Ultra Warm HEATTECH clothing.

The coffee and donut chain says Cryptic Arctic Energy (I’mma making the name change happen) has “sweet and tart cherry notes with flavors of blueberry and grapefruit.”

When I took my first straw sip, I got hit with a strong dose of the syrup mixed in and couldn’t really pinpoint the fruit flavors as my taste buds were dunked on with sweetness. After giving the drink a stern stirring, I took another sip. But this time, I mostly tasted the carbonated water with a hint of fruitiness. Worried that I had just sucked out all of the drink’s flavor with the previous sip, I gave it even more drink gyrations. Thankfully, I got the right amount of flavor with the following slurp. While I didn’t notice the grapefruit, I could primarily taste the cherry, and in the aftertaste, I noticed the blueberry more. It’s a nice flavor, but you do not need to rush out the door to try it.

Dunkin’ Arctic Cherry Energy Drink (okay, I give up trying to make a name change happen) is fine, just like the other Dunkin’ Energy flavors available. I’d repurchase it if I don’t feel like getting a coffee for my caffeine fix, since it does have 144 milligrams of the good stuff.

Purchased Price: $3.99*
Size: Medium
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 130 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 26 grams of sugar (including 26 grams of added sugar), 0 grams of protein, and 144 milligrams of caffeine.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Little Caesars Stuffed Pretzel Crust Pizza

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I was slightly confused when I heard all the hubbub about Little Caesars introducing a new limited edition Stuffed Pretzel Crust. “I could have sworn I’ve had that before…” I thought, but it turns out I remembered merely customizing a pretzel crust pizza to add stuffed crust to it. This is the first time that “Stuffed Pretzel Crust” itself has officially appeared on the menu, and as a marketing aficionado, I’m happy to accept that as a unique new product worthy of its own celebration.

In the promotional images, the pretzel crust is a rich brown, solid, and stout, shimmering with butter and salt, reminiscent of the iconic Bavarian pretzel. What was inside my pizza box looked so different that I was initially afraid I’d gotten the wrong order. My crust seemed perhaps a tad darker than usual, but it didn’t have the deep shade or sheen I expected.

When I bit in, though, I realized it was perfectly pretzel-y; it was just more like a different type of pretzel: Auntie Anne’s. While it didn’t have a Bavarian pretzel’s telltale hue, firm snap leading to a chewy bite, or malty taste, it did boast a buttery, subtle sweetness, so perfectly complemented by its tender, fluffy texture that it practically melted in my mouth. Though it wasn’t what I expected, it paired with the stuffed crust beautifully. While the doughy pretzel crust didn’t have an overwhelming flavor, it had a noticeable aftertaste. That was well-balanced by the simple, mild cheese inside, which was soft enough that it paired perfectly with the pillowy crust yet never became gooey.

There are a few options on the website for how to order your Pretzel Stuffed Crust; taking the first option as a subtle endorsement, I went with Cheese Sauce & Pepperoni. I must confess I imagined the cheese sauce would be a small cup for dipping the crust into, like how many restaurants offer soft pretzel sticks with cheese dip as an appetizer. It wasn’t until I was partway through a surprisingly mild-tasting slice that it hit me: the cheese sauce wasn’t on the side, it was replacing the tomato sauce on the pizza!

This may sound counterintuitive, but I think the fact that it took me so long to realize this shows how well it worked. The cheese sauce blended perfectly with the cheese topping, bringing a unique creaminess. While tomato sauce usually adds some savory depth, the pretzel crust means that this pizza is covered in a generous, tongue-tingling smattering of salt that already provides plenty of complex flavor, so I appreciated that the sauce was more mellow in comparison. Its color reminded me of Velveeta cheese, but the taste wasn’t so tangy, more like a bland nacho cheese. This plainness also allowed the pepperoni to particularly pop.

First, I was surprised by how my Stuffed Pretzel Crust looked, but by the end of my meal, I was only surprised by how much I enjoyed it. It would be nice if the promotional images were a bit more accurate, but the decadent feeling of combining stuffed crust pizza with my favorite airport treat was way worth the slightly mismatched expectations.

Purchased Price: $9.99
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Whole pizza) 2660 calories. No other nutritional information is available on the Little Caesars website.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Pink Pineapple Express Shake

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Jack in the Box’s Pineapple Express Shake was one of my favorite products of 2022, and it’s come back annually since then. This year, instead of just bringing it back for the umpteenth time, the fast food chain decided also to offer a slight variation with some alliteration in its name. The Pink Pineapple Express Shake combines a thick and creamy vanilla shake base with pink pineapple flavoring that’s finished with whipped topping and a cherry.

Pomologists might be intrigued by the idea of a pink pineapple-flavored shake, but this doesn’t taste like THAT pink pineapple. What I’m talking about is the pink pineapple developed by Del Monte that uses lycopene and beta carotene to give it its Barbie-like hue. But it’s just a sweeter, less sour pineapple. However, the Pink Pineapple Express Shake does not taste like a sweeter, less tart version of the original Pineapple Express Shake.

I’ll give you one guess as to what flavor the pink represents. Go ahead, take a guess.

Don’t just peek ahead!

If you said “strawberry” without peeking, congratulations, my honest friend!

The dessert has an intense strawberry flavor that pretty much makes me forget that there’s also supposed to be pineapple. While sipping it through a straw, all I could think of was how it was giving me kids strawberry yogurt vibes. Am I sucking up a strawberry-flavored shake or strawberry Go-Gurt?

Sadly, that delightful citrusy flavor from the original Pineapple Express Shake is absent. Well, it hasn’t completely disappeared; if I focus more than anyone should on the creamy shake rolling over my tongue and savor it like a fine wine or a Diet Coke from McDonald’s, I can detect a hint of pineapple. But when I consume this, like a normal person, with reckless sucking abandon, all I detect is a tart strawberry flavor.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Jack in the Box’s Pink Pineapple Express Shake tasting like a So Strawberry Express Shake. It’s a tasty, sweet treat that is a pleasant departure from Jack’s usual shake lineup. However, I don’t find it as delightful as the Pineapple Express Shake.

Purchased Price: $6.29*
Size: Regular
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 660 calories. No other nutritional information is available on the Jack in the Box website.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Popeyes Fried Pickles

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On April Fools’ Day, Popeyes introduced “A Popeyes Pickles Menu for Pickle People.” I was pleasantly surprised to discover it wasn’t just another April 1st prank but a genuinely well-thought-out menu featuring five limited-time items. Among them? Fried pickles!

Let me preface this by admitting that I’m a pickle person, so much so that I’m currently brushing my teeth with Grillo’s Pickles-flavored toothpaste. You might say, “That’s gross.” I say, “Mmm…dill-icious!”

Even as a pickle enthusiast, I’ve tasted both the good and the bad when it comes to fried pickles. After many disappointing orders, I’ve come to prefer chip- or coin-shaped pickles over spears. Why? Better crispy-to-cuke ratio.

And speaking of crispy, that is critical. I’ve had too many soggy fried pickles with breading that either falls off or never stuck in the first place. Of course, I still ate them. No pickle should go to waste!

When I received my order, I was concerned about what I saw. It was a little pale looking, rather than golden brown fried-to-perfection.

But, visual aside, I’m thrilled to report that Popeyes nailed it. Its signature Cajun-style seasoning added great flavor and just enough heat. While it was super flavorful on its own, when paired with the tangy buttermilk ranch dipping sauce, it was perfection. I really liked the buttermilk’s complementary tang with the pickle’s tanginess. The coin-cut shape also delivered on that aforementioned ideal crunch-to-pickle ratio.

I inhaled these, and I’ll definitely be back to try more of the pickle menu before it’s gone on May 5th. And if you’re a fellow pickle person? You absolutely should head to Popeyes too!

Purchased Price: $3.69
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 370 calories, 23 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 1080 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.

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