Is salt a food?

If it wasn’t such a ridiculous answer to a question literally no one is asking me, I might say salt is my favorite food.

I use way too much salt, admittedly. I once ate a plate of pineapple with salt on it. Why? Why not? My calorie counter has stopped using numbers to log my daily sodium intake, opting to just warn me with a skull emoji.

It’s bad. Soft pretzels are ambrosia to me. Your restaurant promoting a new pretzel bun? I’m in. Salted pizza crust? Hit me. Salted anything sweet? Straight cash, homey. I really need to stop eating so much damn salt.

Ahhhhhh, but I’ll cut back tomorrow. Today is Dunkin’ Donuts Pretzel Croissant Breakfast Sandwich Day, and ain’t no death emoji gon’ stop me.

I’m from New Jersey, so there’s no shortage of good places to get a breakfast sandwich. From diners to bagel places boasting recipes that include the fabled New York tap water, I’ve never really had a reason to opt for Dunkin’ Donuts’ savory fare. I’ve dabbled, but never been too impressed. If I’m feeling fast food breakfast, I’d take a McDonald’s or Burger King over Dunkin’s in a heartbeat.

I think I’m about to change my tune.

This new salted pretzel croissant from Dunkin is so good, I feel inclined to pronounce it “Qua-sahn.” I can’t believe how blown away I was by a $3 sandwich from a donut joint.

It had all the elements of a delicious qua-sahn AND a delicious soft pretzel. The exterior was crispy, but still flakey and soft. While it was flakey and soft, it was still structurally fit to hold a sandwich together.

It had a subtle buttery taste that reminded me of an Auntie Anne’s mall pretzel. As far as the salt goes, I may have gotten a lucky draw. There was a perfect amount of exterior salt crystals, so I didn’t have to do my usual salt bagel routine and scrape some off with a butter knife. The salt crystals did their job giving me my extra salt boost, while also providing a welcome crunch.

I basically went into this knowing I’d love the croissant, but thought I’d hate the contents of the sandwich itself. Dunkin’s bacon always looked flimsy and gross, and that filet of plastic egg they use never seemed all that palatable either, but I’ve been enlightened.

The sandwich was supposed to come with black forest ham, but I suspect I got bacon. That looks like bacon, no? It tasted like bacon. Either way, the bacon/ham was flavorful and didn’t chew like pure gristle. The egg patty was standard, but had a nice texture to it, and the melted piece of Wisconsin aged white cheddar brought it all together.

Maybe it was just the pretzel qua-sahn high I was on, but the flavors and textures all married to form a nearly perfect breakfast sandwich. If you’re a savory-sweet fanatic, chasing this with a donut might ruin your afternoon, but it’ll probably make for a fantastic morning.

Look folks, I’ve never been to Paris. I’ve probably never had a gourmet qua-sahn in my life, so this review might seem a bit hyperbolic. That being said, I really think it’ll pleasantly surprise you.

I’ve never been a repeat buyer of a Dunkin savory menu item, but I will be now. Not only was this sandwich awesome, they sell the pretzel croissants separately, so you can probably customize them however you please if you ask nicely. Give it a shot.

(Nutrition Facts – 500 calories, 300 calories from fat, 33 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 200 milligrams of cholesterol, 1270 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 22 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $3.79
Size: N/A
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Crispy, flakey, buttery, salty, delicious. Egg and bacon/ham weren’t gross. Aged cheddar was a great cheese choice. Dunkin coming through in the savory department.
Cons: Was gone in five bites. Probably not the best start to your day. Sodium addiction. Trolling calorie counting apps.

Gee, I wonder how they got the peanut butter inside??

Sorry to dive straight in, but I must address the appearance of this specimen I purchased because I’ve been obsessing over it since my first horrified glance. With messy holes on top and peanut butter smears, this Croissant Donut looks like I caught it mid-hangover after a night of serious debauchery. 

But, since these are locally-made items, there’s a good chance yours will be a well-rested, finishing-school graduate that keeps its holes underneath. Hence, I won’t ding it points-wise.

Back to our regularly scheduled review. 

Chocolate, peanut butter, caramel, pretzels – I love all these things, so I had very high expectations for both these doughnuts. I did not try the coffee pairings – I despise coffee. Let me break these guys down separately because they’re rather different creatures.

Peanut Butter Delight Croissant Donut

This isn’t really a Croissant Donut. It’s light and fluffy with large air pockets, but it’s missing a critical component: layers. Croissants and croissant donuts are made with laminated dough – many thin sheets of pastry with butter between. One should be able to pull a proper croissant donut apart layer by layer – this was not the case here.

It wasn’t a bad donut, just mis-named. The taste and texture of the donut itself, sugar glaze and chocolate drizzle were lovely. This isn’t the peanut butter bomb I expected, however. A peanutty scent only became apparent when I sniffed closely. The frosting filling was just a hair on the sweet side for me. Straight-up PB inside would’ve been better – letting the glaze and chocolate drizzle sweeten it.

Chocolate Pretzel Donut

The aroma of this was almost indistinguishable from DD’s regular chocolate cake doughnut (which I love). Mine seemed very light on caramel drizzle – I wonder if more would change the smell. 

The texture was also similar to the base model – moist, velvety cake. While the pretzel bits were a little soft, I liked that — it added a small crunch without stabbing the roof of my mouth with pretzel shards.

Again, the predominant taste was the basic DD glazed chocolate cake. Caramel flavor was very subtle, presumably due to the sparse drizzle. There wasn’t much (if any) salt on the pretzels or donut, which was disappointing. The only thing that differentiated these from Dunkin’s regular chocolate cake donuts was the taste and texture of the pretzel bits. But as a fan of the original, that’s OK with me.

While they’re both perfectly enjoyable donuts, they fell short of great.

(Nutrition Facts – Peanut Butter Delight Croissant Donut 410 calories, 190 calories from fat, 21 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 360 milligrams of sodium, 49 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Chocolate Pretzel Donut – 400 calories, 200 calories from fat, 23 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 530 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 19 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.00 for two
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10 (PB Delight)
Pros: Nice airy donut base, glaze and chocolate drizzle.
Cons: Might look like it was baked by a one-eyed raccoon. Like my hair – needs layers! PB frosting filling goes to 11 on the sweet scale.
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Chocolate Pretzel)
Pros: Good (familiar) chocolate cake base, non-dangerous pretzel shards.
Cons: Needs salt! (In fairness, I say this about almost every food I eat.) More caramel, please.