REVIEW: Jack in the Box Pink Pineapple Express Shake

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Jack in the Box’s Pineapple Express Shake was one of my favorite products of 2022, and it’s come back annually since then. This year, instead of just bringing it back for the umpteenth time, the fast food chain decided also to offer a slight variation with some alliteration in its name. The Pink Pineapple Express Shake combines a thick and creamy vanilla shake base with pink pineapple flavoring that’s finished with whipped topping and a cherry.

Pomologists might be intrigued by the idea of a pink pineapple-flavored shake, but this doesn’t taste like THAT pink pineapple. What I’m talking about is the pink pineapple developed by Del Monte that uses lycopene and beta carotene to give it its Barbie-like hue. But it’s just a sweeter, less sour pineapple. However, the Pink Pineapple Express Shake does not taste like a sweeter, less tart version of the original Pineapple Express Shake.

I’ll give you one guess as to what flavor the pink represents. Go ahead, take a guess.

Don’t just peek ahead!

If you said “strawberry” without peeking, congratulations, my honest friend!

The dessert has an intense strawberry flavor that pretty much makes me forget that there’s also supposed to be pineapple. While sipping it through a straw, all I could think of was how it was giving me kids strawberry yogurt vibes. Am I sucking up a strawberry-flavored shake or strawberry Go-Gurt?

Sadly, that delightful citrusy flavor from the original Pineapple Express Shake is absent. Well, it hasn’t completely disappeared; if I focus more than anyone should on the creamy shake rolling over my tongue and savor it like a fine wine or a Diet Coke from McDonald’s, I can detect a hint of pineapple. But when I consume this, like a normal person, with reckless sucking abandon, all I detect is a tart strawberry flavor.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Jack in the Box’s Pink Pineapple Express Shake tasting like a So Strawberry Express Shake. It’s a tasty, sweet treat that is a pleasant departure from Jack’s usual shake lineup. However, I don’t find it as delightful as the Pineapple Express Shake.

Purchased Price: $6.29*
Size: Regular
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 660 calories. No other nutritional information is available on the Jack in the Box website.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Popeyes Fried Pickles

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On April Fools’ Day, Popeyes introduced “A Popeyes Pickles Menu for Pickle People.” I was pleasantly surprised to discover it wasn’t just another April 1st prank but a genuinely well-thought-out menu featuring five limited-time items. Among them? Fried pickles!

Let me preface this by admitting that I’m a pickle person, so much so that I’m currently brushing my teeth with Grillo’s Pickles-flavored toothpaste. You might say, “That’s gross.” I say, “Mmm…dill-icious!”

Even as a pickle enthusiast, I’ve tasted both the good and the bad when it comes to fried pickles. After many disappointing orders, I’ve come to prefer chip- or coin-shaped pickles over spears. Why? Better crispy-to-cuke ratio.

And speaking of crispy, that is critical. I’ve had too many soggy fried pickles with breading that either falls off or never stuck in the first place. Of course, I still ate them. No pickle should go to waste!

When I received my order, I was concerned about what I saw. It was a little pale looking, rather than golden brown fried-to-perfection.

But, visual aside, I’m thrilled to report that Popeyes nailed it. Its signature Cajun-style seasoning added great flavor and just enough heat. While it was super flavorful on its own, when paired with the tangy buttermilk ranch dipping sauce, it was perfection. I really liked the buttermilk’s complementary tang with the pickle’s tanginess. The coin-cut shape also delivered on that aforementioned ideal crunch-to-pickle ratio.

I inhaled these, and I’ll definitely be back to try more of the pickle menu before it’s gone on May 5th. And if you’re a fellow pickle person? You absolutely should head to Popeyes too!

Purchased Price: $3.69
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 370 calories, 23 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 1080 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Popeyes Pickle Glaze Chicken Sandwich

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Popeyes picked a perfect point to present its Pickle Menu to the public. Pickle is in! I could parade a profusion of pickle-flavored products that we’ve published about. However, it would take a profound probing in every part of this online publication to polish off such a project. If I did, I could probably proclaim that the list would be pretty plenty.

Oh, you think I will write an entire review like the paragraph above?

Please.

Popeyes Pickle Menu features Fried Pickles, Pickle Lemonade, and this Pickle Glaze Chicken Sandwich. Like many previous chicken sandwiches from the fast food chain, it comes with a buttermilk-battered white meat chicken breast and barrel-cured pickles on a toasted brioche bun. The highlight condiment is a tangy and sweet dill pickle-flavored glaze that’s combined with a blend of Louisiana herbs and spices. While all that sounds good, I am plumb disappointed that this had the usual pair of pickles instead of a couple of those fried ones.

Before seeing the sandwich for the first time, I hoped the glaze would be somewhat green, but like Kermit the Frog said, “It’s not easy bein’ green…because of the Louisiana spices.” Thanks to those spices, the glaze is a bit gritty and has a heat that’s somewhere between a regular Popeyes Chicken Sandwich and a spicy one but leans towards the spicy one. Its pickle flavor is somewhat as intense as its spiciness. There’s a nice flavor balance between the sourness from the pickles and the pepperiness from the spices in the glaze, and I think the sandwich would’ve still had a pleasant pickle flavor without the green accouterments.

While the glaze’s flavor was particularly pleasurable, and the chicken’s exterior was perfectly crunchy, the portion of poultry I was presented with was pretty paltry. Its appearance paled in comparison to the usual poultry portions that Popeyes’ sandwiches put forward. Perhaps it was a piece of bad luck. Nevertheless, the pickle is prominently present, and I wouldn’t pause to purchase it again.

Purchased Price: $7.79*
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 800 calories, 49 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 3 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 60 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 29 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Subway Doritos Footlong Nachos

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Subway has been leaning hard on expanding footlong stuff for a footlong time now with the introductions of cookies, churros, dippers, and pretzels measuring around 12 inches. The latest to be footlong-ized by the sandwich chain is nachos.

Subway’s Doritos Footlong Nachos feature Nacho Cheese Doritos topped with cheddar cheese sauce, Monterey cheddar cheese, jalapeños, tomatoes, red onions, Baja chipotle sauce and your choice of rotisserie-style chicken or steak. I ended up getting the chicken version. It comes in a special footlong box that I kind of wish every footlong Subway sandwich came in. Did I measure the box to ensure I got footlong nachos? No, I didn’t because I was too occupied with eating what was in the box.

As I looked over my order, I noticed the amount of chicken was a bit thin, but all the other toppings were plentiful. The sandwich artist chopped the tomato slices into quarters, but they didn’t chop the red onion and jalapeño slices into smaller pieces. With the vegetables being the sizes they were, it wasn’t easy getting them all onto one chip without having to play Subway Topping Jenga. However, using the sauces and melted cheese as a glue helped.

While visually, the Doritos look like they’re being overwhelmed by the toppings, their flavor is still pronounced with every bite. The vegetables and sauces enhance the nacho cheese chips, making every messy bite satisfying. I particularly enjoyed the moments when there was a strong tomato taste. As silly as I find the concept of footlong nachos, I have to admit I actually enjoyed eating it.

None of the chips got soggy while eating it, although I did start consuming it right after receiving it. Not sure if it would survive a 10 minute ride home with all the cheese and sauces.

Also, I’m not sure if all Subway locations are doing this, but even though I ordered via the Subway app, the workers waited until I got there to toast mine and put on most of the toppings because they said they didn’t want to get the chips soggy from them. Of course, your Subway may vary.

I’m surprised by how much I enjoyed my Doritos Footlong Nachos (I’m also surprised Taco Bell didn’t come up with this first). I could see myself repurchasing it as a snack because I’m not sure it’s filling enough as a meal for most people and I think it’s too much as a side for any Subway sandwich.

Purchased Price: $6.00*
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 590 calories, 41 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1240 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 20 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay the advertised $5 price.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Mixing Bowl Mashup Blizzard

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I think we should all chip in and send a calendar and dictionary to Dairy Queen headquarters. Why, you ask? First, it launched this year’s Summer Blizzard Menu on March 31, which is just 11 days into spring and a whopping 81 days before summer.

But whatever, I’m always down for a new Blizzard.

That’s issue number two. The “new” Mixing Bowl Mashup Blizzard that is one of five on the summer menu is perhaps new according to the Taco Bell definition of the word, which is just rehashing the same ingredients, but it hardly tastes new. It’s still good but quite familiar.

Despite the name implying a smorgasbord of ingredients, this Blizzard has just two: brownie batter and chocolate chip cookie dough. I really have no big complaints about it; this one is really chocolatey and the cookie dough has a great chewy texture. Because the brownie batter flavor is so powerful, it almost made my mind think that the cookie dough was instead brownie chunks, and only occasionally could I tell it was indeed the former.

If I walked up to you, handed you this Blizzard, and asked if it was new, I’m guessing most of you would say no. But please don’t accept a free Blizzard from a total stranger, not that I’m in any financial position to just be slinging around treats all willy-nilly. However, if a trusted friend who is better at budgeting their money than me offers you this one, then go ahead. Take it and enjoy it. There’s nothing wrong with it, as long as you are not expecting something you’ll swear you haven’t already had before.

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: Mini
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 490 calories, 21 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 290 milligrams of sodium, 68 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 49 grams of sugar, and 9 grams of protein.

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