REVIEW: Starbucks Witch’s Brew Frappuccino

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Starbucks Witch's Brew Frappuccino

“What’s that? [Bat]’s wart, mmm! And [toad]’s breath? Nothing’s more suspicious than [toad]’s breath! Until you taste it, I won’t follow a spoonful.”

So apparently the folks over at Starbucks weren’t quite creative enough to come up with their own ingredients for the Witch’s Brew Frappuccino, so they had to take worm’s wart and frog’s breath from Sally’s soup on The Nightmare before Christmas, and they replaced the animals to avoid copyright infringement. I’m surprised they didn’t add deadly lampshade in place of deadly nightshade.

According to various official descriptions, this purple concoction also has swamp fog, goblin regret (whatever that is), and lizard scales.

I’ve got to hand it to Starbucks: this is a visually stunning drink. The orange-flavored purple base, the green-colored chia seeds, and the green sugar on top of whipped cream. Purple and green will never overthrow orange and black as the ultimate Halloween colors, but this is a fittingly spooky treat.

Will this brew gain the approval of Samantha Stephens, Winifred Sanderson, Sabrina Spellman, and Minerva McGonagall? Ehh.

While I was waiting for my drink, I overheard the barista talking disparagingly about it with a man who I assume was his boss. I didn’t dislike it like they did, but it wasn’t amazing.

The purple base tastes like generic orange Creamsicle. It was a nice enough flavor, but halfway through my Tall drink, I couldn’t really taste it. I don’t know whether I had sucked all the flavor out (like with a Slurpee), or if I had gotten numb to it. Regardless, the second half wasn’t as tasty as the first.

Starbucks Witch's Brew Frappuccino 3

The slimy, green chia seeds (bat warts, I assume) were disappointing. They had no flavor, and they seemed out of place in this drink. It’s nice to break up the monotony in a drink like this, but the chia seeds weren’t the best way to do it. At least you’re getting a minuscule amount of nutrients from their presence, right?

Starbucks Witch's Brew Frappuccino 4

Oddly enough, my favorite part might have been the green-colored sugar (lizard scales?) resting on the whipped cream. I don’t think it’s supposed to taste like anything, but it seemed better than regular sugar. But I doubt you’re supposed to consume it separately.

Starbucks Witch's Brew Frappuccino 5

If you want to try Starbucks’ Witch’s Brew Frappuccino for the seasonal novelty of it, then go for it. It’s not terrible. I love these holiday gimmicks; also, I don’t drink coffee, so I was glad to have another alternative at Starbucks. It’s a fun offering.

If, however, you’re hoping for a delicious drink, there are better ways to spend five dollars.

Purchased Price: $4.95
Size: Tall
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Tall) 270 calories, 100 calories from fat, 11 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 35 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and 0 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Burger King Nightmare King and Frozen Fanta Scary Black Cherry

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Burger King Nightmare King

Three years ago, Burger King unleashed its HA1loween Whopper on the masses. The steak-sauce slathered burger was really no different from the franchise’s marquee product, save one characteristic: the bun itself was pitch black. We’re talking darker than the other side of midnight or a lump of coal’s shadow.

That is, until customers started reporting some rather, uh, unsavory side effects associated with the product. And like that, the HA1loween Whopper went from being the All Hallows’ Eve junk food extravaganza of 2015 to forever being known as “that one hamburger that turned everybody’s turds turquoise.”

Well, BK has been hard at work over the last three years refining the general idea of the HA1loween Whopper, and they return this Spooktober with a steak sauce-less variation with a totally overhauled gimmick.

This time around, the revamped and rebranded Nightmare King instead comes with a glowing, algae-green bun, an extra piece of protein and a brand promise that ingesting the burger will give you ACTUAL nightmares. As in, BK even commissioned a real sleep study to prove that eating this Hallow-burger will inspire bad dreams, which has to be the single most bizarre fast food marketing hook I’ve heard of, well, probably ever.

But beyond all of the advertising hullabaloo and the empirical shock of gawping at what appears to be a radioactive Whopper, does the Nightmare King actually deliver the gustatory goods as a limited time only product?

Burger King Nightmare King 2

For starters, it’s almost impossible to describe the actual color of the hamburger bun. Sorry folks, but these photos don’t do the item justice. It’s not quite a lush, verdant green; it’s more of an off-copper gold-green. If Burger King sought to make this sucker look like poisonous fungi, it nailed it out of the park.

Burger King Nightmare King 3

Of course, the hamburger bun, outside of its serpent-like sheen, tastes just like any old sesame seed sandwich. It’s a missed opportunity, in my eyes; I mean, if you’re going to release a bun the same color as swamp algae, wouldn’t you want to make it taste at least somewhat like guacamole or wasabi?

Regardless, the sandwich itself — the Halloween gimmick aside — is astonishingly decent. The Nightmare King is a huge mamajama consisting of a flame-grilled beef patty, a crispy chicken patty, an absolute TON of bacon, a nice slathering of American cheese, a hearty helping of onions and a generous dollop of mayonnaise.

Burger King Nightmare King 4

Needless to say, it’s a VERY filling sandwich that would be as tasty sans the reptilian-tinted bun. It wouldn’t be surprising to see BK re-release this one a little later down the line with a more traditional bun. The dressings may scream “novelty,” but rest assured this is a damn delicious burger, no matter the time of year.

Burger King Frozen Fanta Scary Black Cherry

Lost amid all the hubbub about the Nightmare King, though, is the fact BK has wheeled out another spooky-themed L.T.O. to mark the 2018 Samhain season. And although it ain’t getting as much publicity as the franchise’s other holiday-hued offering, the Frozen Fanta Scary Black Cherry drink is one seasonal treat you don’t want to sleep on.

Effectively a cherry-limeade slush, this thing looks and tastes the way an L.T.O. Hallow-product ought to. It has a nice, velvety, blackish-purple sheen to it, and the half tart-half fruity flavor gives it a nice Jekyll and Hyde dynamic.

And considering the Nightmare King packs a jaw-dropping 1,800-plus milligrams of sodium, you’ll DEFINITELY need to have one of these things on hand to counteract that demonic dry mouth sensation, for sure.

Purchased Price: $6.29 (Nightmare King) $1.00 (Small Frozen Fanta)
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Nightmare King)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Frozen Fanta)
Nutrition Facts: (Nightmare King) – 1,020 calories, 65 grams of fat, 20 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,890 milligrams of sodium, 60 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 51 grams of protein. (Small Frozen Fanta Scary Black Cherry) – 120 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 grams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 33 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Wendy’s S’Awesome Bacon Classic

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Wendy's S'Awesome Bacon Classic

What is Wendy’s S’Awesome Bacon Classic?

I guess I’m out of the Wendy’s loop because I wasn’t even aware of its S’Awesome sauce that was

How is it?

Wendy's S'Awesome Bacon Classic 2

Eager to try what the advertising calls a “sweet, smoky, tangy sauce” on my single-size burger, I couldn’t really taste it over the heavy saltiness of the bacon. I peeked under the bun and saw a very thin, practically non-existent spread of S’Awesome across the bread. At this point, to me, it tasted like a bacon burger that cost a bit too much at $5.19.

However, I got brave and went to the counter and requested a small cup of S’Awesome sauce which they generous acquiesced to. I used it as a dipping sauce for my burger, which made all the difference in the world. A little dab won’t do. You need a deluge of sauce to get the full power of S’Awesome, which I’m all for.

Is there anything else I need to know?

In addition to the single variety that I purchased, there’s also a double and triple if you need that much Wendy’s meat in your life. There’s also the calorically dangerous S’Awesome Bacon Fries, covered in chunky bacon and S’Awesome sauce. (I’d love to see the S’Awesome sauce as a goopy baked potato topping. That would be truly S’Awesome.)

Conclusion:

Wendy's S'Awesome Bacon Classic 3

What I’m slowly learning is that, when it comes to these sauce-heavy sandwiches, it’s completely up to the sandwich-maker how much they’re going to put on it. In this case, surprisingly any. But, by requesting a cup of S’Awesome sauce and remedying a small manufacturing error, it made Wendy’s S’Awesome Bacon Classic a tasty little burger. However, next time I might get a free cup of S’Awesome sauce and Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and call it a day.

Purchased Price: $5.19
Size: Single
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 640 calories, 40 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 115 milligrams of cholesterol, 1390 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 34 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Krispy Kreme Trick-Or-Treat Doughnut

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Krispy Kreme Trick or Treat Doughnut

What is the Krispy Kreme Trick-Or-Treat Doughnut?

Krispy Kreme’s new deep-fried homage to trick-or-treating. An Original Glazed doughnut dipped in salted caramel icing and topped with pieces of Snickers, Twix, and M&M’s Mini’s.

How is it?

Krispy Kreme Trick or Treat Doughnut 2

When you take the already terrific Krispy Kreme OG and cover it in caramel and candy, it seems like something that would be pretty damn hard to mess up, and KK delivered a nearly perfect ode to the best part of Halloween.

The doughnut is dipped in caramel icing and is drizzled with even more of it, laying a solid foundation for the sugary overload of this spooked out treat. The pieces of Snickers bring a mild peanut flavor while the M&M’s provide a solid toothy chomp that plays nicely with the soft, fluffy yeast doughnut.

I don’t get much Twix shortbread flavor, but the ample amounts of caramel help fill the void of a Twix-y experience. But I can’t imagine the cookie would have maintained its texture too well if there had been more of it anyway.

Krispy Kreme Trick or Treat Doughnut 4

The doughnut as a whole is very sweet, but I would expect nothing less from something that should remind me of the annual cascading sugar highs I experience on October 31.

Is there anything else I need to know?

When put into the microwave, all of the candy components and caramel melt into a gooey somewhat unidentifiable glob of hot sweetness. This is one of the rare situations where I wouldn’t recommend heating the doughnut. It has a better flavor and texture straight from the case.

Conclusion:

Krispy Kreme Trick or Treat Doughnut 3

The Krispy Kreme Trick-Or-Treat Doughnut isn’t the most creative one in the world, but trick-or-treating really means one thing — candy. And if you’re going to make a doughnut to honor the late October tradition, there’s only one way to do it, and this is it.

Purchased Price: $1.89
Size: N/A
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 370 calories, 16 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 53 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 36 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Sonic Footlong Philly Cheesesteak

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Sonic Footlong Philly Cheesesteak

Update: Click here for a review of Sonic’s Extra Long Ultimate Cheesesteak.

What is the Sonic Footlong Philly Cheesesteak?

This month’s order of footlong coney buns must’ve been way over because Sonic is obviously trying to get rid of all that bread before it goes bad. The solution? Throw some chopped steak and melted cheese in there and, Hell, just call it a Philly cheesesteak. Add a reasonable $3.99 price-tag while you’re at it.

How is it?

While not the best Philly cheesesteak you’ll ever have in your life — not even close, bud — it’s still a pretty good attempt by a fast food chain to basically reverse engineer a cult sandwich to fit their own deliciously perverse vision of what a cheesesteak is and should be.

Sonic Footlong Philly Cheesesteak 3

I ordered the Classic option, consisting of grilled steak and onions, “melty” cheese sauce and warm mayo all slapped together, Philly-style, on a footlong coney bun.

Sonic Footlong Philly Cheesesteak 4

While it might not sound great — it doesn’t look that great either as you unseal it from its paper tomb — it actually is a delicious mess of meat and cheese. But the most surprising development from all this…that mayonnaise here is fan-freaking-tastic. I thought it wouldn’t work but, you know, it really brought the whole sandwich together.

Is there anything else I need to know?

There’s also a “Spicy” variation, containing the grilled meat and onions and the “melty” cheese, but with the extra addition of “zesty” Baja sauce and “spicy” jalapenos. I was intrigued, sure, but if I want to Baja sauce my food, I’m going to make a run for the border and trust the bad hombres at Taco Bell for that. Lo siento, Sonic.

Conclusion:

Sonic Footlong Philly Cheesesteak 2

Available for an oh-so limited time, the Sonic Footlong Philly Cheesesteak is a tasty little treat that’s worth trying at the very least once. It won’t replace your Geno’s or Pat’s, but what possibly could? Still, it’s one of the better fast food attempts at a Philly cheesesteak around; just ask for a little extra mayo on the side for some lascivious dipping.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 750 calories, 39 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 125 milligrams of cholesterol, 1710 milligrams of sodium, 53 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 46 grams of protein.

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