REVIEW: Burger King Crispy Taco

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Burger King Crispy Taco

As a longtime Latino — 40 years and counting — for so long I have dreamed of an edible epoch in this nation’s history when there would be some form of taco available on every street corner, from every fast food chain, and on every dollar menu. Now, thanks to Burger King, this simple dream is now one step closer to fruition.

Besides the usual taco chains around town like Taco Bell or Del Taco, if I’m under oath, I’d have to admit that I supremely love Jack in the Box’s taco deal, consisting of two greasy corn shells filled with meat and cheese, both for a little over a dollar; it’s a good taste at a great price, especially when their ain’t a convenient taqueria in sight.

Burger King Crispy Taco 2

That being said, I do believe that Jack has finally met his snack match in Burger King’s tremendo Crunchy Tacos; with each equally greasy corn shell – that’s from the deep-frying, ya’ll – dripping with puro faux-Mexican flavor, the additives of a small dash of lettuce and a sprinkle of cheese, as well as a nicely proportioned glob of seasoned beef that, remarkably, doesn’t taste like ground up leftover hamburger filling, makes for a moderately spicy treat at a mostly fulfilling price.

As I sat there in the lonely Burger King, munching on the crunchy taco with affordable ease, I immediately noticed how it’s not at all rubbery, the way Jack’s tacos can often quickly get, especially fresh out the deep-fryer. Instead, the King’s maintains a stolid bite-path that never gets in the way of the beautifully greasy taste, which is far better than it sounds. These are very much like the tacos that one friend’s mom would make when you spent the night as a kid -— contrived as Hell, but delicious as Heaven.

Burger King Crispy Taco 3

Now if I had one complaint, it would be for the absolute lack of both taco sauce and taco salsa — the taco sauce that was supposed to come with the taco and a couple of packets of taco salsa to be included with my order. That’s like fries with no ketchup, if you ask me. So I guess if you happen to pick a pair — or even more, natch — of these tacos up, ask for extra sauce or, as I’m gonna start doing, just bring your own. I recommend San Luis; it’s in a white bottle that looks like bathroom cleaner.

Otherwise, McDonald’s, it’s your deep-fried taco move now. Cómpralo ya!

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 170 calories, 9 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 360 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Starbucks Tie-Dye Frappuccino

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Starbucks Tie Dye Frappuccino

I have great news – I’ve recently opened an Instagram account! I may be a bit behind the curve, but late is better than never, and it seems I’ve joined up just in time to fully appreciate Starbucks’ newest Instagrammable blended beverage — the Tie-Dye Frappuccino.

Starbucks Tie Dye Frappuccino Shirt

Working at a store where rainbow-wearing hippies are the norm, I’m no stranger to tie-dye. In fact, I own quite a few tie-dye shirts of my own and even decided to wear one to Starbucks in hopes of matching my drink. Those hopes began to fall as I saw several people with staggeringly yellow Frapps walk by as I waited my turn in line.

Observing the lone, harried barista create my drink, I realized the tie-dye effect isn’t created by blending together multiple colors of syrup. Instead, multicolored sanding sugar was shaken onto the bottom and sides of my cup before a deluge of neon-yellow Frappuccino base was dumped on top. The colors start to bleed after everything settles for a minute, and, TAH-DAH! You’ve got a tie-dye drink.

Well, you’re supposed to have one, anyway.

Starbucks Tie Dye Frappuccino Blue Streaks

My drink, like those of the people in line before me, was colored Big Bird yellow and had only a light bluish tint going along one side of the cup. Completely missing were the vibrant reds, oranges, and greens promised by Starbucks’ in-store promotional material.

Starbucks Tie Dye Frappuccino Foam

The extra dusting of sanding sugar shaken on top of the whip was the most tie-dye thing about my drink, and even that looks like it could have been stolen off the Unicorn Frappuccino, which, by the way, was so influential in fast food history that it has its own Wikipedia page.

Although it’s hard to set looks aside concerning a treat with such visually focused marketing, the Tie-Dye Frappuccino actually tastes pretty good. It’s sweet – which is no surprise since a Tall has over 39 grams of sugar – but not cloyingly so, and it’s got a pleasant hint of banana that keeps it from tasting as blah as it looks.

I wouldn’t order this over my usual Cold Brew with Cold Foam but found it to be a pleasant departure from what I typically order, and thought it was especially refreshing on a hot and muggy July afternoon.

Even though Starbucks’ Tie-Dye Frappuccino may not be groovy enough to inspire everyone to forget their differences and love each other à la Woodstock-style, it’s still an enjoyable summer treat, and worth giving a shot while it’s still around.

Purchased Price: $4.95
Size: Tall (12 oz.)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Tall beverage with whip) 280 calories, 100 calories from fat, 11 grams of total fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 39 grams of total sugars, 4 grams of protein, and 0 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Sonic Reaper Spicy Margarita

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Sonic Reaper Spicy Margarita

What is the Sonic Reaper Spicy Margarita?

As a part of Sonic’s somewhat innovative line of supposed non-alkie “mocktails,” the Reaper Spicy Margarita takes everything alcohol-lovers enjoy with a classic margarita, subbing the usual tequila with, what the Hell, the absolute terror of liquefied Carolina Reaper Peppers.

How is it?

As cold and satisfying as the Reaper Margarita is on the first sip, almost immediately, the fires of a demonic inferno are quickly unleashed on the insides of your mouth, burning your tongue, numbing your nose, and scalding your throat, causing anyone with a well-worn grip on their remaining senses to throw this drink down on the ground, cursing the heavens with a closed fist in a most stupid fit of self-imposed rage.

Sonic Reaper Spicy Margarita Top

While there is an extremely slight citrus-flavor that is hovering around, it is practically impossible to taste over the mouth-destroying Reaper additives, a garden-peppery coating the slowly moves down the throat in a esophageal thrashing that’s normally reserved for Saturday night at the taqueria, not for a Tuesday afternoon getting a Sonic Happy Hour treat on the way home from work.

Sorry guys, but this just doesn’t work; I mean, for real: who is this drink for?

Is there anything else you need to know?

The night I forcibly drank about half of this, the scalding belches and burps continually seared my gutwerks with each gastric devil-bubble that traveled up my throat. Consequentially, I ended up downing about two or three rather large gulps of Pepto-Bismol just to cool my aching body-tubes.

Conclusion:

Sonic Reaper Spicy Margarita Lid

Anyone who knows me knows how much I truly enjoy the spicier things in this life. Give a roundhouse kick of heat on just about everything I eat, please. That being said, I truly get what Sonic is trying to do here, but, if I’m being honest, this isn’t a drink as much as it is a novelty dare. The mix should be sold on page 35 of the Archie McPhee catalog, not at my local Sonic Drive-In. Maybe, just maybe, it would work if the Scovilles was brought way down, maybe to level it a bit more evenly with the sugar. But, as for now, it’s too little, way too hot.

Purchased Price: $1.79 (each)
Size: Small
Rating: 1 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 190 calories, 0 grams of fat, 230 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 50 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Krispy Kreme Original Filled Doughnuts

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Krispy Kreme Original Filled Doughnuts

What are Krispy Kreme Original Filled Doughnuts?

Krispy Kreme’s iconic Original Glazed Doughnut FILLED for the first time ever with either classic White or Chocolate Kreme.

How are they?

I love the Krispy Kreme Original Glazed, so I went into this with pretty high expectations, and I’m happy to report that those expectations were met.

Krispy Kreme Original Filled Doughnuts White

Most people with common sense and taste buds keen on sugary splendor understand the simplistic power of the light and airy Original Glazed, and all of that precision is on display with this new iteration. KK’s Kreme filling is another one of my favorite offerings from them so if you combine it with its already established OG it’s downright sweet deliciousness.

I akin the White Kreme filling to a slightly fancier version of the white stuff you’ll find inside of a Twinkie, but what’s on the outside is much more refined so the Kreme is even more welcomed in the oddest of trashy perfection. There’s a slight vanilla note to the filling but it’s mostly sweet with a creamy squishy texture that’s awesome against the subtle crack of the hardened glaze.

Krispy Kreme Original Filled Doughnuts Chocolate

The Chocolate Kreme version is equally good, with a bit more contrast that edges towards dominance over the gentler flavor of the glaze. The filling tastes a lot like jarred cake frosting, and I love it. Only a hint of bitterness makes its way through and I’m reminded of some kind of inside out cupcake that bursts with an absolutely satisfactory amount of chocolaty bliss.

Is there anything else you should know?

It’s hard to say how these could be much improved. Maybe a touch of crunch on top to a give a bit more of a textural pop? I hope that this is just the beginning of the OG filled saga that finds its way to peanut butter and caramel and lemon and quite frankly any creamy filling Krispy Kreme wants to bless us with.

Conclusion:

These are terrific. Bursting with filling, topped with a cute little drizzle squiggle, and absolutely on par with the quality I’ve come to expect from Krispy Kreme.

Purchased Price: $1.89 (each)
Size: One doughnut
Purchased at: Krispy Kreme
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Original – 280 calories, 15 grams of total fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 21 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein. Chocolate – 280 calories, 15 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 20 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Kit Kat Coolatta

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Dunkin Kit Kat Coolatta

Dunkin’ Donuts Coolattas have had a big impact on my life.

I realize that’s a ridiculous sentence to write, but it’s true. They started me down a lifelong path of coffee addiction. I consider them my caffeine gateway drug because I hated the taste of coffee before I tried a Coolatta as a kid.

Before I officially acquired the taste for less sugary “adult” coffee drinks, I was hooked on Coolattas and Frappuccinos in my teens.

It wasn’t just coffee either, every time a new Coolatta flavor came out, whether it be some kind of mocha, vanilla, or fruit concoction, I had to try ’em.

So, naturally, when I heard Dunkin’ Donuts was making a Coolatta based on one of my all-time favorite candy bars – Kit Kat – I got nostalgic and knew I had to try it ASAP.

Right out of the gate I was surprised at how many bits of Kit Kat were floating in my cup. The color of the drink itself was actually a welcomed surprise too because I could tell they didn’t bog it down with chocolate syrup. That was my worry. I didn’t want this to just be a generic chocolate drink. I wanted to taste that distinct flavor of the chocolate mixed with the wafers.

I have good news. If you’ve ever wanted a liquid Kit Kat, you can now drink frozen Kit Kats. This Coolatta is legit delicious.

Dunkin Kit Kat Coolatta Bits

It essentially tastes like milk and about 2-3 full Kit Kat sticks tossed in a blender with some ice. You get plenty of little chocolate pieces and soggy wafers (which are better than that sounds) in every slushy sip. Dunkin’ didn’t skimp at all here.

The consistency is something I’ve always liked about Coolattas. They’re not milkshakes or ice cream, and they’re not Slurpees, but they somehow tap into all three. I actually prefer this to say a DQ Blizzard or a McFlurry. I’m also a weirdo who heats ice cream in the microwave for 12 seconds (always 12 for some reason) so take from that what you want.

Dunkin Kit Kat Coolatta Explosion

I loved this. I’m docking it a single point because the last few sips almost choked me to death as it was 75% wet candy bits. Seriously, even when I was done it looked like someone blew up a Kit Kat. There was Kit Kat shrapnel lacing the entire cup.

Dunkin Kit Kat Coolatta Yankees

Actually, my only real complaint was the Yankees logo on the cup.

All that said, this isn’t something I’d recommend starting your day with. It’s definitely not a threat to my typical two morning cups of “just a little half and half” joe, or a cold brew, but I’ll probably go back and try the other new Hershey’s-flavored Coolattas at some point.

Oh, and FYI, a large has over 200 grams of sugar, which is insane, but if you’re in the mood for ice cream or a milkshake, this makes for a pretty damn good alternative.

Purchased Price: $3.39
Size: 14 fl. oz.
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 570 calories, 12 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 108 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 101 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.

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