REVIEW: Sonic Twisted Texan Cheeseburger

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Sonic Twisted Texan Cheeseburger

I am always on board when an American fast food chain in a non-US location unveils its version of regional American fare.

Take, for instance, McDonald’s “Big America Burgers” in Japan. The most recent iteration of this popular offering gave Japanese consumers the Texas 2, the Idaho, the Miami, and the Manhattan burgers. Some of these have very reasonable — and dare I say interesting — inclusions. A hash brown on the Idaho burger, for example, is a particularly fetching choice. And then sometimes, something seems to get lost in translation. While I applaud the pastrami topping on the Manhattan, I’m a little perplexed by the mozzarella and “sour cream sauce.”

Ditto, McDonald’s “Great Taste of America” burgers, which have popped up multiple times in the UK, the most recent being 2019. While I am impressed that the “Alabama Chicken” has a white BBQ sauce, the “New York Stack” is all over the road by serving it on a sesame and poppy seed bagel (nice!), but topping it with “bacon, cheese, creamy coleslaw, ketchup, mustard, lettuce, and pickles.” Because nothing says “New York” like mixing up your coleslaw with ketchup, mustard, and cheese, right?

Sonic Twisted Texan Cheeseburger 1

Sonic’s “Twisted Texan” Burger (or footlong, quarter-pound hot dog, if you’d rather) doesn’t really come close to some of those weird combinations, to be sure, but it also isn’t very inspired. It is a regular quarter-pound beef patty on a regular bun, topped with its regular chili, a cheese slice, and “crispy onion strings.” Do these things work well together? Sure, I suppose so.

I’m on record as being a fan of Sonic’s patties, and I usually have good luck with its buns, too. Its chili — which is almost like a Coney-style chili-sauce, if you’ve never had it — is great on its dogs and tots, and it’s fine here. The single slice of cheese got lost in the mix, which ultimately made it inessential; a second slice might’ve added more oomph.

Sonic Twisted Texan Cheeseburger 2

Now that brings us to the onion strings.

While the first bite or two of the burger noticeably benefited from them, the “crispy” exterior of the strings quickly turned to mush, making the veggie indistinguishable in consistency and taste from the chili. I’m not sure how you combat this unless you use whole onion rings. (Which, you know, could’ve been done; I’m not sure that onion strings are any more or less “Texan” than onion rings.)

In the end, this is just an okay burger, but I’m not sure what screams “TEXAS!” about it, other than the red chili. Which, I mean, is sort of Texas-y? But it’s also something that you can get a really good bowl of just about anywhere. How could have Sonic made this more of a Texas thing? Oh, I don’t know… by putting it on Texas toast, perhaps? Or maybe adding brisket. Or a tiny little, sandwich-sized cowboy hat. Anything more than just “chili and onion strings.”

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 1030 calories, 68 grams of fat, 17 gram of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 1940 milligrams of sodium, 68 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 33 grams of protein.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Caramel Brownie McFlurry

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McDonald s Caramel Brownie McFlurry Cup

While not as often as Dairy Queen Blizzards, McDonald’s has been mixing several new and exciting McFlurry offerings over the past few years. In 2019, we got stroopwafel and snickerdoodle McFlurry flavors. Last year, the Golden Arches introduced an Oreo Shamrock one in the spring and a Chips Ahoy variety in the fall.

And we gave them all positive reviews.

Well, I’m here to continue that thumbs ups streak in 2021 because right after scarfing down McDonald’s new Caramel Brownie McFlurry, I wondered how soon is too soon to get another.

The treat features caramel topping and brownie pieces mixed with soft serve. As you can see in the photos, the one I picked up looks like, well, let’s just say not as put together as the promotional photos I’ve seen. But, I believe there’s an ancient wise proverb that says, “Never judge a McFlurry by how it’s been mixed.”

McDonald s Caramel Brownie McFlurry Top

While mine looks like an explosion and fire happened at a Rolo factory that was brought under control by a herd of dairy cows shooting milk from their udders, that sticky mess in the cup was magnificent. But, let’s be honest, combining ice cream, caramel, and brownie pieces, no matter how it looks, has a scientifically proven 95 percent chance of tantalizing the taste buds.

McDonald s Caramel Brownie McFlurry Brownies

While caramel gets top billing in the name, the sweet stars of the show are the brownie pieces. They’re how the chocolatey treat should be — fudgy, dense, chewy, and able to sit in soft serve without getting soggy. They taste like a batch made from a boxed mix, but that’s not a complaint. The chunks are also plentiful. Almost every spoonful I scooped out had one in it.

McDonald s Caramel Brownie McFlurry Caramel

The buttery and sugary caramel topping McDonald’s uses isn’t too noticeable in this McFlurry because there are many brownies to contend with, so it plays less of a role in the treat. But the golden gloop adds a nice third texture that goes well with the chewy brownies and creamy ice cream.

My taste buds did notice a cheesecake-like tang every so often. It wasn’t off-putting, but I’m not sure where it came from.

McDonald’s Caramel Brownie McFlurry isn’t a transplant from a European country (though, it was available in Canada in 2017), doesn’t feature an iconic cookie, or has green food coloring, so it might not be as exciting as recent limited time flavors. But shoveling spoonfuls of it into my mouth excites my taste buds.

Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: Regular
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 630 calories, 19 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 280 milligrams of sodium, 101 grams of carbohydrates, 67 grams of sugar, 1 gram of fiber, and 13 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Primo Burritos

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Taco Bell Primo Burritos Innards

I am writing this in late April 2021. Outside, fat snowflakes are pelting my windows and coating all visible surfaces. The forecast called for at least three inches, and I suspect we’ll eclipse that. This springtime hellscape is currently testing my will to continue living in Kansas City, where snow should knock it the hell off no later than, oh, February.

I don’t like this test.

One test I do like, however, are test market items from fast food purveyors. And though we’re no Ohio, we’re currently the only spot in the nation with Taco Bell’s new Primo Burritos.

Taco Bell Primo Burritos Thick

I tried both the Loaded Taco Primo Burrito and Chicken Enchilada Primo Burrito. So, are these burritos primo? In a word, no. Not only are they both boring offerings that are short on flavor (though incredibly cheap for the size), they barely even qualify as “new.”

Taco Bell Primo Burritos Taco

The Loaded Taco Primo burrito comes with “seasoned beef, crunchy red tortilla strips, lettuce, reduced fat sour cream, and cheddar cheese.” And if that ingredient combo — and even the name — sounds familiar, it’s because, in 2017, Taco Bell offered the “Loaded Taco Burrito,” which was all of those same things PLUS avocado ranch sauce PLUS a double portion of beef. And do you know what would have made this burrito considerably better? Avocado ranch sauce and/or possibly more beef!

As presented, the burrito came up short in terms of taste. While the red tortilla strips remained crunchy, which was great for texture, they tasted indiscernible from the regular burrito shell. The seasoned beef was pretty skimpy (though, to be fair, this item was $1) and, you know, Taco Bell beef. The lettuce was warm and didn’t add anything, nor did the standard cheddar cheese. The sour cream was good, but it didn’t keep the burrito from being mostly dry.

Look, if you’ve eaten at Taco Bell, you’ve had this burrito in some form or another.

Taco Bell Primo Burritos Enchilada

This brings us to the Chicken Enchilada Primo Burrito. This new offering features white meat chicken strips, reduced fat sour cream, seasoned rice, enchilada sauce, and cheddar. And if you think THAT ingredient list sounds familiar, well… okay, so I don’t know that Taco Bell did this exact burrito before, but all the way back in olden times — from 2004-2007, then briefly resurrected in 2010 — it did a Chicken Enchilada Grilled Stuft Burrito. That was the same thing, except it had the patented three cheese blend instead of plain cheddar, and the whole thing was grilled. And you know what would have made this better? A three cheese blend and grilling!

If this all sounds like I’m simply trying to be an anti-Bell contrarian, I apologize; the fact of the matter is, this burrito, like its newborn sibling, was a boring rehash, something that, let’s face it, Taco Bell is prone to doing.

While the Enchilada burrito won’t be winning any awards, it was definitely better than the Taco version. The enchilada sauce — milder than any you’ve had before, but still decent — was mixed with the sour cream to ensure that dryness wasn’t a factor, and the seasoned rice kept everything from being too gloopy of a mess. Even still, this isn’t something I can imagine spending money on again.

In the end, neither one of these did much for me, nor can I imagine them sticking around for long. (If, in fact, they even ever get a national rollout.) Better luck next time, Taco Bell.

Purchased Price: $1.00 (Loaded Taco), $1.49 (Chicken Enchilada)
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Loaded Taco), 6 out of 10 (Chicken Enchilada)
Nutrition Facts: Unavailable

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Brownie Batter Blizzard

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Dairy Queen Brownie Batter Blizzard Cup

What is the Brownie Batter Blizzard?

This is one of the six flavors in the “New! Summer Blizzard Menu” from Dairy Queen. Only this flavor is not new (it has been released several times over the years), and only the recently reviewed Girl Scout Thin Mints Blizzard is truly new. But enough with semantics, let’s move on to discuss the BBB (Brownie Batter Blizzard), which contains brownies in both batter and piece form.

How is it?

Remember in school when you had to determine the average, median, and mode? This Blizzard is all of those blended into one. There’s nothing wrong with it, but the batter flavor doesn’t really come through with any distinction.

Dairy Queen Brownie Batter Blizzard Spoon

If I really try, I can pick out subtle flavor hints that remind me of brownie batter, but it mostly tastes like chocolate syrup or fudge flavoring. The brownie chunks are fine, but you could have convinced me they were chocolate cookie dough instead of brownie. I did enjoy the chewy texture of the pieces.

Dairy Queen Brownie Batter Blizzard Brownie

Anything else you need to know?

Even though this Blizzard is nothing special, it got me thinking…is there such a thing as a “bad” Blizzard? I’ve never had one, but if you mix ice cream with any type of candy, cookies, brownies, nuts, etc., then it’s going to at least be palatable. So I am hereby challenging DQ to raise their game and dive into the gross-out food trend we’ve seen with jelly beans, sodas, and the like. How about a ketchup and mustard Blizzard? Or pickles and onions? Just think of all the social media action you would get off those, DQ.

Conclusion:

Dairy Queen Brownie Batter Blizzard Top

If your bucket list includes trying every DQ Blizzard ever released, then I guess go ahead and give this one a whirl. But if not, then you are not missing out on much by picking another Blizzard variety.

Purchased Price: $4.79
Size: Medium
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Medium) 770 calories, 34 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 450 milligrams of sodium, 105 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 79 grams of sugar, and 15 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Arby’s Crinkle Cut Fries

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Arby s Crinkle Cut Fries Full

What are Arby’s Crinkle Cut Fries?

Arby’s new permanent fries are exactly as they sound — an “…accordion-style” deep-fried spud offering! The website touts the “…groves for maximum crispiness, lightly seasoned with fine kosher salt.”

(Editor’s Note: I’m pretty sure “groves” is supposed to be “grooves.” But that’s really how it’s spelled on Arby’s website. I added the screenshot below for proof.)

Screen Shot 2021 04 25 at 8 46 21 AM

How are they?

Arby s Crinkle Cut Fries Top

Crinkle cut fries are near and dear to my heart. They remind me of elementary school lunches when the best part of my day was lunchtime. These were exactly like a blast from the past – limp, slightly undercooked, but decently salted.

Anything else you need to know?

Arby s Crinkle Cut Fries Compare

I tested these head-to-head with crinkle cut fries from the grocery store. The air fried Ore-Ida ones I made were better. They were golden brown and actually had more crispness.

Arby s Crinkle Cut Fries Compare Closeup

Unfortunately, Arby’s is pretty serious about its mediocre crinkle cut fry offering. The fast food chain even made a TV commercial for it!

Conclusion:

I ate every single one of those limp, slightly undercooked, but decently salted fries, but they’re not better than frozen crinkle cut fries found at your local grocery store.

Maybe one day Arby’s will offer a mixed spuds basket with its curlies, crinkle, and cakes – kind of like mixing all the sodas together. But I wouldn’t get the crinkle fries on their own. I’ll stick with the curlies!

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: Medium
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Medium) 530 calories, 26 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 630 milligrams of sodium, 68 grams of carbohydrates, 0 gram of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.

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