REVIEW: Dairy Queen Maple Cookie Shake

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Just in time to make those brisk fall months feel a bit chillier is Dairy Queen’s new Maple Cookie Shake. It blends DQ’s soft serve, maple cookie crumble, milk, and whipped topping to create an off-white shake that doesn’t bring anything maple-related to mind.

What also doesn’t bring boiled tree blood to mind are the cookie crumbles floating within the shake. They’re as plentiful as the stars in the sky while gazing from a bed of orange leaves, and they maintained their crunchiness as I slurped up the entire shake, but they didn’t seem to add to the maple flavor. I expected additional maple bursts when I chewed on them, but didn’t get that. The shake’s description says maple cookie crumbles, but the ingredient list says shortbread cookie crumbs, so that probably explains the crumble’s lack of fall flavor.

However, that’s okay, because the maple-flavored soft serve does more than enough to make up for the cookie’s lack of flavor. The sweet maple in this shake is perfect, and I wanted to scoop some out and put it between some toasted Eggo waffles to create an ice cream sandwich, but being in the middle of a mall food court made that problematic. As for the whipped topping, it’s just there to add a bit of flair to the affair, just like this sentence does to this paragraph, as you might be aware.

Not into pumpkin spice or caramel apple, and want to experience another popular fall flavor through a straw? Dairy Queen’s Maple Cookie Shake is a sweet and delicious alternative to putting a straw in a bottle of pure maple syrup.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: Small
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 590 calories, 29 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 380 milligrams of sodium, 71 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 59 grams of sugar, and 12 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Crafted Flatzz

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If you want a personal pizza from Pizza Hut, you could get its Personal Pan Pizza, or you could go up to any of the chain’s other pizzas, spend quality time with it, learn about each other through long, deep conversations, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll build a platonic or romantic relationship with it. But now there’s a third way — Pizza Hut’s new Crafted Flatzz.

The pizza-for-one comes in several varieties: Nashville Hot Chicken, Chicken Bacon Ranch, Pepperoni Duo, Three Cheese, and Ultimate. So that I can tell my doctor I ate vegetables, I picked up the Ultimate, which comes topped with fire-roasted peppers, caramelized onions, diced tomatoes, pepperoni, and Italian sausage.

The Crafted Flatzz is oval-shaped and is about 11 inchezz long and about six inchezz wide. It’s the perfect size ratio to cram into a vertical TikTok video or Instagram Reel. Its length is almost as long as two Personal Pan Pizzas, and if you fold it in half, it’s about as thick. However, I thought that there’s enough with this oblong menu item for two meals. Well, at least for me.

Its edges were quite crispy, but not quite as satisfying as the buttery crispiness from Pizza Hut’s original pizza-for-one. As I ate my order, I noticed there wasn’t a lot of sauce, although I could taste its sweet, tomato flavor with almost every bite.

As for the rest of the toppings, they were typical Pizza Hut fare, although I was glad to see diced tomatoes included. (Gotta get that lycopene!) They added occasional bursts of acidic goodness that give this a slight taste difference from a supreme pizza.

Besides its flavor, what I also liked about this was its price, which is comparable to the chain’s Personal Pan Pizza. However, the locations near me were only promoting the five-dollar price for orders placed before 5 pm. Weird.

While I enjoyed chomping my Crafted Flatzz, it’s not as satisfying as a Personal Pan Pizza. It’s also not something I would consider completely new. It’s essentially a thin-crust pizza for one, with a name that makes me roll my eyes due to the use of double Zs.

I mean, I understand it because pizza has two Zs, and it would be weird if it were just one. And calling it Flatzza would’ve been worse, because that’s a horrible name. And giving it the name Flatizza would’ve been the worst because it would’ve violated Subway’s trademark.

I’m sure Pizza Hut’s lawyers do not want to get personal with Subway’s lawyers.

Purchased Price: $5.00
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: No nutrition info was available on the Pizza Hut website at publication time.

REVIEW: Starbucks Pecan Oatmilk Cortado

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Ask any of my colleagues, they can vouch for me: While the official first day of fall is the day Starbucks releases its PSL and other fall menu items, I definitely bragged about a new beverage around the water cooler.

After introducing the Cortado at the start of the year, Starbucks has a new variation just in time for sweater weather. It’s the Pecan Oatmilk Cortado, and it features three shots of ristretto blonde espresso, oatmilk, pecan syrup, and pecan crunch topping.

Let’s cut to the chase. This thing is delicious. For starters—and for something that has nothing to do with the flavor—the 8-ounce size remains absolutely adorable. The original Cortado had whole milk as its standard, but now that I’ve had it with oatmilk, I am not going back.

The flavor here is smooth, creamy, and definitely nutty. The Pecan Syrup has a very authentic flavor, and when paired with the oatmilk, it’s the perfect combination. I find the syrup to be the perfect amount of sweet, and would recommend sticking with the two pumps included rather than customizing and adding more. The flavor held up over time (I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… I’m a notoriously slow coffee drinker, but it really helps when evaluating things such as how flavor holds up!). And the short size is truly perfect here. It packs just enough of a punch to kickstart your day and get you ready for those cooler temperatures on the horizon.

I’m knocking it down a point due to the lack of visible pecan crunch topping. It might have sunk into the drink, but you couldn’t see anything with the naked eye.

Despite the lack of topping, this is an amazing drink here. I’ve been super pleased with the Starbucks Cortados, and I’m crossing my fingers for more options in the future!

Purchased Price: $4.95
Size: Short
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 120 calories, 3.5 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 13 grams of total sugars, 1 gram of protein, and 230 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Burger King Crispy Onion Whopper

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I thought Burger King’s new Crispy Onion Whopper would have an intense onion flavor that would make anyone within my personal space and downwind from me know I’m eating one when I say, “Oooooonioooooon.” However, despite having onion rings AND crispy onions, it does noooooot.

Along with those two toppings, the burger features a 1/4-pound flame-grilled beef patty, bacon, American cheese, barbecue sauce, pickles, lettuce, tomatoes, and mayo on a toasted sesame seed bun. Raw onions, one ingredient I know Burger King has stocked in its kitchens, would’ve helped push the onion pungency to a potent plane, but BK excluded them in this burger.

If it had gone extra heavy with the onions, this might’ve been a unique-tasting offering, but this latest Whopper By You creation, inspired by Whopper fans, has a lot of familiar flavors. It seems like Burger King took a page from Taco Bell’s playbook and created something new by flinging ingredients it already uses at a wall and seeing what sticks.

When the drive-thru window person handed me the bag with my à la carte order, I was surprised by its weight. Upon taking it out of the bag, it looked noticeably more substantial than previous limited-time-only Whoppers in recent memory. I suppose the onion rings made a significant difference.

While light in flavor, both fried onions let my mouth know of their existence with two distinct levels of crispiness, with the crispy onion having a lighter crunch than the rings. However, raw onions here might’ve added another level of crispiness.

The previous Whopper By You, the BBQ Brisket one, released in July, featured a new golden BBQ sauce, which I really enjoyed. This comes topped with the usual sweet and smoky barbecue sauce Burger King has used over the years. While I’ve enjoyed the older BBQ sauce, I wish BK had used the newer one here, as it might’ve prevented the burger from tasting so familiar. I’m not saying it tastes like a BK’s signature burger, but it’s almost like the chain did a mashup of a regular Whopper with a Rodeo Cheeseburger.

With every bite, it seemed like a different ingredient got highlighted. Sometimes it was the onions. Other times it was the cheese. Sometimes it was the bacon. Other times it was the pickles. Sometimes it was the barbecue sauce. Other times it was the beef. And even the mayo popped in every so often.

Other things to note: With all the toppings, it’s unsurprising that this is one messy burger. Also, much like the previous limited-time-only Whopper, it’s available as a Whopper Jr. if you want to save money because it’s slightly pricier than other variations.

Burger King’s Crispy Onion Whopper is a serviceable offering that’s as enjoyable as its standard Whopper. However, nothing is outstanding or distinctive about it that would make me like it a looooot or spend my looooot on it again.

Purchased Price: $11.79*
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 1150 calories, 72 grams of fat, 21 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 135 milligrams of cholesterol, 2140 milligrams of sodium, 88 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of fiber, 19 grams of sugar, and 47 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Cereal N’ Milk Latte

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Even though there is a Dunkin’ Donuts (or “Dunks” as the chain is affectionately known here in Mass) literally in my backyard, I don’t go there very often. I’m more of a Red Bull kind of girl. When I go to DD, I tend to get cold brew with foam rather than a latte… but a Cereal Milk latte? That had me curious.

It’s genius, honestly. The milk left over after you’ve enjoyed a bowl of cereal is almost as good as the cereal itself! Why have I never considered adding it to my tea or coffee before? Good thing Dunks had my back!

It was hot outside, so I opted to get my drink iced. I was hoping for something refreshing, but it was too thick and rich for that. I was THIRSTY when handed my drink, and as I gulped it, I was left feeling a bit like Ron Burgundy from Anchorman when he chugs the milk in that one scene. I have to say, though, that despite that description, it did have a nice mouth feel, somewhere between Half & Half and melted ice cream. Smooth and velvety and very creamy.

You’re probably wondering, much like I was, what \*kind\* of cereal Dunkin’ is referring to. The term is just too generic, given the various fruity, chocolatey, sweetened, and otherwise varieties out there, and, well… that remains a mystery, sadly. Your guess is as good as mine. The taste is decidedly NOT fruity, as I’d kind of been expecting, nor is it chocolatey or really distinctly anything. Still, it really DOES manage to convey a distinct CEREAL taste that lingers on the tongue after each sip before fading away into a vaguely grain-like aftertaste.

If I HAD to guess? Somewhere between generic Lucky Charms and Frosted Flakes. Both are in the ballpark, but neither feels quite right.

That kinda bitter, slightly burnt taste you can expect with a Dunkin’ espresso product is present, but it does get drowned out by the sweetness and flavor of the cereal milk, which works in the drink’s favor. All in all, I’d get this again. It’s sweet and tasty, and it hits a nice breakfast-y note for me.

I don’t know if it’s universal or not, but my local Dunkin’ (yes, the one I can see from my window as I type this) offers Coolattas and Matcha in addition to the Lattes, so if espresso isn’t your thing but you still want to try this flavor, there you go.

Purchased Price: $5.02
Size: Small
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 220 calories, 7 grams of total fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of total carbs, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 29 grams of total sugar, and 7 grams of protein.

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