There are a few jobs I hope I never have. Aside from everything Mike Rowe has tried, Santa’s personal chef and copyeditor for his Naughty and Nice List come to mind. Also, the guy who has to develop “new” holiday-themed products for fast food chains.

Between the cookie exchanges, parties, and all those special childhood foods your mom is going to cook for you, there’s a lot of pressure to efficiently maximize your calories. If I’m going to eat a donut during December, I don’t want to waste my time on some plebeian attempt to deconstruct hot chocolate in cruller form.

So consider this an early Christmas present — taking one for the team so you don’t have to feel massive guilt (in addition to feeling massive) for scarfing down holiday flavors that may or may not fall in the “meh” spectrum of taste.

Dunkin’ Donut’s new Frosted Sugar Cookie Donut combines sugar cookie and chocolate chip cookie flavors, which, when you think about it, is sort of like the cookie version of Chrismukkah.

Oddly enough, the combo works, even though the cookie dough-flavored filling doesn’t taste much like cookie dough. Actually, I’m not quite sure what it tastes like. Brownish sugar, maybe? Whatever it is it’s not bad, but the real star of the donut is the frosted sugar cookie crumble topping. It’s like a hybrid of vanilla Chex, puppy chow, and streusel topping.

Overall, the cookie crumbles give the usual (if not underrated) combo of white icing and airy donut an extra level of yumminess.

Sadly, the Gingerbread Cookie Donut doesn’t have the same level of yumminess. While the gingerbread cookie topping has a strong gingerbread flavor, the pieces are stale, as if they’re from a box of ginger snap cookies that’s been open since 2012.

I have a friend who swears by salted caramel vodka, which sounds disgusting. However, after trying the caramel frosting I’ll have to down a fifth to get the sticky cloying taste out of my mouth. It’s not the most inauthentic caramel taste in the world, but it lacks any depth and tastes of nothing but sugar.

I tend to treat donuts by the pizza maxim (even when bad, they’re good) but the Gingerbread Cookie Donut comes close to legitimately sucking, meaning it’s frankly a toss-up between it and a piece of fruitcake.

All things considered, Dunkin’s new holiday-themed donuts are a mixed bag, like your childhood stocking filled with candy but also socks. Still, for as bad as the Gingerbread Cookie Donut is, the Frosted Sugar Cookie Donut might be good enough to leave out for Santa, if you don’t eat it first.

(Nutrition Facts – Frosted Sugar Cookie Donut – 420 calories, 21 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 410 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 30 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. Gingerbread Cookie Donut – 310 calories, 17 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 360 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.09 (each)
Size: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Frosted Sugar Cookie Donut)
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Gingerbread Cookie Donut)
Pros: Sugar Cookie Donut topping is one of the better toppings I’ve had on a Dunkin’ donut. Good quality freshness in donut bases.
Cons: Gingerbread cookie topping is as stale as your great uncle’s Christmas jokes. Cookie dough filling doesn’t really taste like cookie dough. Caramel frosting is cloying and out-of-place.

Ladies and gentleman, The Impulsive Buy proudly presents to you, the triumphant return of the S’more Connoisseur!

*crickets*

Thank you. Thank you.

It’s great to be back, and it’s my pleasure to review a new s’mores product from my good friends over at Dunkin’ Donuts, the aptly named S’mores Donut.

Why it took this long to pump a donut full of marshmallow is beyond me, but it’s a welcomed addition to Dunkin’s roster.

The press release shows a round donut, so why is the donut shaped that way? I’m told it’s a star in celebration of Independence Day. I can’t help but feel like I lost out on a couple ounces of donut because of the shape, but, hey, it made me feel patriotic. Nothing’s more American than s’mores.

Said star came topped with tiny marshmallows, bits of Hershey’s chocolate, and graham cracker chunks. I’m gonna let you folks in on a little secret, those are the three main ingredients of s’mores.

Unlike previous S’mores products I’ve reviewed, this donut didn’t skimp on the marshmallow. Even though the white marshmallow filling appeared to be lacking when I cut into the donut, there was still a decent amount that oozed when I took each of the four bites it took me to finish it.

The “toasted” (buzzword) marshmallow-flavored filling had the texture of a thin icing. It wasn’t all that different from the usual crème Dunkin pumps into their donuts. I was anticipating something similar to Marshmallow Fluff, so that was disappointing.

Despite having a mild marshmallow flavor, the chocolate frosting overpowered it, so it didn’t add much to the donut overall.

Unfortunately, the same can be said about the Hershey’s pieces. While you will occasionally get a different texture, the chocolate frosting prevented the Hershey’s flavor from standing out.

The little marshmallows on top were the hot cocoa-style, although they lacked that cereal marshmallow crunch. The bits of graham were stale and also provided almost nothing to the overall experience.

It’s basically a Chocolate Frosted donut with a little more pizzazz. I’m a Dunkin Chocolate Frosted lifer, so it was still a solid product for me. I mean, any time you wanna toss a few additions on a Chocolate Frosted, I’m in. But I really wish a Fluff-like marshmallow filling was used.

So did Dunkin’ nail the s’mores concept? Not really. If a normal Chocolate Frosted is a reliable 8 out of 10 for me, I have to knock this one down a little.

I didn’t think the marshmallow icing was strong enough and you can’t pass off the graham element by just slapping a few crumbled cracker pieces on top. Their stale texture also definitely hurt the overall score.

It’s still worth a try as it’s a normal priced donut and not one of those fancy limited edition donuts they keep in the jewelry case on the counter. I may consider making my own with Fluff.

(Nutrition Facts – 420 calories, 24 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 400 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.19
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It’s a chocolate frosted donut with bonuses. Little hot cocoa-style marshmallows. Decent amount of filling.
Cons: Marshmallow filling could’ve had a stronger flavor. Graham bits lacked crunch. They should have integrated graham flavor into the donut itself. “Toasted” marshmallow is nothing but a buzzword. “Ooze” is nothing but a disgusting word.