REVIEW: Food Should Taste Good Hemp Tortilla Chips

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Food Should Taste Good Hemp Tortilla Chips

I just skimmed the Wikipedia entry about hemp and now I feel bad about eating these Food Should Taste Good Hemp Tortilla Chips.

The hemp seeds used to make these chips could’ve been used to grow more hemp plants, which in turn could’ve been used to make hemp clothing someone could’ve worn, hempcrete to build someone’s home, or hemp plastic to be used in a car.

Those hemp seeds I ate could’ve been turned into something significant and long lasting. Instead, their short, meaningless existence consisted of me eating them and then pooping them out.

From now on, I’m gonna stick to eating potato chips because what other uses for potatoes has society come up with? Powering some kid’s lame science fair project? Ammunition for a spud gun? Yeah, I don’t feel so bad about eating potato chips.

The Food Should Taste Good Hemp Tortilla Chips are made using only five ingredients: organic blue corn, high oleic sunflower and/or safflower oil, hemp seeds, corn bran, and sea salt. If you examine the chips, you can see the hemp seeds in them. The chips are a color that I like to call plastic army men green (although at some angles they looks brown) and they’re also a list of things that make it sound like the Holy Grail for Whole Foods shoppers. They’re certified vegan, certified gluten free, MSG free, not made from genetically modified ingredients, all natural, and they don’t contain artificial colors, flavors or preservatives.

I should note that I’ve never tasted hemp seeds before. Sure, I’ve been the driver of a car whose other passenger were puff-puff-passing their way through some weak ass weed, but I don’t know if second-hand weed smoke could be considered consumption of a cannabis plant. But, thankfully, the Google algorithm helped me learn hemp seeds have a nutty flavor.

Food Should Taste Good Hemp Tortilla Chips Closeup

The Food Should Taste Good Hemp Tortilla Chips are the size of Doritos and are a little thicker than Tostitos. At first, the hemp tortilla chips taste like normal tortilla chips, although a little bit better than Tostitos, but the hemp seed’s nuttiness eventually shows itself, although the level of nuttiness is more along the lines of a nip slip than full-frontal nudity. So if you gave these to an unsuspecting person they will probably think these are just some weird colored, but regular tasting tortilla chips.

While skimming through the Wikipedia entry about hemp, I also learned it’s a good source of omega-3 fatty acids and protein. The Food Should Taste Good Hemp Tortilla Chip’s nutrition facts say a serving of these chips provide 3 grams of protein, but the amount of omega-3 fatty acids isn’t listed anywhere. There isn’t even a ribbon or banner on the front of the packaging that says it’s a good or excellent source of omega-3 like there are on packages of salmon and some granola bars.

Room on the front of the package isn’t a problem. Look at all that white space.

I hope I’m getting some omega-3s from these Food Should Taste Good Hemp Tortilla Chips, because if I’m not getting any, I’m going to feel worse about eating them, even though they are some tasty chips. I already feel like I wasted the hemp seeds that went through my digestive system. They could’ve been used to create a hemp biofuel to fuel a hemp plastic car being driven by a person wearing hemp clothing to his or her house made from hempcrete.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce/about 12 chips – 140 calories, 70 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Food Should Taste Good Hemp Tortilla Chips
Price: $3.69
Size: 5.5 ounces
Purchased at: Whole Foods
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. Certified vegan, certified gluten free, no MSG, not made from genetically modified ingredients, all natural, and they don’t contain artificial colors, flavors or preservatives. It’s frickin’ made with hemp. All the uses for hemp. Low sodium.
Cons: Needs to come in a bigger bag. Hemp flavor could’ve been stronger. Not sure if it provides omega-3. The hemp seeds I ate could’ve been used for better purposes.

REVIEW: Doritos JACKED (Smoky Chipotle BBQ and Enchilada Supreme)

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Doritos JACKED Smoky Chipotle BBQ and Enchilada Supreme

My wife recently told me she admired my self-control around open bags of chips.   I asked what she meant, and she explained that if a chip bag is open, I’ll eat a certain amount until I’m not hungry anymore, then stop and let the chip bag sit there unmolested rather than continue to eat.   I’d never really thought about it that way, but in general, I think she’s right.   I can eat some potato chips and then keep the bag in front of me without touching it.   I can usually do that with tortilla chips.   I can even  pull it off  with cheese curls.

But Doritos are another story.   Open a bag of Doritos and you expose my all-too-human weakness.   I’ll keep eating those things until I force myself to close the bag and stash it away, or until it’s empty.   If it’s open and sitting out, self-control is not an option.

So knowing that about myself, what was I to think about Doritos introducing the “JACKED” sub-line (I feel strongly it should be all caps) that boasts of Bigger, Bolder, Thicker chips?   Should I be enthused, or worried?   Was I like a smoker getting excited because his Camels would now contain triple the nicotine?   And why “JACKED,” anyway?   Were they going to contain Monterey or Cheddar Jack cheese (no), or was  this just  a doomed marketing attempt to seem appropriately “street” (almost certainly)?
 
Then I thought about it for .43 seconds and realized two of those adjectives are completely irrelevant.   Who cares if each  individual chip is 40% bigger and thicker if the size of the bag remains the same?   If anything it’s a ploy to get you to eat the same number of Doritos you always did, but since there are fewer per bag, you’ll need to buy another bag sooner.   They could just as easily make the Doritos small and wafer thin and brag about how each bag contains thousands, yes thousands of chips!

But it’s the second adjective that piqued my interest, because fortune favors the bold and so do I.   The two inaugural flavors kicking off the JACKED line are Smoky Chipotle BBQ and Enchilada Supreme, and neither of those tastes screams “Let my subtle notes gently  waft across your palate.”   Appropriately for a product that debuted at the SXSW Festival, these are chips for extreme people with extreme taste buds; and while I may not be one of them, I’m always up for a challenge.

Doritos JACKED Smoky Chipotle BBQ

As you can see (the penny is for scale, I haven’t taken to eating copper… yet), the Smoky Chipotle BBQ chips are definitely larger than their standard Doritos brethren, and while it may not be clear from the picture, noticeably darker as well.   I was unable to find one completely intact; I’m not sure if that’s a consequence of them being bigger and crunchier, or just having two toddlers who like to help unpack groceries.   The smell is surprisingly subdued, not at all the intense aroma that typically warns you to proceed carefully with spicy food.

My expectation was that, despite the best efforts of the marketing department, the Chipotle BBQ Doritos wouldn’t be absurdly hot, so as not to deter most of the target audience.   Frankly, I was afraid they’d go too far and end up with wuss chips; and luckily, that fear proved groundless.   They pack a greater crunch than the regular variety due to their increased thickness, and you can clearly taste the classic Doritos artificial cheese on them.   But with it definitely comes an explosion of spice that won’t send you sprinting for a gallon of milk, but will probably make you think twice about eating any without a cold drink handy.   Darned if there isn’t a bit of a smoky flavor to them too, complementing the heat.   It’s worth noting that the spice distribution is slightly uneven, some chips being noticeably hotter than others, but I’m not sure there’s any way that could’ve been avoided.  

Doritos JACKED Enchilada Supreme

Likewise, the Enchilada Supreme Doritos carry a less potent aroma than I would’ve expected.   They mostly smell like regular Doritos, with just a hint of Mexican spices if you really focus.   The taste, however, packs just as much of a wallop as the Chipotle variety, if not more.   Immediately your tongue is hit with a tangy salsa taste, and it IS tangy.   I would say the flavor is more intense than the Chipotle variety but doesn’t linger as long — like a process server, it gets in, hits you with a lawsuit or paternity papers, and gets out immediately.   It also has a cheesier taste than regular Doritos, which is much appreciated, along with some tomato flavor.   And not that these have anything in common with “real” Mexican cuisine, but as someone who makes his tacos with shells, beef, cheese, and that’s it, I was slightly nervous about this flavor but found myself really digging it.   You can also more easily eat them without a beverage handy than the Chipotle variety, since the spice doesn’t linger nearly as long.

I’m often skeptical of attempts to improve an established product I like, and doubly so if they appear to be pursuing the Poochie demographic.   That said, I’m surprised to be able to happily recommend both of these new flavors.   The increased size and thickness is largely window dressing, but they both have chops as far as spiciness, albeit in different ways.   I’m a little more partial to the Smoky Chipotle BBQ flavor myself, but regular visitors to the Bell or a real Mexican restaurant may swing more in favor of the Enchilada Supreme.   Either way though, you’ve got something good on your hands.   Just remember to stretch properly before getting that X-treme; cramped taste buds are NOT cool, man.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oz (about 6 chips) – Smoky Chipotle BBQ – 130 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.   Enchilada Supreme – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Doritos JACKED reviews:
FatGuy Food Blog
Junk Food Guy (Smoky Chipotle BBQ)
Junk Food Guy (Enchilada Supreme)

Item: Doritos JACKED (Smoky Chipotle BBQ and Enchilada Supreme)
Price: $4.29 each
Size: 10.5 oz
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Smoky Chipotle BBQ)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Supreme Enchilada)
Pros: Doesn’t wimp out on the spice.   Bolder.   Enchilada Supreme definitely tastes like both cheese and tomato.   Begrudgingly, I’ll admit they are more “extreme” than regular Doritos.   You can really see the spicy crystals or whatever on the Chipotle BBQ kind.   Catch you on the flip side, dudemeisters!
Cons: Irrelevant size increases.   Not exactly cheap.   “JACKED” is not a word typically associated with good things (carjacked, jacked up on steroids, etc).   The description on the bag contains phrases like “mind-blowing” and “Can you handle it?” without an air of tongue-in-cheek self-awareness.   Might lead to you accidentally eating your iPod Nano.

REVIEW: Lay’s Classic BLT Potato Chips

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Lay's Classic BLT Potato Chips

I want you to close your eyes for a moment and imagine a Classic BLT sandwich.

Picture yourself  on the patio of  a quaint small town cafe in the heat of July, your lips warmed by a cool Coke Zero and your taste buds salivating as the aroma of apple-wood smoked bacon glides into your periphery. A mural of green romaine and juicy ripe tomatoes is hardly contained  between the  toasted white bread, while plump  bacon invites your  carnivorous spirit in this delight  of its fatty yet crisp, salty but sweet, taste of hog heaven.

There’s crunch. There’s smoke. There’s a hint of creaminess and acidity, and there’s relief and sweetness.  It’s enough to make you pause to contemplate whether this is the best sandwich you’ve ever eaten or if you’ve just died and gone to Heaven, all before fulfilling a sudden emotional urge to quote the movie Babe.

That’ll do pig. That’ll do.

Got that image in your head? Good, because that’s the kind of imagination you’ll have to have to taste the Classic BLT flavors and textures  when your sitting on your couch watching reruns of old NCAA football games on ESPN Classic in the wee hours of the morning.

Don’t get me wrong, Lay’s new Classic BLT isn’t bad if you’re looking for a lighter take on sour cream and onion flavors, but when it comes to two of the three letters in the BLT acronym, the new chips miss the mark completely. Ironically, the only letter decently represented is “L,” although I don’t think it makes enough of a difference to qualify as a serving of fruit and vegetables.

Lay's Classic BLT Potato Chips Closeup

I knew my expectations were too high right off the bat when I opened the bag. The chips looked and smelled like sour cream and onion chips, and while the buttermilk tang and heavy onion flavor  weren’t  distractingly overwhelming  in the seasoning, you’d have a hard time picking out bacon and tomato if you hadn’t looked at the bag you were stuffing your face from.

There’s a slight dextrose sweetness and weak tomato powder flavor that lets you know there are hints of tomato, but when it comes to projecting meaty and smokey bacon, this comes off more in the vegan imitation variety than the  smokey-meaty-fatty  All-American hog.

Clearly a potato chip that intends to imitate a food which derives much of its flavor from from its texture is bound for failure, but I was at least expecting something to facilitate my daily helping of fake smoke flavor and salty, finger licking greasiness. Now all I have is breath that smells of sour cream and onion, and a bag of BLT chips that might — keyword, might — taste like a BLT sandwich should I find a worthy BLT sandwich to stick them in.

(Nutrition Facts – 1  ounce (About 15 chips)  –  160 calories,  90 calories from fat,  10 grams of total fat,  1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol,  150 milligrams of sodium,  320 milligrams of potassium,  15 grams of total carbohydrates,  1 grams of dietary fiber,  1 gram of sugars,  2 grams of protein, 10% vitamin C, 2% iron, 4% niacin, and 4% thiamin)

Item: Lay’s Classic BLT Potato Chips
Price:  $4.29
Size:  10 ounces
Purchased at: Weis Markets
Rating:  5 out of 10
Pros: All natural ingredients. No bacon cooking required.  Classic BLT “crunch.” An excuse to watch Babe. Resistant Starch, son.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like a BLT. Weak tomato and almost no bacon flavor. Lacks lip-smacking fattitude of freshly cooked bacon. Doesn’t count as a serving of fruit and vegetables. Sour Cream and Onion breath.

REVIEW: The Better Chip All Natural Tortilla Chips

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The Better Chip 1The Better Chip is a line of corn chips that currently comes in four flavors: Fresh Corn with Sea Salt, Red Pepper with Salsa Fresca, Jalapeño with Sea Salt, and Sweet Onion with White Cheddar. The chips are made from 100% natural ingredients, including non-genetically modified white corn. They are gluten free and cholesterol free. They were easily the healthiest thing I’ve ingested since I swallowed that fly while I was rollerblading last month.

This week I was happy to receive a complimentary sample package from them. They sent along a tote bag too, but I am proud to say I have been tote-free now for 7 years (everyday is a struggle). I also got a t-shirt, though sadly for me (happily for my wife) it was a medium. Apparently they did not know that I am a large man shaped, more or less, like when you blow into an empty juice box through its straw.

Calling your product line The Better Chip, takes some real cajones. Wait, gimme one more. Calling your product line The Better Chip, takes some real cornjones (snort). When your packaging is emblazoned with a name like that, you can’t show up with more of the same, dressed in a nice wrapper with some added buzzwords. You better be bringing some serious power. I’m talking the high cheese. The stinky limburger. Where my Rookie of the Year fans at?

The Better Chip 6

Thankfully The Better Chip is not playing around, and their moxie-loaded moniker rings true.

One of their big talking points (and rightfully so) is that each chip contain 40 percent produce. Yea, like actual food things. Like from nature. That 40 percent is a huge deal. From a visual perspective, these look great. You can see slices of red pepper and jalapeños bedazzled throughout every chip.

More importantly, that 40% leads to some really strong aromas and authentic flavors.

The Better Chip 5

The nosegrope of the Fresh Corn and Sea Salt smells delightfully like real corn. More so than I’ve ever found in packaged chip. The sea salt brings out the bright, clean flavors of the corn nicely. Each chip is heavier and denser that your average corn chip, and that, coupled with the straightforward taste, makes this a fantastically simple and satisfying effort.

The Red Pepper with Salsa Fresca chips smell strongly of red peppers and chili powder (maybe a little too much chili powder). Each is lightly dusted with a mixture of tomato, bell pepper, onion, and garlic powders, along with some other spices that help to liven up the party, fresca-style (ain’t no party like a fresca party). The salsa flavors are far superior to the recent rash of tomato and pepper-based chip varieties being trotted out by other, more mainstream chips.

The Better Chip 2

The nosegrope of the Jalapeño with Sea Salt chips was the strongest. It was green and peppery and in your face. With these, the jalapeños do all of the work. You can see them in each chip and you can taste them. There is nothing in these to muddy up the jalapeñosity (drop that at your next fresca party). Being a spice-wuss, I like the level of heat they brought as well. Assertive but enjoyable.

The Better Chip 3

The Sweet Onion and White Cheddar chips were my favorite. Again, simple and straightforward. The creamy cheese powder (which tasted like cheese) pairs nicely with the sweetness of the onion. The powder coats the mouth and welcomes the onion as it is crunched into being. Very balanced.

The Better Chip 4

These chips are great. It’s nice to read a flavor on a chip package and have the product inside actually taste like that flavor. Not an approximation. Not a food lab recreation. An actual, found-in-nature flavor. All it takes is the right combination of ingredients and some company men willing to get out of the way.

And if Rookie of the Year has taught us anything, it’s that a good combination… it’s that not getting out of the way…hmmm…it’s that when you miss a fly ball and break your arm…
Ok. That’s a dumb movie.

(Editor’s Note/Disclaimer – Steve received free The Better Chip samples from the PR firm that represents the company. We received no compensation for this review. Well, Steve got free chips, along with the tote bag and t-shirt, but the swag had no influence on his review. To be honest, I hate when companies send t-shirts because I never want to wear them. Yes, I’m a t-shirt snob.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bag (28g) – Fresh Corn and Sea Salt – 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Red Pepper and Salsa Fresco – 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Jalapeno and Sea Salt – 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Sweet Onion and White Cheddar – 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other The Better Chip reviews:
The Cheap Gourmet
Delightfully Gluten Free
FamFriendsFood

Item: The Better Chip All Natural Tortilla Chips (Fresh Corn and Sea Salt, Red Pepper and Salsa Fresca, Jalapeno and Sea Salt, and Sweet Onion and White Cheddar)
Price: FREE 
Size: 1 ounce
Purchased at: Received for free from The Better Chip
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Fresh Corn and Sea Salt)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Red Pepper and Salsa Fresca)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Jalapeno and Sea Salt)
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Sweet Onion and White Cheddar)
Pros: All natural. Bedazzling. Produce. Fresca parties. Thomas Ian Nicholas. Non-GMO.
Cons: Limited local availability. Eating flies. Gary Busey.

REVIEW: Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso

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Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso

Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso es la mejor variedad de Cheetos!

Yes, I really do think Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso is the best variety of Cheetos I’ve ever had, and you should go buy some.

Now, I could just end the review right here, drop my wireless keyboard on the floor, and walk away with two Cheetos dust-covered fists in the air, but I have to elaborate because as I learned in high school debate, I can’t win an argument by only yelling, “I’m right, you’re wrong. So suck it!”

For those of you who didn’t take Spanish at any education level or don’t watch Dora the Explorer, “queso” is Spanish for “cheese,” “con” is Spanish for “with,” and “salsa” is Spanish for “salsa.”

If you’re not familiar with the different varieties of Cheetos, regular Cheetos Crunchy has a radioactive orange cheesy coating, while Cheetos Crunchy Flamin’ Hot has an evil red cheesy and spicy coating which makes the snack look as if the Devil used them as cotton swabs to clean his ears.

If you look at the closeup photo below, you’ll see these Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso look like they have a level of seasoning somewhere between the two. There’s some evil red flavoring, but it’s mostly harmless orange flavoring. Because of the dark red seasoning on these Cheetos, I thought they would be somewhat spicy, but they’re not. There’s a slight chile pepper heat to them, but if you hate the spicy, Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso plays nicely. (I’m sorry, that last sentence sounded better in my head.) At first, I was disappointed about its lack of spiciness, but the more I ate; the more I realized the heat would’ve overwhelmed the wonderful flavor of this crunchy snack.

Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso Closeup

I’ve never tasted salsa con queso, nor have I tasted the messy result of me with an open bottle of salsa in my hand tripping into someone else carrying a bowl of melted Velveeta who also tripped, leading to a “you’ve got salsa in my Velveeta and you’ve got Velveeta in my salsa” conversation, but if it tastes anything like these Cheetos Crunchy snacks, I’m going to have to clog my arteries by experiencing some real salsa con queso.

Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso’s flavor has a bit of everything Chester Cheetah is throwing into the bowl of low viscosity cheese on the packaging — tomatoes, chile peppers, and limes. Those three flavors are equally balanced and back up the cheesy flavor perfectly. They’re so good that they’re, by far, my favorite Cheetos variety, and I think, since Taco Bell and Frito-Lay have already put Fritos in a burrito and used Doritos as a taco shell, I’d like to see these Cheetos stuffed into a Gordita or Chalupa.

On the back of the bag it says, “Salsa Con Queso snacks, a flavor that will leave your taste buds begging for more,” and I have to agree with that statement. Even before I finished the first bag, I bought another. As a matter of fact, I’m eating that second bag right now as I type with just my right hand.

Oh dear, these Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso are so addictive that they’re forcing me to use my computer with only one hand. It’s as if I’m an internet porn addict.

Please take this bag away from me!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce/21 pieces – 150 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Cheetos Crunchy Salsa Con Queso
Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 9.25 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Addictive. Balanced flavor of cheese, chile peppers, lime, and tomato. Crunchy. Would be nice in a Taco Bell menu item. Learning Spanish via Dora the Explorer.
Cons: Needs to come in a bigger bag. Perhaps too addictive. Typing with one hand because the other hand is covered in Cheetos dust. Contains MSG.

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