Have you ever had real Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese?

I’m not talking about the stuff you see on the grocery store shelves – or even the domestically labeled “parmesan” you see in the fancy swanky deli cheese section of your Walmart. I’m talking about those massive, aged rounds imported from Italy and encountered in the kind of swanky, dimly lit Italian restaurant your rich, possibly mob-involved Italian uncle takes your family to on special occasions.

If you haven’t experienced this “King” of cheeses (in which case, let me introduce you to my uncle Dave), then you’re missing out. True Italian Parmigiano-Reggiano is nutty and fruity, salty and astringent, and meaty. It’s the kind of cheese which makes you remember it as the best part of going to a restaurant, even after you’ve downed a week’s worth of calories in flatbread pizzas following its appearance on an appetizer plate.

Having recently tasted this epitome of aged dairy (and, I should add, gorged myself in flatbread pizzas) I was looking forward to getting my fill of classic Italian flavors in the convenience of a bag and a fraction of the fat. Forty percent less fat, to be precise, which is exactly how much fat Lay’s has slashed from their new Kettle Cooked Sun-Dried Tomato & Parmesan chips.

When judging the flavor of [INSERT CHEESE NAME HERE] chips, I like to consult the handy dandy statistical tool known as the bell curve. Given a normal chip (read: pretty much all chips excluding those green ones or chips that look like Jesus) one assumes the chip’s flavor is worthwhile if it’s more than one standard deviation from the norm, which in the case of any potato chip professing the flavor of cheese, is your standard Cheddar and Sour Cream. More than two standard deviations from Cheddar and Sour Cream? That’s for sure a winner. Three? There’s a chip worth eating an entire bag in one sitting.

They say the King of Cheese can stand on its own (or maybe I’m thinking of this song), and if that’s true, then Lay’s wasn’t exactly giving a vote of confidence to the namesake flavor by including Cheddar and Mozzarella Cheese before Parmesan on the ingredient list. Butter and Asiago come later, but the general aroma is that of cheese, salt, and that ubiquitous “chip” smell of maltodextrin and garlic. In other words; we’re starting conspicuously close to the center of that bell curve.

I was excited to see that the “Natural Sun Dried Tomato Type flavor” in the seasoning resembles the stuff that makes Cooler Ranch Doritos so awesome, but the Sun Dried Tomato flavor itself is muted and tough to put a finger on. Inconsistent at best, it comes off as not quite sweet enough or assertive. Last I checked, the flavor of the tomato is intensified through the drying process, yet I’m pretty sure this has less tomato flavor than those ketchup chips we reviewed.

All could be forgiven, mind you, if the Parmesan flavor approached anything near that of true Parmigiano-Reggiano. Unfortunately, I find it ambiguous underwhelming. It’s slightly creamy and a tad meaty, but the assertive and bold notes – not to mention that addictively fruity quality — aren’t there. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll find this tastes like those shelf-stable packs of Kraft “Parmesan,” but it’s more one note and salty than anything else. Which brings us around to the point of the bell curve, and how, even with four types of cheeses and the presence of natural sun dried tomato “type” flavor, these chips can’t break free of a single standard deviation away from the most ubiquitous of all chip flavors.

Still, for a 40 percent reduced fat chip, you’d be hard-pressed to notice a difference in crunch level, although the slightly less than par greasiness of the cheese will be missed by those who enjoy licking their fingers (and not, I should add, by my keyboard.)

All things considered, it’s a decent chip if you have the obsessive tendency to find a way to shave a few grams of fat out of your day, or if you’re just looking for a gentle way to introduce your neighborhood’s resident sour cream and onion chip fan to something a bit more sophisticated. But those looking for a taste distinctly and unmistakably Italian taste are going to find these a little lackluster, more akin to those cakey packets of Kraft “parmesan” than to the “King of Cheese.”

(Nutrition facts – 1 ounce/about 16 chips – 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 135 milligrams of sodium, 410 milligrams of potassium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Lay’s 40% Reduced Fat Kettle Cooked Sun-Dried Tomato & Parmesan
Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 8 ounces
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Less calories and fat than regular chips without loss of crunch factor. Four types of cheeses. All natural. Sun dried tomato flavor is a nice change of pace. Actually having an application for those college statistics classes I suffered through. Keeping my computer clean.
Cons: Only 20 less calories and a few fat grams less than regular kettle chips. Four types of cheeses you probably won’t be able to detect. Parmesan is garden variety domestic stuff. Sun-dried tomato flavor could be more assertive. No grease to lick off my fingers.

Ketchup is so ubiquitous that I sometimes forget what it tastes like, if that makes any sense. You see I associate it with hot dogs, fries or hamburgers and rather than realizing the essence of ketchup, I’m recalling the taste of those foods instead. I know it sounds crazy but if you think about it, we attach the condiment with other foods and not the ketchup itself.

So in preparation for this review, I ate a spoonful of ketchup (or “catsup” if you are a derelict). I never realized how sweet it is, nor could I appreciate the tanginess of the vinegar because I was focused more on the burger or the oozing cheese on the meat.

Don’t get me wrong, ketchup is just as important to a hamburger as much as the quality of the beef. It’s like a letterer of a comic book, the person who does the word balloons and sound effects. That component is just as vital and needed but you’re really focused on the art.

Well, ketchup is finally the star courtesy of Lay’s but in a backhanded move, it’s spicy ketchup. Poor tomato based sauce. Like my Real Ghostbusters collection, you still cannot get the respect that you deserve.

Ketchup chips have been around for some time. I remember first encountering them when I took off to Manchester, England. You see, I should I have been studying the rules against perpetuities in Property Law (these are the people that say catsup by the way) but that’s so boring.

“What is this? Walkers Tomato Ketchup crisps???” I shouted in the supermarket. “Roast Chicken, they have freakkking roast chicken chips too?” Then I belted out an obnoxious laugh and like an idiot, pointed at things like wine gums and spotted dicks to the anger of my English girlfriend. I was sad I never bought a package of ketchup chips and have always regretted it.

Lay’s themselves brought the Ketchup flavor to the Canadians which topped their previous culinary accomplishment, the introduction of Nadia G (I kid, I kid). So it was in great anticipation from the aisle to the drive home that I ripped open the bag immediately and tried one. I’m not a fan of normal Lay’s because I always felt the chips were too thin, but they are always crispy and it’s ketchup!

I was not disappointed. The aroma swirling was akin to pouring ketchup on a sizzling burger. It is that familiar sweet and slightly sour vinegar smell that infiltrates your nostrils at a cookout as you swat at annoying mosquitos.

The red blotches on the insides of the bag were scary. It triggered a fear of the inevitable puberty discussion my wife will probably take care of when and if we have a daughter. They looked oily but when I reluctantly touched them, it was what I call flavor dust (you know like the powdery remnants from Doritos or Cheetos?). These chips were, in fact, not at all greasy.

The first chip was similar to a salt and vinegar chip without the salt and replaced by sugar. It was like a cousin of a barbecue chip, which is completely logical since some barbecue sauces are tomato based. It was initially unimpressive, but who only eats one chip?

As I ate a few more, I could taste the ketchup. There is a nice onion tang that comes up from behind making me wish I had a bottle of UFO White to rinse it down. These were so good. As weird as it sounds, these chips tasted better as I ate more and not because the flavors were emphasized as I grinded chip after chip…the flavors actually developed.

I was also amazed by the heat that hung around. I could taste the jalapeño in these chips and not of the canned pickled variety. Tasting a nice bit of the pepper which doesn’t overwhelm is rare and pleasant. I can also say the level of spiciness is tolerable, like a stick of Big Red chewing gum (and if you can’t handle that, you probably say “catsup”).

The only negative thing I can say is the shade of these potato chips. They look like chips colored by a burnt sienna crayon, which is not appealing to me. However, it is the flavor that counts.

Having a penchant for spicy foods, I understand why Lay’s made these spicy. It balances the sweet tomato perfectly and is necessary. The pepper contrasts the sweet vinegar and prevents it from getting boring. I can imagine eating ketchup chips sans jalapeño would start to get bland to my taste buds.

I’m enjoying the fact Lay’s has been introducing some interesting varieties as of late. It was worth the wait despite my actions at that innocent Sainsbury’s supermarket in cloudy, murky industrial Manchester.

As of this writing, the spice is still lingering on my tongue enjoyably even though I ate my last chip five minutes ago. I hope Frito-Lay keeps pumping out Spicy Ketchup because I love them. I cannot even come up with a hokey, snide or jackass tinged pompous line to end this. I simply lurrrve these. Must. Buy. Must. Eat. Don’t. Say. Catsup.

(Nutrition facts – 1 ounce/about 17 chips – 160 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 320 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Lay’s Spicy Ketchup reviews:
Fatguy Food Blog

Item: Lay’s Spicy Ketchup Potato Chips
Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 10 ounces
Purchased: Publix
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like ketchup. The heat is complimentary and tolerable. UFO White if you can find it. Sweet, vinegary and spicy, what is not to love. Nadia G., I’m addicted to her show.
Cons: The color of red kryptonite on my food is scary. My behavior in that supermarket. Who says catsup? I loathe that word. Rules Against Perpetuities.