Man, these Limited Edition Jumpin’ Jack Doritos take me back.

I remember eating bags of it while (insert 90s reference here) or (insert 90s reference here). Except for the acne and bullying, those were good times. Heck, I think I still have those (insert 90s fashion here) somewhere in my closet. But when Jumpin’ Jack Doritos went away, I was a little sad, just like when they cancelled (insert 90s television show here). For years, I wished I could (insert Back to the Future DeLorean/flux capacitor reference here) and experience those chips again.

But thanks to Frito-Lay’s recent trend of bringing back old chip flavors in retro packaging and no thanks to nonexistent time travel technology, I can enjoy these pepper jack cheese-flavored tortilla chips once again, but for a limited time.

Like the outfits in the first few seasons of Friends, the retro Doritos packaging SCREAMS 90s. It also screams 80s…and 70s. Okay, it just screams old and the font used for the “Jumpin’ Jack” makes me wonder where its leopard print leotard is. Oh wait, I was in high school when these first came out, so that makes me old. I. Am. Old. I feel like I should pull my pants down and let my doctor use his latex glove-covered finger to check my prostate.

The chips don’t look as cheesy as regular Doritos, but that’s because the cheese-flavored powder blends in with the color of the chip, like medium 28 camel Sephora tinting moisturizer blends with my skin tone. The cheesy seasoning is made up of cheddar, Monterey Jack, and Swiss cheeses. It sounds like a lot of cheese but according to the level of cheesy powder that accumulated on my fingers while I ate my way through the bag, the chips didn’t seem to have a heavy coating of powder. However, they were some damn tasty chips.

Now some of you cheese connoisseurs might be taking off your monocles, putting down your cup of tea, and asking yourself, “If those chips are pepper jack flavored, where’s the pepper part?”

Well, I was just getting to that, Mr. or Ms. Fancy Pants. Along with the cheesy coating, the tortilla chips have a sprinkling of black and red seasonings, which I assume was the jalapeño pepper powder listed in the ingredients. The jalapeño powder gave the chips a level of heat that would be on the lowest Scoville scale level. To be honest, as someone who likey the spicy, the lack of heat was a little disappointing.

While the amount of spice the Limited Edition Jumpin’ Jack Doritos doesn’t make my taste buds want to jump, the chip’s wonderful, but not overpowering Monterey Jack flavor makes them wonder why they’re not a regular addition to the Doritos line.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 150 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 240 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% vitamin A, and 2% thiamin.)

Item: Limited Edition Jumpin’ Jack Doritos
Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 11 ounces
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nice cheesy flavor. Doritos bringing back flavors from the past. Doesn’t leave your fingers stained orange. Retro bag brings back memories of being asked to the Junior prom as a sophomore. The way medium 28 camel Sephora tinting moisturizer make me look.
Cons: Level of heat doesn’t make my taste buds jump. Not for MSG haters. Limited edition. Leaves your fingers stained yellow. Retro bag brings back memories of being the third option for the girl who asked me to the Junior prom. Checking prostates.

When I first heard about Dinamita Doritos, I was immediately curious. I was easily able to locate the two original flavors – Chile Limon and Nacho Picoso. However, I later learned about another flavor, Chipotle Crema, which I found even more intriguing than the other two. But the flavor was proving to be quite elusive.

I was starting to wonder if they even existed. Ghost Doritos.

When I finally found them, I was excited. Happy snack dance excited. It doesn’t take someone fluent in Spanish to know that “Chipotle Crema” translates into “Chipotle Cream”, which sounded like an odd flavor for a tortilla chip. Cream-flavored chips, combined with chipotle, one of my favorite but oft-misused flavors? Sounds like a recipe for disaster, and those are generally my favorite recipes.

Perhaps I was blinded by my excitement in finding these chips, because I didn’t notice until I got home that these are not just tortilla chips. These are rolled tortilla chips.

Oh, I get it! Dinamita! Dynamite! Spicy, red, tubular chips! If only my eyeballs had moved two inches below the logo. It all makes sense, now.

Sabritas/Frito-Lay/Doritos could have gotten away with just throwing some regular chile images in there with the dinamita-shaped chips exploding off the package, but they went with authentico-looking chipotle peppers, which are smoke-dried jalapeños. Hence the wrinkled look. Points for “graphics exploding off the package” accuracy.

In case you’re confused about all the different product names, Sabritas is a Mexican snack-food company owned by Frito-Lay. As such, they market some of their products under both the Sabritas brand and other popular Frito-Lay brands like Doritos and Ruffles.

Since I live close to the border, I have the pleasure of seeing Sabritas snacks almost everywhere. The fun part is that almost all Sabritas packaging has both Spanish and English on it, which makes it like a tiny lesson in a foreign language. This is much more fun than taking Spanish in high school, because there are no tests, the translation is right there, and I learn much more useful phrases than “pasar la aspiradora”. That means “to pass the vacuum”, in case you were curious.

I now know the Spanish words for “dynamite”, “explode” and “boom”, which will surely come in much more handy than vacuum passing. Especially in airports.

Highlighting my observational skills, if I’d read the back of the bag I would have known right off the bat that this is these are not chipotle cream chips. These are chipotle cream cheese chips. Dinamita Doritos just got 100 percent more appealing. While I was willing to take one for the team and eat cream-flavored chips, I now want to go out and buy a block of cream cheese and a can of chipotle peppers, mix them together, and dip tortilla chips into it.

Luckily, I have these chips that claim to taste like that right here!

You might think cream cheese-flavored chips would taste about as awful as cream-flavored chips, but it definitely works in these Dinamita Doritos. While the chipotle built up a nice heat, the cream cheese still managed to shine through, and they compliment each other nicely.

While I could taste the pepper behind the heat, there was an unfortunate lack of smokiness in the chipotle flavoring, which is part of what gives the peppers a distinctive and delicious taste.

These being rolled tortilla chips, they were crunchier and a little bit harder than regular Doritos. I liked the shape; maybe it’s just me and my dainty ladymouth, but the size and triangular shape of regular tortilla chips is just big enough to make cramming a whole chip in my maw awkward. These rolled chips were easy to shove in my mouth.

While the small surface area would not work well with a dip like salsa, the added sturdiness would be perfect to scoop up, say, a dip made of cream cheese and chipotle peppers. That would be so meta.

Here are a few other uses I thought up for Dinamita Doritos:

1. Makeshift blowdart gun to use on your roommate who always steals your chips

2. Straw for sucking up salsa con queso

3. Vessel for snorting something totally legal because I would never condone doing drugs (but at least you won’t notice the chipotle burning your nostrils, since the totally legal drugs will already do that)

4. Breathing tubes if you’re getting your head cast in silicone (will burn your nostrils unless you already snorted something completely legal beforehand)

I found Doritos Dinamita Chipotle Crema Rolled Tortilla Chips to be quite the enjoyable snack. The actual cream cheese flavoring was unique and played well with the heat without being overwhelmed, but I did miss the smokiness of real chipotle peppers. I also really liked the size and texture of the chips. Plus, they’re multitaskers!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce/15 pieces – 150 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of total fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 0 grams of sugars, 2 grams of protein, and 2% vitamin A.)

Other Doritos Dinamita Chipotle Crema reviews:
Junk Food Guy
Chip Review
Original Borris (YouTube)

Item: Sabritas Doritos Dinamita Chipotle Crema Rolled Tortilla Chips
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 9 3/4 ounces
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Noticeable and enjoyable cream cheese flavor. Impromptu Spanish lesson. Builds up to a nice heat. Meta dip. Good size and texture. Multitasking snacks.
Cons: Missing chipotle smokiness. Ghost Doritos. Not fit for all dips. Getting tackled by TSA for trying out new Spanish words.