REVIEW: Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan)

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Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan)

I’ll tell you what I like about living in the 21st century. I mean besides the whole finding cures for terrible diseases and having a lot of great shows on Netflix.

What I like are the rabbit holes.

Just recently I fell down a rabbit hole when I watched the episode of Family Matters where Urkelbot first appeared. I wanted to know who was playing the robot. Who wouldn’t? It was Michael “Boogaloo Shrimp” Chambers from the 1984 movie Breakin’. From there I stumbled into Electric Boogaloo, then Cannon Films, then New Line Cinema, then the House Party Trilogy. Needless to say I watched all those movies and now own the discographies of both Kid ‘n Play and Tony! Toni! Toné!.

The internet is great.

This review led me down the path of food mascots, and eventually to food mascots that had their own video games. The 80s and early 90s were a magical time, you guys. I feel like branding and marketing was in its golden age then. It was the perfect nexus of junk food, fast food, video games and the cartoon arts.

How else can you explain the fact that Chester Cheetah had not one, but two video games? I knew he had one, but was surprised to find that 1992’s seminal Too Cool to Fool spawned a sequel called Wild Wild Quest. I want to live in the time when that was possible.

Not to be outdone, Ronald McDonald and the Noid both had a pair of digital adventures, and who could forget Kool-Aid Man’s eponymous Atari 2600 classic.

Not impressed? The 7-Up Spot had three games! Three! He was huge in the 90s! Wonder what he’s doing now. Probably directing.

But my favorite of all food mascot video games, and sneaking in just before the dawn of the millennium, was the Japanese release of Pepsiman for the original Playstation, starring none other than Pepsi Japan’s thirst-quenching superhero, Pepsiman. I had no idea that Pepsiman existed, and I feel like I missed out. He looks awesome! Equal parts Silver Surfer and Generation Next, if he commanded me to drink Pepsi, you bet your sweet sugar syrup I would. Needless to say, I’m marginally obsessed and want to eBay everything I can get my hands on. Sidebar: I love the bottle caps Japan does with the little figures on top? Why don’t we do that in the states?

Anyway, until my Pepsiman collection is complete, Chester Cheetah and this bag of Cheeseburger Cheetos will have to do.

Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan) 3

This variety is the newest limited edition from Frito-Lay Japan. I find it exciting, as I’ve never tried a Cheetos variant that wasn’t just a new level of spice with a new corresponding color of red.

Realistically, cheeseburger flavor is always a problematic endeavor. What does “cheeseburger” mean? Does it mean beef and cheese? Beef, cheese, and bun? Beef, cheese, bun, lettuce, tomato, onion, and relish as the photo on the bag suggests? You get the idea. It’s downright philosophical really.

Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan) 6

And speaking of the bag, I’m saddened Chester has been relegated to the back. He needs to get in touch with Spot’s representation.

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The nosegrope is unusual. It’s a weird blend of pickles, mustard, and, of all things, rye bread.

The flavor is an equally unusual blend of rye bread, cheese, pickles, mustard, and onion.

If that’s not helpful, I can pinpoint the flavor exactly. You know how you buy a McDonalds cheeseburger and it’s all delicious and wonderful? Have you ever purchased too many and put one in the fridge? These Cheetos taste like a day old, refrigerated then microwaved McDonalds cheeseburger. I don’t know if that’s what they were going for, but they nailed it. Seriously, it’s uncanny.

Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan) 4

The flavor is bizarre but it sort of works. These are maybe the most interesting Japanese snack I’ve had. I don’t know if I love them, but I am definitely intrigued by them. I always recommend picking up Japanese snacks for fun, but you really do have to try these.

Besides Chester could use the scratch. He’s on the back of the bag, and he’s not getting a third game any time soon.

(Nutrition Facts – 448 calories, 25.7 grams of fat, 579 milligrams of sodium, 49.6 grams of carbohydrates, 4.6 grams of protein.)

Other Cheeseburger Cheetos reviews:
Grocery Gems

Item: Cheeseburger Cheetos (Japan)
Purchased Price: $3.29
Size: 83 grams
Purchased at: NapaJapan
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Scarily accurate and possibly unintentional flavor recreation. Pepsiman. Cheeseburger philosophy. Non-spicy Cheetos variants.
Cons: Lingering aftertaste.

REVIEW: SunChips Sweet & Spicy BBQ Flavored Multigrain Snacks

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SunChips Sweet & Spicy BBQ Flavored Multigrain Snacks

It’s fair to say I’m not the healthiest eater, a regrettable side effect of unrelenting stubbornness meeting finicky taste buds. As a result, I’m even more desperate than most people for reasonably healthy food that actually tastes good. And man cannot live on Pirate’s Booty alone, so when SunChips’ new Sweet & Spicy BBQ flavor hit grocery store shelves, I was all over that like, well, me on frozen yogurt.

The front of the bag really tries to sell you on the complexity of the tastes you’ll soon be mouthfeeling, showing the chips leaning against a dipping bowl of barbecue sauce, alongside chili peppers and that weird utensil that seems to be used exclusively to drip honey. (Or “hunny,” if you’re a silly ol’ bear.) It’s an intriguing montage that creates the expectation of a great pairing, like brownies and ice cream or Spider-Man and Optimus Prime.

In keeping with the health-conscious branding of SunChips, the label reminds you that they’re multigrain and a stamp emphasizes the all-natural ingredients and lack of MSG, preservatives, and artificial flavors. No complaints from me — their marketing strategy has always revolved around being healthier than the competition (30% less fat than regular potato chips, apparently), and you’ve gotta dance with the one who brought you.

The back further expands on the flavor explosion you’re apparently about to experience. It promises “a bold and unforgettable taste” that will “start the sweetest, sauciest fire in your mouth,” which hopefully is an exaggeration because hey, SunChips… flattered, even curious, but married. It also encourages you to check out their Facebook page, being updated by some eager, unpaid intern even as we speak. Yes, this is why you went to Brown for four years, Sarah. Working your way up!

But enough talk! Let’s talk about the actual chips themselves. Opening the bag releases a pleasing smell, like a somewhat muted aroma of barbecued ribs or chicken. It’s enjoyable without being overpowering, even if you stick your nose in the bag, although why would you do that unless you’re a weirdo food reviewer? In terms of appearance, you’ve seen SunChips before; these look identical except for a slightly darker, more orange shade than the plain variety. Given their focus on all natural ingredients, I’m assuming that is genuinely due to the barbecue coating, not just food coloring to differentiate them in your mental food rolodex.

SunChips Sweet & Spicy BBQ Flavored Multigrain Snacks Closeup

With respect to texture, they’re definitely crunchy — if you’ve never had a SunChip of any kind before, basically they feel just like any regular potato chip, possibly even slightly crunchier. But ultimately that doesn’t matter a whit if they taste terrible, now does it? Well, the good news is, they don’t taste terrible; in fact, they’re pretty darn good. The sweetness comes through loud and clear, more like molasses than super sugary, although it doesn’t linger for long. Still, I have a hard time imagining many people disliking the taste, even if it doesn’t absolutely blow you away.

However, I do have a bone to pick, which is simply this: I have tasted spicy before. I know from spicy. And this, my friends, is not spicy. Remember that business about the bold and unforgettable taste? I can’t give it the response it deserves, but suffice to say in gentleman’s terms, that’s a crock of horseshit.

This is as edgy and in-your-face as men piercing their ears nowadays: it still might slightly intimidate young kids, but nobody else is going to be impressed. (And yes, I had three piercings in college. Swimmers are pretty hardcore, you know.) The heat is conspicuously absent, and while I’m not looking to scorch my lips off, the word “spicy” evokes certain expectations that are simply not met. Compared to the sweetness, the spice is like unto a phantom flavor, evident in some pale shade but so insubstantial as to make you question your senses. And that’s the last time I read M. R. James before writing a review.

(Full disclosure: while the upper chips in the bag were almost entirely devoid of heat, around the halfway mark there started to be a tiny bit, presumably due to the spices settling downward. Still not much, but it at least approaches the heat of a typical “mild” flavor.)

Even without more spice, this is still a good flavor that I have no trouble recommending; it’s just that it could have been even better if the spice were commensurate with the sweetness. I don’t know if that would have made them less healthy or if artificial flavors are needed to really crank it up to 11, but it’s a missed opportunity. Even so, try not to let these slip away without giving them a shot; they might not knock your socks off, but they are good.

(Nutrition Facts — 1 oz (28g/about 15 chips) — 140 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of total fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Sun Chips Sweet & Spicy BBQ Flavored Chips reviews:
Chip Review

Item: SunChips Sweet & Spicy BBQ Flavored Multigrain Snacks
Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 10.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Giant
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: If you’re going to eat chips, these are among the least ass-fattening. Barbeque smell. Good texture. Effective degree of sweetness without being overly sugary. Spider-Man and Optimus Prime: great team-up, or the greatest team-up?
Cons: An Ivy League English degree is still useless. Misleading ad copy. As much heat as Hayden Christensen/Natalie Portman. Letting someone see you sticking your nose in a bag of chips.

REVIEW: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips

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Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips

Of the three Lay’s Do Us a Flavor finalists, Chicken & Waffles sounds weird, Sriracha sounds exotic, and Cheesy Garlic Bread sounds…boring?

Well, compared to the other two, they’re definitely as boring as your sister’s diary with empty pages. But “boring” isn’t really the word I’m looking for.

Oh, I know. Perhaps the best word to describe this cheesy and garlicky chip is “safe.”

It’s the flavor that sounds as if it’s the least likeliest to make your taste buds go, “WTF!” It’s also a flavor you wouldn’t be embarrassed to take home and introduce your mother to. So if your taste buds aren’t adventurous, then Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips are for you.

Karen Weber-Mendham from Land O’ Lakes, Wisconsin suggested Lay’s make cheesy garlic bread-flavored potato chips, and they did. I guess if someone were to suggest a cheesy chip, it would be someone from Wisconsin.

On the back of the Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips bag, it has a quote from Karen about what inspired her to suggest this flavor.

“You’re at your favorite Italian restaurant, you’re starving & WAITING FOREVER. Finally, the breadsticks come and they save your life!”

Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Karen. Kaaareeen. WAITING FOREVER? There’s a simple solution to ensure you never have to wait forever.

When the waiter/waitress passes by, raise your hand to get their attention, ask them for bread, then tell him or her if they bring it over within the next two minutes there’s an extra 10 dollars in their future, and then start counting out loud. Or if you want to take the low road, you could type out a negative review on your smartphone using the Yelp app, ask for the manager, and when the manager shows up, threaten to post your negative Yelp review if you don’t get some damn bread in front of you.

Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips Closeup

As I mentioned at the beginning of this review, the best word to describe the Lay’s Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips is “safe.” Another reason why I consider them to be “safe” is because they have enough garlic flavor that I think eating them will keep me safe from vampires. There was also a strong garlic aroma that wafted out of the bag after I opened it, so if I was a vampire, I would’ve covered my face with my cape and run away yelling, “Bleh! Bleh!”

Oh, but it’s not only the garlic that attacked my taste buds, it’s also the dairy. The number of cheeses found on this chip would impress a Hickory Farms. It’s got cheddar, parmesan, swiss, monterey jack, and gouda. The chips are also flavored with cream and butter.

Because these chips are heavy on the garlic and cheese, I adore them. But it’s not only the garlic and cheese that make these chips taste so wonderful, it’s also the buttery and slight herby flavors. And by bringing together all these different seasonings, I think the crazy food scientists over at Lay’s have created a complex flavor that tastes very much like cheesy garlic bread and made me wish I had some pasta to eat it with.

(Editor’s Note: We reviewed the other two Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalists. Click here for the Chicken & Waffles flavor and click here for the Sriracha flavor.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oz./about 17 chips – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 125 milligrams of sodium, 330 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Cheesy Garlic Bread Potato Chips
Purchased Price: $4.29 (on sale)
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Wonderful garlicky and cheesy flavor. Tastes like cheesy garlic bread. May keep you safe from vampires. The power of Yelp.
Cons: Boring flavor compared to other Do Us a Flavor finalists, Sriracha and Chicken & Waffles. Vampires will not enjoy it. Not getting bread at your table in a timely manner. The power of Yelp.

REVIEW: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips

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Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips

Sriracha is a Thai hot sauce, but also sounds like it would make a great name for a pet snake or venereal disease.

Here in the United States, many of us think of sriracha as the rooster sauce with the green cap. Some of us also call the spicy red condiment from Huy Fong Foods “cock sauce” with heavy emphasis on the “cock” and followed by giggling.

But as I have learned from some readers (and Wikipedia), sriracha isn’t only the sauce from Huy Fong Foods. Traditional Thai sriracha is usually milder and sweeter, and the companies that make them are probably glad their product isn’t called “cock sauce.”

Sriracha has seen a rise in popularity over the past few years thanks to Bon Appétit magazine calling it 2010’s Ingredient of the Year, a web comic by The Oatmeal, and the need to make bad pho broth taste better. The bottle of Huy Fong Foods’ sriracha sauce suggests putting sriracha on pasta, pizza, hot dogs, and hamburgers. And Tyler Raineri from Lake Zurich, Illinois suggested to Lay’s that they put in on a potato chip…and they did.

In order to find out how much Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips taste like sriracha, I had to go in search of a bottle of sriracha. Since the Thai restaurant down the street probably wouldn’t appreciate me stealing a bottle from one of their tables, I ended up at the Asian Foods section at Safeway and purchased a bottle Huy Fong Foods sriracha sauce, along with a bag of regular Lay’s chips to try them with.

Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips Closeup

The Lay’s Sriracha Potato Chips have a slight orange hue that’s not as menacing as the bright red color of the sauce, but they do make the deep fried potato slices look cheesy. Speaking of cheese, there are three of them listed in the ingredients list — cream cheese, cheddar cheese, and Swiss cheese.

Are the chips cheesy?

No, not really, but after trying sriracha-drizzled potato chips, I also wouldn’t consider them to be Huy Fong Foods sriracha-y. Instead Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips taste (and smell) more like another popular hot sauce — Tabasco.

Weird, right?

Even though they taste Tabasco-flavored, these chips are addictive. They have a slight sweetness and a nice spicy kick at the back end, and the amount of heat is almost comparable to actual rooster sauce. Also, the seasoning sticks to your fingers, so when you’re done eating, you’ll have a spicy treat after.

Overall, the Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips are very good, but, unfortunately, they didn’t get the flavor right. Tyler Raineri from Lake Zurich, Illinois should be mad about that.

(Editor’s Note: We reviewed the other two Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalists. Click here for the Chicken & Waffles flavor and click here for the Cheesy Garlic Bread flavor.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce/about 17 chips – 150 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 135 milligrams of sodium, 320 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Sriracha Potato Chips
Purchased Price: $4.29 (on sale)
Size: 9.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Addictive flavor. Nice spicy kick. Sriracha would be a great name for a snake. The Oatmeal. Good pho.
Cons: Tastes more like Tabasco. Orange hue not menacing enough. Having an 8th grade sense of humor. Stealing bottled condiments from Thai restaurants. Bad pho.

REVIEW: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Chicken & Waffles Potato Chips

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Lay's Do Us a Flavor Chicken & Waffles Potato Chips

I was pretty stoked when Lay’s first introduced their “Do Us a Flavor” contest last summer. I mean really. It was about time one of these snack food giants gave me the chance to take my dream of country pate and crusty baguette chips and make it a reality.

Alas, the folks at Frito-Lay decided to crush my dreams by going with three other flavors as their finalists. I can’t say I’m surprised by two of them. I have nothing against Sriracha or Cheesy Garlic Bread, but really, we’ve seen spicy and cheesy when it comes to chips before.

What we haven’t seen before (at least not in America) is chicken & waffles. At least not in fried spud form. Syrup? Yes. Denny’s breakfast platters? Of course. But not potato chips. That’s just crazy talk.

Well, I guess we might as well call Lay’s crazy because they’ve decided to milk this soul food classic for all its “Upcoming Food Trends” list-generating hype is worth.

I’m sure a more prolific writer would resign any poultry puns before embarking on such a review, but there’s really no other way to describe my first reaction when opening the bag; my God, these chips smell foul!

It’s this funky, almost mildew-inducing stench which borders somewhere between brown sugar oatmeal and leftover KFC, as if each chip has been cooked in oil leftover from the original Wells Supper Club in Harlem…circa 1938.

Lay's Do Us a Flavor Chicken & Waffles Potato Chips Closeup1

For as bad as the chips smell, they actually look quite appetizing. They appear thicker and more robust than your standard potato chips, and have a kettle-cooked type hue with real, skin-on edges. The seasoning, while smelling just awful, didn’t look unappetizing. Aside from a stick-to-your finger coating of brown sugar and “chicken and waffle seasoning,” there’s even your prerequisite unidentified herb coating each chip. 

If you don’t like herbs, you might like these chips because they don’t have any herby taste whatsoever. Of course, you might also like these chips if you enjoy a really funky, if not altogether, off-putting pungency that hangs in the roof of your mouth like Luke Skywalker dangling in the Wampa’s cave during The Empire Strikes Back.

I really don’t know how to describe the taste other than clashing and vaguely reminiscent of mold. There’s something about the initial zip of brown sugar; followed by the artificial chicken taste; some fake butter flavor thrown in there just for good measure; and the onion, garlic and chicken bullion that make for a really, really strange flavor.

Lay's Do Us a Flavor Chicken & Waffles Potato Chips 2

Oh, who am I kidding?

These are horrible. They taste old and rotten. And while there’s a nice crunch that’s more substantial than your standard Lay’s chip, there’s no taste of a potato whatsoever. Even the artwork on the bag looks unappetizing – like a Play-Doh reconstructed waffle and the kind of chicken drumette they stick in working kitchen displays in IKEAs. Forget that foodie-inspired wisdom you think you know because, after eating these, I never want to encounter brown sugar, chicken broth, and onion powder in this close proximity ever again.

And that aroma. I just can’t get past it. The only thing that compares is sticking your face into an amusement park trash can and taking a gigantic whiff of stuff.

I was completely prepared to admonish Lay’s for picking two “safer” flavors when it came to their Flavor Finalists, but Sriracha and Cheesy Garlic Bread now look really good. I can’t fathom them being any worse than these chicken & waffles chips. And to think, they could have totally struck it rich with that country pate and crusty baguette flavor…

(Editor’s Note: We reviewed the other two Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalists. Click here for the Cheesy Garlic Bread flavor and click here for the Sriracha flavor.)

(Nutrition Facts – 28g/about 17 chips – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 320 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Finalist Chicken & Waffles Potato Chips
Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: 9.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Weis Market
Rating: 1 out of 10
Pros: Crunchier than a normal Lay’s chips. Smells slightly better than sticking your head into an amusement park trash can. 
Cons: Heavy doses of brown sugar and ‘savory’ spices come together worse than blindly pouring an entire spice cabinet into a bowl. Moldy smell comes across in the seasoning. Can’t taste the potatoes. Quite possibly the least appetizing potato product I’ve ever eaten.

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