Chips Ahoy! has brought us a special summer edition of its Chewy line, and it is Ice Cream Sandwich-inspired. The cookies are regular Chewy Chips Ahoy! with a vanilla creme filling (which is about as basic as you can possibly get). These are exclusive to Walmart.

At room temperature, these cookies are really tasty. It’s hard to go wrong with chocolate chip cookies, but the vanilla creme doesn’t do much.

The packaging says to “Chill for a Treat!” So I tried them frozen. And in that case, they were more reminiscent of ice cream sandwiches, though the texture of the cookies was a little less enjoyable. The frozen filling’s flavor seems a little more noticeable when it’s cold.

And, of course, I had to know if these ice cream sandwich cookies work for ice cream sandwiches. They do, but just because they’re cookies. The filling just gets lost with all the textures when I add ice cream. To be honest, any old cookie would do.

Speaking of filling, I’ve noticed that the distribution is uneven. Some bites have a good quantity of vanilla creme, while others have only little.

I enjoy Chips Ahoy Chewy Ice Cream Sandwich Inspired Cookies, but there’s nothing special about them. I don’t know why the folks at Mondelez bothered to pay the graphic designer to brand them as “summer edition” with a surfboard and summer iconography. If they want to convince me these are a summer treat, they’ll have to come up with something more creative.

Purchased Price: $4.78
Size: 9.9 oz package
Purchased at: Walmart (Exclusive)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 cookies) 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugar including 11 grams of added sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

Normally, I’d start my review of Chips Ahoy Blondie Baked Bites with a thin pop culture reference that I’d kinda relate back to the product, but I’m too miffed to have fun right now.

So, my apologies, Debbie Harry, I won’t be using any famous Blondie lyrics to express my opinions. Sorry, Dagwood, I won’t be making a cutesy reference to your wife, the eponymous Blondie’s famous comic strip, because I just have to get down to brass tacks and warn the masses.

I’m not even gonna bury the lede anymore, folks, I almost gave Chips Ahoy Blondie Baked Bites my first 0 out of 10.

Look, before I start, I just wanna say I actually enjoy Chewy Chips Ahoy, and I’ve loved every blondie I’ve ever had. It’s a golden brownie! Cool, nice change of pace, sign me up… but these… man…

In each baggie, you get a handful of little squares they call “Baked Bites,” but they’re really “Clay Clumps.”

The texture of said clumps is lost somewhere in the void between cookie and brownie. It’s not quite Chewy Chips Ahoy, but not quite brownie texture either – any brownie texture, whether you like moist, chewy brownies or crispier dryer brownies, these never get to either pole.

They resemble little pieces of edible cookie dough, but that’s usually softer and often chilled. If you bought edible cookie dough bites and left them uncovered on the counter for six hours, that might be the texture of Chips Ahoy Baked Bites. I kinda recall the inside of those terrible “Cookie Dough Bite” candies being similar, so imagine about twenty of those mashed together with less chocolate.

Needless to say, I’m not a fan of these bites texturally. That said, the texture is great compared to the taste. These are hot garbage.

I really try not to just flat out hate on things I review, but I hate these. “Hate” is a strong word that I genuinely want to eliminate from my vocabulary entirely. Maybe tomorrow. I hate these.

The flavor is as bland as bland can be. The chocolate chips are a desperate hint of a saving grace, but they are chalky and not flavorful enough to save whatever the batter is. These are just unpleasant with a mouth-drying, aspartamey aftertaste that doesn’t go away.

Would you like a dryer, denser Chewy Chips Ahoy with about 50% less sugar? I’ll answer for you. You wouldn’t. The grams of sugar must all be in the chocolate because the blondie part has no sweetness to speak of. These taste like the newspaper Blondie was printed on.

The “Chips Ahoy!” name on the box shouldn’t have an exclamation point but an interrobang (?) because I’m questioning what the heck I just ate. I also really wanted to write the word “interrobang.”

Man, these stink. With all the options out there, I’m prepared to call these unequivocally the worst sweet snack on shelves right now. I’ll die on that hill.

I don’t think I’ve ever said the word “blech” out loud until I ate these. That’s what these taste like, “blech.” They taste like some random onomatopoeia.

Yeah, so anyway, pick up a box. You’ll love ’em? (You probably won’t. Skip ’em.)

Purchased Price: $3.98
Size: 7.5 oz box/5 packs
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 1 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 170 calories, 7 grams of fat, 150 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 13 grams of total sugars, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of protein.

Happy 60th Birthday, Chips Ahoy!

What do you get a cookie for its 60th birthday? An Amazon gift card? An iPhone? Cake? Maybe not to be eaten and preserved in an airtight cookie jar with a window that allows it to watch civilization crumble? Well, I can’t make any of those happen, but I will celebrate by eating the new Chewy Chips Ahoy! Confetti Cake Cookies that commemorate Chips Ahoy’s six decades of providing snacking goodness.

Baked into every one of those celebratory cookies are chocolate chips, cake-flavored white creme chips, and rainbow sprinkles. The packaging shows a yellow confetti cake with frosting and the white creme chips do give the cookie a cake-like flavor. Although, it’s more like cake frosting than yellow cake. As you can see, there are also regular Chips Ahoy chocolate chips, but the white morsels dominate the taste buds, so I’m not sure why they were included other than not wanting them to be left out of the party.

While colorful, the rainbow sprinkles have no texture or flavor, so they’re not what you’d find on cake frosting or on a kitchen floor if you allow a toddler to help you with baking. They’re just slivers of color that make the cookies look like they participated in a splatter painting class. They’re minuscule enough that I didn’t even notice them when I first started shoving cookies into my maw. Granted, my glasses prescription does need updating.

At first, I thought it was strange that these were Chewy Chips Ahoy and not regular crunchy Chips Ahoy. But then I eventually realized that the soft cookie’s texture represents the feel of cake. Besides, 2023 is also Chewy Chips Ahoy’s 40th birthday, so why not share the spotlight.

Chewy Chips Ahoy! Confetti Cake Cookies are a fine and decent tasting way to celebrate Chips Ahoy’s 60th birthday (and Chewy Chips Ahoy’s 40th). I can’t think of a better way for Chips Ahoy to celebrate the occasion. Although, to be honest, I don’t think any brand has thought of any other way to celebrate important milestones in a product’s history than to offer cake-flavored versions of their products.

DISCLOSURE: I received free product samples from Nabisco. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 14.38 oz pack (Family Size)
Purchased at: Received from Nabisco
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 cookies) 130 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar (including 11 grams of added sugar), and 1 gram of protein.