REVIEW: Frankford Gummy Lunchables Cracker Stackers

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Frankford Gummy Lunchables Box

Behold! Nostalgia in edible gelatin form!

I confess I tried every Lunchable as a kid. The crackers. The pizza. The tacos. And while I love lunch and I love gummies, do they go together? It is with a quiver in my soul and a trembling of my hands that I find out today!

Frankford Gummy Lunchables Tray

I appreciate that all the gummies have separate compartments, but those crackers look claustrophobic smooshed in there. Let’s take them out!

Frankford Gummy Lunchables Tall Stack

Sugar, dextrin, and yellow number 40. That’s what this little girl is made of, and thank goodness because these Lunchable gummies have plenty of it! They smell like Froot Loops and taste like what happens when you eat every Starburst and Skittle flavor in one gulp. I’m sure each shape is supposed to have a distinct flavor, but they all smell and taste the same: tangy, sweet, slightly citrus-y, not bad, but not amazing.

The texture is a mix of Haribo gummies, Fruit by the Foot, and those squishy candy corn pumpkins that I pluck out of the bag every year. After eating all of them, I have enough energy to hurl a jumbo jet across Central Park.

Aside from the obvious benefit of getting to shovel your face with flavored sugar, you also get to stack your gummy crackers into whatever formation you like. Like a Lego tower. Only not made of plastic. And not ridiculously expensive. So better than a Lego tower! Stacked together in a sandwich, they are about the size of an eyeball and, according to research, there are a lot of good reasons to eat neon-colored gummies the size of an eyeball.

Frankford Gummy Lunchables Small Stack

So if you want a Lunchable without the lunchbox, weirdly shaped turkey slices, or smelly school cafeteria, you can eat these and still feel a sense of triumph (or maybe that’s the sugar rush?). These may not have particularly distinct flavors, but the shape is unique, they’re fun to smoosh together, and they beat overcooked cafeteria green beans any day.

Purchased Price: $5.00
Size: 6.2 oz. pack
Purchased at: Five Below
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/6 of the tray or 30 grams) 100 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Twix Cookie Dough

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Twix Cookie Dough Wrapper

I have no substantial evidence, but I have a feeling the new Twix Cookie Dough might be a Twix Cookies & Creme but with a classic Twix cookie bar instead of a chocolate one. One piece of proof I have is that it’s not beneath Mars to slightly tweak a Twix to generate a new variety. See: Twix Salted Caramel.

But that’s circumstantial evidence, and I might be watching too much Law & Order.

The product’s press release says the new candy bar combines the classic Twix cookie bars with a cookie dough-flavored layer sprinkled with chocolate cookie bits, all of which are coated with milk chocolate.

The use of chocolate cookie bits instead of tiny chocolate chips is what initially made me question the cookie dough layer and wonder if it’s the same one from the older Twix variety. Because when it comes to cookie dough-flavored products, it’s usually the combination of something that replicates the sugary dough and bits of chocolate or something that tries to emulate the taste AND feel of chocolate, and that’s not what the cookie dough layer in this Twix has.

Twix Cookie Dough Closeup

When I eat the layer on its own, I don’t think of cookie dough. Although, to be fair, I don’t immediately think of cookies and creme either. It does have a sugary, vanilla-ish flavor with bursts of chocolate from the dark bits, which you could convince a jury via taste or appearance that it’s either cookie dough or cookies and creme.

But the bar, when eaten whole and not layer by layer, does convince me that it’s cookie dough-flavored. However, it’s not the black and off-white layer that makes me think that way. It’s the crunchy cookie bar, and because it tastes like it provides all the dough flavor, I feel Mars reused its cookies and creme layer for this candy.

I rest my case, Your Honor.

My verdict: Twix Cookie Dough is a delicious candy bar with a noticeable cookie dough flavor. Although I have my suspicions about it, they shouldn’t prevent anyone from trying it.

(NOTE: Twix Cookie Dough will be available nationwide in December 2022. Samples were sent to 1,000 Twix fans who entered a drawing in June to try the candy bar early. And some of those folks sold their samples on eBay, which is how I got my hands on some. And because I got them from a seller on eBay who had to ship it across the country, they look like they might’ve stared for a moment at the Ark of the Covenant after it opened.)

Purchased Price: More than one should pay on eBay
Size: 1.36 oz bar
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 pack/2 cookies) 200 calories, 11 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar (including 16 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Brach’s Funfetti Candy Corn

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Brach s Funfetti Candy Corn Package

What is it?

Brach’s has brought us Funfetti Candy Corn to join the seasonal counterparts of Funfetti Jelly Beans and Funfetti Candy Canes.

Brach’s is the best brand of candy corn (at least that I have tried), so I’m happy it’s the one taking on this challenge.

How is it?

Honestly, I’m not sure if I’ve ever had an officially licensed Funfetti cake. But I have eaten plenty of cake.

And this candy corn really does taste like cake!

Or rather, it takes like frosting. But haven’t we all wanted to eat frosting by the spoonful out of a can? This candy corn allows us to do that without the shame.

Brach s Funfetti Candy Corn Closeup

Of course, frosting is just intense sweetness without a particularly strong flavor. The same could be said about candy corn. So Funfetti candy corn isn’t that different than regular candy corn.

Anything else you need to know?

Candy corn is usually known for its vibrant colors, so it’s a bit surprising they opted for drab shades of yellow and pink for the Funfetti variety. That’s not fun! But the edible confetti pieces help out.

Conclusion:

Funfetti Candy Corn tastes like cake icing. But if you snuck some of this flavor in with regular candy corn, the eater probably wouldn’t notice much of a difference. I enjoy eating Funfetti Candy Corn, but it is not better or worse than its ordinary Brach’s counterpart.

Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: 8 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walgreens
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (15 pieces) 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugar (including 22 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles

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Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles Pouch

What are Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles?

It’s Sour Patch minus the Kids, and this time they’re soda flavored.

How are they?

Sometimes I eat a new snack and genuinely enjoy it, but it still ends up bumming me out for reasons beyond its control. I’ll get to that later, but first? These are really good.

I can go in-depth about Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles’ flavor, but it just kinda boils down to “Sour Coca-Cola.” They’re exactly as advertised.

Everyone knows Sour Patch Kids start sour and become sweet, and these are no different. The initial sour sensation is very similar to that of a lemon or lime SPK, but it mellows into a moderate level of sweetness that I’d compare to watered-down cola.

Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles Glass Wht

Both colored bubbles have the same flavor, which I thought would pop (no pun) a bit more, if I’m being honest. That’s not really a complaint, though.

It’s akin to when you pour Coke over ice and take that first foamy sip as the bubbles settle around the cubes. Am I making sense? I find that to be the best and least cola flavor heavy sip. There’s obviously no effervescence here, but the taste gives off that sensation.

I couldn’t help but wonder how successful a “Sour Cola” would be after eating these. Maybe Pepsi could give that a trial run. I think it would be good, especially for a cocktail mixer.

Anything else you need to know?

So, I mentioned earlier how bummed these made me, and I’m probably dating myself here, but they reminded me of a candy that hasn’t existed in close to two decades – Betty Crocker Sodalicious Fruit Snacks.

If you know, you know.

I won’t dwell on that too much, and I encourage you to Google ’em because, man, they were an elite childhood snack, and these were semi-close to what I remember Sodalicious tasting like.

I also think Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles are better than Haribo Happy Cola gummies.

Conclusion:

Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles Glass Bag

These are legit, and I’d argue the little bubble form is a more satisfying bite than the usual flat kid shape.

I think these could and really should become standard movie theater candy. You can sub ’em in for the massive Coke and family-sized bag of Sour Patch Kids you usually get and just focus on your garbage can full of popcorn.

Purchased Price: $1.25
Size: 3.61 oz
Purchased at: Dollar Tree
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (24 pieces) 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 25 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of total carbohydrates, 23 grams of total sugars, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Blueberry Muffin Kit Kat

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Blueberry Muffin Kit Kat Wrapper

Whenever Kit Kat releases a new flavor, I think of someone who once asked me why consumers get so excited about “stuff that tastes like other stuff.”

Obviously, this person is not our friend, but I explained there are several reasons:

  • Candy is fun. The more varieties, the better.
  • Novelty breaks up the drudgery of everyday existence.
  • There is an artful and glorious alchemy involved in combining two perfect substances into one.
  • I don’t need a reason. Mind your business.

In the case of the Blueberry Muffin Kit Kat, all of the above apply. However, reason #3 is particularly apt because Blueberry Muffin Kit Kats are a beautiful representation of the bakery staple in candy bar form.

Blueberry Muffin Kit Kat Fingers

This limited edition bar is an earthy lavender-colored confection. (In real life, it looks a lot less sludgy gray than my best efforts at photography produced.) The wrapper describes the bar as “naturally and artificially flavored crisp wafers in blueberry muffin flavored creme.”

What makes a “blueberry muffin flavored creme?” This Kit Kat’s creme combines the flavors of blueberry and buttery cake batter, with strong undertones of brown sugar and warm cinnamon like you’d find in a crumble topping. I wasn’t expecting a touch of cinnamon, but that detail was exactly what my soul and taste buds wanted. The creme tastes delicious and complex, even if the sweetness is more reminiscent of cake than muffin. Because muffins let us brazenly blur the line between bread and cake at breakfast, this feels like a minor complaint.

Blueberry Muffin Kit Kat Wafers

What’s really cool is that the distribution of the realistic blueberry flavor is a little uneven, resulting in occasional strong pops of blueberry goodness. In one or two morsels alone, the Kit Kat recreated the experience of finding those especially juicy blueberries in a bite of the baked good. As I ate, I felt like Violet Beauregarde in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory — before the severe physical and emotional damage.

Flecks of graham embedded in the creme support the wafers’ crisp texture. It is difficult to isolate their flavor, but they may contribute some of that crumble-like toastiness.

Blueberry Muffin Kit Kat Graphic

As fans of “stuff that tastes like other stuff” know, products can sometimes promise big flavors and deliver ho-hum results. (Public service announcement: lemon flavoring alone does not make something like lemon meringue pie, and it never will.) Happily, the Blueberry Muffin Kit Kat is not just blueberry flavoring dressed in a muffin’s wrapper. While Kit Kat reliably concocts delicious limited editions, the Blueberry Muffin variety is special for its inventiveness and complexity of flavor.

Because I would rank it within my top three Kit Kat flavors and because I can’t think of a reason not to, I am rating the Blueberry Muffin Kit Kat a rare 10 out of 10.

Purchased Price: 98 cents
Size: 1.5 oz bar (42 g)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 220 calories, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 35 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 20 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

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