Tombstone’s Chili Cheese French Fry Style Crust Pizza box describes this as hamburger, chili cheese sauce, mozzarella, cheddar, red onion, & parsley on a potato crust. Hmmmm…

French fries are awesome! Pizza is awesome! Chili cheese-flavored things are awesome! So it would stand to reason that this chili cheese french fry crust pizza would also be, you know, awesome, right?

Well, let’s start with the positives. For a lower cost frozen pizza, there are actually a good number of toppings on this thing, especially cheese. Usually, lack of cheese is my number one complaint with frozen pizzas, so I was pleasantly surprised to find this one decently cheesy. There is a good amount of meaty bits, onions, and sauce as well, although the entire time I was eating it, I couldn’t help but wish sliced hot dogs were used instead of the meatball things. Compare me to Sonic the Hedgehog, but nothing beats a good chili cheese dog!

I really like the flavor of the chili cheese sauce, too. It has a nice bite without being overwhelming or detracting from the other flavors, which is really impressive. The consistency is great, too. Thick enough not to leak or squish out when you cut it.

This pizza also smells AMAZING while it cooks. It reminded me of a Sonic chili cheese coney and tots, that perfect blend of chili, cheese, and potato was spot on.

Sadly, that’s where the pros run out, and we turn to the things I didn’t appreciate.

The French fry crust in THEORY sounds great: Innovative, unique, and like the best part of a crispy French fry. Turns out, that only applies to the very edge of the crust, unfortunately. The crispy, crunchy outer edge of the crust is PERFECT, and what I ultimately wanted from the rest of the pie: crunchy, well done fries transformed into a saucy cheese conveyance vehicle. Something about that so-called “crunchy outside, soft inside” crust is where it all fell apart for me.

The taste is aight. Not exactly French fry, per se, but definitely in the “processed potato product” ballpark. More like hash browns if I had to pick something specific. I didn’t really mind that. What I minded was the texture, which is SO. FREAKING. WRONG. It’s floppy, despite baking the pizza on the bottom rack (as instructed) for an additional 5 minutes. It’s also somehow chewy and squishy. It almost reminds me of mochi or gnocchi, and neither of those has a texture I’m excited about sharing with a pizza. My heart stopped being in it after the first bite, and I forced myself to finish my 1/4 pie serving. It took too long to chew, and it was neither pleasant nor appetizing.

If you could get past that, the “hamburger” meatball things were dry and bland and also had a bit of a weird texture to them, although not as weird as the crust.

I say this one is interesting enough to try for the novelty, but make sure you have a backup plan if the crust texture proves to be too much for you.

Purchased Price: $5.87
Size: 18.8 oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/4 pizza) 330 calories, 15 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 630 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of total carbs, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of total sugar, and 9 grams of protein.