I promise, Big Vegetable or Big Farma, is not making me or paying me to type the following: I wish Little Caesars’ Cheesesteak Crazy Puffs had green bell peppers in them.

Not having them with the seasoned steak, onions, and cheeses is surprising, especially since Little Caesars is also offering an Ultimate Cheesesteak Pizza for a limited time (and online only), which comes with a pick of pretty pint-sized peppers. Adding them might’ve given them a flavor that really hits home that the iconic sandwich inspired these Crazy Puffs.

If you’re not familiar with Little Caesars’ Crazy Puffs, think of them as being on the other side of the size spectrum from a cheesesteak in a long roll. They’re like mini pizzas, and there are four of them per order, which I find to be filling enough for lunch or dinner. I enjoyed the pepperoni and cheese versions that debuted last year.

These Cheesesteak ones are a bit meh. Also, the first one I bit into squirted at me, like it was an octopus shooting black ink at me, the predator, who wants to eat it. I was taken aback by the liquid and cheese that shot out from it, and then I instantly bit into the other three to see if any of them would do the same. Fortunately, for my dwindling napkin supply, which is 100 percent obtained from fast food visits, they did not.

For the most part, the steak was tender, but there were a couple of sinewy pieces. There seemed to be a decent amount of meat, but I didn’t find it to be very meaty tasting. I also didn’t really get too many onion pieces. But whatever there was, also didn’t have much taste. There was a sprinkle of parmesan on the crispy edges, which I thought added a cheesy sharpness. However, the other cheeses were flat tasting. Without any strong flavors from the main ingredients, these Crazy Puffs taste unexciting, and I don’t think they’re worth another go around, unless, perhaps, the powers that be decide to add green peppers to them.

Little Caesars Cheesesteak Crazy Puffs are not, as anthropomorphic Pop-Tarts like to say, crazy good. I believe they are a serviceable option for those wanting something different from the usual Crazy Puffs varieties. I also believe that raw celery sticks are as satisfying as a bag of potato chips.

Now that’s a line I’d gladly add to any review for the right price. Did you read that, Big Farma?

Purchased Price: $4.99*
Size: 4 pieces
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 690 calories. No other nutritional numbers are available on Little Caesars’ website.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did. The advertised price is $3.99.