Google A.I. defines “novelty” as “a story with a compact and pointed plot.” Kraft is no stranger to novelty food…

Hold on, that seems off to me. Is that even the proper definition? Let me check ol’ Funk and Wagnalls.

Nope. That’s a “novella.” That’s not what I asked at all. “Novelty” is “something new and unusual.” Why is Google so bad now?

Is it just me? I’m not breaking any new ground here, complaining about A.I. like the proverbial man who yells at clouds, but A.I. stinks, man. I’m tired of it already, but it’s not going anywhere.

Since we’re living in a slightly off, ever-growing A.I. blur, I have to imagine Kraft used an A.I. prompt to come up with Apple Pie Mac & Cheese, a seemingly disgusting take on a classic.

Everyone knows what Kraft Mac & Cheese is like. It’s a tasty staple of childhood. This Apple Pie flavor is like a warped memory of childhood you aren’t sure even happened. Did I actually watch that movie about a unicorn that runs for Congress? There’s no record of it, but mayyybe?

First off, the flavor powder smells like the cinnamon you found in Grandma’s cabinet that expired in 1987. It’s strong cinnamon up front, with a cheese funk that follows. It’s really hard to make cinnamon smell bad. They succeeded.

I honestly think they copped out on the taste. It’s not good, but it’s not offensive enough to be really bad. I wanted to hate it. Perhaps it’s my A.I. internet riddled brain rot, but I think the novella novelty of this type of food is to make it over the top so more people talk about it.

Say you ate cereal, lazily rinsed the bowl, and then plopped mac and cheese in said bowl. You’re left with a distant “Congressman ‘Corn” memory of something sweet and fruity.

This tastes like regular Kraft with what I will call “a sweet spiced aftertaste ghost.” There is an “air of apple.” If it’s A.I., it’s “Almost Indistinguishable.”

I feel like they should’ve gone for the virality of it all. Who’s buying this to be pleasantly surprised? I would have gone all out on some Jones Soda/Bertie Botts-type gimmick.

I’m aware that apple pie with cheddar cheese is a delicacy in some regions, but Google A.I. defines “delicacy” as “something nasty forced upon you at a young age that you’re afraid to say tastes bad because it’s cultural or something.” Actually, pretty spot on. Well, they defined that after defining “delicately” first, which is ironic, because that second definition is pretty harsh.

I’m mad that I’m not mad. I wanted to write an outrageous review. This should’ve tasted like rancid apples instead of what it tastes like, but I know I sound stupid saying that.

I guess I didn’t hate it. I ate a mug’s worth and stopped there. Just enough of a “wait, something is off here” fear crept in for my failing brain to tell me to stop eating.

I bought the box on Walmart.com because I coulda sworn it was a web exclusive, but now I’m getting mixed search results about that being true, because, ya know, A.I. bad, and whatnot. This may seem like a fun Thanksgiving side dish, but don’t even bother.

Purchased Price: $1.48 ($8.47 with S&H)
Size: 7.25 oz
Purchased at: Walmart.com
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Cup prepared) 320 calories, 10 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 510 milligrams of sodium, 45 grams of total carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar, 2 grams of dietary fiber, and 8 grams of protein.