NEWS: New Splenda Essentials Will Give Us More Than An Artificial Sweetener Aftertaste

/ / Spotted on Shelves

Splenda

Whenever I put a spoonful of sugar in my iced tea or a pinch of sugar on my cereal or a sprinkle of sugar on ice cream or dump half a box of sugar on the ground to attract ants so that I can burn them with the sun and a magnifying glass, I wonder if it’s possible to give sugar properties that go beyond rotting my teeth and making me gain weight when I consume it with my iced tea, cereal, and ice cream. For example, sugar with calcium or sugar with caffeine.

While Splenda isn’t pure sugar, it now comes in new varieties that have added nutritional benefits.

The new line of zero calorie artificial sweeteners is called Splenda Essentials and they come in three varieties. Splenda Essentials with Fiber offers one gram of fiber per packet; Splenda Essentials with B Vitamins has 20 percent of the daily values of vitamins B1, B5 and B6 per packet; and Splenda Essentials with Antioxidants contains 20 percent of the daily values of vitamins C and E per packet.

All three Splenda Varieties are available in 80-count boxes of packets and have a suggested retail price of $4.29. Splenda Essentials with Fiber is also available in a 1.6-pound carton and a 3-pound resealable bag and retail for $4.99 and $7.49, respectively.

NEWS: Planters Gets Their Nut Crushing Groove On To Make Peanut Butter

/ / Spotted on Shelves / 2 Comments

New York. Times Square. Mr. Peanut

Planters has done more things to nuts than male YouTubers with swollen testicles and temporary high pitched voices. They’ve dry roasted, lightly salted, honey roasted, chocolate covered, fruit blended, and nut mixed them, just to name a few.

But the one thing male YouTubers with swollen cajones have done that Planters hasn’t is crush their nuts. However, that has changed with the introduction of Planters Peanut Butter.

I’m not sure why it’s taken this long for Planters to come out with peanut butter. Unless Mr. Peanut is real and for years prevented it from happening because seeing peanuts being crushed into a creamy paste made him cringe like I cringe when I watch a video on YouTube of some guy getting hit in the nads with a golf club.

Update: According to Dave, in his comment below, Planters Peanut Butter isn’t new, they made peanut butter in the 1970-1980s. After doing a little research, I found this link to an old Planters Peanut Butter commercial.

Planters Peanut Butter is available in creamy and crunchy varieties, and will be sold in 28 ounce containers.

REVIEW: Nabisco Oreo Brownies

/ / Reviews / 4 Comments

The Nabisco Oreo Brownies sound like the most awesome combination of sweets that has ever been conceived.

The melding of Oreo cookies with chewy brownies sounds so awesome that I believe by just touching it it’ll bring a smile to my face, cause rainbows to form on a sunny day, and make birds sing to me instead of pooping on my car.

However, Oreo Brownies aren’t as awesome as they sound or as awesome as what I typed to overly hype them in the previous paragraph. You see, Oreo Brownies aren’t really brownies and those birds are going to poop on your car, especially if you feed them these Oreo Brownies.

If you look though the annals of the internet, you’ll discover there used to be Nabisco Oreo Brownies which were brownies with Oreo pieces baked in, but these Nabisco Oreo Brownies are different. Although they’re not completely unfamiliar.

Do you enjoy stuffing your cakehole with Oreo Cakesters? Then you’ll enjoy stuffing your browniehole with Oreo Brownies because they both taste exactly alike. However, while the Oreo Cakesters have an airiness to them, like cake, these Oreo Brownies are a little more dense, like, you guess it, brownies.

Nabisco Oreo Brownies Naked

If you’ve never had the pleasure of eating Oreo Cakesters, they taste like chocolate Hostess CupCakes. And if you’ve never had the pleasure of eating chocolate Hostess CupCakes, you’re probably skinny and have never had chocolate cake get stuck under your fingernails.

Since Oreo Cakesters and Oreo Brownies taste the same, deciding which product to pick up depends on what you prefer: something that looks like an Oreo on steroids or something that looks like an Oreo Cakester on better steroids that was shot by one of Spider-Man’s web-shooters. Or if you’re a stickler for metrics, do you go with two Oreo Cakesters, which are 14 grams heavier than an Oreo Brownie, but have more calories, saturated fat, and sugar? Or if you’re a stickler for value, do you go with a box of Oreo Cakesters that has seven packs of two cookies or a box of Oreo Brownies that comes with ten brownies?

Because I’m a fan of Oreo Cakesters, it’s easy for me to like these Oreo Brownies, but at the same time they disappoint me because they taste like Oreo Cakesters and not some Oreo/brownie hybrid that makes rainbows appear and deters birds from pooping on my car.

If you do decide to pick up a box of Nabisco Oreo Brownies, I’d recommend sticking them in the fridge for a little while because they end up a little chewier and a little awesomer.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 brownie – 190 calories, 9 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 65 milligrams of potassium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 20% calcium and 10% iron.)

Item: Nabisco Oreo Brownies
Price: $4.99
Size: 10 brownies
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like an Oreo Cakester. Tastes like Hostess CupCakes. Better when chilled. Contains poly- and monounsaturated fats.
Cons: Tastes like an Oreo Cakester. Thinner than I thought they’d be. Not actual brownies, just shaped like brownies. Doesn’t cause rainbows to form on a sunny day. Birds pooping on my car.

NEWS: Cold Stone Hits The Herb Garden For Their Latest Ice Cream Flavors

/ / Fast Food News / 2 Comments

Lemon Poppy Seed Muffins

This summer, look for Cold Stone Creamery to get a little freaky with their ingredients.

This month, as part of their Gold Cone Collection, the super-premium ice cream maker introduced their Lemon Poppy Seed Cake Ice Cream, which is made up of lemon ice cream sprinkled with real poppy seeds. The combination is supposed to imitate the flavor of a lemon poppy seed muffin.

Oh, but the unusual ingredients don’t stop there. In July, Cold Stone will offer Strawberry Basil ice cream. And, in August, they’ll serve up a non-alcoholic Mojito Sorbet.

But what about June? Meh, it’s just some boring Chocolate Hazelnut. Personally, it would’ve been better if it was Chocolate Hazelwort.

A small (or “Like It”) serving of Lemon Poppy Seed Cake Ice Cream has 340 calories 18 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 160 milligrams of sodium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 36 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. A small Strawberry Basil Ice cream has 320 calories 18 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 80 milligrams of sodium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 33 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein. Finally, a Like It serving of Mojito Sorbet has 190 calories, 2 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 44 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

All Gold Cone Collection flavors are available for a limited time at Cold Store Creamery locations nationwide.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter World and Ben & Jerry’s Volun-Tiramisu

/ / Reviews / 6 Comments

Ben & Jerry's Volun-Tiramisu and Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter World

Ah, spring — that magical time of year when a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of ice cream.  And love, I guess, but my wife just gave birth a couple of months ago after a difficult pregnancy, so I’ve been strongly advised to just stick with the ice cream.  Fair enough.

As they’re wont to do, Ben & Jerry have put down their bong and unleashed some new flavors on us.  This time it’s with a valuable social message, encouraging everyone to volunteer in their communities, complete with a website link on the carton to find volunteering opportunities near you.  But not so fast, Walmart shoppers… these are Target exclusive.  Each carton even includes a “Together for Volunteerism” sticker with one of B&J’s cows (also known as “a cow”) posing next to the Target dog, which always looks to me like Spuds MacKenzie passed out and his friends drew a bullseye on his face.  (If you’re too young to know who Spuds MacKenzie is, I hate you.)  Said exclusivity wasn’t any problem for me, but if you live in a Footloose-esque rural community too small or remote to play host to a Tar-jay, you’re out of luck.  Please accept my sympathy, as I try to recall which of the three nearby Targets I bought these from.

Speaking of which, apparently by purchasing this ice cream I’m reaping the benefits of Fair Trade Certified cocoa and coffee.  I’m not at all politically minded and lack the time to watch The Daily Show anymore, so I’m not sure if that means I’m tacitly supporting equitable trade practices.  From what I know of Ben and Jerry, presumably it’s some hippie thing, but as long as I don’t have to give up meat or start wearing Birkenstocks, I’m fine with it.  Of course, the other thing Ben and Jerry are known for is inserting puns into their ice cream names, and these are no exception.  Volun-Tiramisu is almost a little TOO on the nose, but it works.  On the other hand, “Peanut Butter World” confuses me.  After some thought, I decided maybe the implication is that volunteerism will lead to a better world, and “butter” sounds kind of like “better,” so… yeah?  If that’s the case, I have to say they’re really reaching.  Of course, it’s possible all of you got it immediately and can’t imagine how it wasn’t obvious to me from the beginning.  Like how I didn’t realize those “Every kiss begins with Kay” commercials are making a pun about the actual letter “k” until I heard it on a radio show’s “things you just figured out” segment.  It’s embarrassing to find yourself in the same company as people who only just realized why it’s called a QWERTY keyboard.

Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter World

I was slightly leery of the Peanut Butter World before digging in because peanut butter and I have an understanding: if it brings its friend chocolate, they’re both welcome in my mouth, but I’ve never been willing to buy seats for PB’s solo act.  Turns out I needn’t have worried, as this flavor is composed of really creamy, decadent chocolate with peanut butter swirls in it, along with some chocolate cookie bits.  It’s kind of like eating a cold, liquidy Reese’s peanut butter cup that someone has coated with crumbled Oreos, only way more rich than any Reese’s could ever be.  It is also insanely unhealthy — after a half dozen spoonfuls, I felt suddenly motivated to name my heirs and divvy up my worldly possessions — but that’s the price you pay for supporting a good cause.  At least that’s what I’m telling myself, and you should too.  In any event, it’s worth it, because this is some seriously good ice cream.  There’s just enough peanut butter to remind you it’s there without being overpowering, while the chocolate is definitely dominant.

Ben & Jerry's Volun-Tiramisu

If I was nervous about the Peanut Butter World, I had no idea what to expect from the Volun-Tiramisu.  Tiramisu is such a unique flavor, and I’ve never been the world’s biggest coffee drinker.  But like the peanut butter above, the coffee was noticeable but subdued, enough to make you aware of its presence without taking over.  And I wouldn’t have been able to spell “mascarpone” before buying this ice cream, let alone tell you what it tasted like, but it turns out it’s good, very light and lingering in contrast to the heaviness of the Peanut Butter World.  The carton also proclaims that it has a cocoa dusting, but I wasn’t able to detect any traces of it.  I also don’t think there’s any actual rum in it, although since I was drinking a beer at the same time, I can’t be sure of that.  However, while it was definitely good, a little went a long way.  I’d had my fill after a few spoonfuls, whereas if it weren’t for self-control and shame, I could have easily polished off a pint of Peanut Butter World in one sitting.  That might actually be a plus for Volun-Tiramisu in the sense of aiding your portion control, since while it’s not as bad for you as its partner, it’s not exactly making you thinner with every bite either.

All in all I was pleased with Ben & Jerry’s latest, exclusive offerings.  They’re both tasty, I’m pretty sure Target is slightly less evil than some of the other big box stores, and of course I’m all for encouraging volunteerism.  In a way, anyone who reads this review and decides to buy a pint is supporting volunteerism because of something I did, so hey — you’re welcome, B&J.  I’ll expect the check in the mail.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – Peanut Butter World – 330 calories, 22 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 21 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein. Volun-Tiramisu – 230 calories, 12 grams of total fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 23 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter World and Ben & Jerry’s Volun-Tiramisu reviews:
On Second Scoop – Volun-Tiramisu & Peanut Butter World

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter World and Ben & Jerry’s Volun-Tiramisu
Price: $3.49 each
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Peanut Butter World)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Volun-Tiramisu)
Pros: Saving the world, one fat ass at a time.  Mascot synergy.  Your peanut butter in my chocolate.  Mascarpone.  Heavy chocolate, light tiramisu.  Ice cream that portion controls itself.  Pimping volunteerism.
Cons: Inscrutable puns.  Carton makes me feel guilty for not volunteering lately.  Failing to comprehend simple ad campaigns.  Need to be doing strenuous volunteer work to burn off all the calories.  Possibly bankrolling Trump 2012.

Scroll to Top