I was wracking my brain, trying to find the perfect song from Alecia Moore, aka Pink, to sum up my feelings about Red Bull’s new “The Pink Edition.” Surely, a pop star with such myriad hits would have something – some song, some lyric – to help me express how this wild berry energy drink made me feel.

Alas, my search came up empty. It didn’t make me want to “get the party started.” It didn’t make me want to “raise my glass.” It was not “(censored) perfect.” I did, however, find the opening “lyrics” of her smash hit, “So What,” appropriate:

Na-na-na-na, na-na, na
Na-na-na-na na-na –
… and so on and so forth…

Nah. This ain’t it.

Now that I got that extremely clunky reach for an intro out of the way, allow me to introduce “The Pink Edition,” which, in an ironic turn of events, is a real snoozefest from Red Bull.

The Pink Edition tastes of “wild berries,” which seems like a flavor profile Red Bull would have tackled by now, but apparently not. Whenever I have something “berry” flavored, I like to try and guess which berries are being used, so I took my first sip without research.

First of all, this isn’t even really pink. It’s more red. It’s too red. Anyway, flavor-wise, I assumed rasp, black, and one of cran, blue, or straw. The standards. Sometimes something crazy happens and brands sneak in a boysen or a snozz, but those are usually the main “mixed” berries.

The Pink Edition smells like Strawberry Jell-o but just kinda tastes like a slightly underripe raspberry. On the surface, that’s not bad, but there was also a strange chaser in there. I couldn’t pinpoint whatever berry it was, so I cheated and checked Red Bull’s official summarization:

“Raspberry and other fruits complemented with exciting herbal notes.”

It’s red, and it’s just one berry. This is literally red bull.

Ignoring how they just hand-waved the other potential fruits, THAT made sense. This has a slight herbal taste to it. It’s not very exciting, but it made me feel a very specific way. As just an everyday energy booster, I wouldn’t recommend this flavor at all. It’s one of the most middling Red Bulls I’ve had in ages.

That being said, if I was sick, I would absolutely love this. I don’t wanna jinx myself, but when I’m under the weather, I live on Ricola cough drops and drink ice cold seltzer almost exclusively. That’s what this tasted like – an herby fruity cough drop melted into a seltzer.

Does that appeal to anyone except sick me? I’d imagine it doesn’t. It’s maybe not as medicinal as I’m making it seem, but that herbal element really leans towards it.

So yeah, not great. Unless you’re a sicko like me, skip it. You’ll probably wanna pour this pink drink down the sink. I wish I had Alecia LESS of this flavor.

Yeah, that’s a bookend, I guess. Hmm, maybe I am getting sick.

Purchased Price: $2.38
Size: 8.4 Fl. Oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 3 out of 10 (8 out of 10 if I had a fever)
Nutrition Facts: 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 90 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 26 grams of total sugars, 0 grams of protein.