Update: Click here to read our VitaminWater Zero Glow and VitaminWater Zero Drive review

There are two new VitaminWater Zero flavors available to frustrate those who think they’ve tried ever VitaminWater variety in existence. VitaminWater Zero Glow is a strawberry and guanabana (yes, that’s a real fruit) flavored water that contains biotin and vitamins E and A to “help support & maintain healthy skin, hair, and nails.” VitaminWater Zero Drive is a blood orange and mixed berry flavored water that has 100 percent of your daily intake of vitamin C and 75 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine per 20-ounce bottle, which it gets from coffee beans and yerba mate extract.

Both also contain electrolytes and 40 percent of your daily recommended consumption of vitamins B3, B5, B6, and B12. While I do think VitaminWater Zero Drive is useful, thanks to the sweet caffeine, I’m not sure how effective VitaminWater Zero Glow will be with helping one’s skin. With Drive, I can drink just one and the sweet, sweet caffeine will help give me a boost of energy when I’m watching bunda videos on YouTube at three in the morning, but with Glow, I imagine you’d have to drink more than one bottle for it to be beneficial.

And that’s how they getcha!

Every Saturday, at about 10 PM, I open up my web browser and direct it to the Target website. I’m there to look at Target’s weekly ad because I don’t subscribe to the newspaper that has the Target circular stuffed into its Sunday edition. Yes, I am helping with the downfall of the local newspaper industry.

While virtually flipping through the pages of the latest Target ad, I noticed the SunChips 6 Grain Medley. These SunChips come in two fancy pancy flavors — Onion & Thyme and Parmesan & Herb.

They’re available in 9-ounce bag and are Target-exclusives, so you’re not going to find them at Kmart, but really, who goes to Kmart nowadays? It’s a third-tier mom and pops store crusher, which combines the depressing aura of Walmart with the red of Target.

Silk is extremely good at turning plants into milk. It started with soy, then last year they expanded to almond, and recently they’ve added their new Silk Pure Coconut coconutmilk. I imagine it must be more pleasant to have plants to milk instead of cows.

No manure to accidentally step in. No moo-ing. No tail to accidentally whip you. No open mouth chewing to look at. No desire to ride on its back. No getting attached to it, making it a part of your family, having to put it down when you need to put food on the table, and then having to eat it. No jealous bulls to impale me when I stroke a cow’s back.

Silk Pure Coconut has 50 percent more calcium than dairy milk and is an excellent source of vitamin D and vitamin B12. It comes in two flavors: Original and Vanilla. The Original has 80 calories per serving, while the Vanilla has 90 calories. Like all of Silk’s milks, Pure Coconut is produced without using GMO (genetically modified organisms) ingredients. Silk Pure Coconut coconutmilk is available now nationwide.

I know how it is Tostitos, and I know what you’re trying to do with your new Restaurant Style with a Hint of Pepper Jack Tortilla Chips. I’ve called numerous 1-900 numbers to know that if you give a little hint of something good, you’re gonna want more. A $3.99 for the first minute hint can easily lead to several $2.99 additional minutes. So I don’t think I’ll be falling for the light, smooth jack cheese flavor your new chips will provide.

There’s also the new Tostitos Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips with a Hint of Jalapeno, but I’m only going to spend this sentence talking about it because in 2009 they released Tostitos Scoops with a Hint of Jalapeno, so it’s not a totally new idea.

A one-ounce serving size, or about six chips, of the Tostitos Restaurant Style with a Hint of Pepper Jack Tortilla Chips has 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2 grams of monounsaturated fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, and 2 grams of protein.

In 2007, I reviewed the original Go Girl Energy Drink. In 2008, I reviewed Go Girl Glo, an energy drink that’s supposed to help one’s skin. In 2009, I reviewed Go Girl Bliss Energy Drink. In 2010, Go Girl Energy didn’t release a new flavor that I would’ve had to embarrassingly buy like it was a pack of tampons. However, in 2011, they’re making up for the lack of a new flavor in 2010 by releasing two new flavors — Go Girl Pomegranate Blueberry Tea Energy Drink and Go Girl Lemon Drop Sugar Free Energy Drink.

The Pomegranate Blueberry Tea Energy Drink is non-carbonated, only 35 calories, made with Yerba Mate tea leaves, and sweetened with agave. It also contains B vitamins, taurine and Super Citrimax, the company’s herbal appetite suppressant. As for the Lemon Drop Sugar Free Energy Drink, it too is non-carbonated, has B vitamins and contains Super Citrimax, but it only has 5 calories and contains sweet, sweet caffeine.

Like all Go Girl Energy Drinks the new flavors come skinny 11.5 ounce cans and a portion of the proceeds of each case sold is donated to breast or ovarian cancer research and awareness.