REVIEW: Dairy Queen Confetti Cake Dipped Cone

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A major cornerstone of my life philosophy: I must sprinkle my week with the joy of little treats when I can. What better way to sprinkle joy than with edible confetti?

Dairy Queen agrees with me, and its newest release proves it. The Confetti Cake Dipped Cone is the latest offering in Dairy Queen’s springtime tradition of releasing limited edition dipped cones. Past flavors have included Churro, Fruity Blast, Orange Dreamsicle, and Cotton Candy.

No offense to the past flavors, but Confetti Cake is the perfect flavor for everyday celebrations. Combining butter, sugar, vanilla, and sprinkles, the flavor exemplifies all things sweet, indulgent, and colorful. Unlike its cousin, Birthday Cake, Confetti Cake is not occasion-specific, so you do not need to worry about popped balloons or the crushing weight of how quickly time passes.

I ordered a medium cone and had to take a moment to admire the beauty of the thing. Topped with Dairy Queen’s signature curl, the curvy mounds of vanilla soft serve were generously coated with the confetti cake shell. The shell’s crisp white base, decorated with rainbow flecks, perfectly represented confetti cake. Somehow, the colorful speckles didn’t muddy the white base or add any texture to disturb the absolute smoothness of the dip. The result was so pretty that I need an artist and/or scientist to dismiss my accusations of soft serve sorcery. Maybe Steven H., who made my cone, just knows what the hell he’s doing.

Texturally, the coating was perfect, cracking satisfyingly with each bite before melting away into creamy smoothness. Its flavor, however, was disappointingly one-note. I expected white chocolate or vanilla to flavor the base, but all I could taste was a combination of butter and almond extracts. While the shell was sweet, the perfume-y, artificial quality of the extracts threw off the flavor balance for me.

I almost completely stripped the shell from the cone before I realized what the taste reminded me of. Once, I made homemade buttercream frosting using powdered sugar that was over a year past its best-by date. (This was an accident, of course, not some cruel birthday prank.) The end product was creamy and rich but tasted off, like butter held together by the memory of something sweet. My neglectful baking fail was a much worse offense than the Confetti Cake Dipped Cone, but both experiences ended in disappointment.

When eaten with soft serve, the confetti shell’s flavor was mostly overwhelmed by the ice cream’s coldness. In my eyes, Dairy Queen’s vanilla soft serve is literal perfection, a sweet and creamy dream in any form, so I couldn’t be mad about having that cone in my paw. While the shell itself would rate around 4 out of 10, the ice cream bumped my overall rating up to a squarely-average 5. Colorful sprinkles can brighten up any occasion, but for the Confetti Cake Dipped Cone, it’s what’s on the inside that counts.

Purchased Price: $3.89
Size: Medium
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 470 calories, 23 grams of fat, 19 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 43 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Churro Signature Latte

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At some point in the last few years, we must have run out of cookies, cakes, and pies to try to mimic the flavor of, and the wandering eye of some product developer landed on churros as the next great flavor to reproduce in a different format. Churros are delicious! Surely, this will work!

Who could blame someone for trying to capture that magic in another form, and who could blame the next 200 companies who decided they needed to try their hand at it too? Me, apparently. The spring menu at Dunkin’ is leaning heavily into the churro trend, and the newest Signature Latte tries to capture the essence of the cinnamon and sugar-dusted fried pastry in a cup of coffee. The Churro Signature Latte is made from espresso, milk, and churro syrup topped with whipped cream, caramel drizzle, and a sprinkle of cinnamon sugar.

It’s good! I like this drink! It’s smooth, creamy, and perfectly sweet without being too sweet. So what’s the problem? It doesn’t remotely remind me of a churro. We’ve already seen the likes of Ben & Jerry’s, Kit Kat, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch try and fail to crack the churro code, and Dunkin’s attempt might be the weakest of them all.

When I see something churro-flavored, I now assume it will be heavy on the cinnamon/sugar aspect because the taste and texture of fried dough are much more challenging to replicate in anything that isn’t actually fried dough. This latte misses the mark on capturing any pastry taste, and it somehow misses out on cinnamon too. The churro syrup doesn’t seem to contribute anything besides sweetness. If there’s supposed to be something more complex there, it’s so subtle that I’m unable to pick up on it and the cinnamon, even if I get a swoop of whipped cream flecked with it, is barely noticeable. While I find this extremely drinkable, nothing distinguishes it from a dressed-up latte you could get any time, anywhere.

I can’t say I’m disappointed in this drink because my expectations that it could capture the spirit of a churro were pretty low, and it’s a tasty beverage. In terms of a limited time offering though, it feels lazy and like the “churro” label is there just to capitalize on a fad. You wouldn’t sprinkle oregano on a stick and call it an Italian sub so why is it acceptable to add a pinch of cinnamon to something and call it churro? I wouldn’t discourage anyone from ordering it, but I think there’s an element of beating a dead dessert craze here. Can we let churros just be churros and go back to stuffing them in our mouths instead of half-heartedly cramming them into every other foodstuff? I’d consider ordering this again if I’m in the mood for a whipped cream-topped latte but I’m confident that long after the churro syrup is gone, Dunkin’ will still be able to make me this same drink.

Purchased Price: $5.29
Size: Medium
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 350 calories, 13 grams of total fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 49 grams of total carbs, 0 gram of dietary fiber, 43 grams of total sugar, and 9 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Starbucks Iced Lavender Oatmilk Latte

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Floral flavoring in beverages is one of my weaknesses. When done correctly, floral drinks strike a perfect balance between the sweet and perfumey. That balance can be hard to find, and if you aren’t careful, you can end up with something that tastes like cheap body spray. My first floral-flavored beverage was a rose bubble milk tea, and it was an indescribably delicious experience. I’ve been hooked on just about any kind of botanically infused drink since, but coffee/espresso flavored with lavender is my absolute favorite. I’ve had a wide range of lavender lattes and was excited to see how Starbucks’ Iced Lavender Oatmilk Latte would measure up.

It’s the chain’s first time ever using lavender as a flavor. I was surprised it’s taken Starbucks this long, as it’s been a fairly popular option in smaller coffee shops for a few years. My worry was that Starbucks would go with the overly sweet, flavored syrup option when crafting the drinks. Thankfully, it didn’t.

Instead, lavender powder is used, which gives the beverage a bright, floral taste without much added sweetness. The standard version of the drink comes with Blonde Espresso Roast and oatmilk. The former is a great drink base, as its lighter flavor works with the lavender, not against it. The creamy oatmilk is like the rug that brings the whole room together: without it, the drink would be okay but not have the same balance. Overall, this was easily one of the (if not the best) lavender lattes I’ve had in a long time.

The drink’s simplicity (lavender powder, espresso, oatmilk) seems like a departure from Starbucks’ last few seasonal drops. Multi-ingredient menu items with longer preps have become more commonplace at the coffee chain. The Starbucks Iced Lavender Oatmilk Latte reminds us that a basic coffee beverage can have complex flavors. It excels in its goal of being a light Spring drink to transition customers away from the heavier winter beverages. I know it’s a limited time offering, but I’m crossing my fingers this might be a more permanent addition or at least return annually.

Purchased Price: $6.05
Size: Grande
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 210 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 19 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and 170 milligrams of caffeine.

REVIEW: Little Caesars Crazy Puffs

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There’s a product on shelves now called The Pizza Cupcake that was seen on Shark Tank. I’m not saying Little Caesars’ cupcake-looking Crazy Puffs are heavily influenced by those, but they sure seem like they were heavily influenced by those.

Little Caesars’ Crazy Puffs are available in two varieties: Pepperoni and 3 Cheese & Herb. The 3 Cheese & Herb one features four hand-held pizza puffs with mozzarella and pizza sauce topped with a buttery-garlic flavored drizzle, Italian herb, and parmesan seasoning. The Pepperoni option includes everything in the other one, plus pepperoni. I ended up picking up both because I’m crazy.

The employee handing me my order told me that these were good. I asked her which one she liked more, and without skipping a beat, she said the pepperoni one but with a little hidden-mouth action, like she didn’t want the 3 Cheese & Herb ones to hear her.

They came in a box about the size of a Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza box but much more rugged and corrugated. I guess you could think of this as individual-sized Little Caesars pizza. After eating two of both varieties, I wasn’t stuffed, but I wasn’t hungry. So, the four per order seems like the right amount for a meal for one — well, at least for me.

Looking at the Pepperoni ones from above, it seems like I might’ve been cheated out of some pepperoni, but most of the slices are under that cheese layer. As for the 3 Cheese & Herb Crazy Puffs, the Little Caesars employee was right, I enjoyed it slightly less than the Pepperoni one, but that might be the carnivore in me talking. There’s enough topping on (in?) both to ensure you don’t end up with a crust-only bite. I wish both varieties were a bit more garlicky and herby, but they are something I’d pick up again if I want the Little Caesars pizza flavor without having to buy an entire pizza.

The drizzle and seasonings add enough flavor that it’s not necessary to dip them in the included marinara tub. However, there’s a piddly amount of pizza sauce in the Crazy Puffs, so the container will come in handy if you want more of that slightly sweet, slightly acidic red sauce. The well-baked areas on the crust had some crispiness, but for the most part, the bread-y sections were soft and easy to bite through.

Overall, Little Caesars Crazy Puffs aren’t crazy good. They’re just good.

Purchased Price: $4.99 each*
Size: 4-pieces
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Pepperoni), 7 out of 10 (3 Cheese & Herb)
Nutrition Facts: Pepperoni – 690 calories. 3 Cheese & Herb – 610 calories. No other nutritional information is available on the website, but I assume the caloric numbers are for all four pieces.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: C4 Energy Popsicle Energy Drink Flavors

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A caffeinated popsicle? Sign me up!

Okay, I’m actually not that fond of eating my caffeine, I love coffee way too much, but I do like drinking things flavored like other things I’m supposed to chew. The latest collaboration between a sugar-laden childhood treat and a sugar-free energy drink company comes courtesy of C4 Performance Energy and Popsicle. A 16-ounce can contains 200 milligrams of caffeine, some beta alanine for muscle endurance, and one of three nostalgic flavors — Cherry, Grape, and Hawaiian Pineapple. All three drinks use no coloring and have a middle-of-the-road carbonation that isn’t too aggressive but doesn’t feel flat — nice, tight, sharp bubbles that let their impact be felt without a trail of trapped gassiness.

Cherry is undoubtedly the most classic of the three, with a sweet and slightly muted cherry flavor that delivers on the Popsicle theme really well. Eating an actual Popsicle as an adult, you realize how much less rich and more watery they are than an ice cream bar, and this drink has that slightly diluted watery finish after the initial cherry rush. It’s a good drink, but for me, it’s held back by its dedication to the bit. I’m left wanting a bit more flavor, especially when compared to C4’s already available best-in-class Midnight Cherry energy drink. Still, I have to commend C4 for making a drink that honors the collaboration and isn’t just a simple rebrand of something that already exists.

Hawaiian Pineapple is a Popsicle I’m not sure I have ever had, but I am delighted it was chosen as one of the flavors for this line — it is excellent. The flavor starts off very smooth and juicy pineapple that finishes with just a touch of orange. It seems exceedingly rare to find a nearly pure pineapple drink, as it’s often paired with coconut for a piña colada flare, and this one stands out as not only the most unique in the line but one that warrants repeat purchases and a permanent spot in the C4 lineup.

Grape is another classic and iconic Popsicle flavor but also one of the most divisive, and as a grape lover…C4 Energy nailed it. This may be the best grape energy drink I have ever had, and I’m blown away by how dense yet not cloying the flavor is. The taste is a big, bold, candy-like grape, that familiar taste you either love or hate, and the watery Popsicle element that worked against the cherry works like a charm here. The flavor is an undeniably potent punch of grape, yet it never gets syrupy or weighed down in the way grape can trend towards medicinal. It’s classic, it’s nostalgic, and it’s perfect.

Purchased Price: $3.49 (each)
Size: 16 oz cans
Purchased at: Vitamin Shoppe
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Cherry), 9 out of 10 (Hawaiian Pineapple), 10 out of 10 (Grape)
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 0grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of total sugars, and 0 grams of protein.

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