Pit Bull Energy Drink

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Pit Bull Energy Drink

Why did YOU give me a two-star rating on Blog Explosion for?

Did I upset or offend YOU?

Are YOU upset that I gave a two rating for both Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Bananas and Mixed Berry 7-Up Plus? Are YOU offended by my one rating for the Hood Carb Countdown Strawberry-Banana Lowfat Yogurt Smoothie?

Or are YOU upset that the only “people” who leave comments on your blog are your imaginary friends, “Mr. Squeekers” and “Brad Pitt.”

What did I do?

Did I not make YOU laugh? Are my reviews not detailed enough for YOU? Do YOU hate the color orange? Do YOU work for Consumer Reports? Do YOU think I’m a comment whore? Are YOU offended by my use of the word “whore?”

Oh, sorry folks. I just drank a can of Pit Bull Energy Drink, which claims to be “attitude in a can.” I’ve only had it in my system for a few minutes, but so far I think that claim might be true. Or it could be the caffeine, sugar, taurine, and inositol combination in the Pit Bull Energy Drink that’s doing the talking.

Now back to the attitude.

I wouldn’t be like this if YOU gave me a five- or a six-star rating, but YOU gave me a two-star rating. The only blogs that deserve a two- star rating are those that promote hatred towards puppies, talk about how Microsoft Windows 98 is the greatest operating system ever, and those that only post their results for Quizilla quizzes every single day.

What did I do to deserve this?

It’s like YOU think my blog will cause the downfall of America’s youth or it promotes smoking.

I went to your blog, and just like this Pit Bull Energy Drink, I have to say there’s nothing special about it. At least the Pit Bull Energy Drink has a nice lemon-lime ginger ale taste to it. Your blog doesn’t have anything like that to give it a nice sweet and tart taste.

Man…

Now that I got most of the attitude from the Pit Bull Energy Drink out of me, I have to say that I really don’t care if YOU gave me a two-star rating. It’s your opinion and I’ll respect it.

I guess I can’t please everyone.

Item: Pit Bull Energy Drink
Purchase Price: $2.29
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Nice lemon-lime ginger ale taste. Better than a certain blog. Caffeine.
Cons: Nothing separates it from other energy drinks. The name kind of rips off Red Bull. Perhaps too much attitude.

REVIEW: Pepsi Holiday Spice

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Ye holiday season is here!

Woo hoo!

It’s time to get into the holiday spirit and I’m trying to get into the mood by drinking Pepsi Holiday Spice.

I NEED to have the holiday spirit, as I prepare for the crowded malls, last minute shopping, excessive Christmas decorations, the color red, tinsel, children crying on Santa’s lap, and numerous kiss rejections under the mistletoe.

I would’ve gotten eggnog, but no one is selling it yet. So until someone starts selling it, I’m stuck with Pepsi Holiday Spice to get me in the mood for some holiday “fun.”

I know liquor is quicker, but I’m afraid I might relive my 21st birthday drinking binge, which involved ten shots in one hour, followed by dancing with two girls, flashing body parts on my body that shouldn’t be flashed, and dry heaves.

So what does Pepsi Holiday Spice taste like?

It has a nice spicy cinnamon and ginger taste and it’s really good, but let me think of a better way to describe the taste.

Hmmm…

Well go to your favorite store, whether it’s a local mom and pops or your gigantic mom and pops-destroying superstore, and look for a red soda bottle or can with the word Coke on it. Then purchase it or steal it, because there’s no way the old greeter at the superstore entrance will be able to tackle you. Then open it and when you drink it you will know what Pepsi Holiday Spice tastes like.

To make that unnecessarily long explanation paragraph short, Pepsi Holiday Spice tastes very similar to Coke.

If you’re a crazy Coke fanatic and you think what I just said is blasphemy, then go try it for yourself, YOU FRICKEN’ COKE-HEAD!

Wow. That last part was rude of me. I’m sorry.

Seems like I need more holiday spirit.

Well, I guess it’s a good thing I bought a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi Holiday Spice, because hopefully the more holiday spice I drink, the more holiday spirit I’ll have.

Item: Pepsi Holiday Spice
Purchase Price: $1.49 (2-liter bottle, on sale)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Very good. Nice spicy taste. A great holiday drink replacement until eggnog hits the stores. Tastes like Coke.
Cons: If you’re a crazy Coke fanatic, it tastes like Coke. Too bad it’s a limited edition. Might need a bit more holiday spirit in it.

REVIEW: French Toast Pop-Tarts

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Kellogg's French Toast Pop-Tarts

If you’re an avid reader of the Impulsive Buy, you know that we like Pop-Tarts. We’re Pop-Tart aficionados, if you will. We consider them to be part of our complete breakfast, and sometimes lunch, dinner, and midnight snack.

In the past few months, we’ve reviewed this one, this one, and this one, which have also turned out to be our top three all-time favorite Pop-Tarts flavors.

Recently, I came upon the new French Toast Pop-Tarts and wondered if they really did taste like French Toast. However, it’s been a while since I’ve eaten French Toast because I’m afraid of eggs, due to the egg cholesterol controversy.

First, they say eggs are bad for me, then they say they’re good for me, then they say they’re bad for me again, then they say they’re good for me again, and then they tell me that they’re good for me if I eat it in moderation.

Since I haven’t had French Toast in a long time, I can’t remember how it tastes. So I decided to overcome my fear of eggs and make French Toast.

Because I watch excessive amounts of the Food Network, I felt like I could cook some mean French Toast. Although to be honest, I mostly watch it for Rachael Ray.

After cooking a stack of French Toast and adding the butter, cinnamon, and syrup, I did my comparison.

Oh, man. I forgot that I made some damn good French Toast.

Hell yeah!

Oh, they were so heavenly.

Then I declared myself the King of French Toast and I thought no inferior French Toast Pop-Tart could beat MY delicious French Toast.

Well, I was wrong.

The French Toast Pop-Tarts were pretty good, with its syrup filling and cinnamon sprinkled on top. However, it’s not the best Pop-Tarts I’ve had, but it’s probably one of my top 5 favorites.

Although, I think that the syrup filling wasn’t that sweet and I wish it had a cinnamon-flavored frosting, instead of just cinnamon sprinkled on top. But overall, they totally do trump my own French Toast.

I guess the King of French Toast is dead.

Now that I think about it, maybe the reason why I stopped eating French Toast was not because of my fear of cholesterol, maybe it was because I suck at making French Toast.

Item: French Toast Pop-Tarts
Purchase Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Cinnamon. Gooey syrup filling. Possibly one of my Top 5 favorite Pop-Tarts. Better than MY crappy-ass French Toast.
Cons: Syrup filling wasn’t that sweet. Wish there was frosting. Do not freeze.

REVIEW: Barq’s Floatz

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Barq's Floats

Last night was waaay too fun. I learned a lot last night on Election Day.

The most important thing I learned: Watching the presidential election coverage on cable would make a great drinking game.

Take a sip if:
Anyone says “Florida”
Anyone says “Ohio”

Do a shot if:
Anyone says “too close to call”
Anyone mentions Gore in the 2000 election

Beer bong if:
A candidate announces victory, before the opponent concedes
Fox News projects Bush to win before all the other networks

Down a keg if:
Nader wins any electoral votes
Kerry or Bush asks for a recount

During the pre-election run to the convenience store, I picked up a few things to snack on during the night. One of the coolest things I picked up was the new Barq’s Floatz. It’s a frozen treat with the taste of a root beer float. FOR ONLY 75 CENTS!!!

They were so cheap that I bought two.

The Barq’s Floatz is exactly like those frozen fruit push-pops I used to get with my school lunch. You basically have to push out the goodness, like you would if you were trying to milk toothpaste out of the tube.

It tasted just like a root beer float, except without the spoon, two straws, and the beautiful girl to share it with.

Yeah, I’m talking to you, baby doll. Would you like to be the beautiful girl to share it with me? I got your straw right here, baby. Uh huh. Yeah, I know what you like”¦

W-w-what?

Oh sorry, been kind of lonely recently.

The only thing I was disappointed with was the size of the three-ounce Barq’s Floatz, because it takes only a minute to eat the whole thing.

Now some of you might be saying, “Well what do you expect for only 75 cents?”

Well in certain establishments, 25 cents will get me 5 minutes of pleasure in a small room with a window and a sticky floor.

So for 75 cents, I expect a whole lot more.

Item: Barq’s Floatz
Purchase Price: $0.75
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: 75 cents. Tastes like an actual root beer float.
Cons: Only 3 ounces of pleasure.

REVIEW: DiGiorno Microwave Rising Crust Pizza

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DiGiorno Microwave Rising Crust Pizza

Phew. Thank goodness it’s over.

We decided to lift the self-imposed ban on food reviews here at the Impulsive Buy, because we would like to get rid of all these empty boxes and bottles of food products that we couldn’t review because of the stupid ban.

So that means food reviews up the wazoo for the next few weeks.

Also, sorry about yesterday’s “review.” We know it really wasn’t a “review.” We just wanted to be political like many other blogs, so we pretended to be interested in politics, like Ben Affleck does.

We know. We know. If all the other blogs jumped into a volcano, would we jump into the volcano too?

No we wouldn’t.

So we’re back to real reviews and the subject of today’s review was requested by Impulsive Buy groupie worshipper follower, Alisa.

She asked if we, in her own words, “review geniuses” could review the new DiGiorno Microwave Rising Crust Pizza. After consulting with each other to determine if she did an adequate amount of sucking up, we decided to go though with the review and picked up the Three Meat Pizza version.

Just to let you know, microwave foods aren’t our best friends. From the exploding TV dinners to burnt microwave popcorn, we haven’t been successful whenever using the microwave. Oh, and let’s not forget the microwave pork grinds. Man, that smell lingered for days.

Although, we have to admit we’ve had some recent successes, like this one, but 99 percent of the time we screw up somehow.

Included with the DiGiorno Microwave Rising Crust Pizza was a…Um…Crisping contraption, which we think is a black paint job and a few spikes away from being a S&M collar, but that might only be us.

After putting the pizza in the crisping contraption, we put all of that into the microwave and baked it for the recommended six minutes on HIGH. We wanted to watch it to see if the crust would rise, but we remembered what our moms said growing up, “If you stare into the microwave, your palms will grow hair.”

Or was that something else.

Anyway, we let the pizza sit for the few minutes after it was done baking. After tasting it, we have to say that this is the best microwave pizza we ever had that we didn’t screw up. It was like we baked it in a conventional oven and didn’t screw up.

The only major problem we had with it was the price. Spending $4.29 for a seven-inch pizza (don’t ask how we measured it) seemed a bit expensive. If they were on sale or cheaper, we would definitely buy them more often.

We wonder if Alisa will reimburse us.

Item: DiGiorno Microwave Rising Crust Pizza: Three Meat Pizza
Purchase Price: $4.29
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Crisping contraption worked well. Oven baked taste. No, really, it had an oven baked taste. We didn’t cause it to burn, melt, or explode.
Cons: Outer crust was kind of hard. Expensive.

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