REVIEW: Wendy’s Triple Berry Frosty

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It’s been a little over two months, so it’s time for a new Frosty flavor.

It took forever for Wendy’s to expand from chocolate to vanilla, and now the window between new Frosties is about as short as a theatrical movie landing on your favorite overpriced streaming service.

Save the movie theaters!

Anyway, it’s been exactly two years since Wendy’s hit us with a Strawberry Frosty. I reviewed it then, and wasn’t blown away. I believe I said at the time, and don’t look this up, “This isn’t terrible, but I need more berries! They should’ve added blackberry and raspberry! Also, the Boston Celtics are going to win the 2024 NBA title.”

I’m not saying I’m clairvoyant, but I think someone at Wendy’s Inc. saw my review, and that’s where the seedling for a Triple Berry Frosty was born. Let me just do some math here – Strawberry. Blackberry. Raspberry. Yup. That’s three, alright. When you combine said berries, you get a nice lavender color, and that’s basically the highlight.

I couldn’t help but notice that it just looked like soft ice cream. It was missing the bits of ice that I expect from a Wendy’s Frosty. That is the small distinction I always make between Frosties and ice cream, smoothies, shakes, etc. I need the tiny flecks of ice crystals for at least a few spoonfuls. They were basically absent here. I was starting to think this was just gonna be Strawberry redux, and I was basically right.

I instantly assumed this had blueberries in it. I tasted a slight medicinal blueberry flavor with a dry “Tums” finish. I’m still kinda shocked that blueberries aren’t one of the three berries.

I didn’t really distinguish any of the other berries because, in the end, this tastes like literally any “mixed berry” yogurt you’ve ever had minus the yogurt “tang.” Essentially, what I’m saying is this Frosty lacks culture!

You might think, “It’s just a berry smoothie,” but it’s not, and I think that hurts it. I wish it was. This flavor profile in an ice cream-like form doesn’t really work that well.

Actually, it doesn’t work as a Wendy’s menu item. To bring it back to the movies, this flavor feels like a giant tonal shift in the Wendy’s script.

On its own, it’s decent, but with food, it just clashed. I’ve never really felt that way about previous Frosties, not even the Orange Dreamsicle. Drinking something “mixed berry yogurt” flavored didn’t compliment my fatty Wendy’s food at all.

Triple Berry just didn’t pop for me. I think it’s time to abandon berries entirely… ya know, except the best berry – banana. We better get a Banana Frosty at some point. If Wendy’s insists on keeping berries on the menu, allow me the obligatory mention of my topping idea – Wendy’s Blendies. I’ll toss some strawberries in my Chocolate Frosty. Why not? What are we waiting for?

Bury Triple Berry. It’s forgettable and ultimately skippable. See you in two months for the next one.

Purchased Price: $2.19
Size: Small
Purchased at: Wendy’s
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 320 calories, 8 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 30 mg of cholesterol, 270 milligrams of sodium, 53 grams of total carbohydrates, 46 grams of sugars, 0 grams of fiber, 9 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Tombstone Tavern Style Thin Crust Pizza

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Living in Chicago taught me a few important things. 1) Your eyelashes can (and will) freeze together much easier than you’d expect them to, 2) “dibs” on parking spots is a very divisive, very serious thing, and 3) the best pizza isn’t the Chicago deep dish (which, I know, I know, some don’t consider “pizza” at all) but is instead the thin, crunchy crusted, party-cut, tavern-style pie.

But what if you’re not in Chicago? Well, I’m sure you have at least one local place that tries their hand at it. Even still, if you’re like me, you like to have a frozen pizza or two on standby for an easy, cheap dinner. And if you’re even MORE like me, a general frozen pizza guideline is, “The less crust, the better.” With the exception of the best frozen pizza, period (Motor City Pizza Co.), most frozen pizza crust, to put it bluntly, sucks. That’s why I was excited when I spotted Tombstone’s new Tavern Style Thin Crust Pizza.

Tombstone tends to be one of my preferred options when it comes to the low-end of frozen pizza. The crust isn’t too thick, the sauce isn’t applied too heavily, and the pepperoni version uses round slices and the little cubed kind. When they’re on sale, and I notice it, I’ll pick one up. Would I buy the new Tavern Style again? Eh. Probably not for more than a couple of bucks.

It’s offered in two versions: The Primo, featuring pepperoni, sausage, red onions, and banana peppers, and the one I tried for this review, the Let’s Meat Up (a brief aside about products everywhere using puns for names these days: what’s the deal?) featuring pepperoni, pork belly crumbles, and, in addition to mozzarella, cheddar cheese (The Primo only has mozz). The website copy further suggests that the sauce is “zesty” and the crust is “buttery.”

While I wouldn’t necessarily call the sauce “zesty,” it was mildly noticeable. It tasted like generic frozen pizza sauce. The crust was in no way buttery. It was bland and inoffensive, but it held up fine under the weight of the… okay, there was no weight to the pizza. The pepperoni— which was your run-of-the-mill round Tombstone pepperoni— was sparse. So, too, was the application of “pork belly crumbles,” which were salty and crispy. They reminded me, for better or worse, of pre-cooked bacon crumbles you get in a bag to put on a salad. I enjoyed their presence, as they were the only thing keeping this from being a completely pedestrian and unmemorable frozen pizza. The cheese types were indistinguishable from one another; you could’ve paid me a thousand dollars, and I’d have never been able to tell you it had mozzarella AND cheddar.

I’m willing to bet these will be quickly gone, like your dibs in some neighborhoods, and not exactly missed, like the sensation of your eyes freezing together on the Montrose Brown line platform at 7 a.m. in the middle of January.

Purchased Price: $5.99 (on sale)
Size: 19.8 oz
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/4 pizza) 350 calories, 19 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 870 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar (including 5 grams of added sugar), and 15 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Vanilla Creme Limonada Freeze

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I am a big fan of citrus flavors. I start my morning with lime-flavored Greek yogurt, have a mandarin orange with lunch, and often cap off the day with a lemon or lime-flavored Outshine popsicle for dessert. Last week, I ate a whole slice of Key Lime Cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory, after a full dinner, and my in-laws looked at me like I was a monster who had just stomped all over Tokyo. “I can’t believe you finished that whole thing,” my mother-in-law said with something akin to awe.

Citrus and cake together? Believe it. Don’t get me wrong, I felt sick for the rest of the night, but it was worth it.

So, I was excited to try one of Taco Bell’s new Limonada Freezes. However, I was a little confused: typically, “limonada” is the Mexican version of lemonade that uses limes instead of lemons. According to Taco Bell’s press release, this limonada uses lemon and not lime, which I find a little disappointing. Taco Bell, inauthentic? You don’t say. Personally, I like lime more than lemon (you’ll notice I pigged out on the Key Lime cake and not the Lemon Meringue at CF), so I wondered if this would hurt my impression of the product.

Honestly? It doesn’t really matter because you can’t taste it either way.

My first sip reminded me strongly of cream soda, and it was quite tasty and addictive; I sucked down half that drink in record time. I kept looking for the citrus, and though I believe it is there, especially in the aftertaste, it’s overpowered by the vanilla cream flavor. What it’s really missing is the lip-puckering shot of sourness that lemonade usually provides. There’s none of that sensation of the sweet fighting with the sour you get from good lemonade.

I have to note that I didn’t allow the icy parts of the drink to melt; I stirred them up with my straw and drank up the icy slurry that way. In other words, I was enjoying the drink so much that I couldn’t even wait for the bottom portion to melt into liquid before I polished it off. It’s extremely sweet, but that’s what you’re looking for when you order a Freeze.

So Taco Bell has created an excellent summertime beverage for fans of cream soda, but calling it a limonada (or a lemonade) is a bit of a stretch. However, Taco Bell is also offering regular and strawberry versions of the Limonada Freeze, so if you’re looking for that sweet/sour punch, the Bell has got you covered.

I’m still kind of annoyed that we didn’t get a true lime-based limonada, but I guess I’ll just drown my sorrows in more cake.

Purchased Price: $3.79
Size: Regular (16 oz)
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 190 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrate, 0 grams of fiber, 45 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Crispy Chicken Wings

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My closest Jack in the Box is right next to a Popeyes. If I’m craving burgers, I can go to Jack in the Box. If I want red beans and rice or mashed potatoes, I can go to Popeyes. If I desire a crispy chicken sandwich, I’ll flip a coin, call heads for Popeyes, and then go to Popeyes because I used a two-headed coin. But, if I yearn for chicken wings, I can now go to either. Yup, Jack in the Box is now in the chicken wing game for a limited time. Yes, bone-in chicken.

Jack in the Box’s Crispy Chicken Wings are available in six- or twelve-piece orders and three varieties: Classic, Buffalo, and Garlic Parmesan. They also come with containers of buttermilk ranch sauce, but I don’t think they’re necessary after trying all three.

Before I go into flavors, I want to mention how surprisingly crispy these are. Okay, they’re not teeth rattling crunchy, nor are they as crispy as what you’d get at Popeyes, but they have a pleasant audible crunch that food ASMR listeners would love. Maybe I shouldn’t have had low expectations because these are from a burger joint. I also anticipated that these chicken wings from a burger chain would be dry within their crispy exterior, but I’m happy to report that the meat was surprisingly moist. I’m sorry for doubting you, Jack. I’m also sorry for using the word “moist,” everyone.

The Classic version isn’t tossed with any sauce, but unlike Jack’s nuggets, which NEED some kind of sauce to make them decent, these are actually good sans sauce. There are some mild flavored seasonings that I can’t really distinguish what they are, but they do make the wings tasty.

If you’re hoping the Buffalo ones have a spicy kick that’ll make you reach for the buttermilk ranch sauce to temper the heat in your mouth, I’m about to douse those expectations with a dipping sauce container of reality. While they are somewhat spicy, it’s more like a spark than a flame, but the sauce did have all the pepperiness and slight butteriness that I’d associate with Buffalo sauce. Despite the lack of heat, these were extremely tasty, and I found myself trying to nibble every bit of non-bone I could get my teeth on.

Finally, we have the Garlic Parmesan Crispy Chicken Wings, which, according to Jack’s app, is tossed in a garlic and herb butter sauce and topped with grated Parmesan cheese. As you can see in the photo below, the seasonings were applied liberally to most pieces, but I didn’t get a blast of that gar-parm love (trying to make gar-parm a thing). They were slightly garlicky, but the cheese was most noticeable thanks to the thick parmesan layer. I wish the garlic stood out more since I love garlic and how it keeps the introvert in me happy by keeping others away.

While I found the chicken wings’ flavors good, I wish the sauced ones were tossed better. I’m not sure how they’re made, but even with the Buffalo ones, I noticed that the sauces weren’t coated evenly over all the pieces.

Since I got a molehill of buttermilk ranch sauce containers with my order, I tried them with all three wing varieties. After dipping them into the white creamy sauce, I must say it doesn’t necessarily make them better. It’s a tasty addition to whatever seasonings and sauces that are already on the chicken, but as I mentioned at the beginning of my review, the ranch isn’t necessary to make these tasty.

Should I be surprised by how good Jack in the Box’s Crispy Chicken Wings are? After all, McDonald’s did a great job with its Mighty Wings over a decade ago. So, I guess burger chains can do wings well. If I had to flip a coin between Jack in the Box and Popeyes for chicken wings, I’d be fine with either result.

Purchased Price: $8.99 each
Size: 6-pieces
Rating: 8 out of 10 (all)
Nutrition Facts: (6 pieces) Classic – 440 calories. Buffalo – 470 calories. Garlic Parmesan – 670 calories. No other nutritional information is available on Jack in the Box’s website.

REVIEW: Birthday Cake Loaded Cereal

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Happy 6th Month Birthday, General Mills’ Loaded Cereal!

It seems like yesterday that the Loaded Cereal line with vanilla creme filling debuted with three flavors: Cocoa Puffs, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Trix. Usually brands celebrate birthdays after many years, like Oreo’s 100th, Pop-Tarts’ 50th, Starbucks Frappuccino’s 20th, Pebbles Cereal’s 50th, Cap’n Crunch’s 60th, and Slurpee’s 50th, But you do you, Loaded Cereal, because I’m not sure how long your line is going to be around. Will there even be a 5th birthday?

I ask because the Loaded Cereals have yet to impress me entirely. If you love sugary cereals, your sweet tooth will get its fill. The Cocoa Puffs and Trix varieties were good, while the Cinnamon Toast Crunch one was a slight disappointment. I like the crisp cereal pieces and vanilla creme’s sugary burst.

But the trouble with them comes with the addition of milk. It’s impressive how quickly they turn into milk sponges. I don’t even have time to put the milk back in the refrigerator before they end up halfway to Sogsville. And the cereal goes through stages of sogginess. First, the exterior gets a texture that I can best describe as sort of gritty and slimy. It’s definitely not crispy anymore. But wait a few more milky moments, and those pieces will arrive at Sogsville, but they came by boat, and that boat capsized. Any crispiness they had won’t be there. And that’s the case with this Birthday Cake Loaded Cereal.

On top of that, I’m not sure I taste the whole “birthday cake” vibe it’s trying to present here. I dunno. After trying so many birthday cake-flavored items over the years with similar flavor profiles, I have this expectation of what it should taste like. But I don’t notice it here. There’s a bit of a vanilla flavor, but that can be easily explained by the creme filling. Beyond that, there’s a slight strawberry taste, which might explain some of the pieces’ light red hue. But that berry flavor plus the vanilla doesn’t do enough to convince me that this cereal is supposed to taste like birthday cake.

With that said, Birthday Cake Loaded Cereal tastes fine if you want to start your morning with something sweet. If the short trip they take to get to Sogsville doesn’t bother you or you consume cereal like a competitive cereal eater, you’ll enjoy them more than I did.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from General Mills. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 13 oz box
Purchased at: Received from General Mills
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup w/o milk) 180 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar (including 12 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

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