REVIEW: Reese’s Cluster Bites

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Reese’s is the elite, the S-tier. So, when it came out with its new Cluster Bites, I was immediately intrigued. All its new items have been pretty fire so far, from the DiPPeD line to the Big Cups with various inclusions.

While the name itself is a mashup of the now-discontinued Reese’s Bites and the current Reese’s Clusters, the offering is a bit different from both. It touts “creamy peanut butter, gooey caramel and crunchy peanuts, all covered in smooth milk chocolate.” So, unlike the clusters, there are no pecans! But honestly, it may have benefitted from it.

I ripped open the bag to find bigger clusters than expected. I thought it would be smaller because of the bites part of the name. For once, the food itself actually matched the size of the picture on the bag!

Unlike a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, it smelled more like peanut butter. But, it was its texture that shook me. It was quite a different eating experience compared to a Reese’s cup, which has that distinct texture of the thin chocolate snapping under the pressure of your teeth. Instead, these clusters were soft and squishy, particularly because of the caramel. The texture primarily came from the whole peanut rather than tempered chocolate. Its flavor was like eating a softer, smaller nougat-less Snickers bar. Meh.

All good things come to an end, including Reese’s streak of fire innovations. This was just OK, but maybe it’s because Reese’s other new items have been so good that they set the bar way too high.

I will say that the new Cluster Bites are indeed more “snackable,” and I can appreciate the volume. I can eat many without feeling as guilty or full as I would if I ate an equivalent number in mini cups or DiPPeD pretzels. Even so, I don’t see this replacing or being added to my weekly Reese’s rotation.

Purchased Price: $4.42
Size: 7 oz pouch
Purchased at: Menard’s
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (4 pieces – 30 grams) – 160 calories, 10 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar (including 11 grams of added sugar), and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Chobani Cookie Dough Coffee Creamer

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I had no experience with Chobani Coffee Creamers until I picked up a bottle of the brand’s Cookie Dough Coffee Creamer. After trying it, I have to say I’ve apparently been missing out if all the other flavors are as delicious as this one. I decided to buy it because I wondered if it could be a replacement for my beloved Nestle Coffee mate Nestle Toll House creamer, which kind of reminded me of cookies and is something I can no longer find.

It turns out it’s a wonderful replacement.

Unlike the Nestle Coffee mate offering, the ingredients list for the Chobani creamer is much simpler. There are no double digit letter single word ingredients that have prefixes or suffixes. Instead, it’s just milk, cream, cane sugar, Dutch cocoa, natural flavors, and sea salt. I mean, it’s Chobani, so simple ingredients are to be expected. What I didn’t expect is how good this makes my coffee taste.

However, despite all those simple ingredients, I wouldn’t say it’s better tasting or I prefer it over the discontinued Nestle Coffee mate Nestle Toll House creamer. They have their own distinct brown sugar and cocoa flavor notes, and both evoke the comforting taste of cookies. I find them equally enjoyable, although I wish the Chobani creamers came in larger bottles.

Purchased Price: $4.89*
Size: 24 fl oz bottle
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Tbsp) 40 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 20 milligrams of sodium, 6 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of sugar (including 6 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Doritos Baja Fiery Mango

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With the introduction of these new Doritos Baja Fiery Mango Tortilla Chips, will we start seeing a new fruity Baja chip flavor every year, similar to how Mtn Dew rolls out new Baja soda varieties annually? That would be a Baja Blast if that happened, PepsiCo.

As you can guess from the name, these are spicy. However, they’re not overly spicy. Well, my mouth didn’t think so because my hands weren’t reaching out for a cool beverage to put out an intolerable burn in my mouth. However, other parts of my body were not in sync with my mouth because certain glands on my head thought otherwise, causing the pores on my forehead and the back of my neck to express their thoughts about the spiciness through perspirat…Whoop! There’s the intolerable heat in my mouth! I’ll be right back. I need something cold to drink.

While the spiciness forced me to get a glass of water, it didn’t make me forget about the slightly off-putting mango flavor when I first started eating them. There was no mistaking it was an artificial mango taste, but there was a saccharine explosion that made things too sweet. Thankfully, the heat rose up and cut through that. After a few more bites, there was a sweet and spicy balance, but every time I gave my taste buds a break, that initial flavor would make its unwanted return. When everything is balanced, the chips have a decent chile artificial mango taste, but it’s not a flavor that I’ll be yearning for.

Before these Doritos, Frito-Lay’s only offerings with mango flavor were potato chips. Both times, they seemed odd and produced varying results to my taste buds, from mediocre to bad. Maybe it’s just me, but fruit and fuego flavors make more sense on a tortilla chip than a potato chip, like with last year’s Doritos Spicy Pineapple Jalapeño.

Much like the previously mentioned fruity spicy Doritos from a year ago, these are okay, but aren’t compelling enough for me to eat again. However, if you liked Doritos Spicy Pineapple Jalapeño, you might enjoy this.

Actually, now I’m truly wondering if I really do want Doritos to offer a new Baja chip flavor every year, like how Mtn Dew rolls out new Baja soda varieties annually.

Purchased Price: More than one should pay on eBay
Size: 9 oz bag
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (about 11 chips) 150 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Doritos Late Night Sizzlin’ Cheeseburger

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It’s possible there are no new chip flavors left — just re-imagined, re-launched, and rekindled love for previously executed flavor blends. Regardless, I was curious enough to see what the latest Doritos had in store for us with its Late Night Sizzlin’ Cheeseburger.

There have been burger-inspired Doritos in the past, including a Late Night All Nighter Cheeseburger flavor. Recent similar flavors have only been available in the UK, like the Whopper collaboration with Doritos last year. After finding a small but steady fan contingency hyped about their return, I was ready to try these out.

They look pretty promising straight out of the bag, covered in a thin but visible layer of orange seasoning and with the distinct aroma of white onion, pickle, and burger char. It smelled like getting into a car driven by someone who recently picked up a fast food cheeseburger, and the car still smells like that burger, but it’s definitely gone now. Shoot.

The flavor is very characteristic of a burger. The strongest flavors are onion, pickle, char flavor, and the occasional hit of cheese or sweetness that makes me think of ketchup. I’ve experienced this flavor combination on other brands and chip types, and it took me a while to decide if the Doritos corn chip is the best-paired base. Ultimately, the crunchy texture adds to the experience, and it is certainly not the worst burger chip I’ve ever eaten. My only qualm is that my mouth tastes like burger burps after one serving. The aftertaste is STRONG. I had to brush my teeth 30 minutes after consuming it because I wanted the old burger to taste out. If you’re into that, maybe it’s a benefit!

Overall, this is a flavor execution classic that Doritos didn’t mess with much. They taste like a cheeseburger, deliver on that false char aftertaste, and ultimately had me craving an actual burger. I wouldn’t repurchase them, but it looks like a lot of you are thrilled about their return. Oh, one other note, the last ingredient on the ingredient line is Beef Fat. I didn’t expect that, and I don’t fully understand what it “adds” to the chip at such a low level, but there’s that.

Purchased Price: $4.49 (on sale)
Size: 9 oz bag
Purchased at: Mariano’s (Kroger)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (About 11 chips) 150 Calories, 7 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 150 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Frozen Cotton Candy Cloud

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Am I the only one noticing weird weather in the forecast?

It’s almost May, and my weather app says it’s gonna be ice-cold and cloudy. Not only does it say Wednesday is gonna be, what I can only assume is some kind of crazy weather phenomenon, a “Whopper?” Is that a new meteorology term or—ya know what? This is the Burger King app. I’m in the Burger King app. False alarm, everybody.

We good? Ok!

Burger King has a new Frozen Cotton Candy Cloud that is a perfect treat for my actual weather forecast, which looks quite idyllic. The Cotton Candy Cloud is essentially a slush with Burger King’s answer to a coffee shop “cold foam.”

The base drink here is described as a “blue raspberry cotton candy frozen beverage,” but ignore the “blue raspberry” because I think it only applies to the color. It tastes like cotton candy. I never really even clocked any blue raspberry flavor, so if it’s there, it’s negligible.

The slush has a surprisingly soft cotton candy flavor. I expected it to be a lot more cloying. This might be obscure, but it reminded me of the Cotton Candy Swirl ice pops I got from ice cream trucks as a kid. Anything that reminds me of ice cream trucks of my youth gets an instant bump from me. If I could, I would wallpaper my house with photos of all the old Good Humor offerings.

The slush would be just fine on its own, but it’s the “cloud” that really puts it over the top, which might be an intended pun? I don’t know.

The cloud is vanilla ice cream, but the consistency lands somewhere between a milkshake and a cold foam you’d get from Starbucks or Dunkin’. It was the ideal viscosity to plop on an iced drink like this. Vanilla bled into the cotton candy ice, but the cloud managed to mimic its namesake and just float there until I finally decided to mix it in. Apologies for using the words “viscosity,” “plop,” and “bled.”

The churned-in vanilla turned the drink into an icy cotton candy cream milkshake and made for a delicious dessert to my Crispy Royal Wrap that tasted like a deep-fried eraser.

So, this is a cotton candy slush that is not quite like a cold foam coffee and not quite like a soda float, but somewhere in the middle. I would actually love to try this “cloud” in a soda and a coffee to see if it keeps the form it had with the slush.

Did I get brain freeze? Yes.

Did this turn my tongue a little blue? Yep.

Did it give me stomach problems? Sure did.

But did it fill a void in my life I desperately needed to fill? No. It did not.

It’s good though! I knew it would be when the kid at the drive-thru window told me I made “the right choice.” Who knows better than him?

I played a game in the app (horribly, I might add) and got a “free” medium Cotton Candy Cloud with a $1 purchase. Otherwise, it’s $1.49 for a limited time, which is still a great deal. Grab one on the next beautiful day and enjoy yourself.

Purchased Price: $1.49 in the app (probably considerably more without it)
Size: Medium
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 250 calories, 9 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 42 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

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