REVIEW: Taco Bell Big Cheez-It Tostada

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NOTE: We also reviewed the Taco Bell Big Cheez-It Crunchwrap

In June 2022, a Taco Bell store in Irvine, California, made news by being a test store for two items centered around a giant Cheez-It cracker. Initially slated for a two-week run, the location sold out in six days due to demand. Now, two years later, Taco Bell is doing a nationwide rollout of the Big Cheez-It in its stores. The Taco Bell Big Cheez-It Tostada starts with the titular cracker as its base and is topped with familiar Taco Bell items: seasoned beef, lettuce, diced tomatoes, shredded cheese, and sour cream. They also offer a Big Cheez-It Crunchwrap Supreme that substitutes the standard tostada with the giant cheese cracker.

The presentation was a lot nicer than I’ve come to expect from my Taco Bell; it looked almost like the ad! I wanted to get a good idea of the size of the thing, so I went to pick it up. This was where one of its fatal flaws showed: it broke as I started to lift the 16x-sized Cheez-It.

No matter; I had a nice piece with all the toppings. Unlike the Doritos Locos taco, there was not a strong cheese smell as I brought it towards my face. My first bite was underwhelming. The standard Taco Bell flavors were there (seasoned meat, crunchy lettuce, wet tomatoes, salty cheese, and creamy sour cream), but the Cheez-It was almost non-existent. There was a slight crisp to the cracker, but sitting in a box with toppings was already causing it to soften.

I scraped the toppings off to try the cracker on its own. By itself, it tasted like a standard Cheez-It but milder. The cheeseiness felt muted, which was odd. I wondered if it lost some of its oomph because of the increase in size. Sort of like a Hass avocado versus a green avocado: Hass are smaller, so the flavor is much more concentrated. Knowing what flavor my taste buds were looking for, I went back to grab the remaining cracker, only for it to (once again) break.

Tasting it again with everything, I still struggled to notice the Cheez-It. I could taste it if I really focused on it, but it was too easily overwhelmed by the other ingredients. As for the texture, any crispiness I had in the first bite (which wasn’t much) was almost non-existent by the end.

The Taco Bell Big Cheez-It Tostada is a fun concept with disappointing execution. While the presentation was surprisingly good, the massive cracker shatters easily and loses its already muted flavor against the familiar, strong Taco Bell ingredients. I still enjoyed the taste, as I love that standard Taco Bell flavor profile, but the novelty of the giant Cheez-It wore off pretty quickly. It’s worth a try to say you tried it, but I doubt I’d get it a second time.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 tostada) 230 calories, 13 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 570 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Chicken Philly Royal Crispy Wrap

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After a less-than-stellar experience with the last Philly-themed BK item I tried, I didn’t have very high hopes for the Burger King Chicken Philly Royal Crispy Wrap. However, I tried to keep an open mind, and I’m glad I did because this was pretty good.

When I got the wrap home and removed it from the paper, a bit of the Royal Sauce and veggies had leaked out, but not enough to make a mess. I tasted the veggies outside of the wrap, and my palate was immediately dominated by the fire-roasted red pepper. It’s a really sweet pepper flavor, and it pops nicely in your mouth against the slight tang of BK’s Royal Sauce.

As I dived into the wrap proper, the red pepper kept dominating everything but the chicken. I tried to taste for the onions, but they were also sweet, so they didn’t stand out much. I had the same experience the last time I ate a BK Philly item, where the Royal Sauce and the Swiss Cheese pretty much blurred together into one gloppy entity, mildly pleasant but unremarkable.

It might sound bad that the red pepper was so dominant, but I happen to love sweet peppers, so this was a good choice for me. The textural contrast between the tortilla, the creamy sauce, and the breaded chicken added another dimension to the Philly-themed experience.

This is also a surprisingly filling item. I got the wrap without any fries or a drink, and I figured I would probably need to eat something else at home to complete my lunch, but this wrap filled me up completely. Getting a lunch that leaves you feeling full and satisfied for $2.99 is pretty nice, although I should note that I’m a fairly small person; bigger eaters will probably want to get two of them. C’mon, spend that $6; it’s still not a bad deal.

I don’t really know why Burger King is so hung up on this “Philly” trend, but if it makes me a tasty lunch, I’m a happy camper. This is nothing earth-shaking, but it has a job and does it well. Add two points to the score if you happen to love roasted red peppers beyond all reason.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 360 calories, 20 grams of fat, 6.1 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 2,000 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 15.3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kit Kat Pink Lemonade

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If all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares. . . . does that mean all strawberry lemonade is pink, but not all pink lemonade is strawberry?

Based on my collective understanding of geometry, the color wheel, and fruit, the answer is, “Yeah, sure.”

Luckily, Kit Kat takes a decided stance on what makes pink lemonade pink with its candy creme interpretation of the classic summer beverage. Kit Kat Pink Lemonade, a limited edition summer release, is described by the brand as “classic, crisp wafers wrapped in a pink lemonade flavored creme — this new flavor delivers a refreshing taste experience with unexpected hints of strawberry.”

The combination of strawberry and lemon in a Kit Kat sounded berry good to me. While the Lemon Crisp variety is one of my favorite Kit Kats, I worried that Kit Kat Pink Lemonade would be the very same flavor dressed up in a pink costume.

When I found a package of snack size bars at Walmart, I needed to quench the thirst of my curiosity. First impressions: The candy smells, for lack of a better word, pink—like pink Starburst or strawberry lip gloss. The creme coating is visually appealing, the perfect shade of creamy pink usually reserved for Valentine’s Day.

On first taste, I double-checked the packaging to be sure I hadn’t picked up a Valentine’s Day castoff that had been clinging to the shelves since February. The flavor was primarily strawberries and cream. Contrary to my fear of a Lemon Crisp clone, this Kit Kat reminded me more of Strawberry Ice Cream Cone Hershey Kisses, another summer offering. Both products have a strawberry milk vibe that is not too artificial and carries the creme’s sweetness well.

The lemon was hard to detect. At first, I thought the creaminess of the base might be hiding the flavor. I tasted the Kit Kats several times over the course of three days, and it has taken me that long to concede: there is some lemony tang in the aftertaste. It’s a zesty finish, if you will, like a drizzle of lemon juice on a strawberry shortcake.

I anticipate the comments section filling with disbelief: “You fool! These bars are dripping with zest!” “Thanks to Kit Kat, my mouth is in a permanent state of pucker!” “IDK, they taste like lemonade to me.”

If anyone’s experience does reflect my imaginings, I’ll eat my hat (as a palate cleanser before testing yet another Kit Kat Pink Lemonade). Until then, the Kit Kat Pink Lemonade bar is a familiar, fruity take on a summer favorite—just not the one you’re expecting.

Purchased Price: $2.37
Size: 5.88 oz package (contains twelve .49 oz snack size bars)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (per 2 bars) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 20 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Panda Express Hot Orange Chicken

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Did you know Panda Express’ Orange Chicken is spicy?

Take a look at the restaurant’s website; you’ll find a graphic with one pepper next to the Orange Chicken. I’ve always known the pepper image was there, but much like every slip of paper I’ve pulled out from a Panda Express fortune cookie, it’s meaningless. Besides the warmth of them being heated in a giant wok on a gas burner with a hypnotizing flame that calls out my name, I’ve never considered the popular entree as “spicy.” If you’re like me and roll your eyes about its “spiciness,” the fast food chain now offers Hot Orange Chicken and it has a graphic with TWO PEPPERS!!

Panda describes the spicy dish as “Crispy chicken bites wok-tossed in our signature orange sauce with more HEAT.” According to the chain, the original Orange Chicken recipe has one teaspoon of crushed chilies, but what brings the HEAT in this new dish is six scoops of those crushed chilies and a ladle full of dried chilies. Those dried ones are also in Panda’s Kung Pao Chicken, which also has a one-pepper graphic but is significantly spicier than regular Orange Chicken.

The small a la carte order I purchased had only two dried chili pepper pieces. I guess the luck of the ladle wasn’t with me. When I tried it without the dried peppers, it had a “spiciness” that was the same as the original Orange Chicken. So maybe mine was made with less than six teaspoons of crushed chilies? However, when I ate one of the dried chilies with the meat, the heat got kicked up a notch or two, so I guess the two pepper graphic accurately represented the dish’s spiciness. Also, the dried peppers changed the entree’s flavor a little, making it slightly less sweet than the original recipe.

Panda Express’ Hot Orange Chicken is not an improvement or as great as the original, and it’s not as hot as that alluring flame that heats the woks and calls for me to touch it. It can get spicy, but it depends on the luck of the ladle. If it pulls a lot of dried chilies, expect a burn with most bites. But if it ends up being like my order, expect some disappointment if you’re a heathead.

Purchased Price: $5.40
Size: Small container
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (6.92 oz) 590 calories, 7 grams of saturated fat, 53 grams of carbohydrates, and 26 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Mozzarella Fries

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I thought I’d seen all the shapes fried mozzarella could come in: cylindrical, square-ish, flat (looking at you, TGI Fridays), wedges, balls, curds… but I can confidently say that Burger King has surprised me with its new Mozzarella Fries.

To be clear, it’s not the “Mozzarella” part that’s new, just the conjunction with the “Fries” part. Burger King has had a more traditionally named and shaped order of mozzarella sticks on its menu before, but like its beloved poultry predecessor, the Chicken Fries, this new creation takes those standard sticks and stretches them into a longer, thinner shape (no potatoes are actually involved) and plops them into a cute and colorful carton for convenient—and showy—snacking.

However, I did have some confusion about whether they were intended to be an appetizer or the main event. I ordered mine from the “Sides” section on the kiosk, which seems pretty self-explanatory, but I was also given the more meal-esque option of 4, 8, or 12 pieces and an offer to actually “Make it a meal?” by adding, well, regular fries. That seemed like a bit of a stretch (no pun intended), so I demurred, but I still ordered the largest size and got something that at least resembled a proper dinner in terms of portion, if not nutritional content.

Anyway, the ideal mozzarella stick for me is one with cheese that’s dense rather than stretchy, with the mozzarella and the breading being such distinct entities that you can nibble the breading off entirely without marring the solid contents within. That, as I guessed just by looking at them, is not the experience provided by the Mozzarella Fries. The cheese and the breading here are quite codependent; when you take a bite of the thick, crisp outside, the hot, runny inside instantly loses its shape, oozing out in an Instagram-worthy cheese pull.

The thinness of these sticks makes them quite brittle, too: a good portion of my order was bent or snapped completely in half, which didn’t really detract from the quality but was interesting to note in comparison to the sturdier, stabler conventional mozzarella stick.

And just like it doesn’t have much of its own shape, the mozzarella doesn’t have much of its own flavor either. The toasty breading, which was fried potently enough to give off a powerful smell and had a small bit of zest from a spice I couldn’t identify but whose presence I appreciated, made up most of the taste experience. Even when I nibbled some of the stretchy cheese on its own, I was hard-pressed to come up with a description for it. It was just mild (and perhaps even, as the kids would say, “mid”).

These come with marinara sauce on the side, which seemed like a sensible way to jazz things up… but don’t be fooled. I was mildly concerned upon opening my packet and seeing a dark, gelatinous mass that looked more like barbecue sauce. I should have heeded that discomfort because the sauce was so acidic it tasted like I was dipping my Mozzarella Fries in straight vinegar.

Overall, though, these still provided a great experience—the novel fry shape and the joyfulness of mozzarella sticks, in general, were fun enough that I was happy to overlook the fact that they’re ever so slightly lackluster. Apologies for being cheesy, but there is “mozz” to like!

Purchased Price: $6.39
Size: 12 pieces
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 730 calories, 36 grams of fat, 2,350 milligrams of sodium, 71 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of sugar, and 29 grams of protein.

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